From Bridges to Love
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Title: 3/5
The title is simple and non-pretentious. Cute but forgettable. I feel that you could have been more imaginative. Nonetheless, I give props for not sounding like a try-hard. Though I still stand that your story deserves a better title. It does not give justice to the fic. (─▽─)
And that’s saying something.
Plot: 8/10
Plots are very essential when it comes to one-shots. It should not be too complicated to leave a lot of unresolved conflicts and loopholes nor should it be too simplistic to not leave an impact.
Before I continue on with the plot review, I have to say this first: I think your story can be classified as a ‘mood story’. A lot of people are not too familiar with mood stories (and I’m judging them hard for it) so for their benefit, I will attempt to explain this type of fiction.
There are different elements in a short story (or flash fiction) such as theme, plot, mood, blah blah blah. Most writers only concentrate on the plot (which is kinda sad, if you ask me) that at times; it swallows the purpose of the story: which is to entertain people. Some are too engrossed in drafting the perfect, most intricate plot that they tend to lose the reader along the way.
Regarding mood stories, the plot is subtly hidden beneath the mood and atmosphere that the writer has created. Mood stories, as the name applies, make use of the emotions that are evoked not necessarily by the characters but the overall setting of the story itself. Mood stories are (in my opinion) perfect for one-shots (even though not everyone can pull it off), considering the length.
For instance, in this fic, there is no mention what Changmin and Sooyoung were (are they classmates? Long-time friends? Blah blah yadda yadda), but one thing is for sure, Changmin likes her and she is playing hard-to-get (lol). Their relationship isn’t stated clearly and there are a lot of spaces for guesswork. All of that, however, is perfectly delivered thanks to the mood you have created for the story.
Anyway, the most concrete display of the plot progression here is the switching of scenes from when they were standing on the bridge to that when they jumped into the ocean. Now usually, plots consist of five elements, namely: exposition, rising action, , falling action (optional), and resolution. However, as with all rules of literature, these elements can be bent depending on the author’s wish on how s/he would want to convey her/his story.
In this story, the exposition starts with them talking casually. We then see the build-up or the introduction of conflict when Changmin started mentioning about waiting. The would be the point where he jumped off. The falling action was when they were falling down (pun unintended) and embracing each other. And obviously, the end is when Changmin’s question is finally answered and they (most probably) are swimming back to the shore (or to the bridge’s pillar, I don’t know). I just wish they weren’t that far from the shoreline considering the setting is on a bridge across the sea and y’know, seas are kinda wide and scary and earthling,Y U DIDN'T MAKE IT INTO A RIVER INSTEAD? (⊙…⊙ )
But anyway, you’ve got all elements covered which mean you know the technicalities. However, if my personal opinion is to be heard, I would want the following part taken off the story:
The liquid swirled around them as they broke apart. They clawed through the water and swam for the surface, knowing there was someone waiting for them.Changmin swam to the surface. He looked around—but SooYoung was nowhere. In a panic, he his head back into the waters, but found nothing. Then a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his neck and he held on to them as tight as he could. He turned and rested SooYoung’s head on his shoulders.As he gasped for breath in the middle of the sea, Changmin couldn’t help but laugh and smile in victory. He was vulnerable no more—and it had been worth it. He felt SooYoung’s palm graze the back of his hand. It was delicate and soft and he had to make sure to take care of it.SooYoung huffed as she caught her breath. She raised his arms and held his head closer.
Which means, the last few sentences would look like this:
The streets were wetand the gate was locked so I jumped it,and I let you in.And you stood at your door with your hands on my waistand you kissed me like you meant it.As they plunged into the water, SooYoung understood what Changmin was saying. And she knew she had her answer—their answer.She raised his arms and held his head closer. Changmin thought he heard her say the word.And he knew she meant it.And I knew that you meant it,that you meant it,that you meant it,and I knew,that you meant it,that you meant it.
It’s just me but I think it’s a point-blank ending to the story. You’ve spun the tale amazingly well, creating a blanket of silent grace, so I felt like the magic broke when it came to that part. It was sweet and kinda like a blatant statement about Changmin saying “hah, I won lol” but you’ve already got that part covered already when Sooyoung jumped after him.
I’m sure you have a reason for writing it but the tension sort of plateaued for me when I came to that part.
But that’s just me. I’ll ask the other alien what she thinks of this. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
Characterization: 10/10
Ah, characterizations. Considering that this is a one-shot (and a very short one, at that), you should be wary of this part. loljk
I gave full marks because you’ve filled that part well. There’s no need for elaborate background checks to establish character especially that you’ve given a good characterization with how you played their conversation. It was basically one scene but the words reflected what the characters are feeling.
For example in the beginning of the story, I can almost taste the uncertainty lingering in the air – Changmin waiting for the answer – and Sooyoung who already had it but is still unsure. There is an air of innocent intimacy – a quiet understanding and simple serenity – in that scene. They are in a very public place (a bridge, mygedness) but it seems like they were in a completely different world. (︶ω︶)
That was really good, imo.
