Kyungsoo was looking at the widow, watching the sun rising between the buildings, he was still thinking about his beautiful dream, wanting to go back, wanting to meet Jongin again and stay on his side forever, so he couldn’t leave. Kyungsoo was also wondering what happened to the French girl, he remembered that she was the only one that knew about him and Jongin and she stayed with Kyungsoo even after the end of high school but then she left South Korea and went to France.

He went to the nearest convenience store, which also had a small cafe where he could eat something. He sat in a table next to the widow and started reading the newspaper.

“It’s rare to see you around here in the morning” asked the maid “Any special reason?”

“No, my boss thought it was good for me to have a break” Kyungsoo replied

“I wish I had your boss” a guy confessed “Well I have to go, see you tomorrow” When the guy turned around, he looked at Kyungsoo for less than a second, he looked hurry and anxious; Kyungsoo knew in from somewhere but he didn’t had the chance to see his face more detailed, also his voice was familiar, too familiar.

“Who was that?” Kyungsoo questioned the maid.

“It’s a psychiatrist who works in that madhouse near here, he’s quite good looking, I don’t even know his name, but I think it’s Jong something” Said the maid “So, What are you having?”

“I just want a coffee, please” Kyungsoo replied; Kyungsoo was still thinking about that man, how unique was his dark hair from behind, how sleepy did his voice sounded when he spoke to him; Kyungsoo recognized those details, he just needed to see him once more, to listen to his voice for a second to connect all the dots and to know who was that person, to be sure about his guess.

As he was walking home, his mind was driving between his dream and the man in the store, how delightful was his dream and his past with Jongin and how relatable was that man to Jongin. Someone’s voice bought Kyungsoo from his thoughts, he looked back and didn’t saw anyone, and so he kept walking (?)

“Hyung” The voice called again. Kyungsoo looked back and saw him, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing; it was Jongin, the one that Kyungsoo longed so much for so long, it was there, a couple meters from him, smiling and walked in his direction “I’m sorry, I should have come to you early, but it was really hard for me” Kyungsoo was speechless looking at Jongin “I need your help, Hyung”, Jongin continued “I know that I disappeared some years ago but now I’m here, I understand that you are mad at me for leaving without saying a word, but I need a place to stay for some time, please?”

“Well, I think it is okay, but why did you left me alone in high school?” Kyungsoo finally said asked

“It’s a long story I’ll tell you later” Jongin answered

They walked home in silence, Kyungsoo was upset but he was also grateful for Jongin’s return. Kyungsoo was only thinking about how abandoned he felt, how reject, how empty he felt when Jongin disappeared, the pain was reducing year by year but it never left, it stayed there in the deep of his heart waiting for a break so it could come to the surface. Kyungsoo wanted to look the most excited as (?) possible but he couldn’t, because he was still mad at Jongin, for not being there, for not being with him when he needed.

“So, where is your dad?” Jongin asked

“He died, a year after you disappeared” Kyungsoo grunted

“I’m sorry” Jongin stuttered “I should have been there”

“Yes, you should” Kyungsoo agreed “But now it’s too late”

When they were already at home, they were both on the couch in silence; Kyungsoo had millions question but he didn’t want to bother Jongin. After an hour in silence Jongin finally broke it:

“I missed you” He mumbled “I missed you every day, every minute, every second” then Jongin moved in Kyungsoo’s direction “I wanted to come back earlier but I couldn’t, but now I’m here, please accept me” Jongin continued “please” Jongin embraced Kyungsoo and placed his head on him shoulder, after a while Jongin started crying; Kyungsoo didn’t know what he could do to make his friend feel better

“Jongin, look at me” Kyungsoo demanded. When he looked at him; Kyungsoo kissed his lips, he hated seeing Jongin like that; Jongin kissed him back after a while, the kiss took an eternity, Kyungsoo didn’t wanted it to stop, but after a while Jongin abandoned Kyungsoo lips and pulled his forehead against Kyungsoo’s. In the high school they spent hours like that without saying a word, just looking at each other eyes and smiling.

“It’s weird” Kyungsoo said in a peaceful tone “After all this years; you are with me, again” Jongin interrupted him with a small kiss then he smiled and grabbed Kyungsoo’s hands “It’s hard to believe, maybe this isn’t real, maybe I’m just dreaming.”

