past & present
Make A Shadow
At first, you just stared. Wide-eyed. Then the meaning of Taemin's words got to you and it made your blood boil. You kinda jumped, even though you were sitting, and all that was caused by your excitment. Taemin didn't seem to share the same feelings. To be honest, he looked as if someone was going to gut him. His face was showing disgust.
"You don't look like you mean it," you deadpaned, your shoulders slouching. Taemin sighed, loudly. "Like I'm not the only person in the world who sees you and who you can trust and who spends every day with you and talks to you and doesn't ask you too much questions about the afterlife and who doesn't ask priests to exorcise you or-"
"I got it," Taemin hisses.
"So?"
The blonde boy huffs. You feel nerves tingling under your skin, making your head buzz a little, because even though Taemin just said he will tell you the truth, he could change his mind any second.
Eventually, after biting his lip a little bit too hard for a ghost, Taemin stands up and goes upstairs, making a faint gesture at you to follow him. You make your way up the stairs, through the hallway, and finally towards your mom's bedroom.
Taemin gestures at the door and you see them opening slowly, creaking.
"Are you serious?" you ask, looking at the room and at Taemin again. You get the worst mental image ever, and your face- just-
"You're here because of my mom?!" you gasp, and before you can even finish the sentence, Taemin curses loudly and looks like he wants to hit you. Repeatedly.
" no," he says. "NO!" he decides to shout. "Gosh, telling you anything is the most stupid-"
"Oh just show me!" you say, throwing your hands in the air. Taemin walks past you, furious, stops by the commode and kinda nods at it. The drawer rolls out. To be honest, it's the firts time you see him using his ghost powers on things.
"How do you do that, even?" you ask, and Taemin shrugs. You then look inside the drawer and he points at a ring.
It's simple, silver, with a nice, small zircon in the center. It's pretty and modest, girly.
"This keeps me here," Taemin says, and his voice is soft, weak, even. You feel your heart clench suddenly, because the only thing you can think of is that Taemin wanted to give this ring to someone. "I think."
"What is it doing in my mom's drawer?" you ask silently, closing the drawer slowly. Taemin's eyes linger on the thing until you completely close it. Then he looks at you, his eyes misty.
"She found it. Took it to the police, no one came to get it, so she was free to have it."
"Who did it belong to before?" you ask, and your voices are getting quieter every second. It's heavy in the room. The atmosphere is weird and...
Gosh. You knew that Taemin had a life before you started to see him. You knew that he remembered his death and that he was pretty angsty. You were incredibly curious about his past, but now, when you were actually finding out more about it, it was uneasy. It was like finding out that your family member wasn't at all what he posed to be. Some Breaking Bad happening in your life.
"Taemin," you said slowly, quietly. Taemin looked up at you, his eyes clear, but his eyebrows slightly frowned. He had a pained expression. Like he was screaming at you with just his eyes. "Are you going to tell me?"
Taemin blinked and you could swear you saw tears in his eyes. He looked down, nodded, and disappeared.
You stared into the thin air and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
Then you ran out of the bedroom, took your jacket and went out.
*
You were visiting your mom at work for the first time. You found her easily, you asked the lady in the reception where you can find her, and after hearing that you're her daughter, she led you to your mom's office. She was incredibly surprised, hugged you tightly and started talking about her job right away, so. Usual thing.
After pretending to listen for ten minutes or so, she finally asked what you were doing here excatly, and you bit your lip.
"I was looking for something nice to wear," you said. "And I was looking through your drawer."
It wasn't exactly weird. Your mom was borrowing your clothes a lot, you were borrowing hers. You saw the ring Taemin pointed at many times before when you were borrowing something. Your mom hummed, scribbling something on a piece of paper.
"And I found this ring," you said, describing it to her. "Can I have it? You don't wear it, do you?"
Your mom eyed you suspiciously, looking away from her work at last.
"Sure, hon," she said. "Why did you come all the way here to ask this?"
"Because I don't remember, uh. Where did you get it?"
"I found it baby."
And just like that, she told you the same thing Taemin did: she found it on the road by the river. She took it to the police, but no one came to look for it for half a year, so they called her, saying it's hers now. That was how the law worked, apparently.
"And you don't know anything about it at all?"
"Why are you suddenly so curious about it?"
"Nothing. It was nice seeing you," you stood up and, ignoring your mom's shouts, fly out of the office.
Your next destination was your school.
It was open on weekends because the library was teoretically the city's property. So you went there and asked the librarian about the old yearbooks.
"Why?" the librarian asked, his glasses slipping down his nose in a weird manner. He was making a really suspicious face.
"I'm looking for someone?" you kinda asked, and he seemed deeply unsatisfied with this answer. He disappeared behind the door to the storage and came back with a huge cartoon full of yearbooks.
"To your disposition," he said, practically throwing it at you. A cloud of dust shot straight into your eyes and throat and you literally had a coughing attack.
