I paced back and forth nervously while twiddling my fingers together. Krystal sat in the arm chair behind me and tried to smile brightly at my parents, who both had curious looks on their faces. I couldn't do this. What was i saying? I had to, But I didn't want to, it would be much easier to run away and never hear from me again. Why hadn't I thought of that earlier? I could feel the tension rising in the room as I prolonged what I needed to say. It wasn't serious at first when I asked my parents to sit in the living room, but they were getting nervous because of my actions.

"Jen honey? What is it?" My mother asked.

I felt that knot tie in my stomach again. I felt like throwing up, or maybe it was my hormones. I just hoped that they wouldn't be too disappointed in me, I braced myself for the worse. I couldn't look into their faces so I looked down.

"Well.... I'm.. kind of.."

"In trouble?" My dad interupted.

"No... I'm kind of..."

My mother rolled her eyes, "Do you need money? Just spit it out already."

"I'm kind of... pregnant."

You would think that after I said it that I would have relaxed, but instead my muscles cringed even tighter. It got uncomfortably quiet. I managed to look up into their faces and wished I didn't. They stayed quiet waiting for me to explain.

"But she's going to put it up for adoption! Right?" Krystal included.

"Yes! I actually decided on it already! And you won't have to worry about expenses and and..." I tried my best to speak but I felt my throat closing up on my words. My dad looked disappointed, he wasn't happy at all. And my mother looked straight up hurt. I would have rather they yelled at me and let out their disappointment rather than be silent.

"You're pregnant?" My mother said disparingly. It broke my heart and I willed myself not to cry. I had to prove I was strong.

"I'm sorry mom, it was stupid. And I wasn't thinking." My mother continued to look down and said no more, it was best to let it sink in slowly to her, that's how she was.

"How long has it been?"

"2 months."

My dad finally broke his silence, "Who is he?"

I couldn't tell if my dad was being serious or if he was fuming. I didn't want him to get mad or go on a man hunt or anything.

"Um... remember my boyfriend?"

"Jongin? Kim Jongin?"

"Yes dad."

"That little is going to get bits of my knuckle stuck in between his teeth."

"Honey calm down, there is no use in getting mad." My mother intervened.

My dad stopped and looked down. I really did feel bad. I felt like the little . But I was worried when my dad said he would do that to Jongin, because it wasn't even all his fault, I was to blame as well.

"Well, Jen, you did up this time." My mother said sweetly with watery eyes. It stung but I knew i deserved it.

"I know, and I'm sorry again."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, just tell us what you need and we will get it for you." My dad spoke, he didn't look at me, which was better than having to look  him in the eyes.

My mom started, "you were thinking of adoption?"

I lit up at my mom's effort to help me, "Yes! I was going to tell Jongin and we were going to look and find a nice couple."

I saw them nodded slightly in agreement. But no matter what I said, their faces still looked grave.

"Okay. You are an adult now, so it is up to you. I just never thought you were going to be that girl." My dad said bluntly. I held in my tears and nodded.

"I know. Can we go to my room now?"

I couldn't stand being there anymore. I had to get away from all of this. As soon as they dismissed me I looked back to Krystal and we both ran upstairs to my room. I left my parents to let them accept it themselves. I knew it was going to be tough for them too.

"That went well." Krystal tried to reassure me. I agreed, at least I didn't get hit, although I rather would have. I kept seeing my mother's pained expression every time I blinked. I truly was sorry, even though I knew it wasn't going to cut it. But I kept to my word, I was going to find a nice couple to give the baby too. I knew Jongin would accept it, he had too.

✿

I asked Jongin to meet me at a cafe later on. This was the first time I had seen him since I broke the news to him. I originally arranged to meet him at the park, but I was too damn hungry to wait. I ordered a water and cinnamon roll, and let me tell you, it never tasted so good. I was going to tell Jongin what my plans were, and if he would help me. He said he would be there for me, and he insisted, so I took him up on his offer. It was for the better, with the baby out of the way, he wouldn't feel obliged to stay with me, and he would live his life to the fullest.

I spoted him walking in and looking around for me. He looked so handsome just standing there, he caught the eyes of everyone in the room. I waved my hand and he made his way over to the booth I was sitting at.

"Hello my love." He leaned it to kiss me on the nose and chuckled. Oh how I loved the sound of his voice. He swiped the side of my mouth with his thumb, "You had some frosting stuck there." He smiled at me and on the inside my heart was aching. He looked so joyful, and I still felt bad for dragging him down like this. He didn't deserve it. But soon he could stop pretending to love me, and go back to his life. I tried to seize the blush that had formed on my cheeks.

"I wanted to tell you something, it's good news!"

I saw his eyes light up when I said that, I knew he would be relieved.

"What is it?"

"I'm going to give the baby up for adoption." I said with optimism. I was expecting a positive reaction from him, but instead I saw the light in his eyes dim and his features slowly transfrom into a frown. 

"What?"

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I was so lost, he should be happy, but instead he looked disconcerted. He was a bit taken aback.

"What do you mean, 'isn't this what you wanted'?" His brows creased in confusion, I couldn't tell what he meant.

