“ . . .and then you should play . .will . .perform . . . will watch. . . everyone”

I’m too pre-occupied to sink in everything that Yoona says so it is like a series of grunts and inaudible whispers to me. I nod at her when she finishes her speech and proceed to the stage where the grand piano is. Whatever. All I know is I needed to play Beethoven symphony no. 9 and all the work is done. After that, I can go anywhere I want and do whatever I wanted to do. Might as well bash Jinyoung how lousy vocalist he is just to annoy him.

 I silently wow-ed , walking at the grand piano in the center stage. It took 5 people to carry this very gorgeous white piano they smuggled from the music room just for me to play it. . .just for me.

My gods. I’m such a tremendous human being I wanna build my monument somewhere.

I sit in the chair, not even caring that all of my classmates where looking at me. I don’t feel nervous, maybe because I’m playing piano all of, like Jinyoung said, my goddamned life. It’s nothing special playing for my classmates; maybe it will be if I’m playing for Beethoven, Mozart, Bach or Chopin and they are watching me, shouting how lousy pianist I am. Then, as soon as I lay my hands in the piano keys, I don’t care if the whole world is watching me.

I start with the few notes, thinking of Nodame when she played for Chiaki-sempai. I remember when Jinyoung and I watched that Japanese drama Nodame Cantabile together because he has an absolute crush on Ueno Juri since fetus and I, on Eita (Ok. Chiaki-sempai too). My fingers seem to know what they are doing because I’m not thinking for next keys that I should press. Like wow, they have their own brain. I think of summer field, music boxes, candy shops and amusement park, then when S-Orchestra plays 9^th symphony with choreography. Maybe I should do it too, I’m gonna wiggle my hips. I feel like there where butterflies in my stomach as I started the 3^rd movement. I’m grinning like crazy. I remember when I played this piece for the first time; I almost didn’t sleep for three days for me to perfectly play this song.  . . .and then. . .and then. .  I remember why.

I was trying to impress him.

I finish the song. I hear them clapping their hands as I stand up in my seat and look at them. Everyone is happy and applauding. I bow and head straight to the backstage, forgetting what I just saw.

“That is. . . . awesome.” Yoona claps my shoulder when I approach her.

“I know.” I barely smile at her and walk ahead. . walk toward the nothingness.

Flashback . . .

“You can play the 9^th symphony?”

It was lunch break in our 5^th grade when he asked that question. I remember him having lunch with someone I didn’t even know; therefore I didn’t dare to eat with him. I was busy munching my onigiri in my seat when suddenly Jinyoung popped out of nowhere.

“Huh, Beethoven’s?” I asked him.

“Yep.” He grinned and handed me a music sheet I knew he just picked somewhere. “Ms. Hana played this song in our music class but I know she can’t play this song really well.”

“So?” I uninterestingly asked him as I looked at his expectant eyes.

“And since I know you’re a freak when it comes to piano, I’m asking you if you play this before.”

I shifted my view to my food and answered him. “No. This is an orchestra piece, not a piano solo. I play Bach, Chopin and Mozart piano pieces, because he is pink.”

I really bet he didn’t understand why Mozart is pink.

“Okay. I just thought this is very nice.” He stared avidly at the music sheet with a very disappointed look. “You know, Beethoven. He’s a genius for creating this song. I like this very much.” Then, at the corner of my eye, I swear he shyly looked at me.

I was expecting this. I’m a very kind person. Heck!

“Okay, fine. I will try to play this.” I got the music sheet and he smiled wildly at me since I was being a very adorable earthling. “Give me three days, this is quite long.”

“Then you’ll play this for me.”

“Yes.”

And after three days of hardcore I’m-so-exhausted-I-wanna-just-ing-die practices, I play the piano piece at their house since they have piano (yet he couldn’t play, seriously). I perfected it, making sure I didn’t play very sloppily then. . .he told me that his girlfriend really like the way I played it.

Girlfriend.

I dunno but I felt like I want to feed him their piano that time.

I sit in the soccer field of our school as I remembered my very first heartbreak. How pathetic I was. That was the first time when my chest constricted as the oxygen in my body abandoned me and let me feel doomed. I hurriedly gone home that day and asked mom if it’s actually legal to have a girlfriend at a very early age because seriously, I didn’t even know what relationship means that time. Yes, I was a very innocent child that time. Then, I hated Jinyoung. I hated everything about him that I ignore him even though he continued to annoy, talk, torture, kill, pester and bother me. The only time I began to talk to him when he said that they broke up.

How very obvious I am.

But still, he’s so stupid because he doesn’t notice I have a crush on him for ages. I grin because of his idiocy.

Even though I treat Jinyoung like a very disgusting slug because he likes invading my privacy and he’s pulling me out of my little rabbit hole of obsession, I like him, like really, really, really like him. I dunno when it started but yeah, it’s been ages like two hours ago. Just kidding. I like him is because he’s very kind to the point he can almost be my servant and he’s still obnoxious; he’s very considerate even though I’m throwing tantrums every second when we’re together (I’m a ); he doesn’t complain if he is stuck with an odd, I’m-not-a-human-I’m-a-Martian and blood-thirsty me since the time in memorial; and most of all, he’s my friend since forever. He accepts me for who I am even if my every living tissue in my body changed. Viola! This is a really short description why I like him (**insert fangirl squeal here**).

 I puffed some air and think deeply. I just realize how pathetic my love life is, considerable how wretched my social life is. Perhaps, the two really go along together; like when you have social life, a big chance you might have a boyfriend; if you don’t have, don’t ever expect to have a boyfriend apart from those fictional characters that you’re currently obsessing with. I don’t have any choice. I’m not good with making friends. Most of them don’t like me because they are thinking I’m so weird it might kill them. I like the company of my books because they aren’t so demanding unlike Jinyoung.

 “Haneul?”

I turn to the guy who uttered my name. The only guy who dumped me for three times without him knowing it. The guy whom I like nearly like and hate all of my life.

“Jinyoung. . . . . ”

And he’s with another girl.

AGAIN?!

#@^#$^^$!@(*!!!

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Anime Recommendation:

Yakitate Japan

I can't move on like . XDD