“There is nothing wrong with you.”  Daesung cupped Seunghyun’s face in both hands as he said this, trying to be as reassuring as possible despite how upset Seunghyun appeared.  He looked as if his fight or flight reaction was definitely leaning towards flight, eyes wide and panicked, his breathing gone short and labored.  Daesung would have laughed at the face he was making if he didn’t know that he was absolutely terrified.

“How do you know?” he whispered back and grabbed Daesung’s arms so tight that it hurt.  Such strength that Daesung was sure that he could pick him up and throw him across the room if he wanted to.  “How do you know I’m not like…”

“Like what?  Hyung, you’re hurting me-”

“Like them.  How do you know I’m not one of them?”

Daesung blinked at him a few times.  “What are you talking about?  Hyung, if you were sick, if you were a monster like one of those things outside, don’t you think we would know?  You’re fine, you’re safe, everything is okay, you just have to listen to me.” He slowly pried Seunghyun’s death grip from his arms.  “You believe me, don’t you?”

Seunghyun wasn’t so sure about what Daesung was saying, but he nodded and started to calm down a little.  Of course Daesung was right, he tried to reassure himself.  How would he have gotten infected?  There was no way.  It was all in his head.

But then there was that woman and he couldn’t explain why he kept seeing her at every turn.  Nerves, maybe?  Some kind of manifestation of his fears?  Maybe.  But then why did he think all those monsters pushing at the doors now wanted him so badly.  Coincidence?  He guessed that had to be it.  But how was he supposed to explain away the sense of kinship he felt with those things, like…like he was one of them, too?

“We’re leaving.  We no longer have a choice.”

“I think we’re being too hasty,” Kai argued, watching as Aoi started to organize their efforts to flee.  Reita was helping him, as was Seungri and a still slyly-smiling Jiyong, though it went unnoticed by anyone except Seunghyun.  Uruha stood by, looking unsure as to whether he should help or not. 

Kai was attempting to being calm and sensible, trying not to let panic and fear overtake him, and next to him Ruki and Youngbae were trying to do the same. 

Daesung wasn’t even sure what his opinion on the matter was at that point.  He just stood there, watching as some of them frantically packed, while others stood by helplessly.  Behind him, Seunghyun had retreated into the corner, still arguing with himself in his head about what was wrong with him.

“We’re sitting ducks if we stay here,” Aoi retorted.

“Maybe you’re right,” Kai tried to reason, “but we should all take a moment to just calm down.”

“Okay, and while we’re here chilling and calming down, those things will break through the doors and kill us.  Let’s get out of here while they’re all focused on one spot.”  He stopped what he was doing and looked around at everyone.  “Doesn’t anyone agree with me?”

“I do,” Seunghyun spoke up from the corner and everyone turned to stare at him.  “I think we should go.”

Daesung stared at him with worry written all over his face.  “Hyung-”

“Are you strong enough?” Aoi cut him off.

“I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.”  He looked directly at Aoi, unable to bear the glare that Daesung was giving him that said I know you’re not fine.

“Then let’s get out of here.  Let’s get the out of Tokyo.”

“You’re sure about this?” Uruha asked quietly.  “You really think this is a good idea…?”

“Not unless you have a better one.”  He shook his head.  He didn’t.  “Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

They left the hospital through a door in the back, slipping out in small groups of two or three under the cover of dusk.  The monsters were still pounding on the front doors, they could still hear them as they escaped and moved into the street beyond. 

Seunghyun couldn’t help but think that they would follow him, that at any moment they would come storming down the street, this pack of ravenous monsters intent on finding him.  But they didn’t, the city eventually grew quiet, the sounds of monsters growling and pounding on glass fading into the darkness.  They walked into the night, only faint moonlight and one lone flashlight that was about to die guiding them.

Seunghyun kept looking over his shoulder, trying to peer into the blackness behind them.  He told himself he was just trying to be careful, but he knew deep down he was making sure they weren’t following him, that she wasn’t behind him. 

Once, he turned back and found Jiyong walking behind him.  He wasn’t sure when he had moved behind them because he was sure a moment ago he had been walking ahead of them with Seungri and Youngbae.  Jiyong smiled and Seunghyun wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be menacing or if it was just the darkness and shadows and faint moonlight playing tricks on his eyes, but that’s what it looked like.  Menacing.  Though he looked completely normal walking along with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, Seunghyun could have sworn he looked half-insane.  It was in his eyes if nothing else.  He had gone mad.

