The morning sun of the end of autumn slowly filled the room; from the window it was possible to see the white grass becoming green as the sunlight made the air warmer. Ruby was on the window looking curiously at the birds preparing themselves for winter and Kyungsoo was laying on his bed fighting against the laziness and start cleaning the house and preparing the lunch for his guests.

At the moment he was getting up, Jongin grabbed his arm, his hands were cold and Kyungsoo could feel Jongin gaze.

“Where are you going” Jongin asked in a sleepy voice “Please don’t leave me”

“I need to clean the house, this place is messy”

“I’m sure they don’t mind” Jongin replied “Stay with me”

“But I really have to…” Jongin interrupted Kyungsoo by pulling him against the bed and looked at him in the eyes “I really have to, I’m sorry. We have all the time in the world after they leave”

Kyungsoo started cleaning the house while Jongin was sitting in the bed looking at the kitten in the window. It was 9h00 a.m. and Kyungsoo already cleaned half of the house

“Hyung… do you want me to do some breakfast?” Jongin asked

“It’s better if I do it, last time you tried doing something in the kitchen you almost burns the whole house” Jongin laughed. It was on the last Sunday of October, Jongin parents were out and Jongin decided to invite Kyungsoo to come to his house and had the idea of baking cupcakes. When Kyungsoo arrived, Jongin was in his bedroom without knowing that the oven was almost on fire.

Kyungsoo kept doing his cleaning, thinking about the week that faded like a day, without spending enough time with Jongin, thinking about why did the accepted him without thinking twice even when he was mad, and he kept thinking alone mumbling a song that he sang for Jongin.  After a while, the footsteps behind him woke him from his daydreaming, it was Jongin that finally decided to get up.

“You still remember that song?” He asked surprised

“I didn’t sing it for a while I just remembered it today” Kyungsoo answered “Anyway, why did you left me? And why did you came back now?”

Jongin hesitated, every time Kyungsoo asked him that Jongin seemed to avoid the answer, he always changed the subject.

“Stop hesitating, and answer the stupid question” Kyungsoo hissed “I won’t hate you for that, I love you and nothing can change that”

“You hated me for leaving, maybe it’s better if you don’t know why I left, I don’t want to give more reasons to end this, because I don’t want this to end”

“I never said I hated you”

“I could see it in your eyes, when you saw me”

Kyungsoo didn’t respond, Jongin was right, he hated him for leaving. In high school Kyungsoo didn’t had much friends except for Jongin, after he left Claire, the French girl became his support, he told her about his love for Jongin and she understood it, after all she liked him too. Kyungsoo was left alone in a tiny apartment.

“Fine, I won’t ask it again. My co-workers most be arriving go dress something” Kyungsoo said looking at Jongin’s bare chest “I don’t want them to see your chest, they might steal you from me”

When someone knocked on the door, Kyungsoo felt anxious, he was nervous for that moment for some reason it didn’t seem right, something was wrong and he didn’t knew what was.

Kyungsoo opened the door, smiling, then he saw everyone he most cared about.

“Hi Hyung, good to see you smiling again” Tao cheered “You really needed some time off”

“I had much more than that” He walked to the living room so they could meet Jongin, he heart was beating at the speed of light “There someone I what you to meet, I thought I lost him long time ago, he was my first love”

“Him?” Tao questioned “There’s a lot of people coming out these days, three in the last week”

“Please” Kyungsoo said turning around when he was on Jongin’s side “Meet Jongin”

“Jongin? But Hyung” Tao seemed confused “There is no one here, where is he?”

“What do you mean? He’s right here” Kyungsoo was uncertain “You are joking right?”

“No, he isn’t” Sehun said “Jongin left long time ago, he’s not here”

Kyungsoo’s world fell apart, he could now understand what was happening, and he felt empty for realizing he was not real. Kyungsoo fell on the floor and looked at Jongin who was starting at him looking worried. Tao tried to help him and calm him down but Kyungsoo pushed him and he fell too, his vision became foggy and he couldn’t breathe, there was so many things on his head, he kept looking at Jongin although he didn’t looked like Jongin anymore, is face was too pale for a human being and he began to look like the figures of his nightmare, he screamed and closed his eyes, but then, he began to hear the whispers too, he blocked his ears and looked at everyone around him, they were all like Jongin, smiling at  Kyungsoo, he wanted everything to disappear but he couldn’t get up, his body was hurting too much. Kyungsoo stopped trying to fight against it, he felt worthless and defeated. After a while Kyungsoo fell a something entering his skin, when he tried to open his eyes to see what was going on, he passed out.

Kyungsoo opened his heavy eyes, he was on a white room, he tried to think why he was there but his head hurt so much. He just looked around and everything in that room was white excluding a part of the wall in front of him it looked more grayish and it was deeper than the rest, and where the wall met the roof was a tiny camera pointing in Kyungsoo’s direction.

“What kind of place am I?” Kyungsoo wondered.

He kept in silent for a couple of hours until the white door on his left opened, a nurse came in with a dish tray on her hands. She placed it on a table near Kyungsoo and walked to the door

“Where am I? Is there someone watching me? Please explain all this” Kyungsoo had so many question but once he couldn’t ask them all, the nurse closed the door and Kyungsoo was left alone.

