The snow had evenly fell overnight to the earth below, creating mounds and layers of it, one on top of the other.

Doojoon felt deliciously refreshed. He had no headache, no back pain, no dizziness to report. It felt good to lay his head on his pillow and not some stiff couch cushion for a change. His body had no complaints being reunited with his heavenly mattress. He simply opened his eyes that late morning and experienced how one wakes after a proper night of good rest. Well… semi-proper. It was a bittersweet night, a bittersweet reunion… missing the simplest thing:

The body he wanted next to him.

Doojoon stared at that spot. Usually two sleepy yet beautiful eyes would be struggling to stare back to him from under their hoods.

Oh well. Rise and shine.

----

Tap……tap. Pullllllll. Hug. Squeeeeeze.

Junhyung’s eyelids flipped back like snapping shades. He was being touched. There were light touches to his waist, light touches that obstructed his steady rhythm of sleep. He peered down to see the “obstructer” of his dreams.

Oh.

It was just Seobie. He had wrapped his little arm around Junhyung’s midsection and wormed closer to soak up his umma’s warmth. The blanket had fallen off of him. Junhyung, smiling softly and sweetly at his napping, little one, seized the thick cloth and brought it up and over Yoseob’s body. Then he made a wrap of his arms and scooped him into a deep embrace.

A pair of gentle lips graced a little forehead.

----

Doojoon bathed and shoved on two layers of clothes. He ventured to the local patisserie to pick up breakfast for his family.

Before leaving, he had checked Yoseob’s room. Junhyung and Yoseob were still asleep together.

He bought three, warm, gourmet fruit strudels. One strawberry. Two blueberry.

They were selling flowers in a booth outside the patisserie in spite of the frosty weather…

Doojoon bought a few.

----

Yoseob’s body began to complain. It was becoming a little too warm. He was getting uncomfortable by such an overload of it. It threw him out of his sleep. His beady eyes opened to the image of someone’s neck and chest. His body had known it all the while, but he finally, consciously realized in that second that some other person was sleeping with him on his small bed. Appa?

……Umma?

Yoseob yawned. The boy sleepily panned his view north to observe the face of this sleeping giant. He saw the soft and defined face of his umma.

But

… didn’t he leave the house for good last night? Was this all a dream?

Junhyung felt ruffling and sensed movement in his cradle of an embrace. He woke, and discovered a half-awakened and adorably lost-looking Yoseob.

“Hey… Good morning…” Junhyung kissed his brow. He kissed and kissed and kissed it.

“……hot…” mewled Yoseob.

Junhyung leaned closer.

“Huh?”

“……Too hot…”

“Ohhhh, hot. It is? Okay. Alright. I’ll just…” umma shoved away the blanket, but let it linger around Yoseob’s bare feet so they wouldn’t get cold, “…move this off ya… Better?”

Yoseob nodded… Junhyung his mane as he felt Yoseob relax with him, breathe with him. The simple action of doing so conjured precious memories of a past that, in retrospect, seemed to be so far away… A past that was simpler…

“Whenever you have bad dreams, or you can’t sleep, you always ask me if I would come and sleep with you, and I would. But we used to do this all the time… a long, long time ago. Do you remember that?”

“……no.”

“Of course you don’t, you were just a little baby. You didn’t always go to sleep quietly like this, Seobie. Sometimes umma would put you away for a nap in your crib, and minutes later you screamed and cried until appa or I came to get you. You never liked being left alone, not even to sleep. You always wanted somebody there with you… So, I would take you out of your crib and put you on a blanket on the floor, or the couch… and then I would lay down next to you and hold you until you sloooowly fell to sleep…” and suddenly, a feeling of somberness snatched Junhyung by his heart, “…Yeah. I wish times could be like that again.”

Yoseob rocked his umma out of his brusque state of melancholy when he unceremoniously poked his lower lip with his finger. Their gazes mixed, Junhyung looking down to Yoseob and the latter looked up to him.

“Umma.”

“Yes?”

Yoseob’s little eyebrows worked themselves into a confused form of expression, “You left. You left yesterday at nighttime. You come back? You stay now?”

Guilt itself onto Junhyung’s heart next, blending with the somberness that was already there. The pupils in his child’s eyes glittered like the most precious black metal there was, but his face had been weighed down by the worries of apprehension… Had umma changed his mind about leaving him and his appa for good?

Junhyung had to correct his thinking. He was not going to have his baby thinking that he would -- at any given time or circumstance -- up and abandon him. That was never going to happen. Ne-ver.

“You thought umma left you forever? Appa told me you said I left ‘like appa did’. You really believed that I would do that to you?”

Yoseob hesitated before he nodded. Junhyung’s heart…

“Baby…” Junhyung’s hand left the silken strands of Yoseob’s deep brown hair to cup his round cheek, “I was never leaving you in the first place, Yoseob. Umma would never do that to you. I would never--I could never leave you.”

Junhyung noticed a tightening on his threads, as if they were being snagged and pulled. The little boy was pulling on Junhyung, pulling his umma nearer and nearer to him, with the desperate grip of his small little fingers until he was as near as he could become. He tucked his head into Junhyung’s chest… Junhyung sheltered him in his arms.

“Were you scared last night…?” Junhyung murmured.

He felt Yoseob’s forehead scraping against his clavicles as he feebly nodded, “I didn’t know where you went…”

“I went… to the big park. I had to be by himself to… to cool off. Because I was angry. Very angry. I didn’t want to be angry around you…” With the lightest, soothing touch, Junhyung pet the child from the nape of his neck to the base of his back, “…Umma is so sorry, baby. Umma is sorry for scaring you like that. Last night was a scary night… and… I wish it didn’t happen. I wish you didn’t have to see me and appa yell… or hear it… but I mostly wish that I didn’t leave you here feeling like I would never come back home. You know umma would never leave you. I won’t ever leave my Seobie behind… I love you too, too much.”

The little one’s visage -- red from burrowing -- was brought up to Junhyung’s eyes, chin digging into his sternum.

“………You promise?” he peeped, eyes round with hope.

“I promise.”

“An’ you no yell anymore?”

“You don’t like it when I yell, either, do you?”

“It make me sad.”

Junhyung lowered his voice and rained smiles upon the boy, “Then I promise not to yell so Seobie won’t be sad… Okay?”

“Okay. And…… um…” Yoseob seemed to be tongue-tied.

“…Yes? Anymore promises you want umma to make?”

“Ummm… Can… Can appa… stay home now?”

Junhyung blinked at the one who gazed so strongly to him, and then repeated as if he hadn’t heard, “Can appa stay?”

“Appa said he wants to be a family again. He wants to come home and make everything all better. He told me he has to talk to you ‘bout it.”

“…Oh. He did?”

“Yeah he did. Can he stay, umma? Please?”

“…”

“Pleeeeeeease? He will be good this time. He said he doesn’t love hyung with special love. He love umma a lot… like me.”

Knock Knock. Two soft knocks. Doojoon opened the door, leaning through the small crack. He saw a pair of heads turn in his direction on one accord.

“I thought I heard noises. Good morning… Breakfast is on the table.”

