His knees had started to hurt, but Tao used all his strength in order to keep a small whimper from escaping his lips. His crouched position in front of the door wasn’t exactly comfortable, but he couldn’t stand being kept in the dark. Besides, he already hated that Russian sergeant so he didn’t feel the least bit guilty by eavesdropping on his interrogation of Kai.
Neither Minseok nor Jongdae seemed to want to scold him for it either. Instead they had stopped their silent, unnatural chat and were now looking at him as he leaned closer to the door.
Tao bit his lip when Kai was asked where he had been between midnight and 3am. He could clearly hear how uneasy he felt when he answered that he had been in his and Kyungsoo’s compartment for half an hour before he decided to go outside. When he was asked why his voice almost disappeared.

“I just wanted to be alone. I haven’t had a minute to myself for weeks and Kyungsoo won’t let me go. It’s beyond annoying. Believe me, if I really were to shoot someone he would make the top of the list. Unless I killed myself first of course… And don’t think the thought haven’t occurred to me…”
“How often?”
“All the time, ever since we debuted…”

Tao could hear his voice shake, followed by a few oppressed sobs. Through the small keyhole he could see their translator grow pale in shock and he was convinced he himself was just as white. Why hadn’t Kai said anything? They knew he had been more tired than his health would benefit from, but to go to such lengths as to want to kill himself…

“And right now it’s the only thing I can think about… Every waking minute, every second… Why am I still alive?”

Yolkov, who, despite not understanding a word of Korean, still seemed to get the picture, asked another question.

“You seem to be awfully obsessed with dying… Is there any particular reason you might want to specify?”
“Two of my friends have just been murdered, isn’t that enough?!”
“I mean something else…”

Even though Tao couldn’t see Yolkov’s face because of the angle, he could still hear him lean forwards in his chair to study Kai’s face.

“There is… nothing… of the sort” he muttered; the translator did with a simple “no”, but Yolkov wouldn’t let it go.

“Are you sure? Because your friends told me otherwise”.
“What?”

Kai stiffened in his chair, his arms starting to shake. Tao could feel how the anger started to mix with his heartbeat, making his breath faster. He wanted nothing more than to slam the door open and tell Kai that Yolkov was lying, but he stayed still, listening.

“One of them said that you most definetely would be more depressed than the rest of the members because of your… special relation with one of the deceased…”

“Yes, I was in love with Sehun, but we did not have a relationship!” He shouted so loud that Minseok and Jongdae looked to the door as well. “Satisfied?! I did not kill him, I would rather die myself!”

The translator looked utterly confused about how to make it sound nicer, but at last she gave up and translated Kai’s words exactly as he had said them.

“Unfortunately, you’re the one with the strongest motive so far…”
“What do you mean?”
“You were hopelessly in love with someone you couldn’t have. No doubt you already confessed to him long ago, am I right? But he didn’t want you, because he already had someone else. To Hell with what everyone else were saying, you knew the two of them were together. And you couldn’t stand seeing the one you loved in the arms of someone else… You grew furious, you wanted Luhan to disappear, you wanted to kill him so that you could have Sehun to yourself… So you went into their compartment, armed, intending to shoot Luhan, the problem was just… He was not alone. Sehun was there, too. But you discovered that a little too late to prevent pulling the trigger. So there you are, with a dead body on the floor and a witness to your deed. You panic, realises that you have to finish the job and you shoot the love of your life as well, quickly leaving to get rid of the gun before someone sees you. You go outside, but instead of risking being spotted on the aisle, you go back and flee through the window. You walk away and bury the gun in the snow, before heading back to the train to do what you told Kyungsoo you would do. Stargaze”.
“No… No, it’s not true!”
“Jealousy is the strongest motive of all, and you were bursting with it, now confess before I make you!”
“I don’t care what he says, just make him stop!”

Kai was shaking his head wildly, desperately crying now and Tao couldn’t bear to watch any longer. Rising from his crouched position on the floor, he forced the door open and went right over to Kai to put both arms around him.

