Oh no. No. No no no no. Please no. How could this happen? It can't be true. My eyes must be deceiving me. Why is this happening to me? Of all the people on this Earth, I have to be one of them. I can't believe it, what should I do? Where do I go from here? I guess this is it for me. I have to talk to Jongin.... Hopefully, he will just go with it.

 

 

 

I'm such an idiot. I sat curled up in my bed with my head in my hands. How in the living hell did I let this happen? It was probably all my fault somehow. And the worst part was I had to tell Jongin... If I have the guts to do so. But we're so young... This can't be happening to me. I'm sure it's all a dream right? I feel disgusted with myself. I was supposed to stay a until I was married but nope, I broke that promise to myself.

 

Damn it! I have to break it to Mom and Dad too, great. But how will Jongin react? He seems nice. I can't believe I let a few shots and a beer get to me that easily. But Jongin was no stranger, he's been my boyfriend for 7 months now, so he loves me right?

 

Who am I kidding? He's probably going to call me a and that I'm a dirty . Or worse, my parents won't let me see him. But what happened has already happened and that was that. All I know is that party was a huge mistake that led to another. my life. I never thought I could be so idiotic...

 

 

I held my iPhone in my hand and hovered over Jongin's name. Maybe if I don't tell him, it will be better? I could lie and say that I wanted to break up with him and he would never know. Wait, this was Jongin's responsibility too, not just mine. Oh well, if he calls me a then so be it. I didn't think, I just pressed the "call" button on impulse. What am I going to say? I should break it to him lightly, or should I just come out with it? Each ring I heard on the other line sent a chill up my spine, I was anticipating his voice. Hopefully the call will go straight to voicemail so I won't have to talk to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Jen?"

 

 

. I took a deep breath and tried to sound as calm as possible, I didn't want to freak him out.

 

"Jen? Hello?"

 

"Hi Jongin..."

 

"Hey, what's up?"

 

 

I heard the sound of his cheerful voice over the phone. I hated to think that in a few minuets he would sound dreary, or worse, angry.

 

 

"Jongin? I need to tell you something."

 

It was now or never. Now matter what happened, he just needed to know. I could feel a tightening in my stomach telling me to flee from this.

 

 

 

"Yes?"

 

He sounded so happy and naive, I couldn't possibly... But I did as fast as I could, like ripping off a band-aid.

 

 

"Jen? Are you there?"

 

 

"I'm pregnant."

 

 

 

 

 

I cringed and awaited his response on the other line. My heart was beating out of control and my phone was slipping from the sweat in my hands. It was quiet. The only thing I heard was his breathing.

 

 

 

 

"Wait, what?"

 

 

"I said, I'm pregnant."

 

 

 

 

Great, just great. We just graduated high school a few months ago, and this has to happen. But I didn't want to drag Jongin down, or force him to comply to anything. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh..." He said calmly. 

 

"I'm sorry. I just... I should have known better. And I don't want to tie you down. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine, I understand. I just want you to live your life and to be worry free."

 

 

It was still silent on the other line. I could hear him trying to say something, but the words didn't come out. I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. I wanted him to be a free man, but a part of me wanted him to stay too.

 

 

 

 

"Don't be silly, Jen. Why would I leave you?"

 

 

I tried to contain my sniffles to make it seem like I had myself together. I didn't want to be a cry baby about this, irony.

 

 

"Well, I wanted you to live your life..."

 

"You are my life now. And I'm not going to be some that dumps you, with a baby for goodness sake! We can make it work, so stop crying."

 

 

I didn't realize I started sobbing audibly. I was so relieved, another burden lifted of my shoulders, besides the pregnant thing.

 

 

"Thank you, Jongin. I know this isn't what you had planned, but I'm happy that I won't be a single mom."

 

"You shouldn't have to be alone. I know this is going to be a big thing, and I want to be there for you. And look on the bright side!"

 

 

I knew he was just trying to make me feel better, but now that I got this off my chest, my fear was starting to set in.

 

 

"Jongin, I'm scared."

 

"I know you are babe, but you won't do it by yourself. Okay?"

 

"I feel guilty, I know you are only doing this because it's right."

 

"No, I wouldn't stay with someone I didn't love."

 

 

Love? We knew each other for 7 months! He can't be serious. Sometimes this kid is way in over his head more than I am. But honestly, I was scared out of my wits. Sure, I told him that I was scared, but my words didn't even account for half of my feelings. I was terrified. I can't even take care of myself, so how am I supposed to take care of another living thing? 