And then Seunghyun blinked and Jiyong looked completely normal.  Not crazy, no menacing smirk.  Now he looked concerned, staring back at Seunghyun with such worry in his eyes that Seunghyun had to look away.

Maybe it wasn’t Jiyong.  Maybe it was him.

Dear god, what if he was the mad one?

“Hyung, it’s okay.”  Daesung wrapped his hand tightly around Seunghyun’s.  Even in the silent darkness, he was still able to tell that something was wrong and he did his best to be comforting.  “Everything will be okay,” he whispered.

Seunghyun only nodded, his usual response to everything that was going on now, but he knew deep down it was a lie.  Everyone was lying.  Daesung knew nothing would be okay, Aoi knew there was no safe place for them to go, and Seunghyun knew there was something deeply wrong with him. 

No, nothing was okay.

They ended up walking along one of the railway tracks and after what felt like hours upon hours of walking, it finally looked like they were leaving the city.  Buildings were giving way to more and more wilderness, fields were becoming more prominent while civilization laid behind them.  The world was becoming more open, and no one was quite sure if this was a good place to be or not.

They stopped a few times to rest, Seunghyun falling asleep against Daesung’s shoulder and when he woke up he found them moving again while Daesung carried him on his back.  He told him to put him down, that he could walk on his own but Daesung refused.

“Maybe you can lie to everyone else, but there’s no fooling me.  I know you’re not well enough to be exerting yourself this much.”

“And what about you?” Seunghyun had retorted.  “How far do you think you can carry me?”

“I may look like crap, but I have more strength than you.  Don’t worry about me.”

And though Seunghyun felt bad about it, he clung to Daesung’s back like a child.  At least he felt comforted there, like he wasn’t going crazy, that maybe things would be okay after all. 

They walked and they walked and then they walked a little more until finally Aoi stopped and collapsed on the ground, refusing to move another inch. 

“I was going to keep going until the sun came up, but…I don’t think that’s going to happen…let’s stay here.”

They were in a quiet suburb, not quite a city, but not quite a country town either.  In the distance they could see fields and trees.  The countryside was just in reach.  The sun was just barely starting to rise, a tinge of pink and orange cutting through the darkness between the trees and houses.

“It’s almost nine,” Daesung whispered so only Seunghyun could hear.  “Do you believe me now?”

He could only nod.  It was too much to deal with so many problems at one time and whatever was happening to the world he decided could wait until he figured out what was wrong with himself. 

They ate in silence, munching on pre-packaged food that was long past its expiration date.  

“It’s too quiet here,” Uruha suddenly said and his voice sounded so odd and alien in the silence that for a moment everyone just stared at him. 

“Yeah…it’s strange,” Ruki finally agreed.  “It doesn’t feel right.”

“Do you want to keep moving?” Aoi asked.  “We’ve walked all night…”

“That’s the thing,” Uruha replied.  “I don’t want to move, but at the same time I don’t want to stay here.  I feel…exposed.  Like we’re being watched.”

It’s her, was the first thought that came to Seunghyun’s mind.  But instead he said, “I’m thirsty.  Water.”

“We’re out,” Aoi frowned.  “So first things first.  Before we move on, let’s find more supplies.  I…I don’t really want to linger here too long, either.  Let’s split up, find some water and move on.  We’ll check out the nearest houses and meet back here in fifteen minutes, agreed?”

They nodded, agreeing silently as they rose and spread out. 

Seunghyun moved on autopilot, not even bothering to make sure if anyone was following him as he headed for one of the houses.  The only thought on his mind at that point was that he was thirsty and his only priority was finding something to quench that thirst.

He made his way to the first house, opening the unlocked door and going inside the still neatly organized little house.  He moved through the entry, moving past the living room with only a passing glance, and headed into the kitchen. 

The faucet didn’t work and when he opened the fridge, the smell of rotten food caused him to quickly shut it again.  He had a glimmer of hope that maybe the freezer compartment had some melted ice cube trays but all he found was a few rotten packages of old meat instead.