“I believe you,” he mumbled into Kai’s hair, clinging to the older brunette. But he was impossible to comfort.

“But he’s right, it could have been me! Oh God… I hated him. I hated both of them! Please, I don’t deserve to live…” Tao tightened his grip, burying his face I Kai’s brown locks.

“You don’t mean that…”
“Just kill me, I won’t live! I won’t live without them, please! Sehun, my Sehun… Oh God, I can’t take this anymore, kill me…”
“Stop saying that!” Tao was now shaking Kai by his shoulders, his tearful eyes flashing with anger. “Don’t you dare say that again! No one else is going to die!”

Jongdae and Minseok had gone into the room, too. Jongdae leaned down beside Kai’s chair and hugged him softly from the side.

“You’re not making any sense, love. Of course you don’t want to die…” His voice was low and frail and utterly shocked.

Minseok, who had reached out his hand to place it on Kai’s shoulder held back and looked quizzically at Jongdae.

“Why did you call him that?”
“What?”
“Love?"

“Did I?” Jongdae had to wipe the tears from his eyes, but as soon as he looked at Kai they came flooding back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice…” He tried to say something more, but gave up and managed to tangle his arms in Tao’s in order to hug Kai properly. “Please… Please don’t say you want to die…,” he whispered then, almost out of breath.

“But what have I got left?” Kai answered devastated, lifting his head to look at Jongdae’s pale face.

“You’ve got us!”

They looked up; Suho was standing in the doorway, looking more worn out than ever. It was clear that he hadn’t ceased crying since the bodies had been found. His eyes were barely dry and his cheeks were almost grey.

“Uhm… Everyone, I… I think Mr Yolkov wants to continue the questioning…” Their translator was looking nervously at Yolkov, who hadn’t said anything since Tao had rushed in.

“But the controller and the driver want to see him. It’s something about the passenger list.”

Despite standing behind Suho, Kyungsoo managed to speak loud enough for everyone to hear. The translator quickly repeated what Kyungsoo had said. Yolkov looked annoyed for a moment, but then he got up and left the room, saying something in Russian to their translator on the way.

“He wants me to keep an eye on you while he’s gone,” she muttered, blushing. “So that you don’t agree on changing your explanations to help him…” She bit her lip, taking a few steps back. For a moment she looked around, then she dragged her chair to the corner and sat down in silence.

Minseok shook his head, biting his lip as he stared at the door through which Yolkov had just left.

“He doesn’t trust us at all.”

Kyungsoo had been on the verge of crying as he left the room, slamming the door behind him. Kai had made them all let go of him and refused to let anyone touch him or even stand close to him. When Kyungsoo had tried to ask if there was anything they could do Kai had told him to leave him alone.

“But, I…”
“Leave me,” he had muttered, staring stubbornly into the wall on the other side of the restaurant. Kyungsoo had carefully tried to place a hand on his arm, but Kai had angrily pushed him away.

“I said leave me alone! Don’t you understand it, I don’t want you hanging over me like that! For one moment just leave me alone!”

“Kai, don’t talk like that…,” Jongdae had tried, but Kai wouldn’t listen.

“Ever since our debut you’ve been chasing after me like some stupid teenage girl, but you just don’t get it, do you? I don’t want you, now get away from me! Get lost! I said get lost!” He had risen from the chair and he had pushed Kyungsoo in the chest, making him waver several steps backwards. Tao had managed to grab him before he fell, but Kyungsoo had immediately shoved his arms away.

“Kyungsoo…”
“Don’t talk to me!” The sneer had been so angry, yet so frail that none of them could have stopped him. They could hear his crying as he ran to his compartment, slamming that door as well.

“Smooth Kai, really smooth!,” Suho sighed, wearily running both hands through his hair. He cringed a bit and closed his eyes, letting out a small groan. “This headache, it’s killing me… Uhm, listen, have anyone seen Kris and Lay? I kinda don’t know where they are”. Every word sounded as if he had to force himself to focus in order to make them come out right.