“Do you want to wake up?” Jongin inquired

“If this is a dream, then I want to sleep forever, unless I wake up and you’re still by my side”

Kyungsoo kissed Jongin again, he lay down on the couch and Kyungsoo followed him still with his lips against Jongin’s. As Jongin and lying down on the couch Kyungsoo could felt his hands on his chest; it didn’t take long until they were both , in the bedroom, Kyungsoo was elapsing his fingertips in Jongin’s chest, he could see again that dark and soft skin, he could touch it again while Jongin was patting Kyungsoo’s head.

“I’ve been all alone” Kyungsoo started “Were have you been? Why didn’t you called? Why did you appear now?” Kyungsoo sat on the bed; he wanted the answers he was looking for after all those years

“I’m sorry” Jongin whined “I’m really sorry, I should have come earlier, It just…”

“Shut up!” Kyungsoo yelled “Why did you left me? Answer me!” Kyungsoo was getting upset “I shouldn’t have let you in” Kyungsoo got up and dressed his pants, when he was taking his shirt from the floor, Jongin embraced him from behind, he had his cheeks wet probably from crying, after a seconds he was sobbing, Kyungsoo was feeling bad for being mad at Jongin but he also wanted the answers Jongin wasn’t giving. So he got free from Jongin’s embrace and left the bedroom with his eyes full of tears.

It was 8h45am when Kyungsoo arrived to a bar he used to go; when his father died, Kyungsoo had a small drinking problem and the barman who worked there helped him to surpass it, they keep in touch even after Kyungsoo got better.

“Whisky, please” Kyungsoo said to Lee Jinki, the barman

“The usual” He answered “I didn’t saw you around here for mouths, what happen?”

“My past came back and I wasn’t ready to welcome it” Kyungsoo told him “I didn’t wanted it to happen like, I just need answers and I’m not getting them”

“Sometimes, the answers come when you less except, you should be patient” Jinki advised “Maybe he doesn’t know how to give them, maybe he’s afraid that you’ll not accept him if you know the truth”

“How did you?” Kyungsoo looked at him confused and surprised

“I know you better than you realize” Jinki replied “Anyway, sometimes it’s better to not know the answers, they can be really hurtful.”

“Thank you, why are you still a barman? You should became a writer, to help people who are lost like me”

“I’m working on it”

“Oh, that’s great, I want to be the first to read it” Kyungsoo said with enthusiasm “Now I have someone to apologize to”

“You don’t need to pay your drink, it’s on the house” Jinki said as Kyungsoo was taking his wallet off.

When Kyungsoo arrived home, he found Jongin on the white couch looking at a wall, with an empty look as if he was not here, as if he was in somewhere distant and he was just an illusion. Then Jongin came back to that room when Kyungsoo sat on his side. Kyungsoo kept looking at his face for a while, appreciating how perfect he was, even if many years have passed he kept the same look, he still looked young like he had stopped in time and everything else was grown old except him. Kyungsoo came back to the real life as he realized he was smiling and Jongin was looking at him, confused.

“Ohh, right, I wanted to apologize” Kyungsoo said with a timid voice “I over reacted, I’m sorry”

Jongin just looked at him without any expression, Kyungsoo was uncertain if that was a good thing, He wasn’t sure if Jongin was still the same he knew in the high school. After a while Jongin leaded in Kyungsoo direction and when his red lips were nearly touching his lips he kissed them gently.

“I love you” Jongin purred after the kiss “I’m sorry, I wanted to answer your questions but-”

“You don’t need to answer them now” Kyungsoo interrupted “You can answer them when you want to, it can be tomorrow or never. I don’t care”

Jongin kissed him again, not as gently as the first time and Kyungsoo kissed him back; Kyungsoo held his hand, just like in that morning but without any regret about doing it; Kyungsoo was the kind of person that worried about everything and questioned every move that everyone makes even his own actions, he always regret something, and regrets it for a long time without forgetting; he wanted to leave that habit and enjoy the moment without thinking if it was a good choice.

After an hour, Kyungsoo was feeling the pain he didn’t felt for years, the pain he missed. He was looking at Jongin, who was looking serious at him.

“Are you mad at me? Didn’t you like it?” Kyungsoo questioned

“No, I mean Yes” Jongin stuttered “I just, I’m always hurting you, everything I do, you are the one who came out hurt”

“Not everything” Kyungsoo giggled “Not all the pain you gave me is bad” Kyungsoo continued “Most it didn’t bother me at all” Kyungsoo decided to not mention the pain he gave him when he left, that one was the most hurtful, and the one that never left.

In the next mooring Kyungsoo and Jongin were in the kitchen eating the breakfast Kyungsoo prepared, looking at ruby eating hers.

