(9:34 P.M., Sweet Yong)

With Junhyung on his spontaneous respite, Kikwang held his shift at Sweet Yong until closing time. In retrospect, it had been a decently busy day. Kikwang buzzed here and there, tackling several positions at once. It was testing, but he took it all sweetly for his boss. He hoped Junhyung had a nice day off his feet… That was his original plan, and all Kikwang could wish for.

There weren’t many customers to come by around the tenth hour, unless Sweet Yong was a last-minute stop on their list, so Kikwang figured it would be time to start cleaning shop…

…When a man staggered inside as if the door was a wormhole he was leaping out of.

Kikwang blinked. “Good evening…?” he greeted, giving the other male an awkward, calculating glance, because this specific individual turned the little hamster wheels of the recognition region of his brain. He appeared to be someone Kikwang had seen before…

Was that Yoseob’s assistant teacher?

Ah, it was, and he appeared to be carrying different colored sheets of paper, big and small, in his hands.

“Yes, yes, good evening. Forgive me for coming in so late… There were several things I had to do, but now I finally get to deliver these,” Hyunseung quickly surveyed the shop, “…Junhyung’s not here?”

“No, it’s just me, Kikwang, one of his employees. Jun had the rest of the day off. Are you…?”

“Yoseob’s assistant teacher? Yes. I am, Jang Hyunseung, and these” the cards “…are all for him. We received word that he was very ill some days ago, so I made it an assignment for all of his classmates to make him a ‘Get Well’ card. We all miss having him at school… I was going to give them to Junhyung, and I always have perfect timing as you can tell…”

“It’s alright! I will take them to him! It’s convenient, too. I was actually going to stop to his house after my shift. I will make sure they get to him,” Kikwang, being nosy, swept his eyes over the first card. It was yellow, and had two little people on its front. Two boys. One was Yoseob, the other a boy with the name Seungho. “Friend” was written with the hand of a child largely with different colors.

“Awww… Jun’s going to love looking at these. And Seobie.”

Hyunseung grinned. “Heh… I thought it would be a polite little gesture. It would be the very, very least I could do for them both, figuring in what they’re going through…”

Kikwang’s lips buckled some. “How do you…?”

“I held a parent conference about Yoseob with Junhyung weeks ago. Junhyung told me their current living situation with Doojoon and how that’s directly affected Yoseob academically as well as emotionally. Then Yoseob’s fallen ill and… I’m just worried about them altogether.”

“Well I am happy to report to you that they are doing much better since then. Yoseob is over his fever!”

Hyunseung’s visage lifted at that good news. “That’s great! He was a pitiful little thing that day I had to have him signed out… Has Junhyung worked everything out with Doojoon, or at least started?”

“Jun’s still pretty devastated and hurt over what Doojoon’s done. I would say they are communicating better than they have been, and I would like to say that Yoseob had a big part in that. Yoseob’s with him now for this weekend.”

“Ahh, so he did take my advice. He seemed to be reluctant on letting him see Doojoon. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy choice for him to make, but that’s wonderful. Yoseob really needs that interaction with his father. It’ll help him get better.”

“And he’ll get there…” Kikwang started gathering the pile of colored cards, “…I’ll hold onto these for you and I will personally make sure they get into Jun’s hands.”

“Thank you,” gasped Hyunseung with a bow, “Sorry to bother you again.”

“It’s fine. Would you like something while you are here?”

Hyunseung blinked behind his glasses.

“Aren’t you closing?”

“It’s not ten yet, but I can only serve you something warm to drink… or cold, your pick. You can’t come to Sweet Yong and not get something.”

Kikwang presented him with a menu and flipped it to the beverages sectional. Hyunseung looked to the menu, reading off the names in his head until he made his mental selection.

“Umm… Okay, I will have a café frappucino.”

“Strawberry-flavored? You just seem like a strawberry-type person.”

Hyunseung laughed.

“Strawberry is my default flavor.”

Kikwang nervously smiled… “Then strawberry it will be. Now I politely ask for your patience… Usually Jun handles the drinks, but since he’s not here tonight, I’ll do my best to make yours acceptable.”

