SECRETS 1.0
Myriad Affairs
SECRETS 0.5
"hyung..." called his twin
"wake up hyung...", again he was being called
He felt his bed sag and shake as Yoseob jumped on, "aren't you going to wake up?"
"Yah!!!" he shouted while pulling the covers from under yoseob's feet.
Then his twin started to jump up and down while pleading, "Hyung come on, its time to wake up..."
Irritated with Yoseob's constant disturbance, he grabbed Yoseob by his legs and pushed him off his bed while warning him, "Yah! stop it! you are giving me a head ache..."
He closed his eyes and covered his face with the pillow to continue his disturbed sleep when he heard their mother call, "what is all the noise about..?"
He heard Yoseob running towards the door and shouting, "Nothing Mom...."
He heard almost quite steps as Yoseob pleased some more, "Hyung come on wake up. Mom already prepared the fruits and flowers for Omoni..."
The bed sagged again, now with Yoseob sitting beside him and explaining, "we are only allowed to visit from 9am to 10am, and its already 8am. So you need to wake up..."
He opened his eyes slightly and yawned, he was still very sleepy. He couldn't sleep last night and it was taking a tool on his body now.
Then he heard thd door open and heard his mothers ask, "Why are you still in bed YoungSaeng?"
"Mom...." Yoseob started to say
"...hyung was exhaust-----" Yoseob tried to defend him
The blankets and pillows were suddenly yanked away from him. The sun's rays were overwhelming so he ended up complaining, "Mom, what the----"
"Wake up. Now!" his mother shouted.
He sighed and reluctantly opening his eyes to see the very irritated expression of his mom. Yoseob was looking worried and was pleading, "Mom...."
"Mom, calm down. Hyung is already awake, no need to ---" Yoseob tried to defend him again.
finally awake and knowing that he would never have the peace he wanted unless he stands he started to sit up hon his ned. Her mother started her litany and complain about him, her words were familiar. he had heard all of it before, "I don't understand you, you are supposed to be older but you are so irresponsible. Why can't you be more considerate..."
He held his hands up and quietly said, "I am awake Mom, stop with all the melodrama."
He stood up and Yoseob tried to comfort their mom, "It's okay Mom, Hyung is already awake."
Yoseob patted their mom's hand and continued, "It was my fault. He got exhausted because of me. I had my heart monitor on all night. You know noisy it is Mom...
"Miahne mom, its my fault" Yosoeb said while hugging their mom.
His mom turned his back at him, looking hurt. he sighed again. he knew that to other people, he looked like a disrespectful son and maybe he is. But their mom loved melodramas and not just about watching them. Their mom loved being the melodrama heroin in every situation. Their mom was the queen of dramatics..
He stood up and saw the reprimanding looks from Yoseob. He sighed and conceded, "Mom, I am awake already, so you can stop shouting."
"anyway I am going to shower now.." he added.
"YHeong YoungSaeng..." their mother shouted his complete name. He ignored her and walked towards the walk-in closet.
He pulled his towel and started to go to the shower. He was closing the door when he heard their mother complain to Yoseob, "why can't he be more like you. Why can't he be as good as you...."
"Mom stop that, don't compare us please, you not only hurt Hyung but me also..." yoseob pleaded their mother as he shut the door close.
"I can't help it, you're twins but I can't understand him anymore. He used to be such a good boy. What did i do for him to hate me like this..." He heard his mother cry through his closed door.
He leaned to at door as Yoseob's voice came more distant, "its not like that mom. Hyung doesn't hate you. we, me and YOungsaeng hyung could never hate you---"
He ran his fingers to his hair getting frustrated at the whole situation, 'its not you mom.... It's not about you....'
He closed his eyes and silently uttered "mom....mianhe..." knowing that he could never explain fully about what is happening.
He didnt know how long he stood there leaning on the door. contemplating all the events that ahs happened to him in the past 2 months. He was thinking about how best to apologize to him mom. thinking about whether to tell anyone how he was really feeling. Weighing the odd in honestlt revealing all that had happened.
He battled with himself whether to tell someone what really happened, what really is happening and what he thinks will happen. But he knew that whether he would confide to anyone, it would never be his mom.