Kyungsoo was starving so he ate all the food in a blink of an eye. In the end he noticed a plastic cup with some pills in it and a note “Kyungsoo, we’ll meet soon, you have to understand that the first day is crucial, please take this pill it will make you headache disappear. Your doctor”

“So, I am in a hospital. The first day is crucial to what?” Kyungsoo pondered, although he took the pill the doctor gave him and in half an hour the headache melted away. He felt better, but he wanted to know what was happening he already figured out that the deeper wall was a glass, he remember seeing some rooms like the one he was in movies he used to watch with Jongin.

Thinking of Jongin made him recall of the last week he had, with him. Kyungsoo didn’t knew if it were real or not, everything was so confusing to him, he still couldn’t understand what happen in that day. The silent was making Kyungsoo impatient, he wanted to get the answers to all questions.

After a while in silent, Kyungsoo began to sing, the songs he used to sing with Jongin, the songs he didn’t thought about for years. In the beginning it was some kind of awkward but then Kyungsoo voice began to gain force, and the songs became prettier and happier. He sang for hours and hours, and then the nurse came in again, with the food, she didn’t go to the door right after the left the dish tray on the table, she took the dish tray from the other meal and looked at Kyungsoo, who was sat on the bed looking at her.

“You are such an easy patient” she said “The doctor was right about you”

“How did the doctor know what kind of person I am?” He asked

“I don’t know, he’s just a great doctor” she answered “You ask too many questions, he was right about that too. Have a good meal, and take your pill, you are much better now” she began to walk to the door, Kyungsoo wanted her to stay there, but he didn’t knew how he would do that.

“Could you at least tell me what day is today?”  Kyungsoo questioned

“It’s just 22th November, don’t worry you didn’t slept for too long” She responded smiling at him before closing the door again. Kyungsoo felt somehow relieved somewhere in his worries he thought he was in coma for years.

Kyungsoo woke up without having any nightmare or dream about his life, he felt relaxed and optimist, something that he didn’t felt for weeks. He took a while to open his eyes wishing he was in his apartment, hoping that his whole life were just a dream and the real Jongin was with him.

He felt disappointed when he realized he was still in the white room, the breakfast was on the table, when he was about to sit on the bed to eat it, the door open and someone with a white coat walked in.

“Are you the doctor?” Kyungsoo questioned without looking at his face

“That depends on which doctor you are talking about” He answered, His voice was familiar, the voice that he kept hearing, everywhere. Looking to his face Kyungsoo became confused and puzzled.

It was on day 20^th May, Kyungsoo’s father died from a brain tumor, his father who treated people from brain disorders became one of them; on the day he died, Kyungsoo’s father didn’t knew he had a son, he couldn’t remember anything. Kyungsoo spend their last moments telling his story, or at least what he knew about that.

On the funeral day Kyungsoo was sitting alone on a bench imaging that Jongin was there, hating him so much for leaving him like that, he just kept remembering the best moments he had with Jongin and with his father because now he was alone, he didn’t had anyone to hold him or to swept his tears. Kyungsoo looked at the doctor face, he also became one like his father’s patient.

“You are not real, you can’t be” He trembled, it was Jongin once again, Kyungsoo was puzzled looking at him

“I’ve been always been real, you just created me in your head” he stated “We should talk about what brings you here right? Then everything will became clear to you” He continued “You have schizophrenia, you probably know what is it. Your father was the one who inspired me to be a doctor myself”

“So am I crazy?”

“Yes, but you can be just as normal as everyone else, you just have to take the pill we give you, and… visit me once in a while”

“I can live with that… I think” Kyungsoo began “If you are the real Jongin, can I ask you one thing?”

“Sure, you can ask me everything you want”

“Why did you left me in high school?”

“Oh that, my parents discovered about us and they got mad at me we went to the other side of the city” Jongin reported “But it didn’t worked that well, so after a while we moved to the US and I went to college, already with the idea of coming back for you”

“So why didn’t you came to me once you were here?” Kyungsoo inquired, he had an apathetic emotion on his face, he was trying to forgive himself, for all those years Kyungsoo was mad at Jongin for leaving and now he realized it wasn’t Jongin fault at all.

“I was a coward, I was too scared that you wouldn’t accept me again, so I kept watching over you, I realized something was not okay, but I didn’t had the courage to talk to you, I’m sorry.” Jongin replied, he looked at Kyungsoo’s face begging for forgiveness. They kept looking at each other for a while, until Kyungsoo looked at his breakfast and began to eat.

“You know what is funny” Kyungsoo said after he finished taking his pill “Now I have memories with you that you don’t have with me” He smiled at Jongin, who smiled at him right after. Kyungsoo grasped how much he missed that smile, even if he saw it in his hallucination, it wasn’t same as seeing it from the real Jongin, his first love.

“We could recreate them, you know?” Jongin rejoiced “So I could remember as well, it will be different but at least I’ll remember”

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Author Note 

I'm so sorry that I took so much finnishing this but because of my lack of experience, talent and inspiration and because of school I didn't had much time to write it.

I could I've upload it earlier but my sister, who is the read it first was busy and couldn't read it so if you notice any error, i'm so sorry

I hope you enjoyed it and I really wanted to wrote a epiloge(or even like a spin off, writing abou Jongin's story or even someone else) but school is starting again so I'll see what I can do ^^

I'm open to comments, critics or opinions, anything you want to say to me you can send me a message here or on my tumblr, I check it more often.

Thanks for reading.