--

I was sitting in the cafe, impatient, my foot tapping, and though angry, I was worried.  My Jinki would never be late or forget this day.. I mean it's one of the single most important days of our lives together.. and he made such a big deal about me being here.. said he had to give me something important.

He's been so good to me, and he's so excited to be a daddy to our baby girl. I found out the of the baby this morning and I haven't told him yet, and I hope when he hears that he'll be excited.  He loves to sing and talk to the baby.  He'll lay his head on my bump and rub it and kiss it and it makes me so happy to see him so excited for our baby. 

Life's begining to start looking up for me. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm running as fast as I can in hallways made of bright white walls.  Men and women in white are running and talking too.  One grabs my arm and pulls me back, telling me not to strain too much as it can harm my child.  I do listen to her a little and slow my pace barely.  I have to find his room. I have to find him. 

He can't be dead

He can't be dead

He's not dead

Please don't be gone

Jinki, I love you.  

Please, please don't leave me. 

Please be there. 

Don't be dead, please, just please. 

These thoughts scream their way in my head as I rush into his room--

He's hooked up to so many machines, blood splotches everywhere on his hospital clothes, his face is pale and slack.  He looks limp and broken.  The machines register and beep to his slow and labored pulse. 

The doctor informs me of Jinki's wounds, his unlikeliness of living.. it breaks me.

I break down, sobbing, crying, begging when the machine begins to beep eratically--

Jinki's eyelids flutter open and his mouth opens to speak. "~~..~~~~~.. I'm.. sorry.."

A dry, labored voice speaks"..~~..~~~~~.. I.. love you..and the baby.."

"Jinki-ah! don't say that, not yet.. Tell it to us when she's born, when she takes her first steps.. oppa.. when we are 80 and all wrinkly and still in love.. . " I lean over and touch his face..

The machine's beeps begin to slow down, making the pauses more deafening. His eyelids flutter closed. "There's something..you need to...ge..."his voice evaporates and his body is deathly still.  The heart monitor flatlines and produces a high screeching noise..

"Oppa!! Yeobeo! Jinki-ah.. Please.. Please wake up... Please." 

I'm sobbing, incoherant, and weak. 

My body shakes with every sob and sniffle and I'm forced outside of the room, as the doctors try to save him.

We were supposed to be happy.. Today was supposed to be happy.. 

"Jinki-ah, please don't go.  We were supposed to live till we were 100 and wrinkly and ugly.  We were supposed to fight and cry and love more. You can't.. you can't just leave us now!"

I sit there and pray to a God I've never needed before.  

Eventually, my mind shuts down and crash outside his door, begging and praying.  He can't be gone, he just can't be.