You shot the old man a dirty look and went to sit in a corner, by the table.
Hours flew by as you looked through them all, paying extra attention to every face. You had no idea how old Taemin was, so you picked the books randomly, sometimes getting the early 20's, sometimes going back to the 70's even. You could feel a freaking wrinkle premanently merging into your forehead.
After three hours it has gotten pretty dark outside and you were beginning to feel hungry and tired. That's when you opened the 1990 yearbook, and after lazily passing a few pages, your eyes landed on incredibly light, straight hair and a wide, beautiful smile.
Lee Taemin, read the title under his photo.
You felt a rush of blood to your head and shot up like a lunatic, shouting wildly. There was some rattling and you saw a girl bending down to pick up the books she apparently dropped due to your scream. The old librarian looked at you disapprovingly, but also with much curiosity.
"You found what you were looking for?" he asked, fixing his glassed, and you smiled brightly, fist-pumping the air.
" yes!" you shouted, and clamped your mouth right away. The librarian was downright indignant, and the girl that previously dropped her books freaking squiled at you.
You felt incredibly ashamed, but that wasn't important because you found him, you found Taemin, in your own school, and to be honest, you had no idea where to look. Looking on the internet was pointless since you didn't know his surname (and now you also knew that it was incredibly common and searching would do) and since there were like three schools in your city, you went with it.
You turned your head to the side, blissfull, and then you saw him.
Choi Minho, looking at you, smirk on his lips.
So, okay, you spend three years in the same class with you. Then high school came and you parted and you were happy without seeing him every day. You sometimes passed him on the corridors and that was cool, really, but you still hated his stupid froggy face and those stupidly well defined biceps and messy hair and huge eyes.
And you especially hated when he was laughing at you.
He saw you staring back and his smirk transformed into a grin, more honest and wider, almost a smile, but you weren't stupid.
"You look cute when you do research," he said from the other side of the library, and no one even shushed him. What the heck?
"Oh off," you mumbled. You weren't going to get distracted by that stupid smile of his. Taemin, you found Taemin, that was the most important.
You looked at the year again. 1990.
Mobile phones. Dances with Wolves (and amazing Costner). Friends, although they started airing it in like '95. Beverly Hills 90210. Taemin asked her many times to download it for him. Such a cliche, really, but you downloaded it anyway.
Spice Girls! The Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains, Queen.
Release of PlayStation.
Grunge, curtained hair, flannel shirts, slap bracelets.
All those things reminded you of the 90's, but didn't really match your image of Taemin. Only then you counted the years that has passed.
23 years.
If Taemin died around 1990, he had spend 23 years on Earth, and he was around 19 when he died, so that would give 42 years.
You froze at your table, staring at his photo. You didn't even blink, you couldn't make yourself blink, even when you felt your eyes stinging and tears showing up. You pulled out your phone and counted once again, on a calculator, but it was the same, the result was the same, Taemin was 43 years old.
The reality crashed onto you like a ton of bricks.
You suddenly remember his every word, his every father-like action, his every opinion and advice he had given you through the years. You also realized that he had been in your house much longer that 16 years. He probably knew you from the day you were born, remembered your father, saw everything.
He had beein in this world for 23 years.
You grabbed the yearbook and went towards the librarian, swaying to the sides a bit drunkly. The old man raised his very expressive eyebrows at you.
"Do you maybe knew this person?" You asked, voice hoarse, and he looked very worried for a second. He only raised one brow this time, looked at Taemin's photo, and his eyes softened.
"I did," he answered, and you could swear your stomach make a pirouette in your insides.
"Can you tell me about it? How did he died? How was he like?" You bend down on the desk, your voice eager, your heart throbbing and beating painfully fast and hard. The librarian was worried, it was visible.
"You're pale," he said. "Are you all right?"
"What can you tell me about him?" You asked again, pointing at the photo. The old man looked at it again, but very willingly. You waited patiently, tension in the air. You could feel someone standing behind you, probably wanting to rent a book or something, but you didn't even pay them a glance. Librarian didn't either.
"He was a very energetic kid," he said, crossing his arms on his chest and staring at Taemin's photo. "He was a normal student, he wasn't good with science, but he knew his way around words. He liked books, loved them, actually. He wasn't like most of the boys, though, he didn't want attention, he had his own world. More than four times he got caught sitting on the roof, reading books and skipping lessons, but he was always happy. He had a girlfriend, her name was Ae Sook I think. You can probably find her here too"
You took the yearbook quickly and started looking through the pages.
"They were really close. They were friends first and they cared a lot for each other. It was one of those relationships that was just for two people. They never showed off, they never shared their feelings with the world, if they were together, they did it in private."
You found Ae Sook. You pointed at her photo and looked at the librarian, as if asking if that's her.
"That's her."
Ae Sook had curly hair and small nose, wide smile and a few piercings in her ears. She was pretty.
"How did Taemin die?" you asked quietly.
