Dear Diary,

Yesterday night, Minhyun came into my room and asked if he could spend the night in my room. Apparently, Ren and JR were playing farting games, and Minhyun being the clean freak that he is did not want to be anywhere near them. Minhyun didn’t want to set foot in Baekho’s monstrosity of a room either, and so I was the only option for him.

Ha.

Well, if only he knew. He’d be more disgusted with me than he is with JR and Ren’s farting games or Baekho’s dirty room.

If I had any sense then, I would not have allowed him into my bed. But I was too excited with prospect of being close to Minhyun that I didn’t act sensibly and I happily offered him a space in my bed.

Well that was a huge mistake for obvious reasons. Thankfully, Minhyun didn’t notice these ‘reasons.’

Despite all the ‘reasons,’ I still enjoyed being so close to him. I enjoyed lying down so close to him. We were both on our sides, facing each other. I took this as an opportunity to ask him questions I’ve always wanted to ask him.

“What do you think of fans shipping Nu’est?” I asked him, hoping for a favorable answer.

He answered that he was terrified at first, but he’s used to it now.

“Why were you terrified?”

He said it was because it was ‘weird.’

Minhyun is a conservative Korean. He comes from a traditional Korean family. I expected he’d think it’s weird. Heck, even I, the American who has gay friends, find it weird. Him and I will never settle the weirdness; we won’t get over it. We won’t ever be the way I want us to be.

He redirected the question back at me, and asked me what I think of the shipping.

I answered by telling him about a poll I saw on the Internet. I am most shipped with him, and he is most shipped with me. When I told him, he actually cringed a little.

That hurt. I felt like a million knives were stabbed into my heart. It hurt so bad, I felt like I wanted to cry right there, right in front of him. He cringed at the thought of MinRon. Is it really so bad?

While he was making that face, I sighed and told him I like that the fans ship us. He was surprised, and for a moment he looked a little scared of me. I explained myself, telling him I like shipping because it means our fans think we’re close, which is a good thing.

Minhyun calmed down after I said it. He then asked what shipping actually is.

I said shipping is a lot of things. It can be when the fans like our relationship. Or when fans want us to have more of a relationship. Shipping can be when fans believe we’re actually dating. Shipping can be friendship. It can be love. It can be . Shipping can be when fans want us to fall in love, and it can be when fans simply want us to interact more. Shipping is different for every fan…

Then the sweetest thing I ever heard came out of his mouth: “Hyung, I ship you with me.”

My heart stopped. Somehow, I felt like this was a confession. That one phrase turned my world upside down and I felt so compelled to kiss him right then, right now. I was speechless and more flattered then I have ever been my entire life. I really didn’t know how to respond. I don't think Minhyun realized that the essence of shipping is romantic, but I don’t care. I loved hearing those words come out of his precious lips. I smiled like a big fool after he said it.

He explained that he loved having me as a friend, and that he wants us to stay friends forever and ever. That’s why he ships himself with me.

I responded: “Well I definitely ship you with me too, Minnie.”

But unlike for him, shipping didn’t mean friendship. In my case, shipping meant love.