Hyunseung gave him some bills, and Kikwang stocked them away. The task at hand was an important one. Kikwang was going to make his very own frappucino in what had been many, many months. He worked diligently, and the assistant watched. It was a very diligent process indeed. The male behind the counter seemed to have stopped at several machines at different intervals of time in preparation of the cooled drink. Extreme concentration was etched on his gentle face.

Kikwang lightly nipped on his upper lip as he passed a graham teddy bear along with his creation on to Hyunseung.

“Alriiiight… There you go.”

“Thank you,” Hyunseung said before taking a long slurp from the pink straw. Kikwang’s cheeks lit up the very same color.

The straw separated from his lips.

“How is it? Good? Horrible? Disgusting? Too sweet? Not sweet enough?”

Hyunseung’s eyes treaded the ceiling of the shop for a minute while his discerning tongue decided the verdict.

“It’s too sweet. But I like ‘too sweet’.”

“You do!?”

A nod, and then Hyunseung proclaimed, “You did a great job…! Thank you.”

Kikwang’s hands clapped twice in excitement.

“You’re welcome… um… What is your name again?”

“Hyunseung. Jang Hyunseung.”

“And I am Lee Kikwang. If you would like anything else, please do not hesitate to come back. You’ll have to try one of Junnie’s cupcakes one day.”

“I will. I hear a lot about them.”

“Junhyung’s are the best around~”

Kikwang promised again to successfully deliver the precious cards to the little owner and his umma, and Hyunseung thanked him once again for upholding the task. The latter left the building -- without staggering this time -- and Kikwang resumed his cleaning with a strong sense of confidence.

(Saturday Evening, Kikwang’s POV)

I anxiously waited in front of Junhyung’s door after my two small knocks. I was hoping to be present again for Junhyung’s cute chat with Yoseob, but it was past eight-thirty… At least there would be no interruptions tonight… Just me and Jun.

I saw his face peek through the side window before he answered the door. It opened.

“Special delivery for Junnie!” I brought the colorful cards to his attention, bringing them up to his enlarged, brown eyes. Junhyung blinked at me and wore one of those cute, fun-sized side smiles that I love.

“Come inside…”

We took our typical seats beside each other on the loveseat. Junhyung turned in my direction. I could tell he was terribly interested in the cards. “What is all that?” he asked.

“They’re for Yoseob. His assistant teacher passed through the shop around closing time. He said Seobie’s class made him get-well cards for when he had that fever. He planned to give them to you, but of course he had no way of knowing that you took the day off. So I offered to take them to you for him. They are adorable, Jun. Look at theeeem.”

Jun received them, and his eyes began glowing, I tell you. It was a precious thing to witness. His posture emanated how he felt inside. He felt happy knowing that his baby was so, so loved, and not only by him alone.

“Ohhhh…” Junhyung flipped from card to card, “…Wooow… these are… so good.”

“Aren’t they cute? I told his teacher Yoseob’s gonna love them.”

“He will… My goodness, they used glitter and everything. It’s gonna get all over my couch. And my floor.”

If it was one positive thing that came of out his whole relationship with Doojoon, it was Doojoon bringing Yoseob into his life. I do not know nor do I wish to ponder on what Junhyung’s life would be if it had not been for that baby’s existence. Yoseob undoubtedly softened Junhyung’s heart with his preciousness. Junhyung -- after all that he’s been put through -- just wanted something so, so simple: He wanted to be appreciated. He wanted to be loved. Seobie does that for him every day. He gives Junhyung a love that no one in this world could receive with a bigger heart. I have always wondered if Seobie gives him so much love, why does he still pine for a connection with Doojoon? Isn’t that love enough? I’ve seen Jun blossom into this beautiful, new person. A new side of his heart has opened, but why does it still seek Doojoon? He doesn’t admit that he still loves him, and maybe he doesn’t internally know this yet himself, but the fact that he still does just… hurts. It’s painful. I don’t like seeing him like this.

I just want him to be happy, whether it is or isn’t with me.

…Junhyung’s head touched my shoulder. My lungs locked mid-breath. The--His warm, soft skin of his cheek pressed upon my shoulder with the tenderest of intimate touches. It has definitely been a good minute since this has happened, and I miss these moments so much, but they never occurred because of something good. Junhyung did this when he was feeling afflicted. What was ailing him? He should be happy: Yoseob was coming home tomorrow, he got the day off to go to a massage parlor and get fixed up… What was it this time?