But he knew it wasn't possible...
Suddenly music started playing.
It was strangely haunting.
He continued to listen.
He opened his eyes and smiled.
what made us suffer like this
what puts us into obstable like this
what made us suffer like this
what puts us into obstable like this
He didnt know the song. it was the first time he was hearing it, but strangely he felt comforted.
As the song continued he felt warmth spread in all his being. Then his worries, his unmade decisions and his anxiousness started to fade.
The lyrics strangely spoke to him.
He took a step and started undressing.
what made us suffer like this
what puts us into obstable like this
what made us suffer like this
what puts us into obstable like this
He the shower. and as cold water splashed on his face, he closed his eyes and let the haunting song overtake him body and soul.
It wasn't long before all worries from his mind was erased. and just as the music ended, all thoughts was cleared from his head. All he was left was these silence and peace.
Then he heard a very familiar melody...
And a very familiar voice.
He smiled again. Now, finished taking his bath he turned the shower off. but instead of drying of the water on his body he stood still and listened to her sing.
He has always liked it when she sang.
...And this was his favorite song from her.
He stood still and waited for his favorite part of the song. It was the Best part.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Ohhhh Happy birthday to you
Your Birthday...
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
The song had always lifted his sour mood.
He had always felt that this particular song was like sunlight in his dark mood.
no matter how irritated, sad and angry he was, he would always know that she was there. someone so innocent that looked up to him to be great. That was a great and uplifting feeling...
He knew he was not such a great guy, but in her eyes he was like a hero. and somehow he had always felt great when with her.
AS the sing finihed, he took the towel and started drying his body thinking, 'so... what is next...'
as the upbeat song came, he chuckled and muttered, "Hmmnnn.... Typical Suzy..."
It was her favorite song.
He finished drying his body and wrapped the towel in his body and started to walk outside. When he opened the door, it was not really a surprise to see Suzy dancing to the music.
The song had always been a turn on switch for Suzy to be a kid and dance like crazy.
When she saw him she smiled brightly and greeted him, "annyeong oppa..." and continued her dancing.
Ignoring her, he went straight to his closet and asked, "why are you in our room, again. and why are you touching other people's stuff?...-----'
She whirled around and smiled sweetly at him and finished his words, "-----...again?"
and sang the chorus, "no oh no oh no oh oh I can’t breathe
no oh no oh no oh oh I can’t breathe
no oh no oh no oh oh I can’t breathe
no oh no oh no oh oh oh oh"
He stood still with hands on his hips and sternly ordered her, "stop this and get out of our room.."
Suzy jumped and danced and whirled as she asked, "Why, is it against the law to play music? and anyway when did it ever stop me from doing things the way I like.."
He frowed now, it was the frown that had teachers call him a gangster as he warmed, "Now that you had you're fun, run along little girl... NOW!!!"
"Why do I have to go now? the music isnt finished yet..." She whirled around again and he knew that basing from her tone of voice she was not easily cowed by his anger.
*tsk*, "Suzy..." he called her
"yes... oppa...?" she asked sweetly.
"get out of the room... NOW..." he asked again
"why?" she asked again
"cause I am gonna change to my clothes." he informed her while picking out the pants of his choice.
"I can just close my eyes and you can change..." she said with mischief.
"...and i think I have already seen it all. I mean, you've swam with me before.." she continued teasing him
"yeah I remember. But then you were also then. and as far as I remember your was lopsided.." he bickered with her
"Yah, it was not. i don't have a lopsided ..." she complained
He chuckled and asked, "how would you know if your is correctly proportion if you can't see your back...?"
"well, i just know. It is not lopsided!!!" she shouted
Then the door opened and Yoseob came with an irritated expression, "Hey, what are you shouting about..?"
"Us....?" he asked
He turned around at looked into Suzy's pouting lips, he then turned to Yoseob who was staring at suzy the said, "we were talking about Suzy's lop------"
"Yah Oppa, SHUT UP..." She shouted in protest.
If he had not been looking at yoseob, he would have missed that slight slashing of his twin's eyes. he immediately went and agreed with Suzy, "arrasso.. arrassooo..."
He looked at suzy and oredered her, "anyway get out of our room suzy. I am gonna change..."
