Selfishness wins in the end. It takes three days for you to finally realize that you're too selfish and egoistic to send Taemin away. You try to justify your actions by telling yourself that you're not ready for him to leave, that you need him in your life and that he doesn't want to leave anyway, so why send him away.

But you know it's all bull.

Taemin is scared of his past. He's afraid of the things he left behind. These things make him stuck here, but he's too scared and guilty to solve them. It's an neverending circle.

You could help him and you know it, but you don’t want to. You need him more than he does and you are very aware of that. You wonder if he knows how much he actually means to you. His presence, his warm words, his support. He basically replaced both your parents at some point and then he became someone even more important.

A few days after your fight it hits you how addicted you are to his presence and how lonely you’d be if he was to disappear. You only had him. Your mother or father didn’t give a about you anymore. Kyungmi was sweet and you trusted her, but she couldn’t possibly replace someone like Taemin. And beside these two?

You had no one.

You were utterly lonely. On your own in the whole damn world.

How did it come to this?

Taemin is quiet for a week after the fight. You only exchange a few words, but he slowly warms up to you again. You’re watching a movie on a Saturday evening when you comment something, making a stupid remark, and he burst out laughing. You smile at the TV, then at him, and you exchange long, lingering stares before continuing to watch the film. After that, everything is back in its normal state.

You go to school. You stop doing your research, you don’t look for more people. You go out with Taemin when he wants to, discovering new things about him and listening to his stories when sitting by the bridge or in the park or in front of the mall. You rarely speak during these walks and let him do all the talking (you don’t want to be considered a weirdo again), and he opens up surprisingly well. He tells you a lot of stories about him and his friends. He tells you about Jonghyun and Kibum and a guy named Jinki. He tells you how they skipped classes and where they’d go if they did. He tells you about the bet that was going around on when Jonghyun and Kibum are finally going to get together. Taemin wonders if they’re together or if their ways parted and if he’d have won the bet.
Your heart crushes silently in your chest, but you smile tightly.

“We used to break in everywhere we could,” Taemin says. A pigeon flies down to peck at the ground in front of your feet. He stares curiously at you, waiting for some food. “Especially if it was a private property. Jinki was an orphan, he raised in weird circumstances, he could open anything and break everything. We broke into our school once and spend the night. We planned on waking up before someone can find us, but our janitor turned out to be one of the morning types. I got a beating back home then.”

Taemin rarely mentioned his parents, but when he did, it was never really favorable. He was angry every time when talking about them. 

Later that day, when you finally got home, you asked him about them. Taemin shrugged.

“We didn’t get along,” he said. “I mean, I was a little . They weren’t patient enough. My dad wasn’t good with words, but he was great with his fist. My mom was just weak.” 

“At least they were there,” you said, trying to comfort him somehow. Taemin smiled sadly.

“Yeah, but it meant I couldn’t do most of the things.”

“That’s why you did even more.”

“Yeah. I wanted to piss my father off. I became a delinquent just to piss him off.” 

You hanged your thin jacket on the rag and entered the kitchen, Taemin immediately going to the living room.

“Do you regret it?” You asked him from the kitchen, raising your voice a bit. There was silence answering you, but he spoke at last.

“I wish I could apologize for being mean,” he said. 

You have a chance, you thought then, but you didn’t speak up.

*

Summer vacation is coming and you aren’t able to feel enthusiastic about it. You are quite sulky, actually. You think of spending the days with Taemin and you feel weirdly lonely at the thought of it.

You want to let him go, but you can’t.

You’re standing in a beeline in a coffee shop, dreaming about a bubble tea and drooling at the sight of it on the banners above the counter, deep in your thoughts, when someone pushes you from the back and you stubble a bit. A person who was standing in front of you takes their order in the same second and he turns around. 

You end up colliding with him, cold drink suddenly splashing all over your shirt, and you gasp and the sudden contact, ice and liquid dripping down your chest.
Everyone around jump away and bubble tea splashes onto the floor. 

You look up, dumbfounded, to see – of ing course – Minho’s wide eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. You look down at your shirt, up at him again, at his panicked expression, and you have no idea what to do or what to feel. At the moment you’re just embarrassed, so you quickly make your way to the girl’s restroom.

