Chapter 5: (Revelations.)

As SHINee prepared to leave Key told everyone to seat on the sofas that were there. Claiming to have something important to say and everyone obeyed. Onew was curious but at the same time hoped that this would finish fast before he had forgotten what had happened. Onew also wanted to sleep well that night, he felt good enough to do so without sulking over her.

“As you all know, recently Hyung has been in dating scandals.” Everyone nodded at Key’s statement and Onew was getting nervous at what he thought was going to happen next. “Hyung, are you dating now?” All heads turned to Onew, waiting for an answer.

Onew’s eyes widened and he shook his head from side to side and raised his hands in the air as if he was surrendering himself to the police. “I’m not dating JungAh, you guys know I haven’t been exactly the same since…” Onew stopped in the middle of his sentence not being able to say what happened, even though it had been months the feelings were still there. After all he had been crying earlier, didn’t the rest of SHINee see that?

The entirety of SHINee looked at Onew, faces showing pity to their leader. Jonghyun spoke up first; he held Onew’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Hyung, we know. We live with you don’t we? It’s impossible not to notice; but Hyung you’re really turning into a zombie. I don’t think she would approve of this.” Jonghyun’s voice was resilient but caring, it made Onew feel the extent of worry the members held for him and it dismayed him to know that he was the cause of all this.

“She wouldn’t approve of it, would she?” A lifeless chuckle escaped Onew’s lips. “If she was here right now she would force feed me. Tell me that I’m wrong and that turning into a zombie won’t help me. She’d tell me to be strong and be the same warm person I usually am because being positive helps you feel positive, but the thing is she’s not here.” A dejected smile resided on his lips; he was trembling. He knew he hurt s with his attitude so they deserve at least some explanation to his behavior directly from him, even though they knew why. “She’s out there believing that I hate her and that I’m dating a person that everyone thought I was dating before, when I was still dating her. She must think I’m such a leech. Moving from her to another woman that I was thought to be dating with, when I was dating someone else, her. I’m a person who cheated on her with his feelings.”

“Hyung.” Taemin had cut him off, not liking where Onew seemed to be going. Were these his inner thoughts? Was this his confession to them? If that was the case then it was daunting. He had never seen his Hyung act like this, the way he talked seemed so out of reach, like they couldn’t touch him. Then again this whole time he had been detached, just how much did Onew love her?

“Taemin-ah, I need to finish this. I fee like you deserve some explanation to my actions.” Onew had chosen to continue instead of feeling discouraged to talk. “As a Hyung to all of you, I feel like I haven’t been doing my best because of what has happened and I'm really sorry for it. I’m sorry for my actions but I still feel like I won’t be able to work to my best ability.” All eyes were on Onew and no one dared to move, waiting for their leader to say something else to them. They didn’t expect him to be this open to them, but they didn’t want an apology from his lips either. Even though it was nice, they knew that Onew gave 100% of what happiness he felt to lead them, that was more than enough for them.

“I saw her at our concert today.” Everyone wanted to ask him how he saw her; everyone had his own doubts. Subsequently Onew had been off the scale the past few months. “I wasn’t imagining, I knew it was her. From the people on the floor she was there always fourth and fifth from the very front. So it was easy to spot her, the funny thing is, when I saw her all these odd feelings came rushing to me all at once. When that certain song came on,” all of SHINee knew what Onew was referring to. “It seemed as if the world was pressing on me. I couldn’t breathe and all I could do was sob. I had realized that the lyrics of the song matched what I had felt perfectly and for the rest of the concert it wasn’t the same for me. I had kept looking at her, every now and than. I was happy that she was happy and returning to her life, but it made me think of turning back time.”

Onew looked absent, his eyes weren’t with them anymore. “It made me become selfish, wanting her back even though it meant pain to all of you. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry that I disappointed you all, but who would have thought that I would change because of a girl.” Onew snickered lifelessly after his ramblings.

Minho was the first to react to the story, and immediately went to touch the leaders hand by going over Taemin’s shoulder. “Hyung, don’t be like this. You don’t have to say sorry to us, we know that you feel lost. Hyung you aren’t useless and I’m sure she is in shambles as much as you are. Let’s go home and you can rest okay? How about you don’t go to work for the next two days, I want you to rest.” Onew thanks Minho but kindly rejected the offer of not working. What was Onew to do then? At Onew’s rejection all of the other member’s sighed, they knew asking him was in vain but they would still try. “Hyung remember we’re right here okay. We aren’t moving.”

All of SHINee stood up and left for the car right after, not wanting to stay in the room for longer, the atmosphere choking them. Their managers wondered why they came out a bit late, but they just made up the excuse of being more tired than usual. All of SHINee watched their Hyung closely, until they came to their dorm. Wanting to be able to read some of the emotions he had just expressed. It seemed like it would take a long time before they figured out his expressions. At the same time the four other members of SHINee were content with the progress they made today, it seemed like Onew got rid of some baggage.

But in the end though what were they going to do about their broken Hyung?