"okay.." and Suzy nodded at his request. While Yoseob remained siilent.
"Annyeong YHeong Yosoeb----" she greeted Yoseob as she walked beside him going to the door. Immediately his twin grinned.
He watched them, Suzy and Yoseob both walked together going outside.
But before the door closed he called her, "and suzy.."
Her head peeped through the door and asked,"yes..?"
He smiled and said, "Thanks..."
She smiled back. He knew that she understood what he was talking about. Cause she was the one person that understood his moods more than anyone. She always knew when he was sad, upset, angry and anxious. And she would always know how to calm him.
He watched her disappear from the door and he started changing to his clothes. He walked towards the stereo and turned it off. It had already finished its purpose for the day,
Silence again reigned
and the worries that was temporarily pushed back came surfacing again, lingering at the corners of his thoughts.
'To tell some one or not...?' he asked himself again. It was the question that haunted even his sleeping hours.
He put on his pants, 'No one would understand...'
'It will just create chaos...' he concluded as he battled one again with himself and with the world.
He put on his shirt, 'everything will be thrown out of balance...'
And like his previous decision he made hisfinal resolve, 'No... no one should know....' for the day.
He heard the honking of a familiar car as he had finished putting on his shoes. He went to the window and spotted DooJoon's car.
DooJoon got down and and looked up at him. DooJoon waved at him and shouted "hey Youngsaeng-ah, come down now..."
He waved and answered, "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute..."
He looked at himself through the mirror. Satisfied he ran downstairs. As he arrived at the foot of the stairs, he stood immobile as he hear the clinking of the dishes in the kitchen. He knew his mother is busy washing the dishes.
there was silence excpet for him mom cleaning the dishes.
He heard the Honk again. and he knew that they should leave soon. they were already late, it was lready 9:20am.
he took a steo to the door but the sighing of his mom made him turn around.
He wacthed her cleaning and he made his decision. and went to the kitchen and spoke while his mom's back was turned to him, "Miahne Mom...."
His mom stopped washing the dishes and he continued, "I am gonna go now... Miahn..."
He didnt wait for her answer. He immediately ran outside
He spotted Yosoeb and Suzy was comfortably seated at the back. DooJoon was the driver and he spotted DooJoon's current girlfriend, Hyuna, beside him.
"What took you so long..?" DooJoon asked impatiently
"I slept late. Come on let's go now.." he said as he took his seat beside Suzy at the back passenger seat.
He comfortably sat and before long they were in the highway.
the silence in the car was somewht weird and comforting for him. But when he glanced at Suzy he saw her staring at him.
so he asked, "why? do i have something in my face..?
she shook her head, smiled and answered, "anni.. I just..." he saw her eyes hesitate
she continued to smile and added, "...ah never mind oppa..."
His curiousity was peaked but not enough to further pursue the issue. but when Suzy continued to stare at him, he winked at her and whispered to Suzy, "wake me up when we get there..."
"huh.. but.." Suzy started to complain.
He patted Suzy's head and added, "Just do as I say..." before closing his eyes.
With his eyes closed he knew that he was free to listen to everything without being asked to answer. He didnt need to feel obligated to answer...
"uhhmmm... Suzy can I ask you something?" Hyuna suddenly asked
"hmmmnnn...yeah okay, what is it?" Suzy asked
"Have you heard any news?" Hyuna asked. he knew what she meant. He held his breath and listened well. He also wanted to find out what Suzy'sanswer would be.
He felt suzy shift in her seat, he knew she was uncomfortable.
"ahh... yesterday they said nothing has changed.." suzy answered with her voice cracking.
"what does that mean? is it good or bad?" hyuna insisted
"I don't really know.." Suzy answered as she shifted again.
"What did your aunt tell you suzy..?" entered Yoseob.
her heard her sigh before answering, "nothing much, they are still observing everything.."
Even with his eyes closed he could feel the awkwardness in the air. He didnt know what is the reason but somehow he felt Suzy tense up. then he felt Suzy lean on him. He felt her take a deepo breath and release a deep sigh.
sending somehow that Suzy didnt want to talk about such serious issue. Hyuna and Yoseob didnt ask any more questions.
