∞ Her Memories || Ch. One ∞
Longing For an Unreachable Star
I remember the day we first met. It was the first day of our junior year, and you were the new student. You had asked me for directions to your class, and, coincidentally, it was the same class I had, so I told you to follow me. Who knew we'd be best friends in the end?
I remember the day when our first summer vacation had arrived. You were so excited about the plans we had, and I would laugh along and nod as you continued to blabber on and on about it. I smiled at you, glad that we had built such a strong friendship to the point where it was like we were siblings. Who knew I'd end up falling for you?
I remember the day you told me that you had a crush on one of our classmates. I felt upset, I felt disheartened, but I didn't show it; instead, I encouraged you to go after her; I wanted you to be happy. Your happiness would be my happiness, right? Who knew that your happiness led to my hidden despair?
I remember the day you told me you were going to become an idol. I looked so happy for you, right? I was happy, but that was before I realized that we would have less time to see each other. Who knew that I was so determined for your own happiness that I put yours in front of mines?
I remember the day you told me you broke it off with your girlfriend. I remembered your tears as you spoke, saying that you didn't want to, but had to due to your training schedule; you said that it was the only solution. I comforted you that night while you cried. I remember your sobs, your whimpers of despair and anguish. Who knew that I felt so guilty because I was happy that you broke it off with her, whereas you were heartbroken?
I remember the day you told me you were going to debut soon. I had met your group members that night for the celebratory dinner, and they were all very handsome and charismatic, but I found out that they were also very adorable and dorky just like you. You told me you admired them because they had so much more talent than you; I frowned, telling you that you were perfect just the way you were. Your members teased us at the small affectionate moment, causing you to turn embarrassed. You explained to them that you did not feel that way about me, that you only saw me as a younger sister. They had caught my fallen expression and shot me looks of pity, whereas I only smiled weakly at them, too weak to be assuring that I was fine. Who knew that I would be feeling my second heartbreak in only a span of six months that night?
I remember the day we started to drift apart. I was busy with my schoolwork, and you rarely showed up at school as you were busy with your schedules and activities. I would catch myself glancing at your seat a couple times before assuring myself that you would come back before graduation. Who knew that due to my stubbornness that I would refuse to believe that you and I were now two worlds apart?
I remember that one spring day, the day of our graduation. You had shown up that day, and I wanted to talk to you; however, your fans had ceased me from doing so. As we accepted our diplomas, I had rushed to talk to you, at least give you a congratulatory hug. Instead, the first time, you thought I was a fan; the second, you still didn't recognize me, and you were afraid of scandals happening. My expression had dropped, so I only congratulated you with a bow and a word of congrats before walking off campus with wet eyes and a broken heart for the third time. Who knew that people can change in so little time?
I remember the day your group had disbanded due to company issues, so the first place you went to was my house, which wasn't too far away from yours. You had shed so many tears that day, and you told me you felt as though your hard work and years of training had just gone down the drain in into the garbage. I grew furious at you, yelling at you for giving up so soon and becoming so weak. You yelled back, saying you spoke nothing but the truth. We had shouted at each other for the first time in our friendship. After spitting hateful words at each other, you stormed out of my house, red-faced with anger, as I collapsed onto the couch, tired and upset. It was then that I realized that I had been crying. Who knew that you were so dense as to realize that I was the one who was always there for you?
I remember the day you called me to ask for forgiveness. It was a few weeks after the incident, and you told me that you were really guilty for calling me all those words. You didn't mean it, you said. I forgave you, but somehow, I just couldn't get those words out of my head. It was like a broken record, repeating itself with no way of ending. Who knew that those words would cause me to degrade myself?
I remember the day when I had decided to leave everything behind. Somehow, my life had dropped into a dark abyss. My college grades were dropping, I lost my appetite quickly, I lost too much weight; I had no motivation whatsoever. You somehow disappeared from my life after that last phone call. I decided that I've had enough with moping around and was going to start anew. I also decided...that I was going to give up on you. Who knew that my plan would go accordingly to my thoughts?
I remember the day I decided to tell you everything. It wasn't as though I could do anything about it anymore, so I called you for the first time in months. You had picked up, your voice still sounding amazing as ever, even if it was over the phone. I asked if you could come to the cafe we used to visit regularly, telling you that I had important things to tell you. Instead, you declined, saying that you were busy at the moment and couldn't come. I shed a few tears when you asked if it was urgent; back then, you never cared if it was urgent. You would rush to where we were meeting up right away, not caring if he just cancelled his plans with someone else. However...I expected this response, I told you that it was nothing he should worry about then. I hung up on you as sobs shook my body, allowing me the time to confirm my decision of ending everything. Who knew that things weren't exactly going to go as expected now?
I remember the day that I was supposed to leave. I had already told my college that I had decided to move and study abroad. My bags were packed, my house was bare of any furniture I had. The only thing I had left to do before I leave was to hand you this letter I had wrote the night before. I didn't want to face you, though, so I dropped it off at one of your teacher's office, who was mildly surprised to see me. As I left your campus, it was raining quite hard as lightning painted the skies a dim yellowish color, thunder roaring above my head. I couldn't be late to the airport, so I quickly hailed a taxi, telling the driver to hurry the airport. I couldn't remember what happened next; it happened too quickly. All I remember was a very loud crash...and then darkness engulfed me in an almost never-ending sleep.
Can I ask you something? Have you ever felt guilty before? You probably have, right? I know you have. I can hear your anguished sobs when you're sitting by my bedside. You hold my hand tightly, apologizing so many times that I lost track. You began to promise me so many things: you promised to change, you promised to spend more time with me, you promised to understand me better, you promise me never to underestimate my choices, you promised never to ignore me ever again, you promised to...love me more than ever. What did you mean by that? I wish that this darkness would brighten up soon; I want to see you again.
First half of the two-shot up!
Hope you enjoy it!
I'll be putting up the second half soon, so look forward to it!
P.S. Sorry if there's any mistakes. I tend to not edit/look for any mistakes. ^^;;
---EternallyDreaming >^^<
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