I was very sure that Darnelle was speeding after we hung up the phone because just a few minutes later I saw his crimson red Mustang GT glide itself towards where I stood.  This man works on the other side of one of the busiest cities in the world but he still managed to arrive here in a mere five minutes, I thought as I shook my head in disbelief after checking the time on my phone. 

His eyes were filled with worry when he rushed to my side.  I felt a crushing feeling in my heart knowing that the news will indeed break him to pieces.  It would be ludicrous to ever expect him to agree to a long distance relationship. And having that knowledge only increased the sorrowful pangs that I felt in my heart. I really did carry deep feelings for this man, but I will not keep him on lock down while I’m thousands of miles away.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why were you crying?”

I smile at his straightfowardness. He’ll be a great CEO in the future.  He always cuts to the chase with no bologna in the middle, I thought as my tears betrayed my attempt to calm him and his worries.  “It’s nothing babe… let’s talk about this later, hmm? Right now, I’m starving!”  I started walking towards his custom made machine when he grabbed my arm to keep me from escaping his inquiries.

“I didn’t just weave through traffic in New York City to get an answer like that T. Look at you! You’re tearing up right before my eyes, but you’re still bottling up your problems inside”.  He gently pulled me into a tight embrace and began to rub my back as if trying to smooth away whatever it was that caused my pain. His towering stature made my petite body feel safe.  And when I buried my face in the crook of his neck I felt as if all of my worries had melted away with just the scent of his seductive aftershave. How can I never imagine myself without this man in my life?  “Please tell me,” he continued to plead.

I sniffled back a sob and took in a deep breath to begin my confession. I told him everything that happened between my parents and I, but I conveniently left out the fact that I was betrothed to someone else.  I didn’t want to ruin what I have here in America for some stranger that I have never met in my life.

Darnelle listened quietly as I finished my sad story.  He stiffened in my arms when I told him that I was going to Korea, which made me cry silently as I brought the story to a close.

“Korea?” he finally said after a long pause.  “Like Samsung and Hyundai Korea?” he said disbelievingly.  Leave it up to Darnelle to make such a silly comment in such an emotional time. I was beside myself with laughter despite the tense moment. I’m really going to miss him, I thought.  He, too, smiled knowing that he was successful in dimming the tension that encircled our little bubble. 

My arms wrapped around my man as if it was the last time I would see him.  He tilted my chin towards him and kissed me. At first it was a gentle kiss, just a simple peck on the lips. But when he pulled me onto his lips again he deepened his passion and kissed me fervently.  His muscular arms held me in his strong embrace as if I were leaving at that very moment. The kiss was too much for me to bear. My thoughts were scrambled, my knees were weak, and I almost forgot where we were and why we even meeting in the first place.  His passion discarded my worries and sadness as if cleansing my mind of all the things that my parents thwarted onto me earlier. This sensation suddenly ceased when I felt something wet touch my face. I pulled away to see that Darnelle had soft tears falling from his seductive green eyes and down his caramel brown skin. Those eyes were the first things that drew me to him. Those eyes filled my heart up and made my stomach turn into jelly every time he stared at me. I’m going to miss the way his mystical eyes bore into mine as if trying to read and memorize my heart and soul’s every desire so that he could bring them to life.

I could have never imagined in all of my life that I would have seen Darnelle cry, especially not at my expense.

 “Take me home with you tonight,” I whispered softly while gently wiping his tears away with my thumbs.  In response, he simply nodded and grabbed my hand to lead me to his car.  Being the gentleman that he is, he opened my door to allow me in and rushed to the driver’s side.  The entire ride was filled with a loud silence.  The tension was thick and almost unbearable so I grabbed his free hand and laid a gentle kiss on it.  He turned to face me at my sudden action and I offered a crooked smile.

“I-I’m sorry, Darnelle.”

“What are you sorry about?”

I looked down at his hands and began to play with his fingers nervously. “For putting all of this on you when you have so much to worry about in the next couple of days at work.  And I’m sorry that I have to leave you here…” I stopped myself from continuing because the water works threatened to recommence. So I turned towards the window and watched as the street vendors packed up their shops, the yellow cab drivers honked their horns and weaved in and out of traffic while hundreds of busy New Yorkers and tourists hustled and bustled around to get to their respective places before darkness claimed the skies. 

