“So how long have you lived in Seoul?” the peculiar boy Chanyeol inquired as him and I, along with six others walk across campus to the science building.

“In total, about twelve years but we’ve been moving back and forth quite a bit.” I say holding my feelings back.

“Ahh…so you move a lot?” Chanyeol replied while nodding his head in agreement. “Me too” he said quietly while bashfully gazing at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

I don’t understand. How could someone so joyous and merry live a life of instability just as I? There must be something…something that makes him so happy…somethi-“

He pulled me out of contemplation and assumed: “You’re probably wondering why im so happy.” My cheeks turn a vivid shade of red as I bow my head in humiliation; my hair falling in my face. How did he know? “Uh...well...Yes” I reply almost inaudible.

He sighs as we approach my stop; the science building, and says “Honestly, I don’t know. Being on my own now has made all the difference.” He says, his grin showing itself once again. We bow and say our goodbyes and I pull open the big glass door reflecting the beautiful cherry blossom tree behind me and make my way to my class.

“Taxi! Taxi!” I holler loudly as the little vehicle speeds up to the curb underneath me. In a rush I hurl myself into the cab and promptly direct the driver where to go. Sitting anxiously, I rummage through my burgundy bag and fish out my phone looking over the text I had received fifteen minutes ago in class:

                                       From Mom:

Hun, can you come over as soon as possible? It’s urgent

Looking up at the grey puffy sky, I sit there uneasily as my fingers play with the little chain at the side of my purse. I hope it doesn’t rain

The drive was only approximately 10 minutes but it felt like hours. I couldn’t help my anxiousness; that is how I am in nature. All of the unforeseen moves and changes that have taken place in my life cause me to be on-edge every time Mother and Father mention ‘urgent news’.

“Your destination is on this street, correct?’ the cab driver asks as we turn onto a street occupied by fancy homes and expensive rod iron gates, and beautiful delicate looking cherry blossom trees that line the sidewalk. “Wow! Expensive on this side of Seoul, eh?” the cab driver excitedly says while eyeing me through the reflecting mirror. “Ahh...Yes” I say coyly, turning my attention from the scenery to the cab driver. “I believe we’re here young lady.” The friendly cab driver says as we come to a halt in front of a big contemporary and sophisticated house colored in a soft slick shade of white. I promptly exit the taxi making my way through the rod iron gate, up the porch, and inviting myself through a big polished red door and into the house.

“Mother?--Is anyone home?” I shout, hearing the haunting echo that travels through the high ceilings of the Fourier.

“In here, Hun!” I hear mother verbalize in reply; her quite yet squeaky voice guiding me towards the kitchen. Scurrying my petite body as fast as I can across the shimmering white marble floor whilst wearing my five inch pumps, I push the swing door to the kitchen and find Mother and Father positioned around the black granite Island both holding wine glasses in a seemingly good mood.

“Is everything okay?” I inquire while approaching mother with a hug.

“Of course, honey…” dad says with friendly eyes while grabbing my arm, pulling me into his embrace and demanding a hug.

“Well…what’s the urgency?” I utter, completely confused by their baffling smiles.

“Should we tell her? Dad glances at mom with yet another mysterious grin.  

Mothers gaze turns worried for a moment as she turns an eye to father and replies: “I’ll tell her.” She blinks at father and takes me by the hand leading me out of the kitchen. The further away from the kitchen we get, the tenser and overwrought mothers grip on my forearm becomes. She drags me through the pastel painted hallways, with familiar faces framed upon the walls; the marble floors so perfect that they glisten as you walk over them and the lovely chandeliers hanging above with delicate crystals shining happily. She guides me in between two glass doors framed with a white border, and into the study, shutting the door behind her.

“What’s going on?” I say beginning to grow annoyed by the suspense.

“Your Father and I have been talking and…” she needlessly trails off as if stalling.

“Mom….please” I say demanding an answer.

Giving up her fight mother says: “It’s been six months since Jongdae and…” she pauses and glances down nervously. “Well, have you considered dating again?”

In all my life, I had never herd words uttered so carelessly; so inconsiderately as if my time of mourning is limited. “Why….why would you…” Utterly shocked, I couldn’t even form words with my mouth; my head was so confused by her words that all I could do was furrow my eyebrows in disgust and stare intensely at her.

“Well your father and I both thought you might benefit from meeting a friend of ours. He’s handsome, his family has money, you’d really love him honey. You’re just so…so lifeless nowadays.” She says justifying her insensitive actions.

I could understand mothers concern but I felt awfully ill at the sound of “meet some one new.”

“I think I’ll excuse myself now.” I begin to stiffly make my way towards the door, feeling numb at the very thought of replacing Jongdae.

“No, honey! Please just listen to me.” That woman cries while grabbing at my bag in attempt to stop me. “I know your life is tough right now and I know you miss your friend. I know you…” I cut her off as I can no longer take her insensitive and ridiculous expressions.

“Friend? Mother please stop!” I shot at her violently, hoping my anger will hold back my tears. “No mom, you don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like to watch the only person who listened and cared, take his last breath!” I begin to yell and cry over the knot forming in the back of my throat. My eyes and face are hot as I begin to feel vulnerable. Placing my trembling hand over my heart I start to feel my knees get weak. “I felt his heart…It stopped! I was there, I felt it! You didn’t! So mom, you don’t know….!” My shirt soaked in my stream of tears and stained from my make-up.

“Clam down Yoo Ri! Please!”

I shake my head and reply “no”. I say practically inaudible as I drown in my tears.

“Why not?” mother dumbly inquires with tears welling in her eyes, throwing her arms in the air as if giving up.

I search my mind for a reply that will hopefully put an end to our discussion. “Have you ever felt emotional pain that hurts so much that you think it’s actually physical? I was in love with him mother and now he’s dead…he’s not with me anymore. Do you honestly expect me to go back to normal when all that I lived for is gone?” I say now engulfed by tears. I feel as if I lost all control of my emotions; as if I couldn’t stop the crying and yelling.

Having herd enough of my mothers ‘good news’, I rush past her out of the room and soon back outside where the heavy grey skies begin to cry just as hysterically as I.

All I do is stand there; crying like a lost and scared child in the rain; hopeless as I can no longer contain this evil sadness that’s been sitting and multiplying in my heart. My whimpering is barley herd over the screams of the thunder, yet my sorrow shouts even louder than that of the thunder. All the tears and yelling and frustration that were trapped in my heart are now being released, just as the rain trapped in a cloud that had been waiting to burst. Now I know why I’ve become so weak and sensitive. I never really let myself grieve this way and in turn, I’ve held all these feelings inside. This wasn’t entirely mothers fault. I allowed my heart to become overwhelmed with grief, so much so that my only prospects are to eventually explode. Everything that was stuck inside me: rage, tears, screaming and pain, all these things left me. Now I feel as if I’m human again; I feel like I might be able to heal a little.

Just then I realize that the Taxi had left but I don’t worry as a walk might benefit me in forgetting this wreck of a day.