Myungsoo played with his noodles. He got a spoonful of soup then poured it back into the bowl from a great height, which made small amount drop to a side. Something was wrong. Myungsoo, the Myungsoo who loves food more than he loves himself would never fiddle around with it. He understands the value of food so he never wastes anything. Myungsoo, is there something bothering you? I wrote down on my notepad.

He looked up, and locked his shadowed, disheartened eyes with my clueless ones. He slowly nodded. "Sungjong." he barely said. "Sungjong, you see, my uncle knows a friend in London who is a surgeon. The friend said he can make his side of my face better so I-I'm leaving tomorrow."

My heart clenched a little. I felt my face fall. He was my friend. He was my only friend. How ccould he just leave for the sake of his face? I liked him like this. I befriended him despite his face. How could he just leave me? What would I do? You're handsome just the way you are.  I tried to rationalize but I knew it was useless.

"I don't want to go. I want to stay here and graduate with you but my grandma keeps nagging me saying she doesn't want to die seeing my face like this. My parents didn't so she doesn't either. For her, I need to go. But I promise, we will meet again, somehow." Seeing his expression killed me from within. "I will text you whenever I get a chance," he promised with tear-filled eyes.

I held out my smallest finger. He interlocked it with his and we pressed our thumbs together. I pulled on a weak smile and wrote, well that's fine then. Want to finish off the noodles and head home? I changed the subject to prevent myself from crying.

He nodded then stayed put in thought for a while. "Want to take the train back home? I told my uncle not come in the afternoon. There is a station thirty minutes from here. My uncle got back to his job so he'll be heading this way soon." Myungsoo explained. "I will call him just to confirm where he is,” he got his phone out than put it back into his pocket. “If he's on the train, we wouldn't be able to answer. We'll just go there, yeah?"

I knew why he insisted on taking the train. It might be our last ride together. I agreed and continued eating.

We walked as slow as we could. Neither of us spoke as we did at the beginning. However, this silence had a purpose; we wanted enjoy our last moments in silence,

"I'll miss you," Myungsoo whispered into my ear.

I didn't flinch or jump. I quite liked his breath brushing past my neck. I stared into his eyes and mouthed 'me too.' Smiling ever so slightly, he looked away.

“Did you just say ‘I love you’? Aigo, Sungjong has grown up,” he teased, laughing so hard. I playfully punched his arm and looked at him angrily. He just chuckled louder. This would probably be the last time I’ll see him laugh. This would probably be the last time I'll see him this happy.

Drops of water, suddenly, hit my head. I tilted my head a little upwards to see dark grey clouds covered the sky, only letting a few rays of feeble sun slip past the barrier. A blob of water dropped onto my forehead. I see we can never trust weather forecasts. The rain bore on endlessly, pounding on our heads. Taken by shock, we weren't sure what to do. "Let's just keep walking. I like the rain." Myungsoo suggested. I nodded. I guess, we will definitely remember our last day together.

I shivered a little, which caught Myungsoo's attention. He took a jacket out of his bag and put it over me. I stared at him with astonishment. Has he always been this prepared? I tapped his shoulder and pointed at him then acted out a shiver.

"I'm not cold," he replied, surprising me. He actually understood my stupid moves. “I understood,” he grinned, realising I was embarrassed.  

The monotonous sound of the raindrops beating on the sidewalk blended in with the occasional whoosh of breeze though the treetops. Despite the fact that everything was bleak and dreary, the atmosphere remained friendly and calm. People dressed in heavy coats and bearing large umbrellas on the other side of the road walked quickly with purpose. Myungsoo and I exchanged smiles and kept marching on.

A sudden powerful yet terrifying sound bounced through my ears. I quickly grabbed onto Myungsoo’s arm and looked to my left and right. Few seconds later, a bright lightning crossed my eyes. I pierced my nails into Myungsoo’s arm and moved behind him.

“You’re scared of thunder?” he asked, a small smile creeping up on his lips. I pushed my bottom lip out and frowned. He shook his head and tangled his fingers through mine. “Don’t worry, I'm here,” he reassured, with a serious expression.

We strolled on, hand-in-hand, with me jumping occasionally. We reached the train station and asked the receptionist when the next train would arrive.