“Breakfast”? Doojoon cooked? Junhyung didn’t hear any pots or pans…

“Come on, Seob,” Junhyung began to rise from the bed, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“But you not answer my question--”

“--I will, I will. After breakfast. We’ll talk after breakfast, alright? Now let’s go brush your teeth,” Junhyung hushed after that airy whine, obviously not wanting Doojoon to get any hint about the topic of their now previous conversation. He and Yoseob moseyed past the partly confounded man to get to the bathroom. Junhyung aided Yoseob in brushing his small teeth -- even though the boy persisted that he could do it alone -- and the duo approached the table. There were three plates, one for each member of the family, obviously. On those plates were the strawberry and blueberry gourmet strudels Doojoon purchased from the pastry shop. Doojoon was in the kitchen preparing milk glasses. Yoseob, faced cleaned and teeth brushed, bustled to the table. He jumped up and down so he could acquire short glimpses of what food awaited him on his plate, for the table was too tall. His eyes soaked up the image of the strudel drizzled with zinging lines of sweet icing, and it infused him with joy.

“You got strudels again, appa!” Seobie exclaimed. They were nothing new. Doojoon had purchased these from time to time. Junhyung thought they were frivolous, needless buys when Doojoon first shipped some home due to the fact that he could make his own replicas for absolutely no charge. He tried once, and they tasted nothing like the patisserie’s. As a compromise, Doojoon promised to only buy them on special occasions.

There was certainly something “special” about this occasion, all right. Junhyung still did not know how to respond to Doojoon up and barging into his life like he did the night before. It kind of felt… normal for Doojoon to be home in a sense, partly because the man had been living with him for a little over four years. Only in that case did it feel “normal”. Though a crucial variable was missing from that: the stone, cold fact that Doojoon not only drove a dagger further into Junhyung’s core – for it was already there to begin with -- but he added a twist to it. A painful spin of the knife. A spin that further severed any vessels carrying blood… more internal bleeding…

“Yeeeeah. I knew you’d be excited. I got ya the strawberry one this time,” Doojoon mentioned, placing the carton of milk into the refrigerator.

Yoseob hurried himself into a chair. He saw flowers on his placemat: three yellow daffodils.

“Ohhh… Appa are these mine? Are these my flowers?” asked the tiny one, grasping the stems with his small hands once he was seated, “…pretty…”

Doojoon was coming back with all three glasses of milk in his hands, the third one balanced and carried by his forefingers. Yoseob was understandably ecstatic about getting a glass instead of a little sippy cup. He was getting into that stage where he perceived them as “below him”.

“Did I put those at your spot…?” Doojoon set down the glasses on the coasters, “I’m sorry… Those are umma’s flowers.”

Junhyung blanked. Those were whose flowers? His? Doojoon got him flowers? Doojoon switched Seobie’s plate with Junhyung’s, “There’s that…” and secondly he reached for the flowers trapped in Yoseob’s hand. The boy handed them to his appa, who took his seat adjacent to Yoseob – across from Jun – before looking Junhyung eye to eye as he extended his flower-filled hand over the table. “Here.”

Yoseob watched earnestly…

Junhyung appeared unimpressed, but accepted the flowers, taking them by the stems and pulling them out of Doojoon’s palm. He dropped them on his personal placemat. A “Thanks” was uttered.

And the awkward family breakfast began. Plates and forks clinked and clanked. Junhyung managed not to stab his strudel with his knife, or Doojoon.

Internally, the man was fuming and ranting about Doojoon’s innocent gesture with the flowers. The mere nerve of him. In Junhyung’s defense, Doojoon thinks he can just walk right in here, at him about how he was a bad lover, then the next day wake up and shove flowers under his nose? First off, Junhyung hated getting flowers. They were another item on his “frivolous purchases” list: Flowers die far too quickly if not taken care of, and who has the time for plants? Second off, they were daffodils, the symbolic flowers of forgiveness. Faithfulness. Honesty. Truth--NONE of which Doojoon had been to him for this past year. If that was his way of making up, they were going to get nowhere, and fast.

“Ummaaaaa. Can you cut mine?” Yoseob asked with a frustrated whine, struggling to get his strudel pieced off with only the use of his fork. The poor thing looked so stressed… Junhyung made it seem so simple an action, but Yoseob quickly learned how difficult it really was. He kept trying, his elbow flinging this and that way. His milk glass was endangered, and Junhyung could see the future mess that would be made if he did not intervene.

“O-Of course, Seobie, but put down the fork and let umma do it,” started Junhyung, reaching for Yoseob’s resting fork and grasping his own knife. Gingerly, Junhyung made ten individual squares that Yoseob could devour without any problem whatsoever.

“Thank you,” Yoseob said to Jun after receiving his fork back.

“You’re welcome, babe. And push your milk back up--two hands. Always do that after you drink. Don’t have it sit so close to the edge or else it’ll fall and make a big mess, okay?”

Yoseob clasped his little, round milk glass with both hands, “Okay. Two hands.”

“Good.” Umma was pleased.

But another thing, what in Doojoon’s screwy mind told him that letting accident-prone Yoseob drink out of a milk glass was a swell idea? It was either plastic, or a cup with a cap that he drank from. Did he just magically forget everything?

More nothingness at breakfast time… Junhyung kept his eyes to his plate, retaining his habit of peeking over at Yoseob and observing his progress. Doojoon did the same to some extent as he crunched into his breakfast, disregarding his fork and knife altogether. He robbed careful glances from Junhyung…

Without a struggle, he could blatantly see all of the emotions and feelings that he wanted to scream compiled on his countenance. Understandably so. They’d had a rough night -- that simply being a major understatement – and he was definitely someone that Junhyung didn’t want or care to see. That’s bad… His lover for so long can’t even look him in the eye without responding in a hostile way. It was just one of several reminders of how ed up he’d made things between them.

But Doojoon knew that if he did not take the initiative to start getting his family back and healed, Junhyung never would. Junhyung could live without him. He could, and he possibly was going to. Call him a selfish bastard, but Doojoon didn’t want that. He didn’t want that for their baby, nor did he want it for himself. He loved Junhyung; screw what’s been said and done. Whatever it took, Doojoon was going to do it if it meant mending the ties that had been cut with a jagged scalpel, and at his on doing.

He made up his mind last night that he and his lover were going to have an in-depth talk that day.

“Appa.”

Doojoon appeared to have been shocked out of a daze. He looked at Yoseob with his eyes wider than necessary. “Yeah?”

“You got crumbs all over the table!”

Doojoon looked around his side of the table. Junhyung looked, too. The little one’s observations were correct: little flakes from Doojoon’s pastry had fluttered like snow down onto the tabletop. Some even decorated his lap.

“Yah, I’ll clean it up. But look at you. You’ve got strawberry filling all over your lips!” Doojoon got one of his napkins and leaned towards the boy’s direction, “Almost five-years-old, and you’re still that same messy baby. It’s amazing.” He wiped the boy’s mouth clean; Seobie had a smile for him when he did away with the cloth.

“Then that means you’re a baby too. ‘Cause only babies get crumbs on table. Right umma?”

“That would be correct,” Junhyung sighed, but if Doojoon was going to clean it up, then by all means… Less work for him.

After more awkward minutes of awkward consuming, Doojoon finished eating first. Next was umma, and lastly was the baby. Junhyung assumed the responsibility of clearing the table, but it was Doojoon that began gathering empty, flaked plates and stacking them.

