I can’t understand myself. Seriously. I don’t know what my mind says. I don’t know what my HEART says. I can’t understand my motions, my thoughts, my words—everything.

You won’t get jealous if you don’t love her, right?

AISH. This just keeps from echoing in my mind after Jiyong said this. I kept my mouth shut for it not to utter some words that might hint JiYong about what I really feel.

He chuckled because he got no response from his question. “Silence means yes.” He giggled even more. “Come on, They’re waiting for us.” He pulled me outside.

I composed myself as we went towards them. I cleared my throat. “L-Let’s.. go there now.” I suggested.

We all went up the stairs. I don’t know how it happened like this but we’re now walking by pairs—JiYong and SeungRi walking together at the front, singing like crazy; SeungHyun hyung and DaeSung goofing around like kids; and of course HyeRin and me at the back. We were both silent on our way up. She kept on chuckling and smiling though, seeing SeungHyun hyung showing aegyo to DaeSung so he can ride on his back. But DaeSung kept insisting and pushing hyung. SeungHyun hyung then hugged DaeSung tightly while they were walking.

“I won’t let you go if you’ll not give me a piggyback ride.” Hyung grimaced funnily.

“But hyung, you’re too old for that!”

“I’m only 20!”

“Ei.. HAHA!. Hyung... St-stooop!” DaeSung hardly yelled as SeungHyun hyung tickled him.

Daesung struggled out of hyung’s arms. Fortunately, he did. But unfortunately, he is too strong, throwing SeungHyun hyung in our direction, specifically, HyeRin’s direction.

“Yah!” The both of us yelled. She stepped back one step as I shield my arm in front of her, and somewhat catching SeungHyun hyung at the same time.

I turned my head to her direction. Without me saying anything, she nodded and smiled like saying she’s fine. I smiled back.

WHAT’S THIS!? WE’RE LIKE COMPLETE STRANGERS!

“Aigoo, hyung. How can you be so childish!?” JiYong scolded SeungHyun hyung.

“It’s because Daesungie won’t let me ride his back.”

“We’re on the stairs. How can I carry you?”

“Hmp.” SeungHyun hyung threw tantrums like a kid.

We continued walking but still SeungHyun hyung won’t stop annoying DaeSung until we reached the dance studio. SeungHyun hyung ran to the centre of the room and lie down on the floor with her hands supporting his head.

“Ah. I’m so tired walking up the stairs.” Then he began acting like making a snow angel.

I sat on the bench facing the mirror. HyeRin sat down beside me. Maknae then sat beside her. “HyeRin-ah, do you dance?” He suddenly asked her.

I looked at him and then to HyeRin. She looked at me too and we both laughed.

It’s not that she doesn’t know how to dance. Actually, she knows ballet. And it is said that if you know ballet, you are able to learn all kinds of dance.

We laughed because the last time she danced was with me. It was during early elementary school days and we have to present a dance as a whole class. We were partners and together we were chosen to lead the class. During our performance, she accidentally makes a mistake and it made me injured because I swayed my feet wrong to catch her when she was about to fall. Fortunately, that scenario wasn’t noticeable. Since then, she blamed herself that maybe I won’t be able to dance anymore so she swore that she will never dance again.

“Yah, how many times should we tell you that she’s your noona?” JiYong said.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to look old.” HyeRin said. “Uhm, SeungRi.. about that.. honestly, I don’t dance.”

“I’ll teach you then.” SeungRi stood. “You’ll see the best dancer perform in your very eyes.”

“I already saw.” She whispered.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” She smiled shyly.

“SeungRi-ah, let’s find JaeWook hyung and ask for the CD so that at least we can practice a bit.” Daesung called him.

“Ah. Neh.” The two maknaes went out of the studio.

“HyeRin-ah, you don’t dance too?” SeungHyun hyung asked, turning around, lying with his tummy on the floor, with his hands supporting his chin. He’s like a little girl doing a flower pose. :D

HyeRin chuckled first at that position of him. “Ung.” She nodded. “Stop acting like that. You’re the hyung here yet you act like you’re the maknae.”

“I’m the maknae! I’m still 5 y/o! Eomma~” He stood and went to my direction and sat on my lap. We laughed at his actions and his voice that mimics a little kid. He’s about to kiss me on my cheeks but I distanced his head.

“Yah, hyung~”

“Aigoo, hyung. Instead of playing around, why don’t you come with me at the recording studio? I think there’s still something that we should check.” JiYong called him as he opened the door.

“Ahra. Bye Eomma Bye Imo.” He waved goodbye to us and ran to JiYong. The two went out of the room, leaving just the two of us.

There was silence right after they left us.

I think I should talk to her to lessen the awkwardness.

“HyeRin.”

At the corner of my eyes, I saw that she startled. Maybe she didn’t expect me to start a conversation.

“Ung?”

“I’m sorry.”

“F-for what?”

“Eii. Don’t act like you don’t know it.”

She laughed quietly.

“You’re already forgiven.” She sighed. “Even though you’ll not talk to me ever again, I’ll always forgive you. Just let me know that you know I exist, I’m already fine with that.”