The car stopped and DooJoon informed them, "we're almost there.."
He opened his eyes and sure enough he saw the hospital. they were currently at the intersection waiting for the go-signal to cross the highway.
He felt a pang of pain go straight to his heart at the sight of its impressive yet forebroading building.
Everything ceased to exist.
He didnt hear the conversation happening between DooJoon and Yoseob.
he didnt see anything other than what he was staring at. The place where he would see her again.
As DooJoon parked the car, his heart started drumming in his chest. he wanted to look calm so he concentrated to make his expression.
No one must know that at that very moment he was a ball of mixed emotion.
He felt a hand on his hand, he look to his side and saw Suzy smile, he smiled back.
"Let's go.." Yoseob said.
They all went in the hospital, visiting the one person.
as he took his first step in the hospital, he felt his worries and confusion come back one by one.
he walked like a zombie, 'I knew I said I wouldn't tell anyone.. but...'
each of his step coming more heavier and heavier, 'but this is all your doing...'
each step took out all of his energy, ' i thought i knew you... but'
each step dragging him back to stand down, 'but to tell them...' but still he continued
He looked at the myriad expression among his companions, 'what do I tell them then..?'
Suzy was looking at him, questioningly, 'what do I tell your cousin?'
He looked at Yoseob, 'My brother... he would defend you no matter what?'
he looked at Doojoon who was smiling at hyuna, 'he'll never believe..'
His soul was draining, 'You are so selfish...'
he felt his heart palpate, 'I never would have thought you were this cruel...'
he forced his legs to took another step, 'but even so, how could I tell them now...'
'I really want to tell them...' his heart pounded
'because this is too unfair...' he reasoned.
Suzy tapped his shoulder and whispered, "her room is in 501"
He nodded as he saw that they were but a few steps away from room 501, 'you... how could you do this to me....'
As Suzy opened the door, he saw SeungYeon's mom sitting over her, 'you... you...!!! Han Seungyeon...'
He felt Suzy, Yoseob, DooJoon stand back. he knew they wanted to give him time with Seungyeon. it was only proper since they believed he was seungyeon's boyfriend, 'your boyfriend.. what a joke..'
'So seungyeon here I am now. all our friends are here now. What am i suppose to do? Just let them think that I am such a bad guy for not visiting you sooner..?' he took a step forward.
he stared at her face and asked, 'How am I gonna explain that you are cruel...?'
he felt a sting in his eyes, 'how can i explain that I dont want to be here..?'
he felt his eyes go blur, 'how can i explain that I despise you..?'
And he felt tears fall as he asked her silently, 'how can I tell them of how you broke my heart...?'
'how can I tell the world that you love another?' he cried now looking at the girl he had loved for most his life.
He sobbed now looking at the girl that broke his heart when she admitted on cheating on him.
Tears fell from his eyes like the falls, as he saw the seemingly lifeless body of the girl that he had loved for most of his life but was starting to despise.
He stood there crying, 'Seungyeon, you were my everything...
'but why are you leaving me with nothing...'
'....nothing...'
'... nothing but this unbearable pain..'
PREVIEW: SECRETS 1.0
a/n: sorry for all the typos. if you are confused about the story, miahne, i think with this story you have to read the ending to really grasp what is happening. anyway by now you much have realized that this is a heavy drama fanfic. if you have any questions, and comments please just comment ahead. I really would like to know what you think...
@chaeyang yup she jumped, if you wanna know why, please continue your support for my fanfic
@angelhoney yes this love.lust.sin series I am trying to write is kinda dramatic. all are melodramatic.
@Fondandsin if you are a fan of kdrama, you will find out where I got my inspiration for this story.
@nicoleziying thanks for the support. i wish this update will be to your liking...
@Forever_SS501 I hope that the prologue and first half of my chapter one was not disappointing. i tried so hard to make it more descriptive as much as I can..
@minjoon as you can see there is only one ss501 member in this story. its only youngsaeng. cause I got an inspiration in writing this during YS's solo debut. the story will revolve around this 6 friends.
anyway to all my readers. thanks for all your support. I do wish that you would comment. good or bad I will accept it. and well i am a thirty for what you people think about my writing. so please tell me what you think..
^__^
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