Chapter 10: (Isolated.)

“So, how was the date so far?” Key had asked with a curious look as well as a motherly tone. Taemin and Minho were also staring at her curiously.

She just smiled at them and looked directly at Key ready to answer, they were after all close, and even more than she and Onew in terms of friendship. She usually took a year or so to feel like she knew the person and that’s only if they talked regularly and Key was one of those friends, that good friendship that was built up was now gone. Would he even talk to her now and how much would it take to become how they were before? But once something was broken can you fix it right so that everything was exactly the same? 

She didn’t think it was possible, there would still be evidence of the cracks and as much as one tries o trust the other there would always be doubts from before. From learned experiences, this wasn't just some less than a week friendship fights. It was almost 6 or so months, they might as well be strangers. They were and she would have to start a new with both Key and everyone else if in the end she still wanted to be there.

She always had that small piece of hope, because she couldn’t deny that she still loved all of them. She didn’t want it to the end the way it did, but it did. It was partly her fault because she let it come to shambles. She was tossing and turning in bed now. Why did everything have to be so complicated, when things are interwoven into one another? Strings that evidently pull one another, fighting for balance, never one that didn’t entangle itself with anyone else’s. This was supposed to be a good dream, but nights are when you dwell, when you have no sunlight and only darkness, the time when almost everyone is at home contemplating their days.

Even if they were not the thoughts of what had happened that day would roam their heads, like a bee in a flower garden. Bee’s roam to make a garden grow, but at the same time keeps the flowers you already have stop growing. Too busy trying to enrapture the bee to, making the bee wonder around looking for the best flower. Always going it’s actions seriously but at the same time not caring whether or not they bothered others. Her closed eyes tightened, she didn’t want to think about any of these instances when she was having a good dream. She didn’t wish for anything but happiness. Her heart couldn’t hold anymore of these emotions without imploding.

He closed his eyes, he needed to stop, anymore of this would cause him more heartache. Onew just put the picture back into the box and tucked it away. He needed to get some sleep thinking things over like this won’t bring her back. He didn’t want her back to this would but he did want her back to his side. As selfish as it sounded he wanted her there with him, just smiling her usual smile and his hand around her waist. Sitting in the silence that enveloped him. It was comforting, just being in her presence was and he appreciated her more that way.

He made his way to his room after changing into his pajamas. He landed on his bed with a thud, he took his blanket and draped it over his whole body and rocked himself to sleep. Repeating a mantra that everything would eventually heal in time. That it’s all going to go away, it will, it has too. He wanted to make sure the world disappeared when he slept. It seemed like it would as he got tired quickly and fell asleep, a tear running down his cheek.

As she woke, she got ready for work. She took a shower and changed into a plain blue blouse and waist pants. She tucked in her shirt and put a nice red belt on her pants, took her bag that had all of her essentials and left her apartment. She walked towards her assigned parking and drove to her work place. Ready to start another day at work.

She would rebuild herself. This was a perfect time to reassess and think for herself, what he plans was and how she was going to carry out her life. Yesterday evening she came to an important realization (one which took all her energy), she was going to move forward head on. No matter what, she needed to get answers for closure.

How long was the tightness in her chest was going to last for? She wanted it to deteriorate and return back to how it used to be.  She couldn't breathe this way; she was a walking zombie.

All of her office mates seemed to notice that the smile on her face had long disappeared to replace a sad expression. Hey eyes seemed to droop and her smile always had an underlying darkness to it. Not evil, just pure grief, she had lost someone. Someone important, everyone had at least figured that much. It was still disheartening though, to see the girl that they once knew what just a shell of herself. There was no should, she just seemed to be aimlessly wondering. Like she was waiting for a miracle to happen, waiting for a light.

One won the other hand had mastered fake smiling without anyone but s knowing. To everyone else it looked like his smile reached his eyes and sparkled, like it did when he was with her. He had figured out though that he had lost that glow he was when he was with her. It seemed as if her had gotten so accustomed to smiling that way that he didn’t notice. Though t night when he compared a picture of now to then Onew could see the difference. His smile was slightly wider, his eyes more curved and his whole body seemed to be jumpy. In ever picture with her it seemed like he was ready to jump out and hug her from sheer happiness.

He knew that he couldn’t express that kind of happiness anymore, so in his spare time he had honed his acting skill. Made it near to perfect, made his emotions come out superficially. He mastered different expressions and polished the ones that he did know. He knew the difference it would make, because not matter what he was still a singer. He attended shows and he had to grab people’s attention. He had more than just one thousand people watching him he had millions. He had to make sure that everyone of them would believe that nothing was wrong with him, that everything was as fine as it was before. He had to pretend that nothing had happened, because to them nothing did.