This is the sad chapter.  Get your tissues ready.

Chapter 44: I'm Sorry

            “Beep, beep,” I slammed the power button on my alarm clock.  Today is the one-year anniversary of my meeting with CNBLUE.  It’s also my 20^th birthday and CNBLUE’s final concert.  I took a quick shower and dressed up in casual clothes.  I slid the walkie-talkie Minhyuk had given me into my belt loop and wore his necklace around my neck.  I wasn’t going with them to see Yonghwa off at the airport because Yonghwa refused every time I asked.  He said it would be too heartbreaking to see me right before he left, but I had a feeling he was just making up excuses.  I placed Jonghyun’s envelope in my bag and left to go to Minhyuk’s house before the concert.

            “Happy birthday!  Minhyuk’s getting ready,” his mom said as she opened the door for me.  I thanked her and waited for Minhyuk outside of his room.

            “Happy Birthday!” he said as he came out of his room.

            “Are you ready for what might be your last concert as CNBLUE?” I asked Minhyuk as he walked out of his room in plain clothes holding his drumsticks.

            “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Minhyuk said as he held my hand tightly in his.  He was nervous, so I squeezed his large hand.

            “It’ll be fine,” I whispered to him as we headed for the concert venue.

            I went into the CNBLUE dressing room with Minhyuk.  The others were already in their outfits and makeup.  Jungshin was changing because I didn’t see him in his outfit.  Minhyuk left to change into his outfit.  “Good luck, oppa.  Don’t hit anyone with a water bottle again,” I teased.  Jonghyun smiled at me and messed up my hair.

            “I’ve learned my lesson,” he said, “anyways, I don’t want to throw a water bottle at anyone except you.”  He chuckled and walked over to the mirror to fix his hair.  I walked up to Yonghwa.

            “In case I don’t get to see you after the concert… I’m going to miss you,” I said to Yonghwa as I hugged his waist loosely.

            “Yah, kiddo!  It’s not like I’m going to die.  We’ll see each other again,” he said as he patted the top of my head.

            “Well, I’m going to get kicked out of here soon, so I’ll see you guys later,” I said.  Although it was true, I just used that as an excuse to get out before I started to cry.

            “Oh yeah, happy birthday, missy,” Yonghwa said as I laid my hand on the handle of the door.

            “Thanks,” I said as I turned to smile weakly at him.  “Oppa?” I said as Jonghyun slowly walked towards me.

            “Can I- Can I have a hug?” Jonghyun asked shyly.  I glanced at him suspiciously, but agreed.

            “Are you that nervous?  Mmkay,” I said as I pulled Jonghyun to my chest.  “It’s okay oppa; I’ll cheer for you no matter what,” I whispered into his ear as I lightly rubbed his back.  Someone knocked on the door so we reluctantly parted.  That was my cue to leave.

            “Happy Birthday, Misun,” Jonghyun said as I left the dressing room.

            I quickly found my seat in the front row and sat down.  When people started to file into the auditorium, I pulled the radio off my belt and turned it on.  “Good luck, Minhyuk.  Tell oppa I said good luck too,” I whispered into the microphone of the radio.  The screen lit up and a video appeared.  Minhyuk’s face covered the entire screen, so I laughed a little.

            “See you later,” he said while winking.  The screen turned pitch black a few seconds later.  I put it back onto my belt and settled into my seat.

            Several moments later, the concert venue’s lights were shut off.  I could hear the band members shuffle onto the stage.  This felt vaguely familiar and I smiled to myself.  Yonghwa shouted as the lights flashed on and I heard several girls scream in response.  I chuckled softly.  This time was different.  I still felt like I was watching the concert as a fan, but I also felt I was watching as a friend.  The boys immediately started to play “Now or Never.”  They smiled brightly as they did their favorite thing in the world: make music.

            After singing several upbeat songs to get started, Yonghwa gulped down a bottle of water and grabbed the microphone to make his announcement.  “Hello everyone!  We’re CNBLUE,” he said as the band except Minhyuk bowed.  “I have something important to tell all of our dedicated fans,” Yonghwa said.  Several people gasped and looked at Yonghwa with anticipation.  “We received an offer from a company in America, but not all members received the offer,” I looked up at him in surprise.  So another CNBLUE member received the offer too?  I don’t think they accepted, because Yonghwa would have told me.  “So this will be our last concert for a while,” Yonghwa said sadly.  Several people in the audience booed.

            “Does that mean CNBLUE is breaking up?” a girl shouted from the crowd.

            “Temporarily, yes.  But we will always be members of CNBLUE, no matter what happens.  I hope you can continue being our fans,” Yonghwa said.  The other members were standing awkwardly while fiddling with their instruments.  Several fans in the audience were crying.  “Since this might be our last concert as CNBLUE, we should have fun, not cry!” Yonghwa exclaimed to the audience.  “One of our best friends’ birthdays is today, so happy birthday kiddo!” he said while winking at me.  I knew he was trying to lighten the mood and greet me happy birthday at the same time.  He nodded to the rest of the band to signal that they would be playing a song soon.  “Okay, Jonghyun-ah has decided to sing “My Love” for us, please enjoy,” Yonghwa said as the lights turned off and a spotlight shone on Jonghyun.  He was sitting on a stool with a different guitar than he normally used because I had his “baby.”  I smiled weakly at him as he began to strum the guitar.