Now he wanted to be useful. Perhaps his taught him good manners? Could this be possible?

Junhyung instead rounded up the empty, milk-stained glasses. He walked behind Doojoon, both men headed for the same destination: the kitchen sink. They were side by side for a brief moment. As Junhyung prepared to walk away after delicately depositing the glasses on the left side, a slight tug was accounted for on his long sleeve. It stilled every one of his limbs. Doojoon had pinched the threads of Junhyung’s sleeve to keep him from walking away.

“Hey…” he whispered.

Junhyung appeared puzzled.

“What?”

Doojoon’s eyes were soft. He thought to approach Jun, to be closer, but didn’t think it to be a wise move just yet. He dropped contact with the sleeve.

“I wan… I wanna talk today. Can we talk?” the man inquired with the gentlest air to be passed between two lips.

“Talk about what?” curtly dished Junhyung.

“Everything. I want to talk to you about everything.”

Junhyung bent his eyebrows dramatically, “Meaniiiiing you’re going to tell me everything? Why you did what you did?”

“…Yes. About Dongwoon, about how long, about why… I want to do it today.”

Junhyung stood stronglyin his slippers. The man peered into Doojoon’s spheres…

Doojoon shook a bit, but stood his ground.

So… He wanted to talk. He finally wanted to come clean about his adulterous affairs, with who knows how many people. Junhyung was beginning to think there couldn’t be just one of them… Why have only one ? Doojoon traveled so much he was sure there were many who already had a piece of him.

Junhyung in his full lips, and then released them with a pop. “I need to call Kiki and let him know I won’t be working today.”

He brushed past Doojoon to get to the house phone. It was a cold, lingering wind that tailed him.

Junhyung carefully dialed the number to Kikwang’s cell, who should be just opening the store……

“Hey, Juuuun.”

Junhyung smiled what was probably one of his few genuine smiles of the day. The others were caused by Yoseob.

“Hello~”

“I didn’t see your car outside. What’s up with today? You’re not comin’ in?”

Junhyung blew air, “Noooo, I won’t be,” and he hushed his voice, “…a couple things went on last night.”

“Oh? What? Is… Everything’s alright, though… right?”

“Nobody died and I’m not in jail, so I would say things went smoothly,” with a quick twist of the neck, Junhyung looked behind him. He did not see Doojoon’s body. Actually, the man was playing with Yoseob on the couches. With him out of listening range, Junhyung figured he could safely carry on a quiet conversation about the previous night’s events with his friend.

“…Doojoon came home yesterday,” he shushed to Kikwang.

“No…” the other gasped.

“YES. Busted right through my in’ door and invited himself right back into my house. He had his suitcase and everything.”

“You… You can’t be serious… What the hell happened!? I thought he was supposed to drop off Seobie and just leave? What happened with that plan?”

Junhyung didn’t really want to have a full-blown conversation about Doojoon while he was in the same vicinity, regardless of him being far from earshot range. He was keeping Yoseob preoccupied. The boy was lying on his back across the sofa cushions, and I think Doojoon was being a monster and attacking his belly. It made Junhyung smile a little bit, Yoseob’s cherubic laughter…

“Wait, let me get to the room. He’s a couple steps from me,” Junhyung went to his bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him, “……Alright.”

“Is it safe?” Kikwang joked. It spawned a laugh from umma.

“Yeah, it’s safe now… So, he dropped Yoseob off early in the morning, like he was supposed to do. Then he left. Me and Yoseob ate breakfast, I showed him the cards from his classmates, I showed him his presents, and all was well. I had him back, and I was happy. While he was eating his breakfast, I went to go unpack his suitcase. I find this cute, little blue hat and I confront him about it, ’cause I had never seen it before. He said appa bought it for him, and when I proceeded to ask him that it was just Doojoon he was around -- and not he I told Doojoon he’d better not have him around -- Yoseob refused to look me in the eye. I kept pushing the question -- I asked him if he was lying to me -- and Yoseob started crying.”

“Aw, he lied?”

“YES, HE LIED TO COVER HIS DICKLESS FATHER. Doojoon told him, I believe, not to tell me about that being around him. That is the only reason Yoseob would lie to me. He’d been wanting to see Doojoon for so long. I even asked him what he wanted for his birthday. I asked if he wanted a party, and he said all he wanted was to see his appa. So I let him. I allow Doojoon this one time after weeks and weeks of him begging me to have Yoseob over for a weekend and he not only abuses my trust -- which I should’ve saw coming -- but he has my son lie to me just like he’s done.”

“How ing dare he, Jun!? Some father figure he is, teaching his own blood to lie. Yoseob doesn’t need to be doing that, he’s just four years old! And you say he’s in your house!?!”

“No wait, see this is what happened next. Hours later, Doojoon’s at my doorsteps with a goddamn suitcase. And he’s all, ’Can I come in?’ No you can’t ing come in. You had my baby around that hair-bleached and you taught him your art of lying, and you fully expect me to just let you back into my house? My life? He didn’t care, again, no surprise. He walked right inside. It was instant conflict. I asked him why he had Yoseob around that toy of his, I asked why he made him lie… His excuse -- ‘cause he has a million -- was that Dongwoon was supposed to be gone that weekend, but he wasn’t and so he just stayed. This was after I told him it would be the last time he would see Seob if I found out they hung around each other. Does this man use his brain? Oh, and then he went on and said how his did this and that with Seobie. Like he was some kind of nanny.”

“So… You’re saying he actually allowed Yoseob to be touched by him?”

“Kiki… Who knows what went on… I told Yoseob what kind of man the one he called ‘hyung’ was. I told him that he was the one who his appa ed around with -- not like that, but, you know. This hyung wasn’t a saint… Yoseob was right on the couch, watching the whole argument… That’s… I regret him seeing that, but it’s not like he hasn’t seen the last fifty altercations we’ve had…”

Kikwang choked on a pocket of hair shortly before he sharply replied, “Yoseob was present?!”

“Yeah……”

“Goodness…”

“…And Doojoon said that even though I treated him -- and I quote -- ‘poorly’, he still loved me.”

“He said… Let me get this right… he actually said, that you treated him poorly? You, Junhyung? You treated him poorly?”

“Yes, Lee Kikwang. I treated Doojoon poorly.”

“……Junhyung. Can I just close shop for today and march down there and beat his in?”

Junhyung started chuckling.

“No, Jun. I am so serious with you right now. Let me wrap things up here, and I’ll be at your door step in about ten minutes. I can’t… Junhyung. You have been everything to this man -- I’ve seen you wait on him, hand and foot -- and he has the balls to tell you that you have treated him poorly…? How is he still alive?”

“I hollered and I damn near lost it on him. I would’ve strangled him had it not been for Yoseob sitting right there. I left the house ‘bout a minute later…”

“Where’d you go?”

“The side of the road.”

“Why didn’t you come to my house!?”

“……I didn’t wanna bother you.”

Kikwang emitted a grumble of frustration.

“Junhyuuuuuung… You know you would not have bothered me. And it was late at night, too. Anything could’ve happened to you. Oh, Jun… Junnie… What am I going to do with you…? Why do you keep making the simplest things so difficult? You could’ve come to my house, and we would’ve talked. You could’ve brought Yoseob to my house and either you or I could’ve went back and cut a few of Doojoon’s fingers off.”