Angry, he moved to the patio that opened up into a small yard with a tiny garden in the corner.  It was all overgrown now, filled up with weeds.  And for some reason that he couldn’t explain, it only made him angrier seeing that garden overtaken.

He leaned against the patio doors, pressing his forehead against the cool glass as he stared at the garden.  He had no idea what was going on with himself, but he felt like ripping something apart.  He felt a sudden murderous desire, to hurt someone or something and try as he might to suppress it, it only made the feeling worse.

“Hyung!  What are you doing?  I found water, here.”

Seunghyun looked over his shoulder at Daesung, saw the bottle of water in his hand and the concerned look on his face before his eyes fixated on the flesh of Daesung’s neck.  That column of flesh looked so tempting in a way that was completely different from anything he had felt before when staring at Daesung. 

It wasn’t love or passion, he knew, unaware that he was moving towards Daesung until he was only a couple inches from him and his fingers were grazing along his neck.  No this was a desire to break and destroy. 

Seunghyun wanted so much to rip him apart.

Instead, he took the bottle from Daesung’s hand, slowly opened the bottle and took a long drink.  Daesung watched him, eyeing him carefully until his eyes fell upon something more distressing.

“Hyung!  What did you do to yourself?”

Seunghyun had no idea what he was talking about until he looked down and saw the blood oozing down his shoulder.  And then Daesung was grabbing his hand, and his voice was tinged with worry and concern and even anger when he spoke, “What did you do?  You hurt yourself?  Why?  Answer me!”

Seunghyun looked down at his own hand, still dazed when he saw his fingers coated in blood.  And then his whole body started to shake.  He couldn’t remember doing it, but he knew he had, knew he had ripped into his own wound.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Daesung tried to calm him down by gripping his shoulders but it did little good.

The bottle slipped from Seunghyun’s hand and he could only stare as his blood dripped into the pool of water at his feet. 

He knew what happened.  He couldn’t remember doing it, but he knew what happened.

Instead of hurting Daesung, he had decided to hurt himself instead. 

Seunghyun was now shaking so hard, that he dropped to the floor.  Daesung was sure he was having a convulsion of some kind and started to look around in panic.  He wasn’t sure if he should stay with him or go get help, but in the end he chose to stay and wrap him tightly in his arms as if that would stop his shaking.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he kept whispering.  It was becoming his mantra and Seunghyun knew it was nothing but a lie.

Seunghyun could feel his humanity slipping away.  He had controlled it this time, somehow deep in his mind he had stopped himself, but what if the feeling came back?  What if next time he really did hurt Daesung?  His mind was full of horrible images, of murder and pain that he wanted to inflict on others and that’s why he couldn’t stop shaking and that’s why the tears came hard and heavy.

“Hyung-”

“Promise me, Daesung.  Promise me that you won’t let me become a monster.”

He could feel Daesung tense as he spoke, knew that he was going to deny what he was saying even before he spoke.  “I’ve already told you, you’re not-”

“Just promise me,” he whispered, crushing Daesung against him.  “If I become a monster...please, Daesung, please...I want you to kill me."

_____________________________

Long time no see!

I haven't had time to write because of my new job and um...going to concerts >_> I saw Bigbang at the Seibu Dome Sunday night! I was to the EXTREME left of the stage, so if they were on stage, I couldn't see them at all...but when they rode around in the buses for Sunset Glow, I was like 10 feet away, so I can die happy now!  I posted some pics of the tour goods and way too many status updates about the concert on my FB if anyone wants to see (you all probably know what the tour goods look like by now, though :P)

Also, saw GazettE the weekend before.  I was super close.  I touched Uruha.  I touched his leg.  I am that crazy fangirl that touches idols now.

Anyways, sorry I've been gone and haven't updated for so long.  Just seriously haven't had the time.  I'm at work for 9 hours, my head teacher hates me, I get home at 10pm and I crash.  Life .  Hopefully I have more time in the future.  

This chapter is shorter than usual, hope it's still enjoyable, though.  It's getting depressing, though, isn't it? D:  

Anyways, thanks for reading!  Remember, comments are <3!!  Writing is one of the few things that makes me happy, so getting feedback always makes my day brighter! ^______^