“It will be here in approximately fifteen minutes,” she stated with a nod. “There are toilets over there, if you want to dry off,” she kindly pointed, after seeing our soaking wet clothes. “If you want, I can lend you somethi-” she stopped after seeing Myungsoo shake his head.

“It’s ok. We have clothes in here. They are probably dry, by now. Thanks a lot for your kindness,” he bowed his head a little before pulling me towards the toilet.

“What a cute couple,” I heard her whisper to herself. Weirdly, a smile crawled onto my face.

“Why are you smiling like a weirdo?” Myungsoo questioned, seems like he didn’t hear it. I shook my head violently. He gave me a weird stare and handed me the old clothes, which were quite damp but not as wet as the ones we were wearing so it was way better.

By the time we dried off using the hand dryer, the train arrived. Myungsoo began to run, grabbing onto my hand. We quickly boarded on the train and took our seats.

“It’s my uncle’s train,” he confirmed. My eyes explored the place and my lips tilted up. It was definitely his uncle’s train. “We didn’t have to run, then,” he sighed. “Oh, I almost forgot. Your notebook, it seems special,” he let go off my hand, dug through his bag and held it out. I stared at it in shock. It wasn’t my notepad, at all. It was my diary from when I was little and didn’t have a phone. “Sungjong.” Myungsoo tapped my shoulder.

Snapping out of it, I took hold of the diary and looked through it. I must have picked it up by accident thinking it was one of my notebooks. This isn’t my notebook. This was my diary from when I was small. Did you read it? I wrote, my hands shaking as the memories returned.

“No, just flicked though it and saw the little picture in the bottom corner,” he said, a worrisome look covered his face. “Are you ok?” he questioned.

I slowly nodded. This was my only friend when I was small. The only thing that took me out of the world. I was bullied when I was small. Since I didn’t know how to fight and I couldn’t defend myself with words, it got worse. I thought for a minute. Take this. You promised we would meet again in the future one day, right? Return it to me then. When we meet. There are still spare pages left; you can most definitely use them.

Myungsoo gave me an unease look. “Aish, why do I feel scared to leave you alone? Moreover, are you sure? This seems so special, what if I lose it?” he asked. I just shrugged. “This is hard. Leaving you, that is. Leaving a great friend that stuck by me despite everything. This is actually harder than I imagined.” He seemed as if he was short of breath.

Don’t worry about me. After that year, I took self defense lessons. Now I'm able kick anyone out of my way. I forced on a smile whilst I held up my hand in a karate position. Want to try me? I’m a black belt champion. Myungsoo laughed. His smile was very wide and his eyes were sparking. However, after a few minutes, it faded away.

Thick layers of silence filled the train. Laughter of other people, in other cabinets, was heard clearly. I turned to Myungsoo. Is this love, a brotherly love? I was on the urge to hold onto Myungsoo and not let go. However, isn't love supposed to be words that are supposed to be said? Myungsoo, what do you think about love?

“Why you asking this, all so suddenly?” I just shrugged and he went into thought. “Um, a feeling one experience when someone means so much to them. A feeling where one feels one’s heart wants to rip itself from inside one’s chest, wrap itself around a person and bring them back into its hole where they are safe and can never leave,” he whispered with a look that said he wasn’t in this world. “There are different types of love, of course, the feeling may change slightly depending on what kind it is,” he continued, picking up his thoughts.

Oh, I always thought love is words that are said. I scribbled down as I wondered why Myungsoo had a distant look. I bit into my bottom lip; does he have a girlfriend? An uneasy feeling ran towards my heart.

“Well, I think words have nothing to do with it. One can love someone secretly, like unrequited love,” he slowly said. I understood where he was coming from but why does he sound so experienced.

The train came to an abrupt stop. I waved goodbye and got off. I realized it was the second time I got off before him. It felt a little weird.

I lay on bed that day as Myungsoo’s words repeated around my head. A feeling where one feels one’s heart wants to rip itself from inside one’s chest, wrap itself around a person and bring them back into its hole where they are safe and can never leave. I twirled under my blanket, unable to sleep. He is going to go tomorrow. He is going to leave and may never come back.