My Love by Lee Jonghyun

“When the rain falls out the window,

the hidden memories drench my heart

The person I thought I forgot

rather floats up clearer in my head

My love, my love, my love that I long for

My love, who I call out as loud as
I can but can’t hear me

My love, my love, my love that I miss

Just your name alone cuts me,
my painful love, my love

When the darkness comes out the window

The hidden memories light up my heart

My love, my love, my love that I long for

My love, who I call out as loud as
I can but can’t hear me

My love, my love, my love that I miss

Just your name alone cuts me,
my painful love, my love

The moments we laughed together

The moments we shed tears together

Now I let it go but-

My love, my love, my grateful love

My love, who will remain
even if I erase my everything

My love, my love, my precious love

I will cherish you until my breath runs out,
my love, my love”

            Jonghyun sang passionately.  I saw a single tear escape his eyes.  He sang with his eyes closed, but his heart wide open.  I felt so moved by his performance; I almost cried with him.  When he finished singing, he opened his eyes and sent a small wave my way.  I smiled back at him as they began to play a different song.

            The time flew by.  Before I knew it, the four guys were bowing on the stage saying goodbye.  Jonghyun kept his word and didn’t throw a water bottle, but he looked extremely troubled.  All the fans watched CNBLUE get into the van so they could see Yonghwa off at the airport.

            As soon as I could leave the concert venue, I got into a taxi.  I received a text from Jonghyun’s phone number that said I could open the envelope.  I did as was told and carefully opened the envelope.

Dear Lee Misun,

            I’ve been hiding something from you; I’m sorry.  While we were at Jeju Island so long ago, Yonghwa and I got an offer to play guitar in America with several famous American rock stars.  At first, I wasn’t going to accept.  I have too much that I love here in Korea: my family, my home, CNBLUE, and you.  However, I decided that your life would be much simpler without me in the equation.  I hope that you understand and do not go running after me in America.  I will always love you; never forget that.  You’ll always be number one in my heart and my inspiration.

With all my love,

Lee Jonghyun

            I couldn’t take it.  I choked on the air that I was breathing.  I screamed at the taxi driver to stop the car.  I threw some money at him and ran out of the car.  I pulled my phone out as I called Minhyuk.  “What airport are you guys at?” I yelled into the phone while running as fast as I could.  The wind whipped at my hair, but I continued to run.

            “Calm down.  I’ll text you the address.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you; Jonghyun would have killed me,” Minhyuk said hastily then hung up the phone.  As soon as I received the address, I continued to run to the airport.  I glanced at my wristwatch.  There were only 45 minutes until departure.  Tears streamed down my face as I ran while panting heavily.  Lee Jonghyun…  I hate you and love you at the same time.

            I burst through the doors of the airport and searched for Jonghyun.  I spotted Yonghwa and Jonghyun about to enter the airport terminal.  “YAH!  YOU IDIOT!” I screamed as I ran towards Jonghyun.  I slapped him as hard as I could.  Tears were pouring down my face every second.  He looked stunned as I sobbed.  I grasped his shirt in my hands.  “Why didn’t you tell me?  I love you, oppa!  I really do!” I yelled as I choked on my sobs.

            Jonghyun wrapped his arms around me but stayed silent for a few moments.  “I’m not the one for you, Misun-ah.  We aren’t meant to be together; I just want you to be happy,” he whispered as his eyes began to water.  I hit his arm hard repeatedly.  I wanted to give him bruises.  If that’s what it will take for him to stay, I would do it.  I would break his leg if I had to.  He held my arms firmly.  I sobbed into his chest as I let my arms become limp.  I didn’t care if I caused a scene.  “Misun-ah, if I could change my mind I would, but it’s too late now.  The arrangements are already made,” he said.  I bit my lip, and stayed silent.

            “We have to board soon,” Yonghwa said softly as he walked up to the two of us.  I glared at him and he shrunk back.

            “I love you, Lee Jonghyun!  Don’t leave me!” I said to Jonghyun I pulled away from his hug.  He looked troubled as if he couldn’t make up his mind.  He cupped my chin in his hands and stared into my eyes.

            “I’m sorry,” he whispered then kissed me roughly on the lips.  Once he pulled away, my hand flew up to my lips.  He turned to leave, but I caught his wrist with my other hand.

            “I love you oppa!  Don’t do this to me,” I said while tugging on his arm.  He shook my hand off.

            “I love you too,” Jonghyun whispered as he walked into the airport terminal.

I cried T_T poor Jonghyunnie3 poor Misun.  It's all because of bad timing...  Well, at least you get to witness Jonghyun and Misun's first "real" kiss.  Please comment~