Jaejoong’s 2^nd summer breaks.

Probably the worse time he ever had. For certain reasons, his umma had made him keep going to the hospital for check up, every week. He also noticed some changes occurring to his body. How he sometimes feel like falling, losing balance while casually walking and such.     

That evening, back to the day when Jaejoong first fall down, Jaejoong and his mother paid a visit to the nearby clinic. The wound was nothing severe but his mother wanted to have it check it out anyway. Jaejoong was asked to do a few testes to see if there’s anything wrong with him while his mother stayed with the doctor. The doctor wanted to explain regarding Jaejoong’s condition to her.

“There’s no infection occurred to the wound so you can rest assure about that Mrs. Kim.”

Mrs. Kim sighed in relieves as the doctor explained but there was still a doubt look on the doctor’s face, something was troubling him.

“However Mrs.Kim, I think it would be best if you two would go to a specialized about this.” Mrs.Kim bite her lips nervously, she could see how serious Jae condition was. “The way Jaejoong fall, I find them to be really strange.”

“What do you mean by strange?”

“I mean, usually if people fall, the first thing they would do is to support their body using both of his hands. But as you can see for yourselves Mrs.Kim, Jaejoong didn’t even have a scratch on them, which mean he was falling directly to the ground, without any reflexes. So I’m suggesting you to do a further check-up in this matter. Whatever the outcome may be Mrs.Kim, I hope you’ll be strong about all this.”

Jaejoong was brought to a specialist the following days and was tested again. He didn’t complaint much as he was really an obedient child. His mother looked worried, but she kept on assuring him that everything was going to be alright.

“Mrs.Kim, I hope you heard me out well. As a doctor, it is our policy to tell the truth to our patient no matter how hard it is.”

The lady doctor sighed as she looked through the test result that they had done on Jaejoong, including from the CAT scan.

“Jaejoong, he’s having a cerebellar degeneration. His brains are slowly deteriorating.”

“You mean, my baby Joongie is….dying?” Tears were already visible on Mrs.Kim, indeed that news was too much for her.

“But he’s…he’s only 17. Isn’t there’s any cure to it? Then a transplant maybe?”

“I’m sorry Mrs.Kim, but I’m afraid there isn’t any cure for this. Soon Jaejoong won’t be able to walk normally, and afterward it will be affecting his linguistic and eventually all his brain’s activity. But there’s no way of telling when all these is going to be happening. Some take less than 5 years but there are some other cases that would allow them to live for another more years.”

Silent filled both of them. Jaejoong just finished telling Changmin the whole story about how he discovered his illness. His mother didn’t know for the fact that he already heard all the doctor’s explanations. They stayed silent as the wind breezed softly between them. Changmin was debating within himself, figuring how to comforting the older boy.

“Are you alright Jae?”  Jaejoong shook his head softly while keeping his head low, feeling self pity taking over him.

“Of course you’re not alright. No one will if he’s in your shoes. You know what I would do?” Changmin didn’t receive any respond as he continued talking.

“This.”   

Changmin turned to face the older boy, he got up from his swing and went closer to Jaejoong. He wrapped his arms around the other boy and gave him a warm hug.

“Go ahead Jae. You can cry all you want. I’ll stay with you and comfort you.” Changmin continued to hug him. He used his other free hand to pat Jaejoong’s black silk hair, comforting him a soothing manner. Tears were building up in Jae’s eyelids, threaten to fall any time now.

“I…I want to live, Changmin-ah.” He sobbed, harder and harder while burying his face more onto Changmin’s chest. His fists were grabbing tightly on Changmin’s jacket, crumbled it a bit, but Changmin didn’t mind, or the fact that Jaejoong’s tears were wetting his shirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ in front the Kim's Resident ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Go on, get inside. It’s cold here.”

Changmin urged Jaejoong to get into his house as they finally arrived in front of the Kim’s resident. Jaejoong’s eyes were puffy and a little red, thanks to all those crying earlier.

“For comforting me and listening to all I had to say, thank you. You’re a good friend, Min.”