 

"Jongin, you don't love me."

 

"Oh? Who says I can't?" I rolled my eyes at him.

 

"Let's just get thought this together one day at a time, okay?"

 

"Okay, fine. Have you told your parents yet?"

 

 

 

 

. The last of my worries. I would be lucky if they didn't skin me alive.

 

"No, I will tomorrow."

 

Jongin could hear the tinge of fear in my voice.

 

 

"Dont worry, it's not like they can do anything to you, you are pregnant after all."

 

"Thanks for reminding me."

 

"Thanks for letting me know, Jen. I would have hated to be out of the loop."

 

"I honestly thought you were going to call me a and leave me."

 

I heard him sigh on the other line.

 

 

 

"I'm not one of those , and I want to be there for you."

 

 

I really dodged a bullet this time. He could have cussed me out and broke my heart. How lucky was I? But I still felt bad for him. He should be dating other girls, and going out with his friends, doing stupid stuff young people do, and striving towards his dream. Not preparing to become a father of all things. I didn't even know if I actually loved him, maybe I could come to love him for the sake of our child. It felt so bizarre to think that. Our child. We said goodbye and I quickly dialed up my friend. There was no way that I was going to tell my parents alone, I needed a witness. Ha! If I invited Jongin, my Dad would surely skin him instead of me. I felt like I was burdening everyone.

 

 

 

The phone rang and I waited for her to pick up...

 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Krystal?"

 

"Yes, this is she."

 

 

Of course my best friend was the first one I told. She even offered to wring Jongin's neck if he left me. But I just told her to be there if I needed help.

 

"I have to tell my parents tomorrow."

 

"Oh, when?"

 

"When my Dad gets home from work. So around 5:30?"

 

"I'll be there okay? Oh, how far along are you again?"

 

"2 months."

 

 

It was hard to believe that 2 months ago, I was at that stupid party, with that hostess I didn't even like. But my friends were going too, so I figured Jongin and I could have have some fun.... not like that exactly. But how was I supposed to know that alcohol had that effect on me? Well, now I obviously knew. I should have been smarter. Now I know that Jongin gets completely wasted after shot #8 and then some. It wasn't his fault, he was drunk too, and extremely attractive. I was surprised he took to the news so easily. It's not everyday you find out you will be a father with a few months.

 

Wait a minute. What if he was just doing it out of pity? He felt sorry for me, and that he felt obliged to stay. What if he did it so he wouldn't look like the 'bad guy'? He could be calling up everyone right now and making fun of me and complaining how his life is over because of me. He didn't seem like that type of person, but then again we haven't even been together for a year, what do I know?

 

 

"Did you take more than one pregnancy test? The first one could have been defective....." She suggested.

 

"Krystal, I took 11 pregnancy tests, different brands, and they still had that ugly pink plus, or smiley face."

 

"Oh. Well, I'll make an excuse to go over tomorrow, don't worry okay? Your parents houldn't get mad at you. Screaming at you won't solve things."

 

"You're right, I'll see you tomorrow girl."

 

"See ya."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I flopped down on my bed and hit my temples repeatedly. So many things running between my ears. I didn't think I was that kind of girl. After all, it was me who initiated it. Jongin couldn't even tell which way was up, while I, on the other hand , got a bit too friendly. A kiss turned into making out, then I remember us on somebody's bed, it was dark, and you get the idea. What a great way to lose your ity, drunk at a party with your boyfriend that you're not sure you even love. I don't even remember much of what happened that night. The one thing I remembered the clearest was when I threw up my breakfast last week and realized this was the 2nd period I had missed.

 

Honestly, it didn't feel like I was going to become a mother. I felt no type of attatchment to this baby growing inside of me. I didn't hate it, and there was no way I was getting rid of it. I couldn't. Maybe a nice couple who can't have a child on their own, an actual couple. You know, like the type of couple that is young, happily married, husband goes to work from 9 to 5, and the wife stays home cooking and cleaning and taking care of the baby. That sounded like the perfect couple. I would much rather have this baby grow up in a loving wholesome family, rather than with me, not even married, fresh out of high school, looks like a potato.

 

I'm sure Jongin, and my parents would agree with me. I am the mother after all. All I need to do is hang in there for 7 more months and then I can go about my normal life again. Out of curiosity, I grabbed my iPhone and searched " local adoption." I had my own agenda, I didn't mean to sound heartless, but I know this would be better for everyone, including the baby.

 

Jongin was right, there was a bright side. I had a good excuse for eating all the food in the house.

 

 

 

 

 

✿