"I'm not sure, kiddo," the librarian said, his voice soft. "I think it was a car accident."
Your throat clenched.
"Was he your family?" A voice asked suddenly, and you literally jumped. And you thought that years living with a ghost made you immune to anything scary.
You turned to see Minho and couldn't stop yourself from growling in the back of your throat. Minho seemed incredibly shocked by your reaction, but you weren't in a mood for his stupid games.
You picked the yearbook, closed it with a loud bang, and went to put it on it's place. You put all the yearbooks back to the cartoon, taking a picture of Taemin and Ae Sook with your phone first, and gave the cartoon back to the old librarian. Minho was still lingering nearby, but you tried to ignore him.
"Do you know where can I find out more about him?" You asked, when the old man took yearbooks from you.
"Come back tomorrow and I'll look for the old papers. I think that I kept the one about the accident," he said, his voice hoarse.
"Thank you," you said softly, and he simply nodded. You didn't have to say anything else. It seemed like you could hear each other's thoughts - you were sorry to make him sad, he was sorry that you had to find out about something like this.
You bowed to him and went towards the exit, when Minho appeared beside you, jumping slightly, hi stupid floppy hair jumping with him; you sighed, quickening your pace, but he only did the same, and even opened the door for you. You didn't say a word as you walked out.
"What was that about?" He asked, curious. He pissed you off so much.
"It's not really your business, is it?" You asked, almost hissed, as you made your way towards the bus stop.
"I'm just curious."
"That's a personal matter, so don't be."
"Why are you so growly? What did I do to deserve you talking to me like-"
"Oh for 's sake-"
You stopped in your tracks, turning to him, and rising your head up because he was even higher than Taemin, which, ugh.
"In the first grade, you threated to cut my hair. And you continued to pull my braids every occasion you could ger. In the second grade, you stole my chocolate bar and when I told the teacher you started crying so you didn't have to apologize because the sounds you could make were able to wake up the dead. In fourth grade you pushed me onto the wall so hard I got a bruise. In fifth, you watched Sungmin taking my breakfast money and laughed at it, and in sixth, you stalked me all the time until one day you decided it will be funny to take my phone from me, which you didn't make because I wasn't a stupid girl anymore and you should thank god I didn't go to the principal with it, because the bruises you lef on my wrist looked like you wanted to ing me" you spat, full of anger and venom. "Also, let's not forget about telling everyone at school that I'm a ghost-summoning lunatic and that they should keep away from me."
Minho stared. Openly, wide-eyed, his lips moving in some weird kind of way, like he wanted to say something but didn't know what, and you didnd't have time to look at him. You scoffed.
"Yeah," you said, suddenly out of anger and energy. "Nevermind. Just. Not today, because I really would like to avoid getting my fist down your throat."
You your heel, leaving Mingo dumbfounded and stuttering, and you couldn't care less.
*
Taemin was waiting for you when you came back. He was sitting on the stairs, his head on his palm, and his elbow on his knee; he didn't move when you entered the house and you didn't jump when you the lights and saw his eyes piercing through your skull. You took off your jacket and slowly stood in front of him, and he still didn't move, only his eyes wandered after you.
"Why can't I touch you?" You asked.
"If you will, you'll see my past. You'll live through my life. You'll experience death"
You gasped quietly.
"What if I want to know?"
"I'm not ready to let you know yet," Taemin asnwered.
"But you want me to know," you stated, not asked. Taemin nodded.
"If I start to wear the ring, will you be able to go out of the house?"
"Probably."
Your heart made some weird noise, it seemed to stop and then beat twice times faster, stuttering and making your chest hurt.
"How old are you?" You asked, swallowing.
"How much do you think?"
"Around 40," you answered, and Taemin's eye twitched. He clenched his fingers.
"Oh."
"You're surprised?"
"Not really. But I haven't been counting."
You sat down beside him, careful not to touch him.
"If no one ever saw you, how did you know what happens when I touch you?" You asked.
"A family lived here before, I touched one of them and he saw everything. They took them to the hospital and said that it was some kind of concussion or something, I don't remember. But I know."
"Will you tell me about your death?"
"I have a feeling that you found out about that already," Taemin looked at you then, and his eyes were sad, but also... proud? Maybe that was it.
And gosh, if that didn't make your stomach feel like butterflies' nest or something.
"Do you want to go outside?" You asked quietly, and Taemin looked moved, actually; he chuckled, tears in his eyes, and you once again questioned the rules this world goes by.
"Yes. I would like to go outside a lot", he said, nodding energetically, hiding his face in embarassment and excitment.
I'm back from the dead!
But no, really, it's been almost half a year since I last updated, and I feel awful about it. I'm so sorry for being a ty author, I really am, guys.
But here's a Christmas gift I guess. I hope that it will actually be like a Christmas present. And I hope that I'll have some time to write more. I'm sorry that this is so short omg.
Anyway, I wanted to wish you all Merry Christmas, have a great time!
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