Hello, I'm Oh Han Bi, age 17 attending Seoul High. I suffer with social anxiety which has caused me to become Selectively mute, which means I am capable of speaking but don't due to social problems. It has not only affcted how I speak, meaning when I do talk nobody understands what I am saying, and my mental health. It sometimes feels as if I've lost all sanity within me. I have no friends besides my penpal Hamako from Japan. It all works well since we don't speak face to face, but send letters. She understands me, unlike anybody else. I am able to tell her anything and everything. My parents have givin up. They love me, and they make sure I very well know that, but I mean they've givin up on thearapy since it never has worked. My parents were crying for days because they knew I couldn't get help.

I feel bad, I really do. But I don't want to speak. Yes, I'll get nowhere in life if I keep this act up but I don't want to get anywhere in life. Nobody likes me although they've voted me prettiest girl in school. I've always wanted to get close to the boys of EXO. EXO are 12 beautiful boys named Chanyeol, Suho, D.O, Kai, Baekhyun, Sehun, Luhan, Kris, Lay, Chen, Tao, and Xiumin that are the kingka's of the school. All the girls swoon over them. Including me. But there's not a member I particularly like more than the rest, any of them would do. Another issue that has come with my selective muteness is that I now tend to shut everybody out. There are many times where people try to talk to me. There have been times where I've even attempted to talk back. But I couldn't find myself to do so.

I now seek to get help. But I don't have anybody to help me. Hamako has been helping but there aren't any good programs in Japan and my parents would never let me go. In my spare time, with me not having anything to do, I draw, read, play horror rpgs, and take photography. It gets boring, doing the same things day after day. But, I get too paranoid when I go outside. Like I said, I've been loosing my sanity. I don't think I'm depressed. I smile, and laugh genuinely just like most kids at my school, but I just didn't feel like loosing anybody so I decided the best way to do so was shut them out. I even lost my best friend because of it. I knew I'd loose him someday so I thought the earlier the better.

I felt bad about it at first, but the guilt soon went away when I went to a knew school. Nobody knew me so it was a fresh start. And then I didn't have to hurt the rest of my friends at my old school. It worked perfectly. It's easy to make me laugh. And it's also the only thing you'll hear from my mouth unless I cough. People don't think I'm really strange, they just know I'm selectively mute; although they don't realize the difference from selective mutism and being mute as in you can't talk whatsoever. Talking in class? Don't do it. Answering teachers? Don't do it. Presentations? Partner speaks, I do the work. It has affected my grades, but only in the slightest bit. They know my condition so it's an excuse. I really hope to fix this, I really do. And I hope to do it soon before it's too late and my sanity is no where to be found.