“Is everything alright?” I questioned with whispers.

“Yeah… guess.”

I thought a little deeper. Could anything have happened while I was working?

“Seobie’s okay?” I dug.

“Seob’s fine. He’s doing great. He told me he had a good day. He’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

“Alright then… is there anything else? Did you talk to Doojoon?”

“Yeah, for a little while.”

My concern increased. Was he the reason why my Junnie was so depressed?

“And did that go over well?”

“……………I am so in’ stupid,” Junhyung sighed. He bent himself until he was sitting straight up. He remained silent for a few minutes. I could see thoughts running amuck about his face, but they were none he would voice. There was a prevalent thought on his mind, however, and it was the thought that had gotten life.

“How could you still remain in love with someone who has basically said ‘to hell with you’ and ed you over?” Junhyung asked me.

Junhyung’s pupils – the darkest I had personally seen – gaped into mine. I felt him burrowing inside me for the answer that I myself hadn’t thought up yet. It was a difficult question to even endeavor answering, but I do understand where it’s coming from.

I know what it is like loving someone that cannot love you. Mind you, loving someone whodoesn’t love you is far different from loving someone who cannot love you. The “cannot” makes all the difference, and the “cannot” eats you like the liquid of a hundred suns. I am sure that Junhyung could love me, but with Doojoon forever in the picture, I will be nothing more than his confidant—which I have no issue being. It’s simply just, the idea that I’ve had for so long… the idea that I could and would eventually win him over will not allow me to rest…

“Why do I still want him, Kikwang? Why can’t I just drop him like he dropped me? Why was it so easy for him, but here I am struggling just to forget his face?”

“Well, Jun. I wouldn’t beat myself up about it. Give yourself some credit here. You’ve just gotten out of a relationship. Your feelings are fresh—”

“—It’s been a month, Kikwang. More than a month. And the fact of the matter is that when I still hear his voice, I can’t breathe. I get hot and angry and then sometimes after that I just cry. All I seem to be able to do is cry. Like some helpless… thing. And when I think of him… I don’t know what to think. There are happy memories and then there’s this… this area of blackness that I can’t see past. I don’t know what to think of when I think on our relationship for the past couple years. All I know is that at the end of the day, I lie in bed and I wonder why there’s this empty spot next to me and what I did to make it be that way.”

His words slapped my heart. Junhyung had confessed to me that he had been crying. Tough-as-nails Junhyung only confesses such things… well… never. Either I would catch him crying – which was a rare event – or he would spontaneously break down. But admitting he was crying clearly meant that I was on a whole new level of trust and intimacy with him.

“I can’t love somebody that’s done something like that to me, and I have to remind myself of that every single day. But it doesn’t matter how many times that I do, I end up feeling for him. Just… why? I feel so weak, Kiki. I hate feeling this way.”

Immediately, I took Junhyung into me as close as I could bring us. His tense body slackened with mine.

“You’re the strongest person I know, Jun. You are so strong and resilient. Something like this happening to someone else would’ve totally devastated them and took their mind, but you haven’t gone crazy, and you haven’t entirely broken down. You swallowed what you were dealt with and kept moving forward. It was a struggle, yes -- and it still is for you -- but you never once stand still. You stay strong, and I am amazed at how you have enough strength for yourself and little Seobie. I am glad he has you as an example to follow and learn from, so he may know what being strong is. I know you feel weak, Jun, and it’s okay. We have to have those weak moments; you’re not invincible, but I am glad to say that you feel comfortable enough with me to come to me and confide in me…”

“…I feel like I do it all the time, though. Every time I have a little problem I come to you about it.”

“And that’s what I’m here for, Junnie! I’m here to make you happy--”

“But what have I done for you?” Junhyung asked me, and with his eyes to my eyes, “I know I broke your heart yesterday. I feel guilty about it, too, because… I thought and thought about it, and I realized that from the moment we met, you were -- unfailingly -- by my side in everything I did. Throughout school, during my stupid relationships, when we started the business… in everything. I was so oblivious to that, and now I wonder why and how I didn’t fall for you.”