Chugga-chugga. I got into the train and got off at Myungsoo’s stop. I kicked some pebbles whilst waiting. I heard a little cough from behind. My legs made a one eighty degree turn to see an old woman, similar looking to the restaurant person. However, the elder that stood in front had her back stooped, as if she was carring an invisible weight. Myungsoo, who was smiling at me, supported her.

“Grandma, this is my friend I’ve told you about,” he introduced. I bowed a little, out of respect.

She nodded in response and pointed at the train. Myungsoo dropped his grandma and came back out to talk to me. You’re really going. Anyway, farewell. I hope you return with a success. My heart lurched and ached as I wrote the final words.

“So goodbye, don’t cry and smile,” he quoted Shinee’s song. I wanted to just smile and nod but I couldn’t. My arms swung over his head and I pulled him in for a tight embrace. He my hair, lightly, whilst I rested my cheek on his shoulder. “I will definitely come back to see you. Definitely. You should grow up to be a good, young and intelligent man, ok?” I nodded in position. Tears were escaping my eyes.

The train hooted and we pulled apart. He jumped on as I waved goodbye. There he goes. My only friend.

Chugga-chugga. I remained motionless until that sound was no longer heard; until the old train was far from gone. I stood there, in silence, as the wind brushed past my eyes making them water. Something buzzed from my left trouser pocket. I gathered my thoughts together and dug my hand into my pocket to find my phone.

My lips titled upwards a little. I looked up to the right corner of the scene; it was seven ten. Since Myungsoo only lived one small stop away from school, I decided to walk. My pace was similar to a snail's speed. If this street were to be packed with people, they would curse me for walking like a dead person.

School went on as if nothing happened but I couldn't follow. The feeling of loneliness struck me at the very moment when I realized they would be no one waiting for me at the rooftop. A feeling of being struck, struck in a dark box unable to get out or move on, washed over my brain. When I banged on the walls, no one heard. When I cried aloud, no one cared. The only person that was there for me is now gone.

The loud, ear-blasting sound rang through me. Everyone rushed out to get some lunch whilst I slowly made my way to the empty rooftop. I pushed the heavy door open, and stepped out. A lust of wind whooshed past. I sank down to the floor, my usual spot, and plugged my headphones in. Lifting my knees up by a ninety degree, I rested my head between them. My eyes, unable to control it, glanced to my left, wishing there was a small boy with half of his face ruined and the other half perfect. My heart jumped at the fact there was. My hands went to touch it, but fell back down - it was just a hallucination.

The boy was staring back at me and doing the same actions as Myungsoo would do. He held out his hand, as if he wanted one of my earphones. I dropped one into his hands, but it fell right through as the image disappeared. I knew I was imagining things.

My legs were weak that day I walked to the station. I diverted my turns and decided to head towards the restaurants instead. I needed to confirm his departure, as it seemed so unreal.

Walking down that road without Myungsoo was scary. Drunken men stood in a corner mumbling to themselves. I kept looking to my left and right. With my head hung low, I quickened my pace. I felt something run towards me; I looked up to see a man. My body froze for a second. I felt a heavy weight disappear. When it became less stiff, I realized my bag was missing. I glazed around to see the man running away with my bag, looking back. He was too far away for me to run after. There wasn’t anything important in there, anyway.

When I got to the place, I forgot my purpose. The grandma greeted me with a sad distant smile. "Grandma, I lost my bag," I whispered as it was the first thing that came into my head.

"You look like you haven't eaten. Sit down and eat this," she instructed while she put some kimchi and noodles on the table.

She couldn't hear me. How could I think otherwise? I guess losing my bag made me lose common sense. Oh, my phone! How is Myungsoo going to text me? How would Myungsoo know I lost my phone? I don't know his number by heart. My mind began to thump. It felt as if someone of hammering it.

I didn't have pen and paper to tell the grandma to call my parents and inform them that I lost all my belongings and, most importantly, my phone.

She watched me very closely and sighed.  “Myungsoo left, didn’t he?” she asked, misunderstanding my stressed look. I looked into her eyes to see a flash of pity. My head made a ‘yes’ motion. I began to eat, my stomach was growling with hunger. I cleaned up after I was done and walked out. I quickly caught the train and went to the cabinet 101. It was quiet. I used to like the silence when Myungsoo was there but now, I resent it. In the past, silence brought peace but now it brought pain.