Kikwang earned a second set of chuckles from his friend.

“Yeah, we could have…”

“…What are you going to do now?”

“Well get this. He just approached me after breakfast, saying that he wanted to talk today.”

“Talk?”

“Yep. Talk about ‘everything’ that went on in his somehow-existing cranium when he decided to cheat on me.”

“Soooo, he’s saying that he wants to come clean.”

“Guess you could say it that way, too.”

“When are you guys gonna do this?”

“Mmm, I don’t know. I actually wanted all of us at one point to talk together about what had been going on these past weeks. Like a family talk, so Yoseob can understand why he had to endure unnecessary hell, but I think we could probably do our talk and Seob’s talk in the same day. Doojoon and I will just talk without Yoseob.”

“You wanna bring him over before that happens?” Kikwang suggested, “Just as a precaution, so if anything goes wrong he won’t have to witness any of it.”

Junhyung smiled at the thoughtfulness of his best friend, “…Sure. That’s probably a great idea. I mean… I’m angry that Doojoon’s done this to me, but I’m so angry that he’s gotten Yoseob into this. When I left, Seob thought I was leaving forever. He was asleep when I came back. Doojoon said that he cried an’… he just… he thought I had left him…”

“Jun… That must’ve destroyed him.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t have to see him cry. Or hear him. I would’ve died. I felt… so guilty, Kikwang, you do not know… I assured him this morning that I would never leave his side for anything. Appa left him, but I would never do that… I pray he believes me…”

“I’m sure he does,” though Junhyung could not see, Kikwang smiled to him, “Umma never lies.”

“…”

“You’re a great parent, Junhyung. You are.”

Junhyung sighed, “………Yeah?”

“Yes. The best. Don’t ever think otherwise. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Seobie’s lucky to have you.”

A wedge of confidence solidified Junhyung just increments more… He glanced to the clock. Kikwang should be getting some business soon.

“Thank you… You’re… amazing… C-Can you hold it down for me today?” inquired Junhyung.

“We’ve got everything covered down here. You just try and get things cleared. Tell me how everything goes, okay? Keep me informed. I care about you a lot.”

“I will. Thanks again, for listening.”

“That’s what I’m here for… Bye bye.”

“Bye.”

Click

.

Junhyung stared to the phone. Why, Kikwang? Why was he so good to him?

Speaking of informing, Junhyung thought it would be nice if he would call the school and let them know what was up. He dialed the personal number of Hyunseung’s cell……

“Hello, Little Kkochi Academy. This is assistant Jang Hyunseung of Room 121. May I help you with anything?”

“Uh. Hey. It’s Yong Junhyung.”

“AH! Yoseob’s parent! Yes, hello Junhyung!”

“Yeah. Um, I just wanted to let you guys know that Yoseob won’t be coming in for school today.”

“Oh… Did something happen? Did he fall ill again?”

“No, it’s… no. He just went to bed very, very late last night. He didn’t get up in time, and I overslept,” fibbed Junhyung, and hoping he could sell it to the man.

“I know how that can be… Totally understand. Well, we’re sorry that he couldn’t be with us today. We’re learning about family members and extended family members and how to properly address them. But whenever he comes back, I will personally see to it that he gets caught up on everything he needs to.”

“Thank you, Hyunseung. Thank you so much. And Yoseob got the cards… They were touching, and sweet. He loved looking through them…”

“You’re welcome… We all enjoyed making them for him. And thank you for letting us know the status on Yoseob. We were all hoping he’d join us…”

“He’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Great! We’ll see him then!”

They muttered some finally goodbyes, and Junhyung hang up…

…Then nearly had a .

Yoseob exploded into Junhyung’s bedroom, chortling as if it replaced breathing, and slammed the door shut. He immediately starting climbing onto the bed, his little hands becoming claws and pulling at the covers as he tried to get to the male desperately trying to regulate his heart rate on top of the bed.

“UMMA! UMMA, SAVE MEEEE,” Yoseob shrilled amongst the laughter spewing from his heart. Once successfully scrambled on top of the high mattress, the boy knee-crawled in the rear of Junhyung and snapped his limbs around him.

“What in hell… Doojoon must be after you?”

“Uh…huh,” panted Yoseob, giggling, and staring at the door.

“Well next time, be careful with umma’s doors, understand? No slamming.”

Yoseob knew just how to milk it. He kissed Junhyung’s cheek. “Okay.”

Junhyung melted a bit on the inside. He clutched Yoseob’s arms and rubbed them, “You are my strength, Yoseob…”

“Umma’s strength. I am umma’s strength.”

“That’s right… Guess who I just talked to?”

“Who?”

“Jang-ssi. He wondered why you weren’t at school today.”

“School? But today is Sunday,” said Seobie.

“--Nope. Today is Monday,” said a new voice. It was Doojoon’s, who just breezed into the room unannounced. Junhyung was going to get him out of that habit.

Yoseob shrieked and scrambled away, but Doojoon raised his hands in the sign of surrendering.

“You won, Seob. I can’t catch you.”

“HA. I won umma~ Appa can’t catch me anymooore~”

Doojoon sat on the opposite edge of the bed, far from Junhyung, “He’s gotten fast.”

Moving on his hands and knees, the littlest one crawled back to his umma.

“If today is Monday, then why I’m not at school?”

“Because--”

“Because today is Seobie Day,” appa Doo proclaimed, “…and today, we’re gonna do everything Yoseob wants to do. School would just get in the way.”

It definitely wasn’t close to what Junhyung was going to tell him, but it definitely hyped the boy up. He bounced on the bed, laughed with admirable heartiness, and tackled his appa.

Junhyung toughened his tone.

“Don’t get so used to this, Yoseob. You will be going to school tomorrow.”

That news didn’t damper his spirits at all. Just having appa home again, and having his appa and umma together and then getting a day dedicated to him before his birthday? Nothing could weigh him down. Not the slightest, little thing.

“I wanna go outside and play with snow. Then I wanna go to the park. Then I wanna… um… I wanna see a movie--”

“Wellll, before we do all of that, we have to have a talk first,” Junhyung said.

“Talk?” Yoseob repeated, looking to appa for confirmation, but seeking comfort and warmth in the lap and arms of umma as he now settled himself on top of Junhyung’s thighs. He’d never had a “talk” before. What was a “talk”?

Doojoon looked befuddled for a moment, but a single cast of Junhyung’s eyes informed him of the new situation at hand. He understood what Junhyung was doing here… He wanted Yoseob to know the truth, too, but he was not as prepared for this as he was with Junhyung…

“…Yes. A talk about our family and what’s been going on and why appa was gone for a long time,” Doojoon affirmed, and then he swallowed and wove his hands together via fingers, tapped his right foot twice, leaned forward, exhaled, leaned back up, met the young one’s curious, absorbing eyes, and opened his mouth, “……Appa has been bad.”

“Bad?” echoed Yoseob. He’d heard this before.

A nod of Doojoon’s head answered for him, “Yes, bad. Really bad. I have been bad for a long time. Remember when you woke up one day, and you couldn’t find me? Umma had you call me and I told you that I was on a trip. You remember that?”

Yoseob sluggishly bobbed “yes”, sinking in Junhyung’s embrace.

