They think I don’t notice, but I do. I feign blissful ignorance, but my eyesight is better than that of a hawk. Even while my back is turned, I can feel eyes watching me; studying me.

Whenever I turn around, though, I see no one. The people around me have their eyes averted or looking somewhere else.

Am I growing paranoid?

Lately it feels like that. Maybe I just need more sleep?

Mom hasn’t really been too happy with my rising popularity. I’m not at home as much as I used to be. She complains that I’m looking sick, but I tell her that I am fine.

The patter of feet meeting floor bring me out of my reverie. I manage to sit up from the couch before my mom enters the living room.

“I thought I heard something. When did you get here?” she asked casually as she walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. She barely even gave me a glance as she passed by.

“I got here a while ago. Have you been waiting for me for long?”

A small silence grew pregnant between the two of us as I heard struggling in the kitchen. I heard a small crash, but soon my mom emerged from the kitchen with two cups of milk. She handed me the cup before slowly setting down on the couch beside me.

“I haven’t been waiting long, not really. Besides, you shouldn’t worry about me being alone. I’ll be fine, you silly girl.” She smiled at me and took a sip of her drink.

I smiled back in return, and rested my head against the couch.

“Is there something wrong?”

I looked at mom and observed her face as I thought of what to respond. Should I tell her what has been bothering me? Or should I lie?

“Don’t even think about telling me a fib. You are my child, and I sure as hell know when you are lying to me. Now spit it out. What’s wrong?”

I sighed and set my cup down.

“Is there someone bothering you at work? Do I need to go down there with you and have a word with your boss?” She stood, almost knocking her glass out of her own hands. I managed to settle her down on time before she caused a disaster.

“Woah, mom! YG has nothing to do with this. Calm down!” I tried to sound reassuring, and much to my relief, it did.

She calmly waited for me to talk as I figured for a way to articulate my problems.

“Lately,” I began, staring down at my hands, “I kind of feel like everyone is watching me. I feel eyes on me constantly. I guess it does make me a little paranoid, but most of all, I feel like there may be something wrong with me…”

I stood up, careful not to spill the cup that I had set on the floor and stood in front of my mother. I looked at my arms, hands, and finally the rest of my body.

“Is there something wrong with me, mom?” I asked, motioning to myself.

She narrowed her eyes a bit as she stared at me. She raised her hand and motioned for me to do a turn.

“Hm, yeah, there is something strange going on.”

I gave one final turn and quickly sat in front of her. As much as it killed me, I really wanted to know what it was.

“You’ve gotten prettier, Hayi.” She smiled at me, and I groaned.

“Mom, don’t lie to me. I know I’ve lost a little weight, but I doubt that is the reason that people are looking at me.”

My mother chuckled at my response and took the last drink of her cup. “Believe whatever you want, but I think that may be the reason. And, well, aside from the fact that you are the most talented young lady in the music industry right now.  You should get used to it.” She smiled at me and handed me the cup. “Please put those in the sink. I’ll be sure to wash them tomorrow morning. Now go to sleep. It’s late.”

---

Mom didn’t help at all. She usually has some sound advice to give me, but not this time.

I sighed in discontent as I walked behind my manager who was as silent as I was. I guess she was having some issues of her own.

I was about to open my mouth to tell her something when I felt that same intense stare again. My back tensed up and the small hairs on the nape of my neck stood up. I wanted to see who it was, but I was afraid to.

“Oh, no…”

“Is there something wrong?” My manager stopped and turned around to look at me.

I shook my head and smiled at her. “There’s nothing wrong.”

She nodded and continued walking. I felt more stares coming up my way. Unconsciously, I got nearer to my manager and hid behind her.

“Are you positive?” she asked again without looking back at me.

I didn’t say anything and got nearer to her. She didn’t press the question any further and finally made a turn to my training room.

She left, but not before telling me that she would back soon so I could continue with my workout. She closed the door behind her, and for the first time since I got here, I felt my body relax. I surveyed the room covered in mirrors and stared at myself carefully.

I looked awful right now, and normally, this is what I looked like compared to the older female artist under this company. They are tall, slim, and looked extremely attractive even without make-up. And then there is me. I am short, on the process of slimming down, and looked average. So pretty much, I felt very ugly.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my mother is a terrible liar and shouldn’t get my hopes up about me being even a tiny bit prettier. (Not that I was to begin with, anyway.)

“Good morning, Hayi!”

I turned around quickly, and met face to face with my vocal instructor, Shin Yoomi.

“Oh! Good morning! How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you,” she replied. She didn’t move from the door, and smiled brightly at me. I quizzically stared at her, and waited for her to continue.

“So I just got back from a meeting with our boss and a couple of other of your coworkers. It’s really great news so I hope you are ready for this.” She stepped out of the way, and left the door open.

The people who came pouring in were people that I would have never expected to come and see me personally (and this early in the morning.)

“Good morning!” I quickly bowed in front of them, one by one. They greeted me in return.

“You two talk about what has just been arranged. I’ll be right back,” Yoomi said. She smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up before slinking out of the room.

I wanted to tell her to stay, but by the time I opened my mouth, she was already gone. I shut my mouth quickly and turned to look at the two people before me. This wouldn’t have been so difficult if it was just one of them. Nope, it just had to be two.

I couldn’t help but smile at them. Unfortunately, I could see my reflection behind them and flinched at how awkward I looked.

“So,” GD said, trying to ease in the silence. “I have a favor to ask you.”

I nodded and waited expectantly for his request. However, T.O.P. wasn’t exactly making it easy for me to concentrate on him. He was still smiling at me. Why was he even here? I thought he was away recording.

“Ever since I first heard you sing, I have admired your voice and would actually be happy if you would lend me it during my world tour. There is a song that I really want to perform, but the girl that sang it with me cannot make it on the stage yet since she hasn’t debuted,” he shuffled side to side as he spoke to me.

I hadn’t realized that I was roughly rubbing my hands. They kind of hurt, but this act was the only thing keeping me in check. I briefly turned to the side to see T.O.P. looking at my hands. I immediately stopped and set them on my side. However, his gaze remained.

I looked down quickly at my hands, then back at Seunghyun. I looked back at Jiyong who was ready to continue talking.

“I already talked about this to our boss, and he quickly agreed to it. The only thing left to do is have you agree to this. So, Miss Lee Hayi, would you please lend me your voice during my tour?”

I internally screamed as he said the final words. This almost felt like a marriage proposal.

I quickly covered my mouth with my hands (just in case my internal scream became external) and nodded vigorously to his request.

He smiled, putting his hands on his hips in triumph.

“Alright, thanks! We will have arrangements done soon, so I’ll get back to you once that is all figured out. I’ll be going now. Thank you again.”

Both of them bowed before me before making it out of the room. The last thing I saw before they completely left was a grinning T.O.P. and a waving hand.  

I think I’m going to faint.