In a moment’s time we arrived at Darnelle’s loft. When we got inside, I perused his home and reacquainted myself to everything in it.  So many memories of us together were latched onto every piece of the furniture in the apartment. I helped him decorate the entire loft; starting from the light colored drapes covering the ceiling high windows in living room to the dinner plates in the kitchen cupboard.  It was like my home away from home and what I thought would end up being my future place of residence. I wish I could wake up from this dream, I thought wishfully.

“I… stay with me T,” Darnelle stuttered behind me and essentially breaking into my thoughts.

I was such in a deep trance of nostalgia that I forgot he was even there. I jumped a little, but I guess he didn’t notice because he wrapped his arms around my waist and he didn’t loosen up his embrace.

“No can do, Babe. My and egg donors are paying for my education and they’ll cut me off the minute I move in with you.  And there is no way I could allow you or your family to pay my tuition at NYU ”.

 “Money is never a problem T. And you know I’ll do anything for you,” he paused.  “ I … I love you Tracy,” he said almost choking on his words. 

Most girls would find this moment to be so cute and would lavish their boyfriends with kisses after letting them know that their feelings were reciprocated.  Unfortunately for Darnelle, I’m not most girls; which would explain my less than appealing reaction when my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.

“I... well… I’m… I’m hungry. Yeah! I’m hungry! What do you want to eat? Anything you want I’ll make for you,” I said trying to change the subject and quickly pulled away from his warm hug and nearly ran to the kitchen.  He looked so crushed when I didn’t reciprocate my feelings.  But it’s so hard to reciprocate something when you don’t understand what it means. Love has become a word of no consequence within the last 4 decades.  Men and women tell each other that they love one another, but with those same lips that they dared to utter such words they use it to kiss someone else. I’m not saying that saying that Darnelle would ever do that to me, but I don’t want to say it when I know I’m not ready to make such a big commitment as to say that I love him.

“What would you like to eat?” I questioned again trying to lighten up the mood, but it only seemed to make it worse.  Instead of replying, he just walked away into his room and slammed his door. Why is this happening to me? What am I to do?, I question myself exhaustingly. I guess what I feel for him is what one would call love. But before I say that I love him, I want to be 100% sure that I understand what it means to love someone. I look over to the room that my boyfriend disappeared to. I can’t want to leave the U.S. with him upset with me. So I walked up to his room and lightly knocked on his door.

“Go away. I need some space,” he yelled. I was taken aback by his remark. We’ve had really bad fights in the past, but we were always able to talk to each other face to face. I don’t believe in personal space during a fight. I always try to talk out our problems with him instead of holding a grudge. I wouldn’t let him get away with this so I opened his door anyway.  He was pacing back and forth with a scowl on his face. His hands were crossed behind his back and he was grumbling incomprehensible nothings under his breath.  Although I knew that he knew that I was there, he didn’t even stop to acknowledge my presence.  I walked up to him thinking that he would stop, instead he walked around me as if I were just an obstacle.

“Darnelle, you know this is just as hard for me as it is for you. I wish I could be in your arms forever. But these crazy people won’t have it. They’d die before seeing me happy,” I pleaded.

“Tsk…This isn’t about your parents right now,” he said. “This isn’t even about you moving away. It’s about the fact that you didn’t tell me that you love me back. I spill my guts to you and all you can think of is filling yours up with food!” he said finally looking at me. He glared at me with eyes of sadness and a hint of disdain. Maybe it was because he saw the fear in my eyes and how much my body shook, but his face relaxed back to normal. I may look like a tomboy, but I’m not as tough as I pretend to be.

Why does he want me to say it? Don’t I show it? Shouldn’t that be enough?

“No it’s not enough,” Darnelle said. did I say that out loud?! I covered my mouth surprised that I even allowed it to slip out of my mouth. “Look… I know you have issues with using that word. But, I thought that you would be able to tell me that you love me back.   We’ve been together for 2 years and not even once have you said it. Listen…” he sighed, “I’m not going to pressure you anymore about it. I don’t want us to fight. I don’t want our last days together to be filled with tears and fighting. I just want to hold you,” he said walking up to me.

He wrapped his arms around my little waist and put his head in between my neck and shoulder. We held each other for what seemed like hours and finally let go when I heard my stomach growl with frustration.

"How many times am I going to tell you I'm hungry?" I joked while caressing my stomach.
 

*Hey you guys! Thanks soo much for those of you who have subscribed and those of you who have checked out my story! I didn't think I would get any subscribers, but my heart really did warm up when I saw that you guys decided to check out my story. I really do appreciate any constructive thoughts so that I can improve my writing. So what do you guys think about this chapter?? Good? Not good? Let me know!!