I smiled as I watched my baby son run around the backyard with my wife.  The sun was shining warmly upon their faces as the cool spring breeze blew softly through their hair, slightly ruffling it.  Cries of laughter filled the air, I grinned widely before getting up to join my son Sihyun and my wife Eunji.  My hand wrapped around my wife’s waist as I pulled her close.  She smiled and pecked my cheek softly as we bent over to play with Sihyun.  He smiled widely at me and pointed to his little sand mountain he had made. “Appa, Umma.  Pway wit me!” He exclaimed.  “Yah! Let’s play together Sihyun!” I replied and the three of us started building the pale sand mound to become higher and higher.

That night, I lay in my bed with my arm around Eunji. Her soft, warm breath hit my neck and I sighed in contentment. This was the reality I imagined, getting married, having a child, owning a house and living happily for the rest of my days.  Eunji was a nice girl; she was the person that every man would want as a wife.  She was kind soul and deserved the best, I knew that.  I closed my eyes as my thoughts wandered to random, happy thoughts.

*~*

“Bai bai Appa!” my son yelled in broken Korean, he and Eunji were going off on a trip together, and being the lazy person I am, I decided to stay home.  Eunji and I giggled at Sihyun’s cuteness and I waved at my son happily before they got into the car and drove off.  I sighed with a small grin on my face before entering my house.

It was a bit messy around the house and, lacking a better thing to do, I decided to do some spring cleaning.  I started with the attic, climbing up the old, wooden ladder; I opened the trap door and climbed in.  There were boxes and clutter of bags and overflowing containers of stuff, junk, and things that could be useful.  I sat down beside a box and opened it before sorting the contents out.  One thing perked my interest though, it was a stack of handwritten letter on colorful paper with small flowers, hearts, and stars printed on them.  I looked at the letters carefully, they were all dusty, just like my memories, my memories of her.

I didn’t open the letters instantly, no, I stared at them for what seemed like a hour but, in reality was only about a minute, but all it took was a minute to remember her, the one I so carefully buried in my heart, whose voice a tried to forget, her smile, everything about her I tried to ignore, throw away, delete.  These letters were all I had left of her, her words she so delicately spoken to me, that is what remained of her ,that was all that remained of Minhee.

Thinking of her brought me pain, she brought me happiness, joy, light into my life but, like a candle, she went out eventually.  With shaking hands I took the letters out of the box and brushed the dust off them.   I carefully unfolded the first letter, the color of this letter was a light pink, and inside was her delicate handwriting, neat and stunning, like a work of art.

Dear Jongwoon,

It’s me! Do you like the letter?  From now on I’ll send you a letter every day to tell you about my day, nothing really in particular.  It’ll be like a confession, something true I can say to you without being judged.  I like this idea lot, do you?

Hmm, for my daily confession I’ll say today I’m really craving some donuts.

“Life will get better!”

Love you ^^

Minhee

I read the letter once, then twice, and three times before I couldn’t take the pain of remembering her.   We were high school sweethearts, it was the same cheesy story of bumping into each other and getting to know each other until one confessed, in that case I confessed.  We were inseparable back then.  Everyone thought that if one couple would survive high school years and get married, it would be us, people even bet money on us.  We were like the model couple, never fought, never had any disagreements… so why did we break up?

I set the pink letter down before reaching to grab another letter.  This one was a pale, sky blue, it had clouds drawn on the corners of the letter, so fluffy and white.

Jongwoon,

Today was a good day, don’t you think?  I had lots of fun with you. For my confession… I think that you are the best person that I’ve ever met!  Thank you for being my other haft ^^

“But ever since I’ve met you, my life’s been like a dream”

Minhee

Once again, I read the letter once, twice, then three times and I could hear her voice again.  She wasn’t perfect, she had her faults but, to me she used to be the most beautiful thing.

I kept reading these letters, every single one, I forgot what I was supposed to be actually doing and got lost within the words she wrote, the vibrant colors she wrote on, and every little thing I’ve tried to forget about her.  They all came rushing back to me in each word, sentence, paragraph, and it hurt so much.

I soon came to the last letter of the stack, the last letter she wrote to me, the last memory that I had of Minhee.  With shaking hands, I opened the folded paper.  It was different from the rest as it was grey, not pink, orange or blue but a dull, unforgiving, smoky grey.

Jongwoon,

I’m sorry… I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I never told you.  I should of told you but… It’s too late now.  I miss you so much. I’m scared, I’m scared it will hurt… Dying.

I should have told you about my sickness but, I felt selfish for making you suffer with me.  I feel guilty for wanting you beside me because I know it’ll hurt you. Everyday feels weird without you, like something is missing.

I have cancer… I’m going to die Jongwoon… I’ll remember you, thank you for being a part of my life, thank you for loving me.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness… Our lives were happy Jongwoon, my departure from your world and this cancer, is our sadness, our pain, the bitter we must suffer.

I love you… I’ll miss you… forever

Minhee

I felt a tear run down my face and stain the grey paper.  I remember when I recived that letter, when she left without a word.  I had doubted her but, when that letter came… all doubts were washed away and new found guilt and sorrow seeped its way into my heart.   I tried to forget her, and I did but, now, I wish I hadn’t.  I knew she wouldn’t be mad at me for loving another, she would of wanted it, she would of wanted me to be happy…

I feel guilty to Eunji but, the truth is that I would like Minhee to be beside me, to be the one I would live the rest of my life was but, I couldn’t change that now… She’s already gone.

And the only thing I have left is vibrant letters, and one piece of grey paper, grey paper that crushed our love, our happiness, us.