“You got 94% on your mathematics test, Kyung Mi. This is absolutely pathetic! Where did the other 6% go? Did your stupidity cause you to become incapable of obtaining a successful mark? This, and you should already know this, is a failure in my eyes. I’m quiet ashamed.”

Shoving the crumpled test paper into my resigned face, my father let his eyes shoot over the piece of paper, picking apart every single error that happened to evaded me. 94% was not good enough; in fact it was far from it. Anything other than 100% was not acceptable and it was always followed by the usual lecture. With spit flying from the corner of his mouth, my father lowered himself to my eye level, his gaze burning into that of mine. I felt like melting into a puddle of shame and despair. At least then I wouldn’t have to hear his voice as it echoed off the walls, repeatedly screeching in my ears.

A hard lump formed in the back of my throat, indicating that a flurry of tears was about to be released. Biting my lip, I tried to force them back; not wanting to show any kind of weakness in front of the maddened man before me. The tears could wait for the darkness of my room. They could wait for the comfort of my already tear stained pillow.

Hanging my head even lower, I whispered a slight apology. Laughing my father saw this as humorous, for reasons that I could not phantom. I suppose he chuckled at the way I thought an apology would make up for my terrible test result. I suppose he thundered at how pathetic I looked right now.

Letting my eyes flicker away from the plain, worn out black of my shoes, I looked across at my mother whom wore an expression of boredom along her features. Yawning, she reached for the television remote, turning the volume up considerably higher; obviously annoyed at the disturbance I had unintentionally created. Throwing my test to the ground, ignoring the obvious positive comments written on it by my impressed teacher, my father continued to seethe with utter anger.

“Get out your textbooks. You are going to study right next to me and I am going to observe everything you do; every flick of your incapable fingers. Do it. Now.”

Gulping, I nodded timidly, too afraid to deny him anything. Rushing away, the moment that I set foot in the hallway, I was unable to contain a single painful tear as it rolled down the pale flesh of my cheek. Wiping it away, I made sure not to look back. If my father noticed the reaction that I was having, he was sure to roll his eyes and gaze at me with even more contempt. Throwing my school bag over my shoulder, I slowed my movements, hoping to delay having to go back into the presence of my family.

“Kyung Mi! Hurry up!”

Screaming, my father’s voice boomed throughout the whole house, almost causing the walls to shake. I could already picture my mother, still sprawled lazily along the couch cushions, eyes glued to the expensive television screen. Good to know I could rely on her in my time of need. Speeding my pace up, I shuffled back to where my father stood with his hands resting on his hips. He was radiating dominance and authority; both things which he possessed a large amount of. Moving at a lightning fast pace, I withdrew several books from my strained bag, placing them on a side desk. My father had already pulled up a chair, making himself comfortable next to the seat I will soon occupy.

Lastly, I lifted my tattered pencil case from its designated slot. Taking a deep breath, I tried to prepare my brain for the intense study session that awaited me. I almost felt as though I was walking to my grave; making my way towards my father’s impatient figure. He had begun to tap his large foot against the cushioned flooring, emitting a loud, consistent beat that was rather distracting. Not like he really cared though.  

Pushing my fringe out of my eyes, I shifted the sleeves of my sweater higher up my arms, trying desperately to avoid the deathly gaze that burned into the back of my head the moment that I took a seat. With a husky whisper, my father leaned down and muttered in my ear,

“Begin.”

~~~

Rubbing my eyes, hoping to shoo away some of the exhaustion that clung to me, I walked in a manner similar to that of a zombie towards the tall entrance gates of my school. Sure, my parents scold me about my education, push me to be the best, yet they sent me to a crappy public school with lazy teachers and disruptive peers. Idiotic, isn’t it? When people began to filter through my vision, I decided now was probably the time to wear the fake smile that I had to every day. Time to act like the happy, funny person everyone thought I was. It was just easier to hide the loneliness and pain inside of me than to share what I really felt. 

I could already feel the familiar tightness of my muscles as I painted a fake expression of happiness on my face. It was kind of sad really how no one seemed to realise that of the negativity following through me. Even my closest friend only knew the surface of some of my problems. She wouldn’t be able to understand let alone relate vaguely to what I feel.

“KyungMi! Over here!”

Turning my head, I attempted to locate the sound of the soft, friendly voice, knowing immediately who it was. As soon as my gaze landed on Min Ree, I inserted a fake twinkle in my eye, trying to resemble an expression of joy.

“MinMin! Aish, look how cute you are today?”

Rustling the shorter girl’s hair, I sadly noted the way she didn’t seem to recognize the hollowness that resonated throughout my voice. Was it too much to ask that someone save me from my own saddened soul? Shifting the books that I was holding, I placed one of my slender arms around my younger before guiding her towards the crowded library.

“Come with me to the library. I need to get a new book.”

Nodding obediently, I smiled inwardly at the way Min Ree followed everything I said, without even the slightest protest. I’m sure if I asked her, she would run around the school for me. A small gasp of remembrance suddenly slipped from between Min Ree’s pink lips, causing me to raise my eyebrows questioningly.

“Remember how we had that copious amount of testing not too long ago? Well, I heard from one of the teachers that the results are in and will be posted today. I sure do hope I get a good score; I studied so hard!”

Pouting, Min Ree failed to notice the way my demeanour changed. It was almost as though someone had ripped out my heart and threw it into a pit of fire. Not more test results. What if I didn’t get a satisfactory mark; something that pleases father? I couldn’t present to him another failure. He was sure to lock me in my bedroom, with nothing other than a pile of textbooks, a notepad and a pencil. I don’t think the sun would ever be able to caress my skin ever again.

Entwining our hands together, Min Ree pulled me along into the crowded Library, muttering more about how hard she studied. She was a smart girl; it just never seemed to reflect in the scores she earned.

It felt as though a ruff rock had formed in my throat, making it almost impossible to breathe. Tugging at the collar of my sweater, I felt a bead of sweat grow above my upper lip. Crossing my fingers behind my back, I prayed for the result that I wanted…no, needed to see. Closing my eyes tightly, I let Min Ree guide me to where the results were posted on the main notice board. Poking my cheeks, she indicated that we had arrived. Anxiously opening one eyelid at a time; I waited for my eyes to focus on the words before me. Scanning the long list for my name, I gulped nervously when I found it. Looking across at the mark, I had to contain the quiver of despair that threatened to flow through my body.

95%

Oh no, no, no, no. How could I not receive 100%? Well, I suppose I better dig my grave now and save my father the trouble. 

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