We laughed together.

Aw. It brings back memories.

After that ‘dance incident’ we had in elementary, she was avoiding me for days. So I confronted her and she apologized for the accident and for avoiding me. I also told her the exact words she said just now.  After telling her that, she confessed to me that she was so guilty that’s why she avoided me. And then she swore not to dance ever again. I told her not to. But she insisted. So I contradicted her promise. I swore that I’ll always dance for her.

“Do you still remember THAT dance?” I asked.

She blushed. “N-No..”

“Eh? That’s impossible.” I stood and pulled her to the ‘dance floor’.

“Yah! I told you I can’t remember.” She is pulling back while smiling. It’s obvious. She remembers it. She’s just shy.

I started humming the song as I danced. She laughed. “I told you I’ll never dance again.”

“Never?” I raised an eyebrow and pulled her strong enough….

UNTIL SHE WENT TOWARDS ME, LOSING HER BALANCE AND…….

OUR LIPS TOUCHED.

Yes.

I did it on purpose.

I can let it out now.

I can say it now.

The ‘butterflies’, like what JiYong said, are again in my tummy. And it seems like there are now many of them.

As much as I want it to stay, I can’t. Because I don’t even know what she feels. So I broke our kiss.

“I-I’m…” I trailed off.

“What… what was… what was that?” She looks stunned. She didn’t move and her eyes were staring at the floor.

“I’m sorry. I.. I can’t hide it. Anymore.” I sighed. “Do what you want—slap me, curse me—anything. If that would make you feel better. But Hyerin…”

I notice her eyes are gleaming with tears.

Aish. Dong YoungBae, look at what you’ve done!

“Look. I’m really sorry if that was so sudden and all. I just… I just… I just can’t hide my feelings any longer.”

I turned around and faced the mirrored wall.

“I honestly can’t understand all the feelings that I feel before. At first I was so hesitant and didn’t believe in myself. I think it can’t be something like this. But then, JiYong showed me what JEALOUSY is. And that made me realized everything. Hyerin, I’m sorry but… I think I love you. This might not be the sweetest thing you have and will ever hear in your whole life but.. I think those are the words that my mind has reserved for you. I’ve never told anyone those words, even Chloe. “

I waited for her to respond.

Aish. This is one of the reasons that I don’t LOVE.

Being REJECTED.

Yes, I can feel it. She might reject me. She might had responded sooner if she will not.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head.

Sht. No. Tears, don’t fall. Please?

“Hyung~”

HyeRin, I’m ready to wait. Just please, say something that won’t break my heart.

“You don’t have to wait for 30 minutes to pass anymore.”

I opened my eyes, raised my head, and looked at her reflection on the mirror. She looked back at me and smiled.

“Because I have rehearsed answering this question many times already.”

At first, I can’t grasp what she said. But then..

“Does.. does that mean..”

She smiled the smile I’ve never seen.

“Yes… I’ve been dreaming of this day to come. And now..”

I can’t let her finish talking. I walked to her quick and hugged her.

LORD, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I thought this won’t be possible.

My cheeks and jaws hurt because of too much smiling. But I don’t mind as long as she is the reason of this smile.

She started humming to the ‘dance’.

We laughed and broke the hug and started dancing to our kiddie dance.

“You know what, this dance started everything. I mean, I started to like you when we became partners for this dance. That’s why I feel so embarrassed when I hurt you. And then you told me that you’ll always dance for me. That made my heart pump faster.”

I blushed.

“Uh. Can I ask you something again?”

“What?”

“About… the one I asked you at the café. About what you felt when JiYong confessed to you?”

She stopped dancing so I stopped too.

“I thought I have answered you already? Didn’t you hear? I said ‘I felt hopeless’.”

“Hopeless? Why?”

“Because like what I have told you, It might sound creepy but I’ve been dreaming of you confessing to me. But when JiYong confessed to me, I became hopeless that this day will ever come since he’s your bestfriend and yo don’t want to ruin his lovelife.” She laughed. “Did I sound assuming?”

“Not really.”

We laughed.

“Let’s make a treaty. After I get out of my military service, you’ll marry me, huh?” I said as I take off one of my rings and put it on her finger.

“What!?”

“Why, you can’t wait that long?”

“No, I mean, why are you talking about marriage so early!?”

“Dan dan danan~ Dan dan danan~” Familiar voices then hummed the wedding march.

DID THEY HEAR EVERYTHING!?

“Yah! How long have you been eavesdropping?” I asked them, acting mad.

“We’re not! We just arrived.” SeungRi protested.

“Yieee~” Daesung then ran towards us, giggling, teasing us.

I looked at JiYong and smiled at him. SeungHyun hyung, paraded like a flower girl, showering invisible petals from his invisible basket.

“What’s going on here? You should practice, boys. Don’t goof around. SeungHyun, stop acting like that. Aigoo, sometimes I’m really confused about your identity.”

“Yah! JaeWook OPPA, don’t be like that!” He mimicked a girl’s voice and acted like punching JaeWook hyung.

“HUL! Start practicing guys or you’ll end up going home at midnight again.”

“Neh, hyung!”