chapter one »

❝it's him❞

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» Journal Entry 01

November 13, 2012
9:34 PM

I’m starting to write on a journal today. The doctor said to keep one. I think it has something to do with my therapy and control over my emotions. I’m still recovering from the trauma. Fortunately, I love writing essays.

I said goodbye to my old school today. Auntie thinks it’s healthy for me to change schools. Well, I hope so.

Goodnight. I need to wake up early.

- Soojung
 

“Everyone, this is Soojung. She is your new classmate.” I bowed down with my knees trembling. “Seat next to Jongin.” The teacher pointed at a tanned fellow with full lips. He looked at me as if judging me from head to toe. Then our eyes met, and a flashback played in my head.

It’s him.

Kim Jongin.

"Soojung! Come out and play with me!"

"No way Jongin! I'm going to the sea with my dad today!"

"You're no fun!"

I sat next to him with a big plop. I whispered to myself that everything’s going to be alright. “I took my pills today. I’ll be okay.”

His lips curved and formed a smile. Though there’s a teacher in front, he continued to inquire.

“What’s up Soojung? I haven’t seen you in 3 years.”

I decided to leave him without any response. His presence was boiling up my blood, reminding me of the past that I wish to forget.

“Soojung?” He started to poke my cheek like he would do when we were kids. With the palm of my hand, I slapped his away from my face.

“Don’t act as if we’re friends nor acquaintances, you annoying brat.”

His eyes widened and returned his gaze to the chalkboard. I took out my journal and began writing again my emotions.
 

Journal Entry 02

November 14, 2012

12:13 PM

I’m sorry if it has to be this way Jongin, but in order for me to get better, we need to be strangers again. Someday, you'll understand.

I need to take my pills again after I eat lunch, or I'll have another attack--

“Soojung,” the cursed boy beside me interrupted me. As if on cue, I closed my journal. “Uhh.. the bell just rang. Want to go have lunch?”

“I have to go somewhere.” far from you. I stood up with my journal close to my chest, then walked out on him.

“About earlier,” Jongin started following me to the school cafeteria. “I want to apologize. Can I treat you lunch?”

“No." I glared at him with my icy cold eyes.

“Aw come one Soojung! I just want to show how sorry I am for annoying you.”

“Go away Kim Jongin! I don’t need your apology. What’s done is done. Move on already.” I stormed my way in the cafeteria.  The eyes of the student lingered on me. They must have heard our conversation outside.
 

The halls were quieter than earlier once I exited the cafeteria. They still stared at me, and I still don’t care. They don’t know me. They don’t know why I’m like this.

“That’s the girl who shouted at Jongin oppa earlier.”

“How dare she do that to him!”

“Did you know that she’s a newbie?”

“What is wrong with her?”

“It’s only her first day, that .”

I chuckled at the whispers I heard. . That’s new.

I think this change is different than I thought it would be, nevertheless, it'll take my mind off dad for a while.

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