It’s been a month now and I haven’t told anyone other than Block B, my mother and sister and SHINee. I plan on telling Suho soon- I just don’t know how or how he will react. I climbed out of bed and inspected the tiny little stomach I had formed. We created this Suho, we made a human…

My phone went off in a familiar ringtone- I Need a Girl by Taeyang- telling me oppa was calling me. I answered happily. “Hey oppa!”

“Are you dressed?” Taeyang asked. I loved the sound of his voice. I grabbed a sweater and made my way down the stairs.

“Yeah I’ll be outside in two.” He cut the line and I walked over to my mother and kissed her goodbye. She has been crying for weeks thinking what she has done wrong. I feel horrible. I opened the door to Taeyang’s car and sat in the front seat and looked at oppa waiting for my hello kiss which was something he knows I need or else I will get angry.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek lightly. “Hey baby girl.” I smiled happily and slumped in my seat. I had asked Taeyang to accompany me to SM so I won’t be alone and if I do throw up I have someone who will cover for me. We drove in silence for a while but then I the radio and we sang all the way to SM. Today I was going to tell them members of Girls Generation and maybe even Suho.

Taeyang opened the door for me and I led him to the practice room that I knew GG would be in- since I had texted Jessica before I had left the house. I could feel tiny waves of nausea attack me but I kept everything down as well as I could. I pried the door open and it slowly knowing they were filming a new dance practice for YouTube. We sat on the floor out of view and Taeyang placed a hand on my tiny tummy. I’m scared of what they might think of me. What if they think less of Suho as a leader and a man? Will they understand that no matter what happens I need them by my side as a mother and a friend?

“Don’t you think it makes things a little obvious?” It came out rude but I didn’t mean it like that- but Taeyang understood and removed his hand.  The girls finished the dance and walked over to get a drink of water from their bags.

“Hey Katherin, how are you?” Yoona walked towards me arms apart waiting for a hug. After the normal hellos and stuff I sat them down on the floor and began talking- well once the manager left.

“Do you want me to say it?” Taeyang- oppa offered softly, I shook my head. I have to tell them, I watched as they exchanged nervous and confused looks. Oppa rested his large hands on my shoulders behind me and waited.

“Do you guys ever plan on having kids?” I asked happily remembering the days they spent filming Hello Baby seemed to be the only way to start this conversation.

“Oh my God yes- I mean of course!” The dancing queen stated with a huge smile plastered on her face, she seemed tired none the less. I waited for a few other answers before continuing.

“But don’t you think if you wait any longer you’ll be all old and stuff” I could hear a small gasp leave Tiffany- unnie’s mouth. “I mean it would be safer to have a kid earlier than later… get it?” I saw them nod, how the hell am I gonna do this.

“What’s the point?” Yuri- who I happened to love a lot asked slightly annoyed- I understand what she means.

“What do I do?” I covered my face feeling a sudden change of heart. I should be telling Suho right now, not them. I should have told him even before Mami knew. The tears began flowing from my eyes slowly. The girls tried to crow around me but Taeyang whispered not to. I have support; I don’t need to be afraid.

“I have to tell you guy something, it’s really important and I don’t need any of you to judge me because I already know that. I already know what you’ll say and I don’t want to hear any of that negative bull.” Somehow my ice princess reappeared and I controlled the tears.

“What is it?”

“Do you know what she’s talking about?”

Jessica snapped as she stood up. “Are you guys stupid or something?” Everyone looked at her in confusion. “Do you guys really not understand what she’s trying to say?” The girls mumbled to themselves but Jessica cut everyone off. “You guys our little Kat is pregnant.” She walked closer to me and asked silently if she was right. I nodded as I placed a hand on my tiny little bump.

None of them believed me and I felt another wave of nausea hit me twice as hard. I clamped a hand over my mouth feeling the vomit rise, so I ran to the closest bathroom dropping to my knees and released the contents that used to be in my stomach. Someone pulled my hair away from my face and another hand touched my back making small circles.

After I regained some balance I stood up, looking at the super nervous girls in front of me. “I don’t know who the dad is and if he doesn’t want this child I’ll find him and hurt him.” Our lovely dancing queen Hyoyeon smiled lightly.

“Regardless to that, who is the father?” Yuri asked in a small voice.

“Are you going to keep it?” Tiffany asked, I felt pressured.

“I’m not saying who it is until I tell him tonight.” Before I could be asked anything else I looked at oppa who gave me more strength to continue. “I’m only one month along and I haven’t told him yet. I am telling him tonight.” I stepped forward to Jessica and Yuri who were the closest to me. “Please don’t think less of me. No matter what you are thinking right now I know who I am and I know that no matter what I want this child and I will fight to keep it by my side. I want you guys in this baby’s life, that enough will mean the world to me. And even if you don’t approve I only ask you don’t spread things.”

The nodded in agreement and I left to go find the boys in their dorm seeing it was already getting late, my body was worn out. It took at least an hour till we reached the dorm rooms and I could feel my stomach tighten once again. You can do this Katherin, you have to. Taeyang promised to come get me if anything happened but I told him to leave I have to do this on my own. Once Chen opened the door I felt the familiar feel of home.

“Is Suho home?” I asked Chen who was playing a game on the flat screen. “Are you home alone Chen?” This little troll shouldn’t be left anywhere alone.

“Suho is in his room, and no I’m here with everyone else.” I could hear the little happiness that ran through his voice. I nodded and made my way to Suho’s room knowing that if I don’t tell him now I won’t tell him at all. This was the only time I have the actual faith to do this.