“I wouldn’t mind listening to them again. To see you open up to me like that, I’m glad, at least you didn’t hate me like you used to when we first met.” Changmin let out a little chuckled as he remembered the first time they met.

“You were really bossy back then, refusing my good intention…” Changmin laughed a bit more

“Yah, is it that funny? I wasn’t expecting someone as famous as you would do that, you seemed like you were showing off your money to me back then.” Jaejoong furrowed his eye brows, protesting.

“Well I am rich, but I wasn’t showing off, you’re the one who misunderstood. Aish… that’s why you shouldn’t be so prejudice all the time, especially to someone you don’t really know.”

Jaejoong hissed dangerously at changmin, sending him his threatening glare. Changmin finished their childish fight with a soft pat on the other’s head and a little push on his back, urging him to get going.

“Go in hyung, its cold. Hurry up and get inside so that I can finally return home to my warm room.”

“I never asked you to accompany me in the first place, now do I?”

“No, I’m the one who offered myself. But do you seriously need to torture me with the cold even more? What did I ever do you any wrong anyway….” Changmin mumbled the last part to himself but it was clearly heard by Jae anyway.

“You did something really bad to me, really. You stole…..” Jaejoong bite his own lips, he didn’t want to reveal that fact to anyone. Never in my life, you hear me.

“I stole what?” Jaejoong kept on frozen although Changmin asked.

“Yah , hyung, hurry up and tell me, what did I steal?” Not even a reaction coming from the other.

Then without even giving Changmin any more chance to ask him, Jae ran into the house, leaving a fast ‘good night’ speech to Changmin while closing the front door shut, hoping that it would already be enough to shut the topic he shouldn’t have brought up in the first place. Idiot.

More weeks had passed and Changmin had always been a true friend to Jaejoong. He accompanied Jae most during their lunch breaks and took him safely home after school, sometime they would stopped somewhere first, like the movie theater, or the shopping complex or changmin’s favorite restaurant before finally returned home. They stayed close to one another despite all those eyes staring at them, more to Jaejoong actually.

Jaejoong’s condition was only getting worse. He was barely able to stand up anymore. Graduation was approaching but he couldn’t finish schooling. The doctor suggested that he quit school and began getting proper treatment in the hospital.

“Umma, I don’t like it. I hate hospital. They’re boring and provided tasteless food. Don’t make me go there owh?”

Jaejoong held both of his mother’s hands tightly, pleading her.

“Joongie, umma very sorry baby. Umma don’t want you to go either but you’ll get treated there better than at home. Umma want to see you get better.”

But I’m never going to get better, am I?

“I’ll visit you every day, bring your favorite food and books and games. You won’t be bored okay baby?”

Jaejoong stayed quiet, he knew there’s no way he would be able to talk his umma out of it. He had to gone through with this whether he liked it or not.

“Yobseyo?”   

Changmin answered his phone on the second rings. Kim’s resident ID appeared on his phone. Ever since Jaejoong entered the hospital, Changmin had been one of the frequent visitors that pay visit to Jaejoong, aside from his family. Although it wasn’t every day, but he made sure to visit whenever he got spare times. The longest period Jaejoong haven’t seen him was three days, other than that, he would always make sure to visit him.

“Ah, Changmin-ah, it’s Jaejoong’s umma.” The lady on the other end speaks.

“Yes Mrs. Kim, do speak. Is something the matter? Did something happen to Jae hyung?”

He wasn’t able to visit Jaejoong today, but he did saw him the day before. Jaejoong wasn’t able to walk anymore, he could only depend on the wheelchair to move around the place now. The cleaners and the gardeners at hospital had been good friends with him, assumingly he liked to talk to others and entertained them despite in his condition.

“Joongie, he’s undergoing the mood again. He refused to eat, going out or even letting anyone get close to him. I didn’t know what went wrong today…”

Changmin heard Jaejoong umma sighed at the other end of the telephone. For Jaejoong to undergo that state, something must have happen to him to cause him that way. The last time it happen was after two weeks of Jaejoong entering the hospital, Jaejoong saw the old man that was staying in the same room with him died, out of the same illness as he is. They were good friend with one another but the older man was in a lot more critical state than he is. Jaejoong kept himself locked up in his own world, without having any interaction with anybody, the doctor and nurse were only able to give him medicine, he refused to do any therapy nor going outside.