It’s funny, because I have wondered if he ever thought about that. It was oddly comforting to know that he did ponder on that thought somewhat, but it hurt, too. Why didn’t he ever notice that I was there from the start? Was I not more assertive with my feelings? Was I too much of a friend? What went wrong?

“…I don’t know the answer to that. Maybe there isn’t one, but whoever you’re happy with Jun, I will support you. I will always be here when times are good and bad. And don’t feel guilty about your feelings. I like what we have now. It seems selfish to want more when it’s already special… For as long as you need me, I will be right here. Weak or strong.”

I assured him of several more things, Junhyung’s head lingering close to my chest, and even closer to my heart.

(End of Kikwang’s POV. Saturday Evening, Doojoon’s POV)

When you only think of yourself, you inevitably find yourself hurting others.

When entering into this relationship with Dongwoon, I was only thinking of myself. My wants and my needs. How I was feeling at that moment in time. I did not figure in too much how this would play out in the long run, nor did I stop for a while and think on how this would effect my dear family: my dear Seobie and my dearest, dearest Jun.

There is another set of feelings that I also neglected to take to heart: Dongwoon’s. I will admit, I did not foresee him being a huge involvement in my life. My main purpose of seeing him to begin with was to have someone I could run to and vent my frustrations that I developed from Junhyung and I’s tense relationship. Dongwoon allowed me to do that with him. He listened to me, connected with me, gave me confidence when I had none… He picked me up again, he told me how proud he was of me, he told me things that I had wanted to hear come whispering through my lover’s lips on a warm night in bed after a long day. Junhyung did not do any of that for me. Our conversations were either scarce, or he was harping at me about something. Anything. My darling always, always seemed to have a reason to be tight-faced, and when I made attempts to become close to him, he would fold his arms and maul my face off with a scowl. He had reasons to be upset… Frequently, I was often gone away on many culinary assignments, which ultimately stacked everything on his shoulders. My being away is what hurt him, but he did not react to me with sadness.

He exploded.

I did what I could to support us, but Junhyung did not see it that way. He did not see my job as important in the least bit. He kept pushing me to do something else, to adopt another profession, because the days that I had been away from home apparently -- to him -- were not worth the money that I earned. It hurt my little Seobie, too, who would beg me not to leave during our departures at the airport, but how was I to explain to them both that this was something I loved doing? I love my job and everything that comes with it… Junhyung didn’t care for any of that, and the day came to where I couldn’t take a second more of his disapproval.

I was waiting for my flight in a chair by a kiosk “wearing a look that made children cry” is what Dongwoon said to me. This blonde individual kept looking my way. It was unavoidable, he was seated directly across from me. But our eyes kept locking enough times, and then his lips smiled at me. Mine smiled back. The blonde traded seats, sitting in the empty one next to mine, and introduced himself as “Son Dongwoon”. I introduced myself, and this is where my year-and-a-half long affair began. We shared with one another nearly half our lives that morning. I showed him pictures of Junhyung and Yoseob when he asked about family, and when he asked why I looked so upset, I told him that reason, too. Junhyung and I did not start off on the right foot that morning if I can recall… I told Dongwoon everything he wanted to know -- most of his questions revolving around Junhyung and I -- and I can remember feeling very light after I did.

Dongwoon’s flight came before mine -- he was visiting cousins in France -- so he asked for my contact information. I gave it to him, and we were very delighted in knowing we did not live horribly far from one another. I promised to call him when I needed to talk, and I kept it.

Our affair commenced with talking strictly on the phone. First it was ten minutes a night, thirty minutes, an hour, two hours. Then I wished to see him physically. After fights, I would do a little work and leave for a little while -- preferably when Yoseob was either at Kikwang’s house, or when he was napping. He always tries to tag along with me wherever I go. I had to do this smartly. Junhyung is as sharp as a tack, and he would become suspicious of me if I did this too often. I managed to maneuver around him successfully, though, since he never suspected a thing. Oftentimes when I left he was in our bedroom blowing steam. He told me he didn’t want to see my face, and he wanted me to leave. I took those opportunities to see Dongwoon, when -- looking back on it now -- I should’ve stayed and comforted him…

Well, Dongwoon did not maul my face off with a scowl. He accepted me into his home at any time of morning or night, and he always carried a smile for me when I showed. It felt really good to know that I had someone else besides Yoseob who appreciated me.

