It was the only day I was free since the start of the new semester and Sunhi and I were able to come though it’s a no-class day for us since Friday was the only day I don’t have a schedule with. My mom would always be nosy whenever I leave to school on a Friday because she thinks I’m doing drugs or something when I’m not. (Hello, my skin is fine. Can you not see? *blinks* *blinks*) I would tell her I have makeup classes or dance practice so she understands. Besides, I’m gonna be second year soon so it’s more work for me.

Me and Sunhi are gonna meet our other friends from the Arts building in our school, Rina and Riko. We’re also gonna meet Jaerin and Minri but their classes end an hour from now. It’s been months since the last time we hanged out as a group so it was an opportunity for us to meet at a convenient time.

When we finally arrived at the library, the place we usually meet and hangout as a group all the time, I had to use the bathroom because I’ve been holding it since the time I left my home earlier today.  I don’t wanna talk about what’s gonna happen when I’m at the bathroom but I had to tell this to you guys.

During the first time I entered this building a year ago, I’m really impressed with this building because the building’s environment was so different and it broadens your mind with beautiful things. But ever since a month ago, I always feel anxious because I don’t want ‘him’ to appear in front of me and beg again. After I hid myself to him, he never comes in front of my classroom anymore. I was glad but at the same time, my heart was slight aching because I have to face facts that I broke things off with him and it was my decision, not him.

When I was done doing my business at the bathroom, I have to go back to the library. But when I was to appear myself to them, I saw a familiar guy sitting with my friends. I have to hide immediately because it was none other than Ilhoon. Ilhoon was talking to them and he’s smiling like nothing happened during the past month. Because it’s been quite long, I know now that he has moved on.

But seeing his beautiful smile, I remembered all of the times when I was with him.

Song: BoA – Disturbance

One year ago

“Who’s your friend over there with you, Sunhi?” A guy with a cheery and small voice.

I straighten myself up since I’m the one beside my friends. It was double group date with some guys I barely know and I don’t really know. I was silent throughout the conversation and I rarely talk to the guys.

“Oh right I forgot! This is Yoonmi, she’s a freshman and she’s new here!” Sunhi is my senior actually but we’re at the same age together so it’s fine.

“Annyeonghaseyo, Hwang Yoonmi imnida.” I said shyly.

“Hi Yoonmi-ah! My name is Jung Ilhoon, nice to meet you!” He held his hand in front of me, asking for a handshake. I shook hands with him and I gave him an eyesmile telling that I sincerely approved the kind gesture.

I already knew one guy in the group and it’s Seo Eunkwang, my classmate in English Reading and Writing. We just talk but we’re much closer now ever since he hanged out with us.

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Three weeks later

I went to the Arts building library because I was so tired and almost the chairs there are actually couches so I had a chance there to sleep. I slopped down to the couch and I leaned there so I can feel comfortable. A few people are sleeping and playing computer games in their laptop so it’s my chance to sleep comfortably.

What I didn’t realized that the minute I closed my eyes, it was already two hours since I’ve laid there in the couch. The one who had to wake me up is that Ilhoon guy.

“What the heck? Why do you have to blow me in the ear?!” I shouted silently.

“Well, I’ve been observing you~ Plus you’re going to be late soon.” He cutely said.

“What? I just sleep for minutes.” I checked my watched then I saw the hands have change drastically since I last saw it. “OH CRAP! I’M LATE!” I grabbed my stuff quickly but Ilhoon grabbed my stuff too. “HEY! GIVE IT BACK!”

“I wanna help you hold your bags and send you to the classroom! Where Is your class anyway?”

“It’s here at the Arts building. 12^th floor, Room 1202.”

“Okay! Let’s run!” He smiled widely.

What the heck, why is he happy that we’re running.

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A month later

We became friends after that. I was thankful to him though he’s weird and cute at the same time. He acts the youngest though I’m the one who initiates aegyo too. At the same time, I have fallen for him.

Today is the day that feels really bitter to me. Valentine’s Day.

Since it’s a whole day doing nothing at school because our professors are busy, I ended up going to the free movie event at school, that’s gonna play Koizora, my favorite Japanese movie. What I didn’t expect is that Ilhoon is expecting me there too because he’s there and he has a seat between him and his bag. What the actual .

“Hey Yoonmi~” He patted at the seat on his right.

“God Ilhoon, you’re all by yourself too.” I gave him a judging look but I still sat beside him though since the movie is starting.

During the time I was absorbing the whole movie, I felt like Ilhoon was staring at me for a long time but when I was about to look at him, he’s just looking at the movie.

