There's already been six months. Six months since you went to London for the YG-entertainment global auditions. When you first heard of the auditions, it was summer vacation and you knew that you had to go. You had just celebrated your 18th birthday, so you hadn't much time left. If you were going to audition, then now was the time. You were 18 so you were free to go on your own, but you felt like you couldn't go without telling your parents about your plan. Your mother was sceptical to the idea, but she told you that you were an adult and that you had to make your own decisions and learn from them. She told you that she wasn't too thrilled about it, but she wouldn't stop you. She just hoped that you wouldn't get hurt if it didn't go as you expected. You father became angry and said that it was a waste of both your time and money. He said that you probably wouldn't pass the audition anyway since you weren't asian and he said that it was better for you to spend your vacation on preparing for college, than going to an idiotic and meaningless audition.

Your father's words hurt you a lot, and you spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking about the audition. One night, your mother came into your room and sat down next to you on your bed. "I think that you should go", she said and put her arm around your shoulders. "It's better that you try and see what happens. It's summer vacation so the audition won't affect your studying. And if this is what you really want... then we are in no position to stop you. I also thought of going with you, if you would let me. We can see a bit of London, do some sightseeing, go shopping and of course you can audition. I want to be there with you and support you.", she said and hugged you tightly. At that moment a huge feeling of relief and gratitude poured through your body. 

When you now think of your mother's words at that time, you always have to smile. If it wasn't for her, you probably would have never gone on the audition. You still haven't gotten any call from YG. You regularly check their website, but there are never any news. Why is it taking them so long? There must have come many great artists on the auditions, since they are having such a hard time choosing the finalists. When you were standing on the side at the audition, listening to the artists in your group, you felt like you didn't stand a chance. They were all so great! Some of them were only singing, some were rapping and some were singing and dancing. You didn't feel like you could compare yourself to any of them. You also felt like you didn't belong there. You had caught the old man who had been in the judge panel together with a lady and GD, glaring at you several times. You didn't know why. Was it because you weren't Asian? Or because he wondered why you were there when you clearly couldn't even sing... You knew that self confidence was really important for YG, and  that was what the judges were looking for on the auditions. But you knew that confidence was nothing you could fake. You tried your best to sound confident while singing, and you hoped for the judges not to notice how nervous you really were...

*

When you finished your audition, you went out and waited to be interviewed. A young Korean lady came out from a room and called you in when it was your turn.  You went into the room and saw that there was a long rectangle-shaped table in the middle of the room. There were two chairs at each of the short sides of the table. The lady told you to sit down in English and pointed at one of the chairs. You sat down at the chair she had pointed at and she sat down above you on the other chair. On your right, there was a huge banner with the text "YG Entertainment". A camera man was standing on your left. You thought it was funny that the camera almost seemed bigger than the tiny camera man who was holding it.

You looked at the young interviewer. She smiled to you and threw a glance at the camera man. He nodded and she cleared . She opened up the interview by telling you her name, Ji Eun Seung, and asking you to present yourself. You told her your name, age and place of birth. You were glad that the interviewer could speak English. Although you knew some Korean, you felt more secure when you spoke in English. She continued by asking you why you wanted to be a Korean star and why you didn't go to England or America instead since you were of western apperance. You answered that you weren't fond of American music. You told her that you were very fascinated by Korean culture and Korean music. You said that you wanted to go to an industry were women didn't have to take of their clothes to become famous. An industry that wasn't dominated by ual stuff. A place were people were similar to you and were you really could face some challenges. You said that YG entertainment already had gone international with artists like Bigbang and 2NE1. Their biggest success was probably with PSY and his mega-hit "Gangnam Style". So wasn't it time for the K-pop industry to become more modern and to let in people who were non-asian as well? They could place you and your group (if they chose to place you in a group) in Europe and America and let you be active there. It would be good for the company to have groups and artists who were active in other parts of the world as well.

You didn't know where all of these thoughts came from. They just popped out from your head, and before you knew it, they were out there captured on tape and you couldn't take them back. You felt like you had said too much and felt ashamed. You couldn't tell what the lady was thinking by studying her face expression, but she said that you came up with good ideas and asked if you knew any Korean. You told her some basic Korean phrases and she smiled while correcting some of your pronounciation mistakes. You laughed and said that you were still learning, and that you wouldn't give up before you could speak the language fluently. She nodded and said that there wasn't much time left of the interview. She wanted you to finish the interview by showing the camera some aegyo. You were terrified, you had never done aegyo before, it would look completely terrible. You knew you didn't have much of a choice. You had to do what you were told, that was the most important rule in this business. So you turned to the camera and put both of your hands on your cheeks and said: "Oppaaaaa" with the cutest voice you could come up with. The camera man started laughing and so did the interviewer. You blushed and looked down on the table, refusing to look them in their eyes. How embarrassing! After a while, they calmed down and the camera man hurried and turned off the camera. The interviewer stood up and thanked you for the interview. She followed you out the door and called for the next participant.

"What if GD sees this?" you thought. "I will never be able to look at him if I ever should be lucky enough to meet him again".