Someone who loved me.

Maybe after four months of maintaining contact with each other, Dongwoon began displaying his growing affections for me with innocent kisses to my cheek when I would show up on his doorstep. I discovered his playful nature; it certainly was refreshing on those days when Jun and I bruised one another with our words. He would tickle me all over to get me to laugh when I couldn’t muster a smile. He was like an adult-sized Yoseob. Everything was cute and innocent, up till the day -- the second -- that Dongwoon kissed me, and on my lips.

It was not awkward at all. It was in that moment where I realized my thirst for his mouth. That’s when I started accepting many things from Dongwoon that I shouldn’t have. I accepted his kisses, I accepted his touches, I accepted him holding my hand, I accepted him calling me “Joonie”. He did things for me that Junhyung had stopped doing.

Of course, these are not reasons justifying why I should have cheated on Junhyung.

I should have never gotten romantically and emotionally involved with Dongwoon. It was fine that he was there for me when I needed someone to talk with about my problems, but I crossed that fine line of what was acceptable and what was not, and worst of all, I crossed it willingly. I shamefully admit that I did not once hold up a hand of refusal when Dongwoon ually pursued me. It was a great release, entirely ual in the beginning, but every time our bodies got closer, our hearts did the same. I found myself loving two men equally. The same hands I caressed Dongwoon with caressed Junhyung. They were kissed with the same lips and gazed upon lovingly with the same eyes. It was a daily mental and emotional battle… I had already dug myself in too deep with Dongwoon, and before I knew it a year had gone by.

I felt even worse when Junhyung would make-up with me after I called myself “making love” to Dongwoon and returned home. Junhyung once made me a dozen carrot cupcakes and had them sitting upon my office desk for when I returned. When I sat in my chair, he appeared beside me with the guiltiest expression I had ever seen take him. He pushed my chair back some to make room, sat sideways in my lap with his arms hooked about my neck and silently kissed my face until he felt he kissed me enough, which was maybe forty kisses later. Our eyes lifted into one another’s and I saw the “I’m sorry” that he could not say. He didn’t need to say it for me; I said it to him. I embraced his body as firmly as he embraced mine, and I reflected on my actions at Dongwoon’s house with the heaviest remorse an adulterer could experience. But nothing could stop me from being close to him. We formed an emotional relationship, and being without that relationship increased my feelings of anxiety. I didn’t see an end to it. There was no end, and I had no plan of telling Junhyung about it.

It was a blessing and curse when Junhyung confronted me about him that night.

That ugly night.

Never had he ever been so furious, hurt, confused and irate in one setting. The feelings that he beamed at me through his pupils hit me where it hurt the most. The tea was only but a pinch of the pain that I felt… I hurt this man that had done so much for me, so much for my nephew, and I repay him in the very same way those others before me had repaid him… the way I promised not to. I think that’s what hurt him the most.

It’s what hurts me. I let him down… and Seobie’s little heart being hurt in the process of everything was another fact I couldn’t forgive. How could I explain to him why and how this all happened? He deserved an explanation from me. Would he be upset with me for hurting him and his umma? Would he resent me?

…Junhyung took Yoseob from me, he took himself from me, and that was that. He didn’t want anything else. It made me fear the worse, for my Junhyung is a very independent man and could do very well on his own. He would have to make sacrifices, but as far as needing me around, he didn’t need me for anything. I want to be a part of his life. I didn’t show that by being with Dongwoon, now did I…? I wouldn’t blame him for throwing me out.

That night I sat in my car is when I sorted out what I wanted. Who I wanted. I did not hesitate with my decision, either. It was clear to me that I loved Junhyung more than ever now that I had to be without him. This situation forced me to recall everything about Junhyung that caught my heart from the very start. First, it was his cupcakes that he had intricately and meticulously designed just for me the afternoon our hearts met. From his eyes and the way they honestly showcase his emotions, to the never-ending love he showers our precious little one with, to the unique, wordless ways he expresses his love for me. He’s put up with so much, and I have scolded myself over how I could give up and utterly disregard a selfless being such as my Junnie.