“No, we haven’t seen them,” Minseok answered, looking worried at Suho. “We were just sitting outside, waiting for Yolkov to interrogate us… Tao’s been here already, Jongdae was the next one after Kai. Chanyeol has been in as well, but I don’t know where he is now”.

“He’s in my compartment with Baekhyun.”
“Why?”
“He tries to comfort him. He’s being an hysteric again, really ugly this time, we don’t know why… For God’s sake, someone, give me a painkiller!”

“Here”. Jongdae found a small glass in his inner pocket of his jacket and handed it to him. “Just… don’t take more than two, they’re pretty strong”.

“How did you even get these?” Tao tilted his head to look at the glass’ label. ”You can’t just buy this stuff, these are prescription only. When did you see a doctor?”

Jongdae bit his lip and looked away nervously when he answered.

“About one month ago I think. Luhan had asked me to pick up something for Sehun, so I talked to a doctor when I was there anyway. He reckoned I probably needed these”.
“But for what?”
“What do you think? Headaches obviously, we haven’t slept properly for weeks! I would be surprised if you haven’t been either nauseous or at least aching with weariness at some point. No one’s capable of coping with a schedule like ours, not even us.”

“But, if the doctor gave them to you, then maybe Suho shouldn’t…” But Suho had already swallowed two of the pills and looked even more grumpy than before. “Whatever.”

“So… Who was next? Jongdae, right?”

“Yeah, me. I’m just going to wait here until he gets back.” He shrugged and sat down on the floor, careful not to get too close to Kai, who hadn’t said anything since Kyungsoo had left the room. He looked as pale and sick as when they had gotten on the train, Tao noticed, feeling his insides twinge. The more he looked at the others, the worse everyone seemed to be.
At last he felt unable to be near any of them and left the room; none of them asked him where he was going, their translator didn’t even get up.
Halfway down the aisle he wished that this was all a dream, just some terrible nightmare, whose waking was still to be expected. Every sound around him was painful and loud, nevertheless none of them seemed to be loud enough to actually wake him. There was the crying from Kai and Kyungsoo’s compartment, the screams from Suho and Baekhyun’s compartment further up the aisle, the sound of the wind roughly howling outside…
For a moment he had no idea what to do with himself. He felt like going back to help Chanyeol calm Baekhyun; he also felt like taking the nearest belt and hang himself to get out of this, just like Kai. But most of all he felt a strange need to be confirmed with the truth: that none of them could get Sehun and Luhan back.
Slowly he walked past his own compartment and on to the one of his friends, whom no one had moved yet. With trembling fingers he opened the door and looked in silence at the scene in front of him that seemed even more grim and grotesque than earlier. But even though the tears started to fill his eyes he did not look away, he scarcely even blinked. Instead he took a few steps forward, until he was inside the compartment. For the longest time he just stood there, helplessly frozen in his flesh with no way of knowing how to continue living. Then his eyes fell upon the left side of the compartment and a slight wrinkle of wonder started to form between his brows.
On the door to the wardrobe, hanging unnoticed because it couldn’t be seen from the aisle was Luhan’s dark green winter coat. By now it had almost dried, but it was clear that it had been wet from snow just recently. The fur on the hood was stiff and the outer fabric was just a few shades darker than usual.
It didn’t take him long to figure out that the killer must have worn it when he walked outside to make the footprints in the snow (which were long gone by now) and Yolkov ought to know that, too. But if he had worn a coat, then he must have worn boots as well.
Tao felt as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe, how could they have missed it? They would just have to look for a pair of boots that had been outside recently or had been dried by the fire to make it seem they hadn’t been used since they left Skt. Petersburg, it was perfect, absolutely…
He had already been heading back when he reckoned what any sane person would make of it if they actually did start to look.

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Author's Note: I realised how slow this story progresses and I'm sorry. Hopefully you're not too bored XD

Next chapter, "Monsters", will be up Monday 1st, 8 P.M. GMT+1; please look forward to it! ^^