“I wasn’t telling the truth to you. I lied. I wasn’t on a trip. I was at a hotel, because umma… umma didn’t want me at the house anymore. I was being bad; I had to get punished. You know how you get punished when you do bad things? It’s the same.”

“Why?” Yoseob peeped.

“Why what, Seobie?” Doojoon replied.

“Why you had to be out the house?”

“Because… ’cause umma…”

Doojoon sighed. He would have to go farther back into the past so that the little one could understand better… so that this complex tale of adult emotions would be simpler and easier to comprehend and deliver.

“……Do you remember, Yoseob, how me and umma used to fight alllll the time? At night, we would yell and scream at each other? Kind of like last night? Sometimes we called Kikwang to come and pick you up so we could argue without you around more, but… that never worked out well… But I’m sure you remember those days…”

Yoseob’s face dropped… He remembered. “What you and umma fight about?”

“Ummm… We fought about a lot of things. Grown-up things. Mostly money. We have to pay for a lot of things, and send you off to good schools. It costs a lot of money for Seobie to go to school--”

“--Then I won’t go to school no more--”

“--Ohhh, no. You’re going to school,” Junhyung interrupted, but he understood the innocence of his child’s statement. He would be willing to do anything if the end results would be no more of his parents’ bickering.

“Yes, Yoseob. We want you to grow up and be smart. But when appa and umma would argue a lot and say bad things, it made appa feel… alone and really sad inside. Umma was mad at him. He had no one to talk to about his feelings. But one day appa found someone who he could talk to. He found Woon hyung. Hyung was someone appa could tell about how he was feeling. He was appa’s friend. He listened to me and helped me feel better. But something happened…… Hyung was being nice to appa. Hyung was starting to like appa, and… appa started to like hyung, too. And then after a long time passed, appa loved Woon hyung. He loved him with the ‘special love’ umma told you about, and that was very bad.”

…What? Junhyung felt like a magma-soaked pan or some just struck him right across the head. Doojoon just said that he “loved” this . Junhyung had never heard him admit to that. aren’t loved. are only meant to be ed.

Doojoon loved this …?

Yoseob tweaked his eyebrows, because something was not clicking to him, “Then why you love hyung with the special love if you know it was bad?”

“That………” and Doojoon paused for a good minute, only staring to the carpet before visually reuniting with the duo of pupils aflame with a desire to comprehend, “…I knew it was wrong, yes, because I loved umma with the special love, too.”

“And you can’t love two people,” Yoseob added.

“That’s right… But appa didn’t follow the rules. Sometimes, baby, we do things, and we don’t care about who it hurts, or what happens because of it. Appa was being selfish; he didn’t care about rules. He didn’t… he didn’t care about umma’s feelings. He loved Woon hyung, but he couldn’t let umma know or else umma would get very, very upset. Appa hid his relationship with hyung from umma for a long, long, long time. But one day, umma found out. Umma saw appa and hyung together at the house.”

Yoseob flung his small head back into Junhyung’s chest as he craned it up. “You did!?”

“They were kissing,” Junhyung emotionlessly stated, cuddling the boy closer. The latter looked up to Junhyung. His eyes were closed. Yoseob looked back at a guilt-saturated Doojoon, entirely confused by his appa’s choice of actions. His brain could not calculate the reason why his appa would do such a thing if he loved his umma like he told him he did…

Yoseob turned his head up to Junhyung.

“That’s why you were sad all the time, umma?” muttered Yoseob to Junhyung.

“…That was part of it, baby.”

It all made sense now. It was all making sense! Umma saw appa kissing Woon hyung, so he made him leave for his punishment. But it still made umma sad… Everything was weaving, connecting in his limited yet brilliant mind. This explained so much of what Yoseob could not grasp. Now he understood why Junhyung seemed to always be on edge, frustrated, or sad from the time Doojoon was absent from their home. Doojoon had broken his heart. He loved hyung with the heart that was only supposed to be given to one person. His umma was in pain all along…

Yoseob swished his brown eyes to his appa, “Why did you do that?” he squawked.

“Sweet, I don’t--”

“You told me you love umma all the time…”

“And I did, baby, and I still do,” Doojoon paused to look to the man he called his mate, “I love him with everything in my heart. I don’t like what I did, Seobie. I don’t like what I did to umma. I hurt him bad, and I hurt you,” Doojoon moved in closer, “Umma made me leave, but appa couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take being away from the two most important people in his whole life. He realized he made a big mistake. You know what you have to do when you make a mistake, right?”

“…Fix it.”

“Yes, fix the mistake. That’s why appa is here. He wants to fix everything that he did wrong. It will take a long time for that to happen… Appa’s going to ask you to do something really big. You don’t have to do it. It’s totally your decision, Seobie,” Doojoon tenderly clutched the child’s little, warm hands and held them. He met his eyes with sincerity, hoping to reflect that in his next string of words. “Appa wants to personally ask for your forgiveness. You do know what that means…?”

Yoseob nodded.

“Then can you forgive me for lying to you and umma, and for breaking your heart, and for being a very, very bad appa to you?” he finished. The obvious answer to some would be a blunt “hell no”, but this response would come for the very depths of Yoseob’s heart. Of course he did not understand how deep an impact this made on their family – especially his dear umma – but to him, Doojoon was saying sorry and he looked like he really wanted to change.

Yoseob paused to look at their hands. Appa was gripping them tightly. This answer meant the world to him… He didn’t say anything extra, because he didn’t want Yoseob to feel like he had to forgive him. Heaven knows that he doesn’t have to forgive his father. Doojoon wanted this to be a decision made purely by his pure heart.

“You promise you never do it again?” questioned the boy beneath his breath.

Doojoon gave their hands a light shake.

“I promise, baby. You have my word on that. This will never happen again.”

Yoseob’s eyes slowly cranked upward to reunite with Doojoon’s hard gaze. “I do.”

“Thank you,” sighed Doojoon, leaning forward and giving Yoseob kisses to his face, repeating, “Never again. I won’t ever disappoint you.”

Junhyung drilled holes into Doojoon’s skull as he made that declaration. He’d better not. He wasn’t there when Yoseob would ask repeatedly -- with those big, big eyes of sensible brown -- where his appa was and when he would be coming home. If Doojoon ever broke Yoseob’s heart again -- in this lifetime -- Junhyung would have to hurt him. Despite who Doojoon was to Yoseob, if that man intentionally caused harm in any form unto his Seobie, in cuffs Junhyung would go. His job was to protect his baby physically as well as emotionally.

“Seobie. Go to the bathroom and wait for me there, alright? It’s bath time,” murmured Junhyung.

Yoseob promised with nods. He gave umma another surprise kiss, and rushed to the bathroom.

It was only Doojoon and Junhyung now.

“You loved him,” Junhyung said. It was the only thing that resonated with him the whole chat. Doojoon parted his lips, but nothing was sounded. At least, not a good explanation.

“I don’t have or feel any feelings towards him anymore--”

“--But you loved him.”

“………I did.”

Junhyung his lips. A curt cut of his eyes brought the gazes together. “You’d better thank god every day for Yoseob.” He spat those clenching words, and then went on his merry way.

Yes, he’d better. Had it not been for the little boy, Doojoon rekindling anything with Junhyung wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance.