“Suho,” I took in the sight of his chest and low boxers. “We need to talk.” I closed the door behind me and sat on the edge of his bed. We created this baby right here. He wrapped an arm around me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. A kiss that reminded me why I was here, here goes nothing.

“SuhoI’mpregnant.” I rushed through with clenched eyes and a tight closed fist. Suho only laughed.

“Can you say that again- in a language I understand?” I nodded and took in a long deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.” The look on his face changed several times before landing on confused and angry.

“H-how long have you knew?” He stood up and began pacing the room not even looking at me.

“It’s only been a month, Suho.” I added keeping my voice low. I reached out to touch him but he pulled his arm away.

“And you’ve waited until now to tell me that you’re pregnant?” His words were cold and they attacked my heart. His voice rose up louder.  “Who have you told? Have you told Jonghyun, wait let me guess you already told Taeyang?” He placed his hands on the night stand griping until his knuckles were ghost white.

“Suho, he took me to the hospital…” I defended, my heart was about to burst through my chest any time now. Why is he acting like this? Shouldn’t he be happier or at least a little more understanding? This isn’t the Suho I know. This isn’t him at all.

“Who have you told? Have you told everyone it was me? Does the whole company know this? Who doesn’t know?” He was yelling know, holding on to that poor little night stand- holding on for dear life. “Who have you told?!” He flipped the night stand sending things flying everywhere- im pretty sure that wasn’t his either.

“I think you know who I told oppa.” I clamped my mouth shut, I shouldn’t be so… me at this moment. I needed to keep calm, but my Hispanic blood boiled no one treats me like this.

The door opened loudly and all eleven guys stood there in shook as they saw their leader pulling things apart while his girlfriend just sat there letting him say what he wanted. “What if I didn’t want them to know? Don’t I have a say in any of this?” He threw some pillows at the ground in frustration.

“Suho what the hell are you doing?” Kris pulled at his night stand pulling it back in place.

“I know that Suho, but I didn’t know what to do! I surely didn’t expect this from you! You’re more mature than this!” I yelled clutching on to a pillow I had saved from his wrath. “What’s wrong with you Suho?! Can’t you see what I’m saying?!” I let my voice rise; I let them see how angry and frustrated I was.

Suho snapped even farther. “Don’t you see what I’m going through? Don’t you see that I have so much on my plate already?! Don’t you see that I have no clue how to be” he pointed at me, “be what you want and need me to be?!”

“God Suho can’t you be a little sympathetic?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I watched at the boys dragged Suho out the room leaving me to cry in his empty cold bed leaving me with that entire he has broken- including me. I should have known better than to come do this alone. My heart was broken and I had no one to help me. I was alone again but this loneliness was something I was used to, something I have known for a long time.

*~*

I was forced to go to their dance practice. I was forced to sit through hours of watching him perform. I was stuck feeling unsure of anything, knowing that I had to deal with seeing the guy who had left me broken just last night. I knew he tried to talk to me last night but I refused to open the door so I had to send Kris to shut him up. I spent the night crying in Kris’s arms not knowing who else to turn to.

This was the third time they went over Mama and I was tired of it already. Suho kept messing up and their manager refuses to continue until Suho gets it right. I noticed the dark circles under his eyes- he didn’t sleep last night.

“What the hell Suho, it’s not that hard.” Jongin snapped he placed himself in front of Suho. “Ma-ma, ma-ma.” Get it right already!”

D.O looked scared; it was rare to see Kai snap. Suho looked at the ground and sighed saying he knows. They went through it once again.

“Come one Suho! You know this dance, what’s wrong with you?!” Jongin yelled again.

“I’m ing stressed Kai! I’m stressed and you want to know why?! Just last night I was told that my girlfriend was pregnant! And I’m the ing father! I have to deal with all eleven of you and interviews when I get less than six hours of sleep and now I’m gonna have a kid!” He screamed I’m sure the whole building heard him yell. “Do you know how stressful that is?!”

Everyone looked at me except for Suho. But no one mattered to me more than Suho did at this moment. I needed him to know I was there for him and I need to know that he is there for me. I ran to him needing to feel his tight embrace. He didn’t hesitate he just held me smoothing my hair with this hands. This is what I needed- the feeling of not being abandoned by Suho.

“I want to keep the baby.” I whispered into his ear, I could feel him smile.

“We will Angel, we will.” Manager- Oppa let practice out early and called for a meeting with SM, about me and Suho I’m guessing. I went to visit Jonghyun before I left.

“I told him.” I whispered he was watching Minho dance to Dazzling Girl trying to point out the wrong steps. He turned to me and smiled.

“You did the right thing Baby Girl. We’re here for you.” I left before I felt the need to want to stay there. The rest of the guys were waiting in the van not really talking. I guess this is the beginning of the life I chose. This is my child and my boyfriend. This is the crazy idols I surround myself around. And this is the love I get from them- and no matter what I would never ever change it. Because without them I wouldn’t be who I am today, if it wasn’t for them I would spend countless nights with the knife back in my hands if it wasn’t for them who knows what I would be.

I love each and every one of their flaws and I manage to look past all of them to notice the true person behind the star everyone else sees. I know who they really are and I know that they are all pure in one way or the other. They are amazing in every single way and they have helped me grow more than I could have thought I would have grown. I need them in my life regardless if I have anyone else.

 

 

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A/N: After much thought and yelling at i have writen this next piece. My friend Penguin (as a few of us call her) was driving me insane with questions so to shut her up i uploaded! Anyways i thought it was time Suho found out about his kid. Does anyone have ideas of it's gender? Name? Or even if someone will tell the public? I would love to hear what you think! :) I'll add a lot of kaisoo into this but just not at this moment. Enjoy <3 ~Baby Panda