It takes good ten minutes to wash up and dry your clothes, but you manage. During your stay a few women come by and they’re all a bit surprised to see you in a thin t-shirt, drying your shirt under the hand-dryer, but one of them even says that grey soap is good for drink stains. You bow to her, thanking her for the advice.

When you exit the restroom, Minho is standing on the other side of the wall, holding two bubble teas in his hands. He looks like he wants to say something, but he closes his mouth as soon as you frown at him.

After half a minute of mutual staring he lifts the drinks up in the air.

“Choco or vanilla?” 

You let your eyes drift on his form for a few seconds before answering.

“Choco.”

He hands you the cup and you nod at him shortly. 

“I’m sorry,” he says when you’re already turning away to leave. You wave a hand at him, sipping at your bubble tea and wondering if there’s going to be a stain on your shirt later.

*

You have to make a final project for your biology classes to pass the grade, so you spend a few hours after school on doing research. And this time it’s real research.

You could do it at home, but something keeps you away. You feel like drifting away from Taemin and from home. You feel bad and lonely and guilty for not helping him, for keeping secrets away from him. 

You try to focus on biology though.

You decide to do a project about claustrophobia. It all starts with a question you ask yourself one night – why don’t we fall off the bed when we sleep? And it somehow transforms into it.

But then you realize you need someone you can test to even start the project.

You bang your head on the table in front of the school library’s computer, earning some weird looks from the students around you and a ‘shh’ from one of the workers. You make a face at her when she’s not looking and there comes a small chuckle from beside you.

You jump on your seat, startling a little, and you turn to see Minho again.

He’s biting his lip shyly, but he’s bald enough to sit beside you, fiddling with his backpack. You stare at him, showing no emotion.

“Stuck?” He asks.

“Why.”

He seems a bit taken-aback. 

“Was that a question?” He asks, unsure; you find yourself smiling a bit because you just went all Taemin on him. You turn back towards the screen, indicating that you’re working, and Minho is quiet for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he says suddenly. You open your notebook, glancing at him for a second, just to let him know you’re listening. “I mean, it’s all just a really weird chain of… misunderstandings and… weird and not so cool things happening between us that I never intended to, like, uh. Emerge.”

You snort at his words and the way he formed the sentence. He pouts a little.

“Shut up, I’m not good when it comes to this stuff.”

“You mean talking?” You quirk an eyebrow. The boy visibly flushes and that makes you snort once again.

“Go away, Minho,” you say. “I’m working.”

He stares, open-mouthed, but you’re already back to your readings. He nods  slowly, stands up without a word.

*

“,” you curse, throwing your bag onto the floor. Taemin quirks an eyebrow at you from the bed.

“What.”

You almost chuckle at his tone, remembering the library and he quirks an eyebrow.

“What?” He repeats.

“I lost my earphones,” you say. “Or have you seen them?”

“You didn’t use them after coming back home.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I probably left them at the library.”

“Ow. That .”

“Life without a pair of earphones is no life at all,” you sigh again. “There was a text post like this on tumblr. Never has anyone been more on point.”

Your phone rings and you look out of the window, seeing Kyungmi walking towards your house.

“No ghost-y stuff,” you remind Taemin. The boy rolls his eyes, flops back onto the bed with a huff. You smile fondly at him.

Kyungmi spends the night and helps you with your research. She has a tiny phobia of spaces, but you’ll need someone who actually has claustrophobia to finish the project. Still, her help is much appreciated.

When she falls asleep, Taemin creeps down to lurk around the kitchen for a bit. You watch him staring at the water on the counter, as if he wants to pick it up and drink from it, and the sight makes your heart ache.

Then he accidentally drops the bottle onto the floor and the water spills. You run towards him, furious about the ruckus, and he giggles nervously before disappearing.

“Yeah, better hide, ,” you mumble under your nose, picking the bottle up and wiping the water. Kyungmi wakes up, looks at you, dumbfounded.

“Are you talking to yourself again?”

You look at her a bit panicked and hope she’s too sleepy to remember it later.