Seobie Day was in full swing. The first task on top of Yoseob’s list was for the family to play with the fresh-fallen snow layering their backyard. Junhyung bathed Yoseob, then bundled him in snug garments of clothing before adding his winter coat.

“Now we can make a snowman together,” the boy said, lastly putting on his boots. A soft grin came upon Junhyung’s lips. It was a rather false one. He got to thinking… Did Woon hyung help Yoseob build those snowmen that he’d heard about?

Honestly, Junhyung didn’t want to be near Doojoon. He did not want to breathe the air that he breathed; he did not want to look at the same things Doojoon was looking at. He wanted the man out and away from his baby. Out, out. He wanted him out.

They had yet to have their talk, but some of the details in Yoseob’s little chat illuminated the bigger picture. To list a prevalent few, Doojoon kept his affair under wraps, he actually fell in love with the blonde , he underappreciated him… And his excuse? If Junhyung had to take a wild guess, he would predict that Doojoon’s defense would be that their fighting was the jumpstart of their downhill battle. Junhyung wouldn’t take his so he found someone who would.

Junhyung could not wait for their talk.

But in the meantime, Junhyung did his best to stay an active participant in the Seobie Day activities. He was a good sport, so long as he did not lock eyes or touch or have to speak with Doojoon. To him, it was all about Seobie and keeping his baby happy. Junhyung knew that Yoseob having both his parents interact with him would fulfill his ultimate desire to have appa and umma behave normally around one another. He knew that Yoseob would love for them to rekindle their romance. Will it happen? Who knew? At this point, Junhyung didn’t even want to try. His veins clenched when he saw Doojoon smile. Did he smile like that for his little , too? Did he touch him better? Was he a better ?

Junhyung was just taking stabs at himself thinking such detrimental thoughts. But what was it? What was it that made this other man so special, so important, that Doojoon actually risked everything to be with him, choosing him over his own family?

----

The kitchen counter was decorated with the fresh ingredients for Junhyung’s sumptuous friendship soup, a soup with the composition of various herbs, vegetables, meats, and elbow pasta. The soup was brewed annually, exclusively during the winter months in the Yoon-Yong household; Yoseob requested that his umma would make it -- it was something he enjoyed eating -- and that’s all he had to do to get Junhyung scrambling to the market for ingredients. The stew would be a small lunch for the three; it would certainly warm their frigid bodies. They’d spent most of their day outside and in the snow.

Snowball fights, snow angels, hide-and-seek, tag… Yoseob did most of what he wanted to do, and with his two parents present. With his watchful, optimistic eyes, he saw appa and umma smiling and laughing with him like old times. It was normal again… things were gonna be normal for him from that day onward.

The peppers were the last to cook. Yoseob and Doojoon had made their way back home after renting a new movie from a video store. The little one announced “We got one, umma!” the second he entered. He waved the DVD he selected in his hand excitedly. Doojoon filed in behind him, a plastic bag caught in his right hand.

“Was that the one you wanted to see?” Junhyung asked. He’d been asking if he could see the movie with the talking cars.

“Uh huh. I found it before appa did. He said I have ‘good eyes’.”

“You have handsome eyes, too,” Junhyung commented as he squatted, bringing himself to the height of Yoseob.

“Can I help you cook? Is the soup almost done?” asked a hungry Seobie.

“Umma did all the work while you and appa were gone, so I won’t need a helper this time. It’ll be ready in a couple minutes. I only have to add peppers,” Junhyung ed Yoseob’s jacket and dismissed all the excess clothing. He handed him the extra garments, “Can you put these away in your room for me?”

Yoseob followed his orders like a good little soldier. With the wee one out of sight, Doojoon thought he’d make his move.

“Need anything?” Doojoon asked, ready to be put to work.

Junhyung had risen. He chopped the tip of his fourth red pepper on the cutting board when he replied with a “No” Doojoon could feel in his bones. He shredded the remaining pepper and scraped into the pot of bubbling soup with a rapid, sharp drag of his knife.

Doojoon twisted his mouth, drummed four fingers on the countertop for a bit, huffed, and retreated to main corridor.

Maybe he was trying too hard… but Doojoon didn’t want to sit around, be useless and take up space. He didn’t wish to be utterly ignored by Junhyung. He pined to fix things with him right away. He had the motivation, too.

“Everything’s back to normal, appa.” That’s what Yoseob cheerfully said to him while they were departing the video store for home. Doojoon agreed with a chuckled “yeah” but he knew there had to be a lot of work in order for that to be even partially true.

Doojoon stepped into the room he shared with his lover. He put away his jacket and boots in his closet. On his way back to the main room, he passed by Yoseob’s domain. Doojoon stopped under the doorway undetected, just to observe the young boy. Yoseob was executing what his umma told him to do. He hung his winter coat on the back knob of his bedroom door by its hood. Then Doojoon watched him place his snow shoes neatly in his tiny closet. His black and blue mittens were stored in his sock drawer, and lastly, he put his hat on his dresser -- the one Junhyung bought him a good while back.

A sweet smile embraced appa’s lips. Yoseob was a little Junhyung… Always liking things to be tidy, always being clean and neat and particular. He had even called Doojoon out about the mess of flakes on the table that morning. He genuinely loved to cook alongside his umma, too, almost as much as he loved to eat the creations that they would bake, fry, and grill together.

Doojoon realized how much of a positive role model Junhyung had become to Yoseob over the years. He was so obedient and his manners were well-manicured. He had the brain of a future scholar with Junhyung always being on top, engaging, and hands-on with the boy’s schoolwork. The many life lessons and morals that Junhyung has instilled in the sweetness of Yoseob’s young heart will stick with him and manifest themselves whenever he is in trouble.

With the windows that his eyes are, Doojoon realized how beautifully Junhyung helped Yoseob grow up from this babbling infant to this nearly five-year-old, bright little man.

None could have done a better job.

“You got everything squared away, big man?”

Yoseob had started on making his bed. He glanced up to his appa.

“Yep.”

“You need any help with your bed?”

Yoseob pulled his bed sheets up, “No help. I can do it.” An independent thing, he was, a nature learned from Junhyung.

Doojoon walked inside of the room dominated by sky-blue, family photographs and self-made art projects. A corner harbored Yoseob’s wrapped birthday gifts. Doojoon saw them for the first time yesterday. He wondered where Jun got the money, but he would’ve loved to see the boy’s face when he caught sight of the giant gift.

“You haven’t been tearing any wrapping paper off your presents, have you?”

“Noooo!”

Doojoon laughed at Yoseob’s hot defense.

“Your birthday’s in just a few days. I’m sure you can wait a little longer.”

“I asked umma if you could stay home… He didn’t say anything to me yet,” after flattening all the lumpy wrinkles from his bed comforter, Yoseob slapped his pillow on top and added, “I hope you can stay for my birthday.”

Yoseob’s lips had sagged and his face wiped of cheer. Doojoon noted that instantly. Had he been worrying about this for too long?

“Seobie…” Doojoon kneeled to his son with the crestfallen lips, “I won’t miss your birthday.”

“What if umma not let you stay home?”

“That doesn’t matter. I will be here. I promise you…” he smoothed down some strands of hair that had been raised whenever Yoseob took off his hat, ‘Kay?”