“Neh, I understand Mrs.Kim, I’ll go and visit him first thing in the morning alright? Don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry Changmin to have to trouble you again. You know how he can be so stubborn sometimes.”

Changmin smiled a bit, yeah, although Jaejoong was older than him, he could see the child within him. Refusing to eat medicine, sometime barely eating any food, and most of the time, he would go on whining about many parts of his body that he wasn’t comfortable with, and the whining went on and on for hours.

“That’s alright, it’s Sunday tomorrow, school’s out and there isn’t much work left anyway. It’s no trouble at all.”

Changmin could hear the lady sighed in relieve, he kept a smile to himself.

Jaejoong umma talked a bit more afterward, telling him how worried she was and how she wished Jaejoong wouldn’t have to suffer the fate. Changmin let her be and listened to her, giving polite respond every now and then, before they finally hung up. Changmin put down his phone on the night stand besides his bed, his eyes fixed on the picture frame right next to it. He picked up the picture frame and caressed the old man picture that was on it, having his younger self on the old man’s lap for the picture taken.

“Haraboeji… I miss you. Have you been well?” He smiled to himself, while continuing caressing the picture.

‘Knock, knock’

Changmin knocked on the door but nobody answered so he let himself in. He entered the ward room and saw Jaejoong looking longingly at the window, his eyes showed that he hasn’t been sleeping much and his expression was dead, no sign of emotion that could be detected on his face. He’s in the middle of shutting himself out from the real world.

“Hey hyung, I’ve come to visit you again, have you been good?”    ….   No respond from the other..........

“I brought some of your favorite food here, eat them while they’re still hot alright?”

He placed the food packages on the counter but there wasn’t any respond from the other again. Changmin pulled a chair close by neared the bed and sat on it.

“Hyung, what’s wrong? What’s troubling you? Won’t you tell me about it? You promised that you’ll open up to me.”

Changmin plead softly. His thumb was softly caressing Jae’s hand when the boy didn’t bother to look at him, but instead he kept his stare at the window.

“Your mother came to see me a couple days ago.”

Changmin stayed silent, he knew it’s already mean one thing, about his decision in refusing to study abroad because he wanted to stay.

“Then, what did she told you hyung?”

He heard Jaejoong gave out a deep sigh before finally turned and looked at him properly, holding his hands firmly in his.

“That’s a rare opportunity Min, you should go and pursued your dream. Don’t you want to be successful Min? Go and live your life.”

Jaejoong kept his doe eyes staring softly into Changmin’s, making him understand his intention.

“But… If I go, then I’ll be leaving you hyung. I don’t want that. No. I hate that.”

“And I don’t want you here anymore Min.”

Jaejoong bite his lips, trying to hold in his tears while getting the word out of his chest.

“I don’t want you to see me in this state. I want you to remember me while I’m still being me, not as a weakling, a miserable patient in this stupid hospital who keeps forgetting, how to walk, even how to stand, to do things he loves the most. I’m slowly losing myself in here Min, and I don’t want you to see me like that. So just leave Min, leave while I’m still me. Please.”

Kim Jaejoong had been defeated by his own emotion, he let his tears run freely down on his cheeks while his shoulders were shaking tremendously holding in all the emotion he’s been holding.

Changmin stood there dumbfounded, he was beating within himself whether to oppose the idea of him leaving and further his study abroad or to continue staying there right by Jaejoong’s side, watching him slowly as he was reminded how his grandfather passed away due to similar symptoms Jaejoong was having.

Changmin got up from where he was and hugged the crying patient, while patting his back calmly, to sooth him down a bit.

“Is my present here hurt you hyung?”

“Do you want me to leave that badly?”

He continued patting the older boy’s back as the boy continued crying. It’s not a condition he can blame anyone about, it was his fate, although he never asked for it. Changmin knew and understand this, but he couldn’t help but blame the cruel fate fall upon Jaejoong, it wasn’t fair. He kept those thoughts to himself.

