Sitting down they all look at me. “Willis was Eli and Fina’s best friend, and your fiancé?” AJ asks.

Nodding my head I look out the window. “Willis was one of those people that everyone loved; people were just drawn to him.” I explain. “Our parents just knew we’d get married, well we were going to at least.”

“Eli never...”

Smiling at Dongho I shake my head. “Eli was busy with you guys; he couldn’t make it to the funeral. Eli he and Willis were really close, I’m not all that surprised that he didn’t tell you about him.” I say stirring my drink with my straw. “It was hard on him, and I didn’t make it any easier for anyone that knew Willis.”

“Wae?” Hoon asks concerned.

Smiling sadly I glance at Kevin, just staring down at his plate. “I haven’t exactly been ok since he died.” I mumble. “It’s sort of like even though I know he’s not coming back and I can’t be with him I still try to be with Willis, I do the things that I know he would, but I can’t bring myself to do the things thatI did that made Willis happy.”

“Noona?” Dongho asks hugging me. “What things?”

Sighing I look at Kevin again, looking up he smiles at me. “Playing the piano, violin, dancing, doing the things that make Paxton.” Kevin says for me.

“Bwo, you’re talented!” Kiseop says patting my arm. “But shouldn’t you continue to since it’s what you love?”

“What I loved…It’s too painful.” I whisper. “Anyways we should finish eating then we can head home.”

Eating we shift the topic to something happier, less personal to me.

“So in Korea what exactly will you guys be doing?” I ask tilting my head. “Not as idols.”

Looking from one another they shrug. “We only really practice and Dongho goes to school.” Kiseop says. “There really isn’t a lot we can do.”

Getting in the car we all look at each other before I start driving, the others falling asleep while Kevin, in the passenger seat next to me, is wide awake.

“You still talk like he’s around.” Kevin says quietly.

Glancing at him I smirk. “And?”

“Don’t you think it’s odd? Staying here even though you know the looks you’ll get?”

Nodding my head I blow out some air. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Kevin ask laughing.

“Staying with Xiao even though you know what she’s like.”

“I’m not with her, and I’m done with her, I can’t keep staying around someone like that.” Kevin says rationally. “She’s already made it clear what she wants from me.”

“So you’re moving on?” I ask him quietly. “For real?”

“I am, its time I just forget about her anyways. What are you going to do?”

Speeding on impulse, I force myself to go the speed limit. “I know what I should do, but it’s hard…”

“What is?”

Chuckling bitterly I glance at Kevin again, and for a second I could have sworn it was Willis sitting next to me, even though Willis and Kevin don’t look alike at all, and they really don’t act the same, Kevin has a different air about him. “Fina keeps urging me to move on, to move past Willis, to close that chapter of my life.” I mumble still fighting to stay at speed limit. “It’s like she wants me to forget him.”

“I don’t think that’s what she wants.” Kevin says looking away. “I think Fina just wants for you to be happy.”

“We should probably talk about something else; I don’t want to speed with all of you in the car.” I whisper ready to just race down the empty high way all the way home.

Kevin sighs. “Paxton you run away from talking about it.”

“Fine, what do you want to hear?!” I ask him sharply. “That I wasn’t ready to give him up?! That he told Fina about his cancer before me?! That I only heard about it weeks before he died?! He hid it from me Kevin, he thought it’d be better if I didn’t know, and hell maybe he’s right but I was left in the dark until the last second.” I tell him feeling my anger serge out. “Fina and Willis were close, and they thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it, what I really couldn’t handle was the last weeks I spent with him. Kevin he told me he was on some damn trip, not in the ing hospital.”

Silently Kevin grasps my shoulder. “We should pull over.”

Nodding my head I pull over to the side, getting out I look out at the sky, screaming I let out a so before I fall to the ground. “He loved me right?” I ask as Kevin wraps his arms around me. “He loved me, right?”

Kevin pulls me up. “He must have.” Kevin whisper pulling me into a tight hug. “Paxton.”

“Everyone says that…” I whisper into his shoulder. “I just want to know that he really did love me.”

“He wanted to marry you!” Kevin says patting my back.

Sniffling I nod my head. “Kevin I hate feeling like he broke up with me, that he didn’t want me anymore, that he didn’t tell me about his cancer so he wouldn’t have to see me.”

“He wanted you to remember him the way he always was, the Willis you knew and love, not to watch him decline.”

“Kevin I’m tired of loving him so much, but it’s like I can’t let go of what we were supposed to have.” I mumble gripping him tightly. “I want someone real.”

I think I finally got out of my writer's block for this story ><;; sorry that it took me so long D;

Comment and Subscribe!!