TWO YEARS AGO

I'm waiting patiently for Jong In for two hours already to pick me up at school. He said he will be late today because he has to send his mom somewhere. Well, I have to wait. Why? Because one, if he really does take his mom out, he cannot rush because if his mom knows he comes to meet me, they will argue again. His family, especially his mom and his two sisters are very against our relationship. There are many occasions that when we were on a date, they would call to him and asked him where he was. When they knew he was with me. They would blame him and he would fight back. I'm happy that he didn't leave me but also sad because I made him fight with his family. It's not nice to see. There were also times that I accidently saw his conversation with one of his sister in the US and she told him that I was no good to him and that he deserves someone better than me. It broke my pride in to ashes knowing his sister thinks of me like that. Two, if he lied to me that he is with his mom but actually he is with her. He really cant rush. Because he can't let her know that he comes to meet me. He keeps our relationship a secret from her like he keeps his with her from me, but unfortunately to both of us, I found out. All she knows is that he and I used to be in relationship and we broke up. So now we are just friend. Well, for me base on what he told me she is just an ex that he haven't contact for nearly five years and now they meet again as old friends. It's quite complicated right that he cheats on me with his ex who used to dump him two times and lied to her that I am his ex now. So complicated. You might wonder how do I know. I know because he changes. He is still sweet and nice to me like he always is. He still loves and cares about me like he always does. But the moment he told me he was going to meet an old friend, that moment onward, I can sense that he changes...

Half an hour later, he comes. He gets out of his car and run to me looking so apologetic but also happily to finally meet me. By look of him, I know immediately whom he was with. He was with her. He looks so happy and relief to finally able to meet me, but I also can see the guilt in his eyes. Not apologetic because he made me wait for two hours and half, but guilt because he lied to me.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I really tried my best to leave mom as early as I can, but you know how skeptical she is when it comes to me going out. So she keeps dragging." Lie. It's her that is skeptical and dragging. Not your mum. Your mom only doubts, but she knows for sure who you going to meet after leaving her. I doubt she doesn't know that he lied. I know she knows. He is not hard to read, especially when it comes to the ones he loves. Plus she is smart. That girl maybe younger than me and him, but she smart or I can say very tricky for her age. If not, she won't be able to control him like that, even after she dumped him two times and they haven't met for 5 years.

"That's ok. I understand. As long as you come, nothing else matter."  I replied him with a dry smile.

"I missed you so much, honey. You don't know how much I want to meet you."  Another lie. I really want to cry right now in his tight embrace, but I can't. I want to push him away and scream in his face that I know he lied, but I can't. Being in his arms feel so secure and warm. How can I live without him?

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Today is Valentine's Day. The atmosphere is full of love. I prepared my hand-made chocolate for Jong In until 2 o'clock in the morning. I feel so sleepy right now, but as long as I can spend this special day with him, it's enough. Actually, I really scared that she might take him away from me again today, but when Jong In called me this morning, he mentioned all the plans he has with me today and they run from morning until late evening. Seems like that girl cannot go out today or Jong In knows that he has been ditching me for her for too long already, or he just realizes that he loves me more than her. Whatever it is, I'm happy with it.

Everyhting goes so smooth for both of us from morning until a phone call disturb us before we can have our dinner date. I accidently glance at the phone screen and see the caller's ID: "<3 Soojung <3".  It's Her again. Jong In walks away from me a few feet before he answers. Even I can't hear him clearly, I still can hear some sentences like:

"You said you can't go out today." "No, I'm not with a woman. I'm with friends. We just planned to have dinner together."  "It's quite far." "Ok, ok. I'll go. I'll see you soon." And then he ended the call.

" Hey baby, I'm sorry. I don't think I can stay with you over dinner. Mom called earlier to check where I am. She said I have to be home and have dinner with her, since it's Valentine's Day and Dad is not the country to celebrate with and I don't have a girlfriend." I stay still, look into his eyes and listen to him without even blinking. I'm not surprise. I know and have been prepared since I know who called. I just try to find the love in his eyes that he has been giving me the whole day until that phone call came. Where has it gone to?

"Baby, say something. Please, don't mad at me. I will cannot sleep or eat tonight. I hurt me, you know." He pleads without any sincerity in his eyes.

At this moment, most women would be teary and angry. But since these past few months I have cry silently every night, I grow numb and won't be able to drop any tear in front anyone. I suddenly feel so cold and empty even the man I love with all my life standing right in front of me.

" I'm not mad, Jong In. I just feel bad that you have to leave your mom for me today. If I know that your dad won't be able to celebrate with her today, I won't let you meet me. You a bad son, you know."  Another lie of me to respond another lie of him earlier.

"I'm so sorry. I promise I will make up to you soon, okay. I love you so much, babe. Happy Valentine's Day!" He said while hugging me. It turns out to be a habit of him in these past months that he will hug me and say sorry after he lied. And it turns out to be habit of me to give him a smile and forgive after he lied.

"I love you too and happy Valentine's Day as well." I said after he released me from his hug and hand him Valentine's gift.

"I made it by myself last night. I hope like it."

"Thank you so much, darling. It's look so delicious. I love it and I will eat it all by myself. I'll see you tomorrow at school, honey."  After looking at the gift, he pecks me on the lips and left.

If it is in the past, my heart would beat so fast even because of a small peck like that, but why now this peck becomes so cold and lifeless all of a sudden and why does I feel like my heart is dead?

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