Once the cried finally ceased a bit, Changmin loosen the hug a bit to have a look on Jaejoong’s puffy face. Changmin chuckled to himself,

“Aigoo, when I first met you I never thought that you would turn out to be such a big cry baby. Look you even got my shirt soaked with all your tears. Honestly hyung, did you carry a gallon of water around in your tears glands?”

Changmin tried to lift up the heavy atmosphere, which earned himself a soft slap on the chest.

“Quit whining, who do you think the cause of it in the first place.”

Changmin let out another chuckled before cupping his face.
“Araso hyung, my fault then. Blame everything on me.”

He leaned closer and placed a soft peck on Jaejoong’s forehead, causing the whole world stopped for awhile. –For Jaejoong that is-

“I’ll remember Kim Jaejoong as a clumsy sunbae, who forget to bring enough money for a lunch meal, and the one who cared too much about rumors especially when he was the cause of them, the one who would always care about his friend whenever he’s absence from school, and the one who love the playground so much regardless of how old he is, and also the one who would always be by your side when you needed someone to lean onto.”

Changmin stared into Jaejoong’s eyes long and deeply, as he making each of Jaejoong’s values out and how he sees the older boy. It was his last visit at the hospital that day before he finally flew away to US, just like how his family had planned it.

Until then he never saw that boy ever again. He only returned back to Korea 3 years ago, only to find out that the Kim’s family had already gone, leaving nothing trace to track them back. Changmin even when back to the hospital where Jaejoong used to stay in but the doctor and nursed didn’t tell him anything about him. Three days after he searched the hospital, a package arrived at his doorstep, with no return addressed. He opened the package and saw the content of the package, it was Jaejoong’s diary with a letter from Jaejoong’s mother, telling him to live his life well and forget about Jaejoong. He was no longer in this world. Changmin broke into tears afterward, he knew it would happen sooner or later, but he didn’t expect he would felt the loss that deeply. It took him 2 days before he gathered the guts to read the precious diary and a week to finally stop crying whenever he read the diary again, over and over again.    

Shim Changmin (28 years old)

Changmin’s POV

“That would be 20,500 won, sir. Would you like us to heat it up first?”

“Yes, please.”

I took out my wallet and paid for the food I bought at the convenient store, the usual take out I always had for quick dinner. The casher flashed me her famous smile, wonder how she can stay all energized even at this late hour. I was slowly became a routine of mine, having a quick late supper before going to bed. Hey, I had a long day, meeting with the business directors, handling millions-investor clients and what’s worse, handling all the deals with them without having appa ranting out at me every time I did a small mistake. Life is being a to me, I know. But there’s no one else to blame for that. It’s my own life.

Dating, you may ask? Well I never really got into any serious relationship ever since high school. Dating seemed kind of pointless for me since everyone knows that my potential bride will be decided by my family all along. A business-marriage, or something like that.

“Here you are sir. Nice and warm.”

The cashier put my food in a vacuum container to ensure the quality of the food before it entered my stomach and I thanked her for that. As I was about to pay for it, a guy, who is dressed like a foreigner entered. His face seemed like a Korean though but he looked way too glamorous just to enter a small convenient store. He bought a packet of cigarettes and a few bottle of drinks, which I couldn’t care less anyway.

I was about to exit the store when another bump onto my shoulder, he was a bit shorter than me, so the impact wasn’t that great. He too was dressed like someone who just returned from abroad, excessively stylist and his hair was dyed in golden yellow, added more points to his already beautiful feature.

“Hyung, don’t just only buy drinks, buy some food too, I’m hungry.”

He approached the guy I saw earlier.

It was then it hit me, he face looked really familiar to someone.  

‘Jaejoong-hyung?’

I said those in my mind, not breaking my eyes from him, as he walked around the store and pick up some random snacks along the way and placed them on the counter to let the other pays for them.

 His phone rang afterward and he had to leave the store quickly to pick up the call. I couldn’t break my eyes from keep on following his trail until he got into a black van, the one that commonly used by most of the celebrities to avoid the fans or stalker.

So he is some sort of an artist?