When I got home, my parents weren't back. I grabbed another notebook and ripped out a paper. Mum, someone stole my bag! I had my phone in it; I don’t know what to do. I have school tomorrow and most of my books were in there. I pinned the note on the fridge with a magnet and rushed upstairs.

After changing, I turned my computer on and began to type about my day...  What do I call this? This feeling of torment. I should be happy that he left to get his surgery. As a friend, I should be happy! Then... why do I feel like I lost something really important to me? Why do I suddenly feel lonely? Ever since I was small, I was always alone but I never felt it. I never felt this alone in my entire life. Anyhow, he will be back one day... Until that day comes, I’m not going anywhere. Oh, I lost my phone. The first thing I thought of is ways to tell Myungsoo but I couldn't. I didn't even get his address in London. What am I going to do...?

Time skipped by. Life went on. My feeling for Myungsoo became clearer. Every year I visited his parents with some flowers, wishing he would be back soon, hoping there would be another set of flowers already there. However, there were only the withered ones from the year before. I worked hard, did great on the exams at the end of every year and graduated from high school. I helped grandma every Saturday and I even tried spending a little time with my parents.

“Grandma,” I said on the last Saturday I would be able to help her. “I’m going to study fashion in Korea University so I wouldn’t be able to come by every Saturday.” I informed her sadly.

“Oh dear, that is great. And that’s ok, I think I can manage from now on,” she smiled. I gave her a tight hug and left to finish packing everything.

There was a knock my bedroom door. “Come in,” I whispered. My mum walked in with a tray full of dishes. I looked at her with surprise. She barely cooks.

“Eat this, study hard and your father and I would visit every week, ok?” she smiled. A natural kind smile. A smile that was from the depth of her heart. An image of Myungsoo’s first smile flashed into mind.

“Thank you.” I bowed my head a little and accepted the food. Even though I was full from grandma’s food, I still stuffed this in. I don’t want mum to feel bad.

I stood near the railroad tracks; everything was quite and wet, like the day I met Myungsoo. Chugga-chugga, the loud rusty noise came from a far. I watched as it came to a stop, memories of that day came running back. The day my eyes set on a flawless face. I got on and it took me to Seoul.

Four years later...

I'm going to be late. I'm going to be late. I kept repeating to myself. I nervously looked at my watch to see it was nine. I came to a stop and let out a sigh of relief, I still have an hour until my flight leaves. I banged my palm on my head and felt a little stupid. My mother’s word came running after me: You won't be late. You are leaving at seven thirty. You would feel stupid if you were the only one there. I do feel stupid but I wasn't the only one there. There were at least three more people waiting.

I straightened my long thin skin-coloured jacket before sitting down, with one leg over the other, beside a black suitcase without an owner. I guess I will protect it until the owner arrives.

I felt my phone buzz from within my bag. I took it out and unlocked it.

I smiled at my phone and began typing: Hello, grandma. Thanks for the wishes and the luck. I wi-

"Excuse me, that's my bag," a very familiar voice said. I looked up knowing who it is. A small grasp escaped my lips as my hands fell to my lap.

"Myungsoo," I mouthed. He always has this effect on me. The effect of forgetting my weakness. I glazed at him with sparking eyes. His hair was gelled up a smidge, exhibiting his perfect symmetrical face, which was flawless. He looked very like a porcelain doll with dark brown close-set eyes. He was in a black, white, and grey checked shirt and black skinny jeans. He looked like a dark angel. If I didn't know him, I would've thought he was as cold as ice. 

"Sungjong," he said with a lightened face. "Sungjong," he repeated. I wasn't dreaming. My hands reached out and poked the being in front of me. "Ouch," he jumped back. "Why are your fingers so pointy?" he moaned, giggling a little. There was a moment of silence than Myungsoo pulled me up into an embrace. "I missed you. What happened to your phone? Why didn't you reply at all? I was about to die!" he burst out.