Yoseob bobbed “yes”, trusting the honesty in appa’s eyes.

“Soup’s done,” Junhyung alerted from the dining area. It livened up the youngest. Doojoon watched him wash his hands all by himself. The family conjoined at the table again, before them bowls of friendship soup and a little roll of bread. Yoseob clamored into his seat and had a spoonful ready in seconds.

“It’s really hot, Seob,” forewarned umma.

“I know.”

Junhyung brought his pointer finger out, “And remember to blow on your spoon really good before you eat it or you’ll hurt your tongue.”

“I knooooow.”

“You taught him well,” said Doojoon, a few laughs peppering his sentence from Yoseob’s agitation of his parent’s overbearing reminders… and babying. Junhyung glared at the other male. He hoped his tongue got burnt.

Following the warm lunch, the three migrated to the family room for the next Seobie Day activity. They were going to watch the animated car movie Yoseob brought home. Doojoon hauled over the chocolate candies he’d purchased from the video store. Yoseob sat in umma’s lap; Doojoon retained some distance from the one he loved. On typical movie viewings, Yoseob had competition. He could not differentiate where Junhyung’s side ended and Doojoon’s began on the couch. He did not notice this stretch of space today, being far too interested in the film. But with his favorite, warm soup in his tummy, Yoseob helplessly failed in staying awake and fighting the warmth floating all around in his head, limbs and conscious. The movie was probably three-fourths done going by the post-climatic scenes. A light snore tore from the boy’s lungs, grasping Junhyung’s attention. Yoseob’s body had slouched in his strong hold the closer and closer he’d gotten to sleep.

“He’s asleep,” Junhyung said rising, “I’m gonna lay him down.” He carried the young one to his room and laid him on his bed. He went to sleep at a late time the night before… that could’ve helped tire him. Doojoon followed, quiet on his toes, and partook in watching Junhyung cover Yoseob with a thin blanket.

“You think we could talk now?” pushed Doojoon in an easeful tone.

Junhyung was shocked by the voice initially, because he did not hear Doojoon approach the room. He turned to the man standing tall in the hallway. His heart thumped harder.

Well, why not?

Junhyung and Doojoon were stationed on the couch seconds after the latter’s unanticipated proposal. Junhyung neglected to tell his best friend this change of plan, but he thought it would be a good, personal test.

He promised Yoseob he would stop yelling and be more in control of his fiery emotions. So when he would feel that rush of anger only expellable by the releasing of charged words and profanities, Junhyung would think of his baby napping in the room a hall down, and the promise he’d made, and cool his engines.

But it was the moment of truth, now, and the truth was more than likely to test his short-circuited attitude. A look in Doojoon’s direction let the latter know that there would be no tolerance for bull in the conversations to be.

“You look me in my eyes, Doojoon, and you give me the truth. You look at me, and you tell me everything. Who, what, when, where why. Everything. And if I feel -- if I even get the tiniest inkling feeling -- that you’re lying to me, to my eyes again, I’m done with you. I will be there for Yoseob, but as for us being together? No. It’s a wrap. You’re not in’ me over again. Just tell me the truth, Doojoon, ‘cause there’s nothing that you can say that’ll hurt me more than you already have.”

The heart inside of Doojoon shrunk at that final statement. He had been reminded for the millionth time, that he had done the unthinkable to his beloved. He never foresaw them in this position. He never thought he would have to sit here and give an account on why he cheated on his lover.

But it had been done, and it was game time now. If he wanted to win his man back, Doojoon was going to have to bring it.

“I’m going to begin with this… When I got with you -- when I consciously knew that I wanted to be with you -- my intentions were not focused on hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you. Yoseob loved you, and I loved you. All I had -- and have -- for you, is love……

“I met him at the airport one morning, probably around a year and a half ago. He approached me while I awaited my flight. We started talking -- mostly introducing ourselves -- talking about our lives and what we did and things like that… I told him I was a columnist and that I had a son – Yoseob – and a partner, you. He told me that he was still in school, studying to become an interior designer. In the first hour or so, we introduced the intimate details of our lives, learning lots about one another through several stories that we told. Inevitably, our flights came and we said our “nice meeting you”s and goodbyes. We exchanged our numbers, however. I did not think that we would ever remain in contact, but I thought wrong. He didn’t call me or contact me in any way until… mmm… about two weeks after we had met. He called me for the first time after that two week period. He told me about his trip to see his cousins, and he asked how I had been doing at home. He…… He knew about our fighting. I told him that you and I were kind of in a rough patch in our relationship. He was sympathetic for me. Oftentimes we talked about what you and I were going through, what had happened that day… I spilled everything to him. Our calls became more frequent and longer in length over time. Back then, when you would see me on the phone, I would say… six times out of ten I was speaking with Dongwoon.

“Um, so… our relationship progressed. I felt like I needed to see him… I felt that you and I were misunderstanding one another. Fighting blurred everything. When I spoke with Dongwoon – on the phone or in person – I liked that I could talk to another person without having to raise my voice. He smiled when he saw me, which led me to think that he genuinely liked my company. Jun… and baby I don’t mean to say this to depress you in any form, but I did not…… For a long time, I got the feeling that you hated the very sight of me. Every day when I got home, I would feel this tension already brewing between us. We didn’t talk, we didn’t interact… I believed you didn’t want anything to do with me. So when I met Dongwoon – who did show signs of wanting to be around me – it was a great relief. I liked talking with him. He would make me feel better. He was like a diary that I could tell anything, but he gave me words of comfort back. He and Yoseob were the only reasons I smiled. I realized that this was not right.

“Dongwoon clearly gave off the signal that he wanted a deeper relationship with me. I ignored all of his advances, but I accepted them. He would hold me on his couch. He would hold my hand. He would kiss my cheek. He confessed his feelings and told me that he loved me one day. I would say nothing and I would do nothing. He knew I was with you. He knew the trouble that I could get into if I agreed or responded to any of his moves. But there was one day that he kissed my lips. I admit to kissing him back. My thoughts that night were not on you, or our family. I was thinking of myself. I had been feeling deprived, and, here this boy was, wanting a piece of me. It was the want that I craved and had been craving… from you. I… I wanted your touch. I wanted your lips, but… Dongwoon became that substitute, and I could feel myself falling for him.

“Our relationship got more serious around the sixth month. Kissing between us was regular. We called and saw one another often. I would try to see him in between commutes to and from the office at work, or after we would have a fight… I purposefully found ways that I could successfully be around Dongwon and not have you suspect anything. I was very careful about what I did. Um… We… had around this time--”

“You didn’t in my bed, did you?” Junhyung quickly inquired, a question that astonished Doojoon.

“Absolutely not, Junhyung,” Doojoon refuted, carefully emphasizing every syllable, as if that somehow made it sound believable, “I did not.”

“Doojoon. If I ever find out you’ve been ing that between my sheets--”

“--No. If there’s only one thing that comes out of my mouth that you’ll wholeheartedly believe, then I hope it’s the fact that I did not have with Dongwoon in our bed.”

“My bed.”

“…”

“Go on. Finish it.”

“……In the moment, I did not feel guilty while we had . Afterwards – returning home -- I did--”

“And at this point, after the ing, you ‘loved’ him.”

