The Question

A/N: I highly recommend you listen to Yongguk’s song “Q” while reading this.

He could tell she was scared; scared of love, of being happy. He wanted to help her so badly. He wanted to hold her and tell her she was the one, tell her she deserved to be happy…with him. The only thing worse than seeing the person you love hurt, is seeing them baring that pain alone.

He didn’t know what to say anymore. He figured if he gave her space, she’d find a way back to him. She didn’t know it hurt him too, to see her struggling with what she felt. The pain in her eyes made him want to cry with her. Seeing her acting like everything was ok would be her downfall.

“Did you know sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you?” Yongguk tilted his head down to lovingly gaze at his sweetheart currently in his arms. She looked back up at him with her big dark brown eyes. “No. Did you know sometimes I wonder the same thing?” She sat up and turned in his lap to face him. She smiled a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. He then knew something was wrong. A lump formed in his throat.

“Are you ok? You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” He took her face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. She sighed. “Yeah…it’s just, sometimes I wonder if I really deserve someone like you. I’m not used to being happy for so long before something bad happens.”

He didn’t say anything as he hugged her and didn’t let go.

She was fighting an internal battle with herself, and he didn’t know how to help her.

He didn’t know when, but he knew they would be together one day, and when they were finally together, that would be it. He told her he would wait for as long as she needed because that’s what you do for the person you love the most. You wait.

~~~~~

Depression. She wanted to tell him so badly about the pain she felt, but he didn’t deserve to hear about her troubles. She wants to get over this…this dark cloud that seems to follow her, but it just kept coming back. Depression makes you wonder the strangest things; keeps you from doing the things you want to the most: being happy. Being happy is being with him, and him being him is what makes her happy.

Did she deserve that? Being happy? That was The Question. She asked herself that question since the day she met him and saw those eyes, and that smile… She wished that she could be one of those “normal” people, you know, those people that seem to have been born happy; going through life without a care. They’re lucky, she would think. What she knew, but didn’t acknowledge, was that she was too, lucky. She had a guy that she had only dreamt of. Loving, caring, and patient; AND he told her that he would wait for her. She had looked at him confused and asked why, “Because that’s what you do for the person you love…”

So would she fight or give up? A question they both pondered but never spoke off.

Does she know? He wondered with a heavy heart as he sat in front of his TV, alone.