I pulled back and tapped his face, still couldn't believe it was Myungsoo. I dug into my bag for my notebook and wrote, I'm so sorry. After you left, my mind kept seeing you and when I reached out you always disappeared. Now, you're here! You actually came back. Tears hit the paper as I wrote on. My phone was stolen, my whole bag was stolen. I didn't know what to do. I didn’t know your number, I didn't know anything so I decided to patiently wait for you. You're back...

Tears formed in his eyes as he pulled me back into a hug. "Let's stay like this for a while. Just for a while," he whispered into my ear as he rested his chin on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and let him tighten his hold. We stood there, breathing in each other's scent. "It's been nine years. Nine years and I couldn't forget you..." his voice trailed off. "Let's catch up, coffee?" I nodded so we pulled apart and walked towards a little cafe.

We sat down after ordering a chocolate cake with hot chocolate. "I've been following your fashion blogs online. I saw articles and news on your shop. It's amazing," he stated whilst twirling his spoon around the cup.

Thanks. What have you been up to for the past nine years? I wrote before taking a sip.

"I remained in England to finish high school and study Biomedicine," Myungsoo smiled. "I was about to come back after the surgery but my grandma..." I nodded, understanding. "Oh, what are you doing at the airport, though?"

I remained quiet for a bit. Just when he comes back, I needed to leave. I'm heading to New York. People there like my style and wants to put it up on the runway. If this goes well, I would be able to become a proper famous designer and open up a store in America.

Myungsoo's expression fell. "So, you're leaving?" I nodded, sadly. "When will you be back?" he asked. The sound of his voice agonized me. I shrugged. "When is your flight?" I looked at my watch and put both my hands up showing all ten of my fingers. "We have half an hour left?"

I'm sorry... I wrote, hesitantly.

"No, it's ok. Let's make most of our time together!" he said, brightening up a little. "Oh, I brought things back for you from London!" He opened his bag and took out a teddy bear, which was holding an England flag. Then, he took out a mini red double decker bus. I giggled under my breath.

The clocked ticked on. Myungsoo's and Sungjong's laughter was stopped by the announcement that people should be broadening on the plane. Sungjong gave Myungsoo a sad stare then got up. He neatly put all the presents in his suitcase and walked out of the cafe, with Myungsoo following.

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Your diary! I filled it in. When you get back, I need to tell you something so I’ll be waiting," he forced on a smile. I gave him one last hug and went through the security check, giving my passport in. I gave Myungsoo one last glance before walking away.

I took my seat in the airplane and glanced at the diary in my hand. I flipped through it until it landed on the page where Myungsoo started.

Sungjong, I don't know when you'll be reading this but I hope it’s soon. I'm on the plane at the moment. You don't know how much I wanted jump off that train and run to your side. I regret not doing so. I hope you grow up well, my little Sungjong. I wanted to see you age. I wanted you to see me age, I guess what I want doesn’t matter.

Tears run down my cheek as I turned the page. He wasted paper by writing a little.

Sungjong, why aren't you texting back? I miss you already! I want to see you. Are you trying to avoid me? I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I didn't mean to! I hope you are doing well in school. Make sure to get good grades, ok? My surgery is going to be in a week.

Sungjong, I'm scared. Text me just once, ok? Once, before I have my surgery. I'm scared and terrified about what may happen. I need to read your comforting words, yeah? I made noodles and kimchi today! It tasted just like grandma's... I miss her. I miss you.

As I scanned through his writing that was for my reply, my heart sank.

Sungjong, I saw you on T.V. today. You have grown so tall and beautiful. I guess you are doing well without me. I wonder how old you are...? Nineteen? Anyway, live well. Continue your hard work and I hope you are waiting for me! Just a few more years and I will be back!

I read the rest and ended up on the last one. I just couldn’t read on but I forced myself to.  

Sungjong, I realized something today. I realized what kind of relationship we have. I didn't know when my feelings for you have grown this big but I think. No. I know that... I love you. You avoiding me just made me realize how much I can't live without you. These past years, I lived in torment and agony. The day I see you again is when I will tell you face-to-face. I will tell you that I love you!

My eyes were tearful. I was about to run back to him. Run back to Myungsoo but it was too late. The flight took off, twenty minutes ago. 

The next chapter would probably be the last one. :) I'm so glad I'm finally reaching towards the end.