Mechanics (grammar, punctuation, diction, etc): 14/15
There are few errors in tense consistency but nothing that you can’t fix.
Originality and Creativity: 20/20
The story is inspired by Dashboard Confessional’s “Hands Down”, right? That was a really nice song and I liked how you depicted it in your story. It’s different and new. It’s just cute that when I read that part, I pictured Changmin and Sooyoung turning into anime characters (it specifically reminded me of Ouran High’s Tamaki and Haruhi bridge-jumping-scene).
Either way, this is the first fic I’ve read which made use of such scene so all is well.
Writing Style: 25/30
As I was saying previously, your story is a mood story and being that, there are plenty of spaces for the reader to think about what is really happening.
In my case for instance, I am drawn to Sooyoung and Changmin’s relationship at the beginning of the story. For some reason, I see a Chinese couple (or two kids with Chinese background) talking to each other when the line about “bear through my father’s dinners” was mentioned. Not to be stereotypical or anything but they are usually the kind who would do the old-fashion kind of courting wherein the families would pair kids together before they even get a chance to know each other well. Maybe it applies to all East Asians too (in this case, Koreans) especially if they are the types who were living in a place that isn’t in their native country. On the other hand, it also brings flashbacks of the olden-days when suitors would have to court the parents first. Y’know, the old kind of romance, courtship, love, dating, or whatever you call that shizz. It is beautiful. It made me teary-eyed, actually, not in a manner that I want those days to return but more of how these things were not as usual nowadays than as it was before... and that kind of rarity makes it beautiful. o(╥﹏╥)o
Or perhaps Changmin and Sooyoung might be best friends here. Or have started out as childhood friends, to say the least. Until someone – in this case, Changmin – fell first. It could describe the familiarity between them especially when Sooyoung said “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to stay over your place and watch over you to make sure you didn’t do anything while you were drunk”.
I still prefer the other characterization though. (“⌒∇⌒”)
Whatever it might be, the important thing is that the longevity of their courtship was (subtly) highlighted in the story. I might be wrong but that's how the story appeared to me.
And that, dear earthling, is what your writing style has contributed in the fic. There is no excessive use of modifiers. No random highfalutin words that might make any Semantics Nazi angry. It’s just... right.
I don’t usually give huge points in writing styles (because I am a greedy alien) but I really liked how you crafted this out of the Hands Down prompt. o (◡‿◡✿)
Overall Enjoyment: 10/10
This one-shot is a mood story and I am really glad that I’m finally able to read one (in the world of fanfics) after all the years that I’ve been here.
Actually, I have a lot to rant about the ignorance of the majority of fanfic people toward literature, and I mean, literature in its technical sense. Literature with its definition of short stories, flash fiction, and elements of those mentioned. But this is a review so, MOVING ON. ( ・ω・)
I really enjoyed the mood of this fic.
You, earthling, basically gave us one scene: Sooyoung and Changmin on a bridge with the world behind their backs. In the eyes of a passerby, they might be two teenagers on a date. But their actions will say that no, they aren't a couple. They aren't huddling close together; and yet there's an air of something more than friends in the air. They are talking and suddenly the boy stands up and walks towards the edge of the bridge. He says something and jumps. The world seems to stop. And then the girl jumps afterward.
One scene. No plot whatsoever to the untrained reader (yez, I am trained so objections are invalid lelz) but look closely, imagine the scene. Read between the lines. There's a story in it. It tells of a boy waiting for a love that he isn't even sure is coming. It tells of girl who is scared of giving her heart away even though she knows herself that there is nothing she has to be scared about. It tells about a boy who is still waiting, not necessarily impatient, but eager to know. So he does something stupid (and can also be classified under romantic for some) like jumping off a bridge to know what the girl really wants. It tells about a girl who may have kept her feelings too long so she, in that spur-of-the-moment-and-mad-rush-of-blood-experience, jumps after him. It tells of a love unfolding and questions (finally) answered. It tells a lot and yet it isn't even said directly at all. Gahd. Mood stories! щ(゜ロ゜щ)
I am forever and ever side-eyeing people who can't appreciate these type of "seemingly-plotless" stories. (¬､¬)
Anyway, it's obvious that I really enjoyed the fic, right? Gujab, earthling.
Nonetheless, I recommend people to read this with Hands Down playing in the background for added feels. Hahaha. Making this a ChangSoo is the cherry on top. Had this not been a ChangSoo, I will cry.
...
No, not really.
But you get it. ∩(︶▽︶)∩
Total: 90/100
Waw. Your score is good. Should I deduct something to make it lower? Hehehe. But srsly, yay, we finally have a fic to put in our recommended list. ＼（＾∀＾）メ（＾∀＾）ノ
Anyway, if you have any questions, suggestions, opinions, violent reactions (lemme see you try haha) for this review, feel free to leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEP!
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