∞ He's Waiting || Ch. Two ∞
Longing For an Unreachable Star
I remember the day when I bumped into you. It was my first day at school, and even though I was embarrassed, I asked you for directions. I was surprised to feel a bit warm on my cheeks as you flashed me a smile and told me you had the same class I did. It was my mistake for not realizing my feelings that time I met you.
I remember the day of our first summer vacation. I was super excited to spend the summer with you. You laughed and nodded along to my every word as I continued to talk about our plans. I caught that smile you gave me on my first day and felt my tummy tingle with butterflies as a smile crept onto my face as well. It was my mistake for confusing my feelings as sibling love instead of love itself.
I remembered the day I told you that I had taken a liking in one of our classmates. You looked happy for me, but if I didn't know otherwise, your eyes said something else. Did they read sadness? Hurt? Pain? Why? Despite these feelings I read from your eyes, you gave me an encouraging smile and told me to go after her; I could've sworn I heard your voice tremble as you spoke. It was my mistake for not asking you why you felt that way.
I remember the day I told you that I wanted to become an idol. You were happy for me, but there was something in your voice that said so otherwise. Your eyes accompanied your voice's tone. Was it sadness? Were you upset? Why? Was it because we weren't going to see each other as much anymore? It was my mistake for continuously making the mistakes that seem to make us drift apart.
I remember the day I showed up on your doorstep with tears in my eyes as I told you that I had broken up with my girlfriend. You let me in quickly as the night was cold. You listened to me as I continued to rant about how hurt, how heart-broken I was because I had to break up with her due to training. Your eyes were sad and full of guilt. Why had your eyes shown that type of emotion at that time? It was my mistake for mistaking that emotion for another cause.
I remember the day I told you that I would debut soon with my group. You had met the other members that night of the celebratory dinner. I had confessed that I was jealous of their many talents, and you scolded me, telling me that I had my skills and they had theirs, that I was perfect just the way I was. My members caught the small exchange of words and teased us, making the feelings that I had locked away for so long to act up again. I turned embarrassed, telling them that I had only seen you as a best friend, a sister. I caught your sullen expression a few moments after as you gave a weak, assuring smile to the guys who shot you sympathetic looks. You shook your head and sighed quietly as you picked with your food, seeming as though you lost your appetite. Your hand soon left your eating utensil as your head hung low. It seemed as though your bottom lip trembled as though you were about to cry. It was my mistake for not accepting the feelings I felt, for telling them that I only saw you as a sister when I clearly saw you as something more.
I remember the day when I realized that we were drifting apart from each other. I was busy with my schedule, and you were busy with your school work. I would catch myself daydreaming or staring at my phone during schedules; I had to remind constantly remind myself that I would be able to call you once we had free time. It was my mistake for not doing so sooner.
I remember the spring morning of our graduation. I tried to find you, but I couldn't, due to the many fans who had attended the graduation to cheer me on. I didn't hear your name over the screaming fans, and I couldn't recognize you either. Did you actually wear a dress and do your hair today? I remember the times when you refused to. I was so busy looking for you that I thought the person who had approached me to congratulate me was a fan. The second time, she was trying hard to have me recognize her, but I couldn’t. Instead, I asked if she could keep her distance because I didn't want any scandals to happen. It wasn't until she left with wet eyes and a trembling bottom lip that I realized that that girl was you. It was my mistake for not being there for the person who's been there for me, for not spending enough time with you in order to see that you've changed into the person you're supposed to be – a beautiful woman.
I remember the day of our first argument. It was the day my group disbanded, and the first place I automatically went to was yours. I cried in your hold that night as I told you how I felt. I told you that I felt as though all our hard work and years of training had gone down the drain so quickly. I could tell you were angry at my words as you scolded me, telling me that I was weak for thinking like that. I wasn't thinking when I yelled at you for the first time in our friendship, telling you that what I said was only the truth. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all when I walked out of your house fuming after yelling hateful words at you. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I was a jerk for yelling at you, the person who's always willing to listen to me whenever I had troubles, the person who always had good intentions behind her every action. It was my mistake for letting my anger get the best of me, for lashing out on the one who was always there for me, the one who I love the most.
I remember the day I called you to apologize. I called you after a few weeks of regretting. I called you to take back those hurtful words you spat at me. I was surprised to hear you forgive me so quickly. You told me that you understood why I was angry – because you were upset and angry about having to disband. I was thankful to have such an understanding friend like you. However, I heard the slight tone of insecurity and doubt in your voice. It was my mistake for calling you such cruel words, words that would lead to your own depression.
I remember the day your friend contacted me, telling that you changed drastically. She told me that your grades dropped to C's and below, and you were flunking your classes. Your personality, she told me, changed as well. Your once cheerful and outgoing personality, along with your bright smiles, were now replaced with a quiet and depressed girl, who no longer smiled at the things she enjoyed. You were losing your appetite, too, I heard, and that caused you to lose weight. The girl I knew and loved was never like this. It was my mistake for disappearing from your life all of a sudden, which caused all of this mess because you no longer had the person called your best friend by your side anymore.
I remembered the day you called me if we could talk. You asked if we could meet up at the usual café, but I had told you I was busy. And I was, because I had to get your birthday party planned, although I would be a month early. I had asked you if it was really important because I was late in meeting the party planner. I had a feeling it was really important, so I was about to tell you that I would go, but you interrupted me, telling me that it wasn't important anymore. Before I could ask you why you sounded like you were crying, you hung up. It was my mistake for meeting the party planner instead of rushing to your place quickly to check on you.
I remembered the day your friend told me you were leaving. Without wasting any time, I rushed to your college, who told me that you had already pulled out. They told me that you had gone to my college to drop something off, so I quickly rushed there right away. I was a block away from my college, and the rain was pouring down hard, with bright lights slightly lighting up the dim sky and thunder that accompanied the sound of rainfall. All of a sudden, I heard a crash upfront, along with the screeching of tires. My eyes widened as I witness the scene as I ran closer, and my heart dropped as I realized who was sitting in the backseat of the taxi – you.
Never in my entire life had I felt so guilty, so afraid of losing someone I held close to my heart as I watched you rest on the hospital bed. I held your hands when I visited, telling you about all my regrets. Somehow, I knew you were able to hear me, and the words continued to slip out of my mouth, along with my tears. In some way, I thought that I didn't have any rights to be here since I had somehow pushed the one and only person who understood me away, which only hurt the both of us. How I wish you can wake up soon, for I have so many things to tell you.
Second half!
Enjoy~
Again, sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes!
^^;;
---EternallyDreaming >^^<
Comments