Why would I want another? Junhyung is all that I need and all I would ever need in a man.

My only problem now is that I must tell my lover of nearly two years this very thing.

(The Talk)

It was close to midnight. I stepped out for some air to allow my thoughts and words to fall in line before I delivered them to Dongwoon. He was not going to like these words. They were going to hurt, and that echoes what I said earlier. I didn’t regard how he would feel if I chose to end our relationship. He had fallen in love with me. He felt for me. Who was I to end that? In a strange, reversed way, it was unfair to Dongwoon, too. He treated me with kindness and I truly felt loved by him.

How I managed to break three hearts with one action is really something.

The serene snow fell rapidly in sheets. It made everything appear peaceful… It also reminded me of a sweet memory, the one at the forefront of my mind being when I asked Junhyung to be mine during one of Yoseob’s evening feedings. I always think of falling snow as the beginning of something beautiful, because it was the beginning of our little family. Ever since then, all three of us would watch the first snow fall together… We would wait for it every year, Junhyung, Seobie and I. Sometimes it would come late, and Yoseob would have to go to bed -- complaining all the way there -- but Junhyung and I remained awake. We nestled on the loveseat in front of the window, snuggled under a blanket. When that first sprinkle of snow could be seen, I would turn to Junhyung, and he to me, and we would quietly wish each other a happy anniversary. We had done that four times.

Junhyung had no one to say that to, now, and neither did I.

I am lucky if Jun ever forgives me.

“Doojoon?”

I turned towards the front door. Dongwoon was hanging out of the door way.

“I made some hot chocolate. Come inside.”

“Alright.”

I returned back inside his house. The warmth greeted me. I hung my coat, took a seat on the sofa, and afterward accepted the cup of hot cocoa that he handed me.

I couldn’t bring myself to drink it.

Dongwoon sat adjacent to me, a noticeably empty plane of space between us. He couldn’t drink, either.

“Dongwoon.”

He answered with his eyes. I remembered how large they could get… They expected the worst.

“I don’t think I will find another person like you. You are a very, very dear person at heart, and I know this for myself because of all the time we’ve spent together--”

“--Doojoon,” Dongwoon interrupted, staring at the soft-brown liquid in his cup, “Cut the jive. Give it to me straight up.”

I sighed.

“This past month has killed me, Dongwoon. I was away from my baby, from Junhyung, and I was alone with my thoughts. I thought about what I had done day in and day out, and it ate me slowly and painfully. What I had--have done to two of the people I loved more than anything was… plain wrong. I hurt them, which hurt me, and… I vowed to myself that I would turn things around. I have to get my family back,” I swallowed, “…I can’t… I can’t do this with you anymore.”

I had confessed this while looking at my boots, because my eyes could not bring themselves to look at Dongwoon. But I took a chance here, and he was still hunched over in front of his mug of hot chocolate.

“Dongwoon, I’m…” I tried grabbing his hand. He snatched it away, just like Junhyung. A pair of black dots had me petrified at the emotions locked behind them.

“……You are a stupid, selfish man. I would say that you only care for yourself, but if it weren’t for Yoseob, I wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise with my own eyes. You… you are juststupid, Doojoon, and I am even more foolish for ever getting involved with you. But you know what? I loved you. And I still do. And it makes me angry, because I can’t be entirely upset with you. Half of this was my fault. I wholeheartedly subjected myself to this very moment when I decided I wanted to be with you. I saw an unhappy man whom I wanted to see smile more than anything, no matter what it took to get it there. Now that you’ve gotten what you wanted from me -- me dry -- you realize a little too late that you shouldn’t have cheated on Junhyung, and now you want to essentially get rid of me. Like we never happened. But we did happen, and if I recall correctly, it was because of Junhyung. So what? Did he all of a sudden change his ways? You always complained to me about the things he wasn’t doing, so has he changed your mind? I’m sure he doesn’t want you back. At all. I would feel the same. You used me, and you used him. You’re nothing but a… a… user, and I’m not going to let this continue on a second longer. I want you out tomorrow morning. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Dongwoon gripped his cup and started to stand.

“I hope you lose everything. I hope he doesn’t take you back. You don’t deserve either of us. Or Yoseob.”

…Why do I feel like I was the only one hurt after this?