I'm a loner. No. That's too harsh. I guess I just like my space... away from everyone. Is that better? It's not that I deliberately stay away from crowds. Hmmm. Maybe I do... just because I'm not good with speaking which is the prime reason why I'm not good with people.

I'm usually the quiet shy type. People even think I'm snobby but I'm not really. I'm too shy to make the first move. I'm comfortable with silence. I'm the listener rather than the speaker. I'm the one who laughs instead of the one telling a joke. I prefer to be in the background rather than in the spotlight. I'm more of the follower than the leader. I don't like being the leader. Is being like this bad?

I was all of those things until she came. There were people who wanted to court me but I rejected. Although I did have one relationship before her. It didn't work out. But She... she's different. She didn't give up. We met in senior year in highschool. She courted me since then. I finished a 4 year course in college now. She courted me since then.

I thought to give it a try. If she was able to bare with me and my ways of pushing her off. Yep. I kept pushing her away. I insulted her, I hurt her, I shoved my girlfriend right infront of her face, I went to her when we broke up, and yet she still didn't give up on me. Why? I really thought why. Why the hell would she put up with me all those years? and why the hell did I do that to her?

One day, I was feeling that there was something missing in my life. Like my life has become redundant and I needed something to make me alive. So after 5 years of pushing her away, I finally texted her "I miss you." She replied back "I miss you too." Was that an indication that she still wants me?

We got into texting. We texted each other a lot. Until one day, we decided to finally meet up after years of not meeting each other. We decided to watch a movie. I thought it was going to be awkward seeing each other.

I arrived at the mall first. After a few seconds, I received a text. "I'm here." I looked back and saw her. Waah. Was she wearing insoles or has she gone taller? Not taller than me unfortunately. I texted her "I'm by the ATM machine." She saw me and smiled, I smiled too.

Me being me, I didn't talk a lot. She knows I don't talk a lot. She probably knows me more than I know myself. But since I wanted to reach out to her, I talked more than my quota of the day after a while. I and she teased me back.

We decided on a movie but it starts a few hours later so we decided to eat first. We ate at mcdonalds. We were still awkward with each other. I talked a lot to alleviate the awkwardness. I was doing so many things that wasn't me. She talked too! I guess she was doing the same things as me but there still awkward silences in between.

We finally got inside the cinema. We watched Jackie Chan's movie. We sat at the very far back of the theatre where it was cold and dark. The whole movie I was thinking if I should hold her hand or embrace her arm since I was cold. Hey I really was okay? Nah. I wasn't. I was wearing a sweater. I just wanted some contact with her. We flirt a lot on texts but why can't she do it when we're physically there? Anyway, the day ended with no form of contact at all. I was a little disappointed.

I kept thinking of my past girlfriend. My past girlfriend was straightforward. She made all the first moves. She held my hand. She hugged me first. She kissed me first. She made me feel warm first and I was the one who didn't initiate anything. I thought she probably felt the way I was feeling right now. Maybe that's why we didn't work out.

We went on few dates again sometimes with me and sometimes with my college friends. One day, I was with my bestfriend in her house with her boyfriend and another friend. I texted her if she wanted to come. She said "She didn't want to because she was shy." I said "You know these people already. Why would you be shy?" She said "A house party is different. I feel like I'm intruding." So I didn't push her anymore. I was disappointed.

My bestfriend and her boyfriend were cuddling and doing what knot couples do infront of me and I was like what the heck are you showing me when my possible girlfriend isn't here? I texted her about what was happening and she was like "I'll give you a hug next time." I replied "Can you even handle it?" Yep. I was urging her. I didn't want to be the man in this 'relationship'.

She replied "Is it okay if I really did?" I sighed. Can't she just do things without me telling her? She was very careful when it came to me. I replied "I like skinship if you didn't know." She replied "Ah really?? Then I'm gonna hold your hand when we go on a date." I smiled. Finally some progress.

Next time we saw each other was when we went to noraebang with my friends. That time she held my hand. She held my hand with a smirk. I actually felt shy and laughed. She finally had some courage. I played with her hands. She said "Your hands are so small." I held her hand and compared ours. Her hand really is bigger than mine. We held hands through the day.

Few days after, we're still texting non stop. It was a shock for my family. They asked me who I was always texting. They rarely see me text. One night, she texted me "Next time, I'm gonna kiss you." There she goes again, it's like she's asking permission again. I told her "Why don't you try?" Damn. All these flirting I've never done before.

We never did kiss. I came into thinking "Wow. I did so many things for this 'relationship'. I've become a man." One date decided where we were going with this relationship. That date I decided that I wasn't going to initiate anything. She needed to step up too. I really didn't initiate anything... and she didn't too. That date was horrible. I could count the sentences we've exchanged through the whole day.

Why was it like that? I was quiet. She was too. I prefer to be the listener, she was too. I prefer to be a follower, she was too. So naturally I had to step up to everything. Those dates we had I was the one who decided everything. Where we would eat, what movie we'd watch, what we would do. I told her countless times that I'm fine with whatever she likes but she always says "I'll be happy to whatever you pick. Ladies choice." she says. But I didn't want that unfortunately.

At the end of that date, I was really feeling down. She told me to text her when I get home. I didn't. A few hours later she texted me.

From: Taeyeon

Are you already home?

"Yes. :)" I replied. I usually would reply longer but... I wasn't feeling good.

From Taeyeon

Good.

I didn't reply. What else would I say? Few minutes later she texted again.

From: Taeyeon

Somehow I'm not in the mood.

Hey. Me too. I guess she was feeling the same way. I replied "Why?"

From Taeyeon

"I don't know."

"You know but you're too afraid to admit/accept it." I replied.

From Taeyeon:

"What does that mean?"

I didn't text her back. It wasn't working I guess. We're too alike.

A/N:

This is for those shy girls who got paired up with shy partners. Ain't it hard? Please do keep in mind that Taeyeon's character in real life is actually a boy. I wrote this through experience and figured TaengSic fitted the characters. They're too alike to make it work.