*

On Sunday you wake up to the doorbell ringing.

It’s weird. You open your eye, listening for another bell ring to make sure you didn’t dream it, and there it goes.

You stand up hesitantly and make your way downstairs. Taemin literally flies out of the wall. It’d scare the crap out of you, but, yeah. Has been too long.

“The hell?” He mumbles; he almost sounds sleepy.

“Do ghost sleep?” You ask oddly. 

“It’s been so long and you’re only asking now?” Taemin teases. You open the door, still in your pajamas (you acted human enough to at least make your hair look normal).

Minho is standing on the other side.

“Can you be even creepier?” You ask in disbelief, leaning on the doorframe. Minho opens his mouth in a silent ‘uuuh’ and fumbles with his backpack. He pulls out your earphones.

“You left it in the library on Friday,” he says. “I couldn’t bring it yesterday.”

“That’s fine,” you say, frowning, and you hesitantly take it from him.

“Who’s that?” Taemin asks, leaning behind you and almost touch you. A shiver runs down your spine. He feels weirdly cold to your touch, as if oozing coldness.

“Thanks, Minho,” you say, both to really thank and to answer Taemin’s question. The ghost’s eyes widen comically.

“Minho?” He asks. “That Minho? How the does he know where you live?”

“I remember your address from that birthday party of yours,” Minho explains as on cue; you eye him carefully, taking a step back, but it’s impossible for him to see Taemin, right? “Second grade?”

“Yeah,” you say hesitantly. “Good memory.”

“I was scared some strange people will open,” Minho smiles lightly. 

“You should be scared of having my fist down your throat,” Taemin hisses, suddenly right beside Minho, almost touching him. You watch him point a finger at the boy. “Why are you letting him be here? You should be already throwing stuff at him!”

You almost want to say that he brought you back your earphones, but you close your mouth quickly. Then you realize you’ve been staring at Taemin, which for Minho looked like you’re gazing into thin air, and your eyes snap back at the boy.

“You okay?” He asks.

“Throw him out,” Taemin hisses, passing you and going back to the house. You glance after him.

“Uh, yeah,” you answer to Minho. “Thanks for bringing these, see you at school.”

“Wait—“ Minho says as you’re already closing the door. Taemin growls behind you. “I really meant what I said last time.”

“Last time?” Gasps Taemin. “Last time?!” He repeats, again by your side. He glances at you and back at Minho like an overprotective father.

“I know you don’t like me, but—if I even offended you in any way, it’s not because of the reason you think—“ 

You frown at him and realize he’s flushing again.

“Oh God,” Taemin says suddenly. “He’s totally crushing on you.”

You whip your head around in shock to stare at Taemin wide-eyed. Minho frowns and you know it, and you quickly look back at him.

“Sorry,” you say. “Um, what do you—“

A shoe flies right beside your left ear and it hits Minho straight in the face.

The boy startles, fumbles around and almost falls back. You gasp, covering your mouth with your hands in shock; the shoe falls onto the ground and Minho rubs his nose.

You stare at him and Minho stares at you. Then you turn back.

“Taemin!” You gasp out, shocked, dumbfounded and completely, utterly scared. Then you clasp a hand on your mouth again. Taemin is standing in the hallway, staring at you, but he shamelessly shrugs.

“What?” He asks cheekily.

“Who’s Taemin?” Minho asks, his voice raspy. You search for an excuse. 

“Uh, uh, a cousin,” you say. “He’s spending the night. We were playing hide and seek before you came.”

“That shoe came out of nowhere.”

You worry your lip.

“Sorry about that,” you say. “See you at school!”

You almost, almost close the door, when Minho decides to push them back. Your heart stutters a bit and he forces them open.

“What the ,” growls Taemin, standing protectively beside you.

“What’s happening here, Eun Ri?” Minho asks; then he looks inside the apartment, not realizing he’s staring straight at Taemin. “Where’s that cousin?”

Then his eyes widen comically, all the blood flows from his face and he’s pale. Then he shrieks, stumbles back and falls onto the ground, down the stairs and onto the driveway to your house.

You don’t know what’s just happened, but you know one thing – you’re screwed. 

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