When it was time at part where Hiro was about die to cancer and Mika was running with the pictures they took with both of them video calling at their phones, I was already crying because of the sad emotion I felt from Mika’s sadness (so yeah, I’m just practically being a drama queen -.-). When Hiro died, my tears flow even more and all of a sudden, Ilhoon pulled me and he put his lips on mine. I was shocked at first but I naturally gave in. When he let go of me, he wiped the tears away and smiled at me.

“Don’t cry. I won’t leave you like Hiro.”

Then that’s time I know that this was the start of a new path with him.

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I don't know if we are official or not. I don't know know if that kiss meant something for him because a week later after their comeback stage, he just casually acts like nothing happened. We all hanged out at a club somewhere in Seoul. I'm comfortable with this kind of places actually, just not drinking. All of them are drinking tequila and believe me, I don't wanna tell what happened when they started salt and drinking. It's kinda disturbing to tell you honestly.

When everyone almost passed out from drinking (actually not everyone, only Eunkwang and Ilhoon are awake because they don't drink like me.), I'm just sitting there looking at their drunken state. I find it very funny so I took out my phone, as a sign that I will use it onde day for blackmail. Hehehehe.

After taking their pic, someone pulled me away forcefully that it made me drop my phone and left it in that place. I managed to pull away from his grasp when we are outside of the club. "Hey, what gives?!" I shouted at the guy, who was actually Ilhoon.

"Sorry for dragging you at that place. I didn't expect that it would make you uncomfortable." He said with caring eyes.

"No, I'm comfortable with clubs or places like that! I just don't feel fine with the happenings tonight, and last Valentines Day." I said that part in a whisper.

Both of us were silent, letting the cold wind cover that dead air all over us since it was almost midnight. "Anyways, let's go somewhere!" He pulled me somewhere, and I was lost from reality because of my lovely phone. Why~~? T.T

I was snapped back to reality when I was brought to a playground.

"Why are we here Ilhoon?" I said to him.

"Well, you're not having that much fun earlier so I thought of bring you here to have fun!" He smiled.

"Really oppa? Aren't we too old to play around here?" I said, judging him again.

"Well you did tell me that there's no such thing as getting too old so yeah, I thought of this!" He said, bring me to a swing.

For hours 'till I got tired, we played at the seesaw (though we're too big to fit on it LOL), the slides, the merry-go-round and my favorite, the swings. It was worth the time because I had fun with Ilhoon and I feel like a kid again from all of these.

We lay down to an empty grassfield when we finally had enough playing that it makes us tired. He cuddled me to his side, which surprised me because he never said anything last Valentine's day yet we're like this.

"Ilhoon-ah, can I ask you something?" I said while looking up to see his face.

"Yes, what is it?" He said.

"Are we like...together?"

"What do you mean?"

I stood up and I just sat, looking to the stars. "I mean, did you just kiss me last Valentine's day for nothing...or something?"

And then, there was another awkward silence between us. It made me anxious because I'm afraid he's just using me or maybe those, 'friends with benefits' thing but in a different meaning.

I kept looking at the stars, still waiting for Ilhoon's answer but then, I felt something cold around my neck. I looked at my neck and I saw a necklace with the design of a lego piece.

" I guess the kiss didn't give you a hint." I looked at him and I saw him looking at me, lovingly and with the necklace that has the same design as mine.

"I thought you already know that you're mine but I guess actions doesn't give a confirmation to both of us. So I have to say this to you, right now." 

He shifted closer to me and he held my hand. "The first time I saw you, I thought you don't have a sunshine in you so I wanted to brighten up your days with a smile on both of our faces. Then the more I got to know you, the more I realized that you are wonderful on the inside therefore, I already knew to myself that I have fallen for you. You are so gullible so I thought that kissing you will know that I love you more than a friend loves another friend. But I didn't realized that I confused you instead of being happy that we're together so I would like to apologize for that, so that's why I'm telling this right now. Hwang Yoonmi, it took me a month and a half for me to fall for you. Will you be mine officially?" He said, blushing.

It was just like those fanfics I always read. The leading lady's feelings are also describing my feelings too. Butterflies took over my stomach, my heart kept racing and my whole body just froze.

The only thing I can do now is to smile at his confession.

"Yes, I will." I hugged him right away due to my excitement. He hugged me back and tackled me to the grassfield like a child.

"By the way, what's with the lego necklace you gave me?" I said innocently.

He got closer to me and he connected the two lego pieces from both of our necklaces and it formed into a heart.

