A/N:

So I was first listening to Crayon by Gdragon then this one comes after. I was like "What song is this again?" Then I checked my phone. This beautiful song written by a beautiful woman. How could I forget. smh. It just gave me all the sad feels Crayon didn't give me. lol. 

The Song I Wrote

What's more difficult? Being away from the one you love and who loves you or being so close to the one you love yet you can't love her? Have you ever experienced those? I did and that's how my lyrics for this song came alive.

I'm still at the same place.
I'm weary from wandering by your side.

I see you everyday. Every freaking day. Why do we have to live in the same house? You're the one I want but even when you're beside me, I feel so lost. To be honest, I breathe a bit better when you sleep at your parents' house but then I see you the next day and reality comes slapping me in the face. You're my cruel reality.

You know. You know that my heart is hurting.
Watching you laugh/smile makes my heart ache more.

I told you my feelings. I used up all the courage I had. Every ounce of courage I had. It's like I jumped off a helicopter with no parachute. It was very brave of me wasn't it? I gave you my all at that moment. Seeing you now, laughing, smiling, chatting like nothing happened. How could you when you know I'm hurting? Can you sleep peacefully at night too? I can't. How do you do that? Can you tell me?

It's my mistake for not making you love me more.
It's my mistake for loving you more than me.
It's my mistake for not making you love me as much as I wanted you too.

It probably is. Maybe I was too soft. Maybe if I pushed a little bit more you would love me as much as I loved you. Maybe when you asked to give you space, I gave you too much. Maybe I was the one who let you move on. Maybe I was the reason for my suffering.

How much longer must I cry?
As I'm trusting that promise. I'm the only one trusting. Believing that promise.

I spend everynight looking at that wall. The wall that's separating us. Sometimes I think, why can't I just go to your room and get it all out? I mean, we're just a wall away but I always find myself unable to. Feelings are being a bigger wall for both of us. Feelings are what separated us. Should I have not told you my feelings? Would I not be hurting?

You lied to me to wait for you.
Even my greedy side has grown tired.

You told me to wait for you. I did. I waited. I hoped. I talked myself out of giving up. Like they say, I kept myself in the dark side. I stayed positive... until these past few days. It seems like my heart can't take it anymore. It seems like I want the pain to stop. The question is, how will it stop? You're the only answer to all my questions.

You know. You know that my heart is hurting.
You can't just ignore and smile like that.

I know you've always been like that. You tend to ignore. You ignore my texts. You ignore my calls. You ignore my feelings. It hurts Sicayah. It hurts. Please don't hurt me.

I knew I couldn't have you.
But my heart just kept on growing.
 

I had it coming. I knew from the start that you probably wouldn't accept me. But why'd you tell me to wait? Because of that I held onto you. Because of that I fell so deeply in love with you. Because of that I ignored every single reason why I can't be with you. I chose to blind myself from everything because I love you.

It's my mistake for waiting by myself.
Regretting by myself.
Loving you.

By myself.

I'm such a fool.
I knew I would get hurt and couldn't let go.

A fool in love. A fool hurt but still continues to love you.

It's my mistake.
Even though it could be all my fault.
That's okay. As long as you're there.

I should just be satisfied that I could still be somewhat beside you right? Even though your mere presence hurts now. I think the time will come and I would get used to the pain. As long as I could still see you. Even if it means I'd keep my love for you to myself.

Always.
Please forgive me for being like this.
(Forgive the person) who loved you.

If ever I forget and show you too much affection, please forgive me in advance. If ever I get worried too much, please forgive me. If ever you see me cry, please forgive me. It's not your fault. It's all mine. If ever, in the future, my love still won't end, please forgive me. Forgive me for loving you. Forgive me. It's my mistake.

Mistake - SNSD

Lyrics written by Kwon Yuri.