"So you wouldn't be tied down to me. I know you have your own life to live, Jongin, and it's for the best." I said while taking another bite of my cinnamon roll.

"But, I said I would be there for you." 

"Yes, but now, you don't have to be there for me! And now we can go back to our regular lives."

He shot his eyes down to the table. Great, he was disappointed in me too. Can't I do anything right?

"I thought this would make you happy, aren't you relieved?" I asked him.

He shook his head and spoke softly, "I don't want you to do it because of me. I want you to do it because it's what you want."

"But this is what I want."

"You said you wanted me to live my life, so you're doing it because of me."

Maybe it was my raging hormones right now, but he was pissing me off. He was the last person I needed giving me .

"Why aren't you happy? Does anything make you happy, Jongin?" I snapped at him.

"Well... I don't know, I thought maybe, you would keep it?" He looked up at me hopefully.

"I don't feel any attachment to this baby though. So I don't think it's a good idea."

Jongin just nodded. He wasn't expecting me to keep it, was he?

"What if I want to live my life with you? Wheather you have the baby or not?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Don't be silly. We haven't even been together for a year. You can't love me."

Every word I said seemed to stab at him. But I was only being truthful. There was something I know he wanted to tell me, but he wasn't saying it. I didn't want to force him.

"That's why I called you here, I wanted you to help me look for a couple." I sipped my water and saw Jongin looking so... defeated. What was his problem? He should be glad and jumping for joy right now. This is what I get for trying to do something right.

"Don't look so down."

"Well... it's just that...."

"Just come out and say it."

"I can't, because I know that it's your decision, and I really I have no say."

"You weren't expecting me to keep it, were you?" I raised my eyebrow at him and he avoided my eyes.

"So Jongin, are you going to help me or not?" I hated to sound like such a , but my fuse was short today and I can't stand it with every being disappointed in me.

He nodded, "Of course I'll help you. I said I would be there no matter what." He took my hand across the table. I did like him, but I still wasn't sure if I loved him. It's okay, later he would be thanking me for making this choice. And so would our future child.

"I just want you to do what you feel is right." he looked into my eyes deeply and I had to look away.

"I hope I do."

I returned the small smile he gave me, at least he had the curtiousy to stay with me.

"Oh, did you tell your parents today?" He noticed my expression dieing down. He knew.

"Yeah, I told them. They weren't too happy."

He chucked the way I adored so much. I felt the little butterflies come to life when he gave me that statuesque smile of his.

"Well of course, but they still love you, like I do."

Maybe I was the problem. I never thought I could be so insecure, but maybe Jongin really did love me. I just didn't want to accept it. I felt bad knowing that he wanted me to keep the baby, but I was too scared to keep it. How do you take care of a baby? What if we raise it wrong and it turns out to be a rude, self-centered, demon child? I knew it was the right thing to do. 

"I'm sorry I was so snappy with you Jongin, it's just that, I'd be content knowing that it will grow up in a better environment, you know?"

"It's okay. I understand where you're coming from. I know you'll make the right decision."

I'm glad he knew where I was going with--

"Jen? Are you okay?"

I let go of his hand and placed it over my mouth. I got up and dashed for the girl's restroom as fast as I could and didn't even lock myself in the vacant stall. Welp, there goes my cinnamon roll.

Today marks 3 months. My mom and registered me to a OBGYN, to make sure everything went smoothly. Everytime I left the doctors office, I was in a bad mood. It was probably just my hormones. I swear my mood swings were the same as a yo-yo. One second I was being sweet to Jongin and telling him what an amazing person he was, then next thing I knew I was yelling at him for not being more comforting to me. I did apologize, and he was so undertanding. He had been helping me look for couples wanting to adopt, but none of them sounded right. It had to click, we didn't just want to give the baby to any family. They could be serial killers, or theives, or be some crazy couple that collects babies. Okay that was unlikely but I wanted it to be a good family.

I looked in my bathroom mirror displeased at my body. I was starting to show a little, but you couldn't ttell I was pregnant. I just looked like I had gained weight. I had been feeling crabby all day and this wasn't helping. Jongin was lying on my bed on his laptop, looking and searching through adoption agencies.

"Babe, are you okay?" He yelled, he glanced over to my bathroom door and saw me come out with a frown.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I walked over to the bed and cuddled next to him and let out a sob. He put his laptop aside and cuddled with both  his arms. He wrapped me closer to him and put his lips to my ear.

"Tell me, what's the matter." He my back trying to soothe me, it was working. I tried to keep my crying down so he could understand me.

"I'm fat." I started crying harder into him. He was trying is very hardest not to start laughing, not because of what I said, but because of how crabby I was. 

"You're not fat, it's normal."

"No, I'm a whale..." His chest felt really warm and I rubbed my eyes on his shirt.

"Well, I think it's cute." He tried making me feel better, but my mood swings got the best of me.

"So you agree I'm fat?" I looked up at him like a little baby myself and he shook his head.

"No, I never agreed you were fat. I said you were cute."

I put the argument to bed and buried my face back in his chest. I saw the way he looked at me so lovingly and.... I didn't want to jump to conclusions... but i... just maybe.... could probably.... love him as well.

✿

2 updates in one day! I'm on holiday so that's how I'm able to update so easily :D