May 8, 2010

Dear Friend,

It’s been a week I didn’t talk to you right? My life getting more and more bored I guess. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do. But over a week all the things I do just some ordinary things. The same routines keep on repeating itself. During the day I kept myself busy with work. Currently still busy recording for my new album. If I felt like my head going to explode for overload with work stuffs I will go to the gym. Only on that place I can keep myself from the outside world. I can really distract my mind if I do some extra workout at the gym. If I ever feel so alone I just hang out a bit to find some laughter. In life we really need to balance all the emotions that we have. We can’t be happy all the time. We can’t be sad all the time. Or we can’t be all stress out all the time. Felt all the kind or emotions can make me grow stronger to facing whatever may come on my way. Even tired with works, I feel relieve because only when I work extra hard I can separate the relationship-kind-of-thought.

The only time I think about my relationship things when I talk to you. No no, don’t have to blame yourself friend. You’re not the reason for my relationship-thing-misery. I do glad that I have you to talk about what’s inside my heart. Those things that I can’t even talks to other people. I like people to see me as a strong man, the one who can really face anything without been knock down. Even if someone can knock me down, I like others to see me as the one who can easily stand on my own feet back without much hustle. I know I’m that kind of egoist when come to think about others judgmental. No need to blame anyone because that’s the kind of guy I am. I am that egoist and positive-thinker and sometimes I feel like I’m hard to handle. And maybe that’s the main reason why girl can’t stand me. All hard-headed, always talk about pro and cons, don’t easily tolerate with nonsense or some clumsy and so straight-forward act. Come to think about the nature in me I felt a bit like my appa. My appa really that type of person. So strict since I was a kid. I really am thankful to him because of the way he raised me makes me who I am today. And my omma, she’s so loving. So different with my appa and only her can control my appa. I really love both of them. Without them I’m just nothing. I’m so much like my appa, I wonder if there’s a girl who can control me like my omma did to my appa. The one who’s so loving and patience enough to deal with my self-centre type. Is there really someone out there who can really deal with me? Even my ex can’t stand me. 7 years knew each other and 4 years in serious relationship and at the end she’s just gave up. I can’t really blame her, it’s I to blame. I took her effort for granted. Up to now I do really can related why she left me and choose another man. It was me who so lay back and trust that she’ll wait for me no matter what. Now I know that the one who wait can’t wait forever. I did realize that we did grow apart, it’s just I’m too dumb to act quickly and safe the relationship. It’s hurt me more when I realize that I’m the one who hurt my own self because of my stupidity. But it’s too late now. She’s happy now and I really wish that she’ll be happy for the rest of her life, happy with her choice and I really do want her to be happy. The one that once I love with all my heart. Yes she’s definitely the one that really captured my heart. But that was in the past. It’s already been a year though. I still love her, and will always love her. But I know now that I just love her, not in love with her anymore. I am glad that because now I really learn to let go of the past. In order for me to start a new chapter, I really need to let go. And I am right now. As for tonight I officially close the door behind and going to open another door and sees what it may come. I hope that everything will be fine and in control. Kim Jong Kook fighting! ~ ^^

This gonna be my second message to my future, ‘Hey love, the top of my wish towards you is I hope you can deal with me well. Please don’t easily give up on me because I know I will never give up on you no matter what. I just want to let you know that, I will love you more and more day by day and will never fall out of love with you. When the times come, when the time I say those three words to you, please feel me with your heart then you’ll know it’s not just words, it’s my feeling I grow for you.’ Ohh~ Why my heart seems racing so fast so sudden? Did I have a mini heart attack? I hope I’m not having any possible symptoms to have heart attack. Not at this kind of age. I am not, right friend? Yeah probably not.