"Now we're together." He said with a smiled and without a sign, we both kissed under the moonlight.

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"Sorry I'm busy Yoonmi-sshi. I'll call you later. Goodbye." And again, he hanged up.

It's been going like that about a month already though we've together for almost a year now. Actually, our first anniversary is coming near and I'm not really excited about. Half-excited, yes. But it's just full of doubt to be honest.

Ilhoon started calling me '-sshi' all of a sudden, he's not calling me with the nickname he gave me. He's treating me like a stranger  or just his junior since a month ago. Those 'I love you's and 'I miss you's are gone all of a sudden. Everytime I want to call him, he always say that he's busy. Whenever I tried to talk to him in class with or without lessons, he was so distant and he rarely talks to me. He acted cold to me. He was more happy with the others than me.

That's when I started to think, am I a bad girlfriend? Was I too clingy that he got tired of me?

I wasn't sure so I had to consult to Sunhi, one of my friends who knew that me and Ilhoon are together.

"What?? From my observation, both of you acted so lovey-dovey together! Why would Ilhoon be the only one not making his move on you anymore?" Sunhi ranted.

"Maybe he's cheating on me.."

"NO! He would never do that. He's a sane person."

"That's just a possibility. What if...he doesn't have that spark when he's with me?" I said, about to cry anytime soon.

"Yoonmi-ah.." She hugged me in comfort.

We never fought. We never argue. Maybe because I was too patient that I made him lose that spark. I guess it's already time for me to say this.

"You know what's funny Sunhi, he never greeted me today."

"Huh? Why didn't he greeted you?"

"I don't know if he's forgetful, today is our anniversary." I smiled half-heartedly.

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“Ilhoon-oppa, I wanna break up with you.” I said sternly.

“But why?” He said, at a shock state.

“I don’t love you anymore. I don’t wanna keep on lying that I love you.”

“BUT WHY?! TELL ME THE REASON WHY I MADE YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE!” He screamed.

“…You treated me like a stranger. You treat me like I'm just your classmate. I finally know that it’s a waste of time to be with you.” I know what I said but I was lying to him. I love him for who he is. I just don’t wanna distract his dreams anymore.

“No, you don’t mean it! You don’t mean it!” He denied it.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I was about to leave until..

"Wait Yoonmi!" He held my wrist when I was about to leave. "Do you even love me?" He said with his tears about to fall soon.

I do love you, but do you even realize how you treat me before this even happened? I want to pursue my dreams but you kept pushing me away like you don't care.

"No, I'm sorry." I lied. That was the first time I ever lied to him. He let go of me.

Once I left him, though he's mumbling, I heard him saying "I won't accept this. I'll prove it to you."

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So it was a start. Everytime my break starts, he would just come in front of my room to greet me with flowers and my favorite yogart drink. He would just act like nothing happened. He always show his signature smile to me. I admit that it made my heart melt, but it's not like before.

"Don't worry Yoonmi! I'll make you fall in love with me again!" He said that whenever I always say that I have someone to have lunch with or I have a study group date. It's kinda creepy to be honest though he looked cute, like a kid.

It's been going like that for weeks until I had enough of actions because all I wanted was space to think. I still love him but seeing him like this is not like him, so I started to hide from him.

It was going smoothly until to the point that he stopped, when I took makeup class at night. I hid at one side where he can't see me. I saw him in front of the same room where I stay before my first break. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and a velvet box. He was sitting there and I believe, he never moved at that spot since earlier this morning. I heard a sniffle and it came from him because he was the only one in the hall. He was crying already and he stood up from his place and left with only the velvet box. When he was gone from that spot, I went to that spot where he left the bouquet of flowers. Once I got it, I saw a note attached to it.

"February 21, 2013

Happy Anniversary Yeobo!!

I love you, and I always will. :)

--Ilhoonie~~~ <3"

From that spot, I started crying silently. "I'm so sorry."

After that, he never appeared in front of me anymore. I was glad at first, but then I realized it was time for him to disappear in my life.

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I looked at the library again and he’s being his happy self again. If I go there right now, it would make things awkward for both of us. I wanna run to his arms again and tell him how much I love him and how I miss him right now. But now it’s not the time for that. I think it’s better this way.

I have to lie to my friends that I have an emergency back home so I have to leave. I know I’ll be a killjoy but I have to, right?

When I finally left the building, that was the time I cried so much after a month. Though it hurts, I guess this is better right?

“Yoonmi, are you okay?”

I looked up, and saw my friend Eunkwang standing in front of me. I never spoke to him and I just ran away from him.