I could not sleep that night. I sat awake in my bed, going over and over in my mind what Ryeo-wook had just told me. I felt a rising anger building up inside of me. It was as if every aspect of our friendship had become tainted. I thought about all the times I had held him and then I thought about the other man, or men, who had held him and I realised that all its innocence was lost. I couldn't wash the images from my mind, and I started to feel sick with the thought.

I prayed for some time, not knowing what else to do. I wanted to have my friend back the way it was before and not have to think about what had happened in the past. Perhaps Ryeo-wook could be fixed, yet he had shown no indication of wanting to.

He said he loved me. My head felt light, and my stomach uneasy. I touched my lips, almost experimentally. I had let him kiss me. To think all the while I had supposed innocence on his part. Now I wished that I could wash the feeling away.

It eventually became too much to bear, so I put my clothes back on and went for a short walk around the street. It was quite late at this point, but people were still going home. Looking into their anonymous and distant faces gave me no pleasure. It was not long before I started to go back.

The Reverend met me at the gate. Perhaps he also had been having difficulty sleeping, since he seemed to have no purpose in being up.

"Is something the matter?" he asked as soon as he saw me.

I replied that there was, but he must have already known that, because he always had a way of knowing these things. He looked at me kindly, and I went on to tell him everything. I always had a bad habit of blurting out the truth to him. He listened quietly, and did not look surprised by what I told him.

"He's in love with me." I said, although it was more of a question than a statement. I looked around us briefly. It was completely dark on the porch and not a sound could be heard from inside.

The Reverend nodded. "I suspected this." The Reverend had a way of knowing everything.

I looked away suddenly. I could still feel the sensation of his tongue in my mouth. A swell of panic rose up inside of me. "Am I in love with him?" I asked, not looking at the Reverend as I spoke. It was probably a question to myself, not to him. He answered anyway.

"I don't think so. I imagine it is something of a passing illusion. You have always been a normal boy, in my opinion. I would not worry yourself too much."

I nodded slowly.

"All the same," he continued, "it is important not to indulge in any such desires. You could easily be lead astray. I told you before, I think this boy has a strong influence on you. Now I think you understand what I mean."

"What if he could be changed?"

The Reverend sighed. "Only those who wished to be saved, will be saved."

"Then what should I do?"

The Reverend paused pensively, taking time to draw his words together. "I think you should leave this one. You can't save everyone, and you have a promising future as a member of the clergy. Keep the big picture in mind."

I nodded in understanding, but I was still conflicted. "I want to keep my friend though. I've become so attached to him."

The Reverend looked at me directly in the eye. His expression was kind. "All the more reason to let him go. Think of it as a test of your faith. We often face temptation in life, and the best we can do to avoid it is to remain on the path that God has set out for us."

I thanked him and we returned to the house.

* * *

Early next morning I met Ryeo-wook again. It looked like he had slept badly, judging from his weary and miserable demeanor. He lowered his eyes when he saw me in the hall.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said softly. "I think I said too much. Would it be alright if I asked you to forget about it?"

I looked to the ground as heat rose up in my cheeks. It took me a few moments to answer. "I think you should leave now."

He didn't say anything, but he breathed deeply and for a moment I thought he was going to cry. I didn't want him to cry. It would be very awkward, and someone might see and become suspicious.

"I'll take you to the train station," I said, but all the kindness in my voice was hollow.

He didn't say much to me on the way over, and I was somewhat thankful for that. Whenever he did speak, it was so cold that it struck at the heart of my guilt. I tried not to feel guilty, after all I thought I was doing what was best.

We were early for the train, so we sat together at the station and waited. This was when he began to speak to me.

"I told you something private last night," he said. "And I asked you not to tell anyone."

I nodded but didn't say anything. From the way he looked at me, his eyes filled with hatred, I knew that he knew.

"Well, I want to tell you something else, and I don't care who you tell."

I was silent, so he continued.

"After it happened, the break up that is, there was a time when I was very angry. Vengeful actually. You see, a teacher, and a married man should not be having affairs like that. He shouldn't have treated me so lightly. It was easy for me to avenge him because I had the phone number of his wife. All I had to do was leave an anonymous message and I could ruin his supposedly happy family. I really thought about doing it for some time. But then I thought about you, and I asked myself, 'What would Si-won do?' I thought he wouldn't seek revenge for something so petty. He would forgive with an open heart, just as Christ had done. When I realised this, I put the phone back and I tore up the number. I wanted to be a person like that, a person who lives with a clear conscious and good morals."

The train arrived and he stood up. Taking one last look at me, with eyes full of sadness, he said: "Perhaps I was wrong about you." Then he left.

I watched him go in silence and I asked myself if I should have said anything. What could I have said? When I saw him leave, my heart was filled with shame.

* * *

Come September, I entered the seminary, and life seemed to change a great deal. For the better, mostly, since I was finally following my chosen path.

I never saw Ryeo-wook again, but I thought about him often. I always thought about having the chance to meet him again, how I would do things differently. As I got older and learnt more about the world, I came to appreciate just how foolish I had been. If that had been a test from God, then surely I had failed. The punishment I suffered was to know that I would probably never again meet someone that I could love as I had loved Ryeo-wook.

Some years later, I returned to Gyeyang and I even walked around the parks at the mountain. It was early summer and the trees were beginning to turn their brightest shade of green. There were many Judas trees in the park, and I couldn’t remember which one was the one where we had always sat. The surroundings seemed to have changed. It had been a long time.

I picked a tree, and waited there. He once said that he came to the mountain every week, but that probably wasn’t true anymore. He might not even live in the city anymore. Even if I saw him, would I recognise him? It had been a long time.

Sitting on the mountain was just as peaceful as I remembered it. It is the sort of place where you can truly appreciate God’s work. I don't think God meant for it to be so easily understood. Isn’t that what he said?

I knew he probably wouldn’t come, but still I waited.

The End.

**Thank you for reading.