I’m done for tonight. I’m better hit the sack now. So, talk to you later friend. And thanks for being such a great listener. Saranghaeyo chinguya <3

Till then, annyeong ^^~

Your future man,

Kim Jong Kook

*******

May 8, 2010

Dear Diary,

Did you miss me? I hope you missed me because I missed you so much my little diary. I know this is too dramatic but I really do miss you. I did took a week off from work because the new filming will start on middle of this month and I really don’t have any job before the new filming start and I took this chance to pampered myself. A week out from this city and enjoy the peaceful environment at my hometown. I do really feel so alive. It’s because I miss my family so much. And I did spent time with them. This one week off from work really worth it. Be with my family and spent the time with my omma and enjoy every moment with them really make me miss this simple life. Simple, yet so full of happiness. Not much of stress out, not much of worrying about to get more offers to the job and even not much of being exhausted thinking about how to impress people. Yes I do miss this simple life so much but I’m not regretting the way I live now. Not even a bit. I’m the one who choose this way of life, even I stress a lot, even at time I’m worried too much it’s all blend so well with me now because I know how capable I am to handle this kind of ‘worms’ in life. From time to time facing this ‘worms’ makes me grow stronger. I’m no longer that type who clings to my appa and omma as I’m not their little girl anymore. I really am grown up now even for them I’m still their little girl. I am so bless to have my appa and omma. They raised me so well and so full of love. I do really hope that I can be so loving as my parents to my own kids someday. Thinking about this really can make me smile. How will my family would be? How handsome my husband is? How many kids my husband will ask for? Two kids or four? Or will he ask more than that? Aihh. Not gonna be more than two I guess. I’m not a baby machine by the way. If he asks more I will ask him to pregnant by himself. Haha. I know that insane. How can he get pregnant by himself right? But must be cute to see his face if I say to get himself pregnant ^^

Ohh. My heart feels so warm and cozy when I think about family of my dream. You want to know a little secret diary? You want to know who exactly my dream husband is? Guess guess ^^ you don’t have any idea? I give a little clue okay. He’s on my mind right now. I can only think about him and picture him as my future husband. Did you get it now? I know you’re that clever right diary? Yeah. It’s him :) I don’t know why I can’t think about other guy and I don’t know why I’m so into him. By the way this is only a dream of mine. Who knows about their future by the way? But it’s still not possible that someday I will live my dream right? Whoever my future husband is, I hope he will be good to me and never fall out of love with me. When I know he’s the one I will hold on to him no matter what. I will never give up on him no matter how hard our life can be. That the things I promise to myself and future-him.  Wait…..my heart…. Why my heart feels so warm? It’s happening again. Remember I’ve told you last week about this kind of feeling? Oh my…is it really normal? Is this feeling really normal? Or I’m just too delusional and take it too serious? I know I’m not, it’s really happening again. Who’s talking to me actually? Who is it actually? It still feels warm; feel like my heart been wrapped so tenderly. Whoever it could be; thanks for giving me this kind of feeling. Is it sound stupid if I say thanks even I don’t know this kind of feeling really normal? Screw with that, who cares about being stupid or not. It’s just me and you my little diary. I can act whatever I want right diary? :P You know what, if someone read what I wrote to you they may think I’m crazy. Haha. So I’m gonna keep you safe for myself because I don’t want anyone to read this. But I made some exemption for him. If it’s really him that I will share my whole life with then I will let him read this. As I want him to know whole part of me so he understands how crazy I am towards him. Just as if he is the one and I’m 90% sure he is not *sigh*.

I need to stop before I gone crazier about him. I’ll write to you again soon ya diary? You better be good okay? :P Beside I’m so sleepy right now. Annyeong diary :)

P/S: My Jong Kook oppa, will you be in my dream tonight?

Your little love,

Song Ji Hyo

Hello readers ^^ It's been awhile I didn't update. I know my story not that good and I really feel demoralized because other fanfic that I read much way better. Sobs sobs :’( But then I just can’t help to share what’s on my delusional mind about this lovey Spartace. Deeply apologies because been such a lame. My English are not good and I really am thankful if any of you can right what is wrong with my English because I’m open to learn more ^^ Whoever still read my fanfic thank you so much *bow*.