“Your cat doesn’t like me” Jongin said with his mouth full “She ignores me”

“She will get used to you” Kyungsoo replied with a smile “I should introduce you to my partners in the work”

“Who knows about me?”

“Just to Zitao, but the rest must know” Kyungsoo explained “Sehun works there too, he’s dating a guy called Luhan” Sehun was in the same class as Jongin in high school, he was a mysterious boy, who barely talked.

“He liked me” Jongin confessed “I mean, Sehun. He told me a week before I…”

“Really? I didn’t knew that, why didn’t you told me?” Kyungsoo asked “and what did you said to him?”

“I didn’t told you because I was afraid you felt guilty for me to reject him” Jongin answered “and I told him about us, our relationship, he accepted it quite good, after that we began to talk more”

“So do you want to meet them?”

“I don’t think it is a good idea”

“Why?”

“Because- never mind. Invite whenever you want” Jongin smile looked worried, Kyungsoo didn’t understand why he didn’t to meet his friends, but he also didn’t want to bother Jongin with his questions.

“Then, it could be Friday?” Kyungsoo asked

“Fine” Jongin confirmed “Is Sehun different from High school days?”

“He is hotter now”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have rejected him” Jongin teased. Kyungsoo gave him an annoyed “I’m sorry. Let’s go out today”

“Okay, where do you want to go?”

“I want to go to the Oceanarium” Jongin looked like a little kid asking to go there and Kyungsoo couldn’t resist to the look he was giving, even though the Oceanarium was quite far. Jongin’s voice was too sweet to say no.

“Good idea, but we have to leave now, The Oceanarium is a little bit far away and I don’t have a car”

They dressed up and left the house, holding hands. After 5 minutes waiting in the bus stop, the bus arrived. The bus was full of children; as it stopped in front of the Oceanarium, and a lot of kindergartens used it. Jongin spent the whole way looking to the widow, while Kyungsoo was just staring at him, smiling.

Already inside the Oceanarium, Jongin was glued to the glass looking at all the fishes like a kid who were there for the first time.

“Hyung, it’s a shark!” Jongin exclaimed “and a Ray”

Kyungsoo was behind Jongin, looking at him with a big smile on his face, he approached Kai and held his hand, and they kept looking at the fishes in silence.

“Oh Hyung, that one looks like you” Jongin pointed to a lonely fish “Look at his eyes they are big like yours, it’s adorable”

“My eyes are not that big” Kyungsoo mumbled “Then you are that one” he pointed to a black fish that was approaching the one with big eyes

“I’m not that dark” Jongin slurred, Kyungsoo laughed, he didn’t laugh for a long time, and he didn’t even remember how it was.

 They kept their way talking about the fishes they have seen, Jongin wanted to see the seals. On their way, Kyungsoo noticed that the people around them were giving odd looks, some of them were even whispering between them and Kyungsoo didn’t knew what was wrong with them.

“Jongin, why are people are looking at us like we were some kind of aliens?” Jongin stooped and looked around him, he looked tense and after a while he looked to Kyungsoo looking in his eyes.

“Because…” Jongin started with a hesitant voice “we are two men and I don’t think that normal people are used to it” Kyungsoo felt relaxed, he was so used to be with Jongin that he almost forgot about the rest of the world.

----

Kyungsoo was in the street, again. He was expecting to see his father and then the non-face corpses, but none of them appeared. Instead of that, two lights emerged at the end of the road, and started getting closer to him.  As they’re approaching, he realized it was a car. Kyungsoo was in the middle of the road, and the car was almost hitting him, it kept getting closer without slow down, he started retreating without taking his eyes from the car, until he fell in a puddle. When the car was one meter away from Kyungsoo, it stopped. The door opened a couple seconds later, then a man came out, he was wearing a top hat and a suit with a long coat, he also had a cane, however even if Kyungsoo couldn’t see his face, he didn’t look old enough to have to use one. He started walking in Kyungsoo direction, and as he steps out of the shadow, Kyungsoo saw his face, and recognized it. Kyungsoo knew it was a dream, but didn’t know why it was happening. It was Jongin, walking in his direction, with a cold expression, looking at Kyungsoo, who was terrified in that puddle. After some steps he stopped and threw the cane and restarted walking again, seconds later he threw his hat as well, and then, when Jongin was standing in front of Kyungsoo, he flung his coat in Kyungsoo direction.

Kyungsoo woke up startling, checked his bed to see if Jongin was there, if it wasn’t a dream. He smiled when he touched his warm chest; then Kyungsoo lied again, and looking at Jongin’s sleepy face.