Doojoon observed his socked feet, “We had an emotional relationship. I-I would say that love came into play when… when I did not think of you during the few hours that I was with him. He was the only one on my mind when we were physically together.”

“So you just said ‘to hell with Junhyung’ then.”

“But babe--”

Junhyung flicked his wrist whilst waving his right hand.

“Finish.”

Doojoon exhaled…

“Time went on, and Dongwoon and I’s feelings strengthened… But the guilt began to weigh on me. I thought of you more as our own relationship started to soften again… We were arguing less, we were able to have a conversation without screaming, we were finally getting somewhere. You were even bringing me cupcakes again, so I knew that this was a good sign. When you smiled at me, it made me feel good, but it pained my heart, too. What was I supposed to do with Dongwoon?” “A good place to start would’ve been to stop seeing him completely.”

“Y-Yes, that would’ve been… wise.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“I--”

“Because you loved him? That’s why you wouldn’t leave? Because of love?”

“Junhyung--”

“No, because this is pissing me off. I can’t believe you would use the word ‘love’ for this Dongwoon. Do you have any ing clue what that does? How long have we been together, Doojoon? Minus the year-and-a-half you spent with him?”

“…I guess… three-and-a-half years.”

Junhyung swallowed at that figure… it seemed so small and insignificant now.

“Three-and-a-half years versus one-and-a-half, and you said you loved us. That puts that Dongwoon tramp on equal grounds with me, and I am telling you right now that I am incomparable to that boy. But you said you ‘loved’ him, someone you’ve only known for a year-and-a-half. How could you possibly, equally love someone that you’ve known for a year-and-a-ing-half, Yoon Doojoon!? Then what was I to you!? What was our four years to you? A ing joke? Was I wasting my time with you? Was I wasting your time!?”

At the start of their sit-down, Junhyung was parked in his seat, firm and receptive. Now, as his heart cracked open and thickly bled at the feet of Doojoon, he rose from the couch cushion and zipped right in front of the sitting man, nose-to-nose. His whisperings were so sharp and fierce, some words came out as whistles.

“I was unhappy, too, Doojoon, but I didn’t go out and kiss on and another man behind your back. I had respect for myself and for our relationship. I would never do what those other pricks did to me and cheat on someone I loved. Because I know how it feels, and newsflash, I loved you. At the end of the day, after all the stupid fighting, there was no one else. It was just you -- always you -- from the beginning. When I woke every morning all I thought about was what I could do to make your day. Everything I did was for you, Doojoon! Every-ing-thing. And this is how – no surprise -- I’m repaid: You disrespected me by bringing this into my home and spending money that we needed. You lied god knows how many times, even when I asked you about him from the start. You used me whenever it was convenient for you. I have been nothing but your tool--”

“Junhyung--”

“Do not deny it, Doojoon because you know it’s true.” Anger built.

“I wasn’t--”

“You knew I had been through this with the others.” And built.

“And that’s wh--”

“But you didn’t care!” Anger came to a head.

“Jun--”

“YOU DIDN’T CARE FOR MY FEELINGS!” Anger erupted.

“Junhyung--”

“JUST LIKE THEM, IT WAS ABOUT WHAT YOU ING WANTED--!”

“Shut up and sit down,” Doojoon grouched.

And the language center in Junhyung’s brain just shut off. His lips could not move and his spheres formed full circles. Bundles and bundles of colorful obscenities and slurs ping-ponged inside the walls of his temple, and yet he could voice not a one. Doojoon had cast the most effective spell yet.

Really, though, Doojoon didn’t know how else to make the rambling stop. He figured he had to say something dramatic to catch Junhyung off his guard. It was a success. A scary success: Junhyung sat right on down. With his countenance devoured by an expression bleached of all emotion, Junhyung stared straight ahead. Still. Silent. Hands in his lap.

The atmosphere felt suddenly… different. Lighter… less tight and less dense. Doojoon’s lungs weren’t scared to breathe. Practicing caution, the man inched sideways to be closer to Junhyung. The latter showed not a sign of resent. He instead gazed interestedly into Doojoon’s heart through his deep brown eyes…

“I didn’t mean to sound harsh. I just wanted you to stop. I wanted you to listen,” Doojoon inhaled, “I am the lowest life form right now. You don’t have to remind me every five seconds. I do that to myself enough. I hate what I’ve done to you… to us. All of us. I abused your trust, I took you for granted, and I lied to you. I don’t deserve to be in your presence, but the thought of being without you is like trying to comprehend how forever doesn’t stop. I’ve lived it, and I never want to live it again. I don’t want Dongwoon. There’s nothing he can do for me anymore, so I have no reason to keep seeing him. I want you and just you. There will never be another in the picture. It’ll be you, me and our baby. I’m going to devote all of my time and love into our family. And I agree. I am like the men who hurt you so cruelly, but I came back for you. Junnie. You are precious to me. I’m willing to do whatever it will take for you to accept me back into your heart. I’m willing to work for it. ’Cause I want to be your everything again. I want to see you smile at me. I want for us to be that happy family we were before I grew selfish. Sadly, it took cheating to realize that you are truly the one for me, and you’ve been the one the whole time. So from now on, it will only be you.”

Junhyung didn’t know why his eyes were warming. He didn’t know why his body felt like it had been forced open with a scalpel, drained and dried of all the blood and organs, stuffed with feathers and butterflies and a monkey punching with relentless strength at his stomach, and sewn together. He couldn’t feel his bones; those were the very things that made Junhyung Junhyung. He was now this simple, amorphous mass of…… emotional spaghetti. Why was this happening to him? Why couldn’t he move? Could it be that Doojoon’s words still harnessed control over his body?

Junhyung, eyes empty and strikingly shiftless, could only stare at his lap. Doojoon saw his lover try to make sense of what he was feeling, and a confidence unlike any he’s felt that week emboldened him mentally, and in the heart. Doojoon cupped Junhyung’s kneecap. He was not burned; his hand did not catch fire. Junhyung did not bite it off with his teeth.

“I know that it will take time for you to gain back all that you’ve lost in me, and to take away all the pain that I’ve caused, but I’ll wait till that day comes.”

“Some pain can’t be taken away,” Junhyung murmured, but it was clearly received by the man seated so near to him. Two hesitant gazes connected.

“That’s not going to stop me from trying. I’m not gonna give up on us. I love you, Yong Junhyung,” he squeezed his partner’s knee, “I’m sorry, baby. I honestly don’t know what else to say to get you to believe that… I can only show you. You just have to give me a chance. I just ask for a chance to show you, Jun.”

Junhyung was all-human underneath that stone exterior, an exterior that refused him any obvious display of emotion. He’d been taken advantage of so many times before; he had to be strong, and emotions were weaknesses. Layers and layers of stone and steel hardened and protected him, but the downside of that would be absorbing these harmful emotions and not liberating himself from them.

Doojoon saw water at the edges of Junhyung’s eyes. He’d never seen Junhyung cry. He’d never seen him produce a single tear. For a very long time, Doojoon thought Junhyung didn’t even have the ability to cry.

A tear fell from Junhyung’s left eye. It did not linger on his cheek.

It was a fat droplet that dropped to its death seconds after it was born.

Thank you very much for your support for this. And the subs and comments. TTTTTT For real. OTL I will post the other parts soooooon.......

Thank you for reading thisssssss... 

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