*****

Namjoo felt her breath get cut off almost instantly. Sehun was really good, she thought, at throwing her off. The kiss had been the last of all things on her list to ending the night. What she had last wanted was a friendship turning into something else.

Suddenly turning away she stumbled back with fluttering eyes. The warmth of his breath still sat on her lips, but Namjoo didn’t want anymore. She suddenly had flashbacks of being intimate with Tae Joon. It was haunting and she wanted to shudder. Without a word she glanced at the appalled Sehun before shutting the door in his face.

A loud gasp escaped her and Namjoo ran a hand up through her bangs.

*****

A deep sigh escaped him when he turned his head toward the floor. Sehun couldn’t explain it; his actions or his emotions. He couldn’t recall being so flustered.

Back in his apartment as he lie on his bed staring at the ceiling four hours later, he discovered sleep wasn’t going to be his companion for the night. In his mind, all he could think about was Namjoo in that gown, her hair, those eyes, her shoulders, and her scent…

Sehun frowned in the midst of his thoughts. How was it that he’d caught her scent?

He let out another sigh and thought about the kiss that had ended too soon. His heart was very warm and he could feel butterflies churning in his stomach, but he was feeling enlightened. Sehun didn’t think that was how it was supposed to be. Not with the way Namjoo had reacted.

Part of him felt like he needed to apologize, but the other half didn’t think he needed to. Confusion blurred his mind.

Shifting onto his side he grabbed his pillow and hugged it to help him straighten his thoughts. Seconds later, though, he saw Namjoo smiling back at him.

“Oh god…” he half yelped before tossing the pillow aside and sat up.

Another long sigh left him as he stared around in the dark. He suddenly thought of that time when he first saw Namjoo sitting alone in the cold rain. She had looked so alone and desolate. There was a time when she’d turned her back on the world, but she had allowed him into her world as a friend to trust, to talk with. It wasn’t right for him to do this.

He shouldn’t have kissed her. Namjoo would never treat him the same. The realization of that made him feel afraid.

He needed her…

Then his mind blanked again. Since when had he ever needed someone? Since when had he started feeling like that?

Sehun waited while pacing around his apartment the next day for Namjoo to call him up or come by, but she didn’t. When the sun fell he stepped out and paced outside her door pausing every now and then. He was ready to apologize, at least he thought he was, but when he reached forward to press the doorbell he would hesitate and pull back. Whether Namjoo knew he was outside or not, she didn’t come to the door.

Then, he thought, he would apologize to her when he saw her at work. But when he stopped by her place the next day and rang the doorbell countless times, Namjoo wasn’t coming. She had already left way ahead of him to avoid him.

Sehun could feel his insecurities building up. And when he headed down for lunch, he would only stalk the cafeteria instead of heading in. What would he say if he approached her? “Sorry for kissing you?” He was just being ridiculous.

Sehun found himself peeking in again. Catching sight of Namjoo made him freeze. Whatever spell had been cast on him since the banquet still hadn’t left. Sehun discovered his heart pounding loudly at just the sight of her. When her co-workers usher her up he found himself turning away, afraid of the rejection that would come if she saw him.    

He pressed himself so hard against the wall as if it would help him disappear and kept his eyes glued to the ground while she walked by. But there was still a bit of hope in him that made him turn as she passed by. Sehun watched disappointed. Namjoo didn’t turn to look at him at all. She wasn’t even planning on giving him a small greeting.

*****

Namjoo slightly paused down the hallway before entering the elevator. She turned back to glance at the down trodden Sehun, but no matter the case right now she had no words to give him.

She didn’t dislike him. Sehun had been a good friend she had been really appreciative of. The kiss Saturday night had left a burn in her mind she hadn’t been able to un-think. Although she really would like them to just remain friends, she couldn’t help but wonder if there were more lying under the depths of what went on between them.

Things like why he’d bothered asking her out for a movie and why she had decided to tag along with him to the dog café. And other things like why having dinner together had become some kind of important ritual.

No matter how hard Namjoo thought of it at work or in her apartment, she wasn’t ready to be more than what they were at the moment. Sometimes she was afraid she’d think of Sehun as a replacement for Tae Joon and they were horrifying thoughts. Namjoo wasn’t ready to start another relationship.

Once in a while during the week she could hear Sehun pacing back and forth outside her apartment, but she didn’t want to open the door for him for fear of what could happen. If she pushed him away because she was afraid of experiencing another “Tae Joon” it would be unfair to him. And if she saw him, she didn’t know what she would say to him.

When work hours ended, instead of heading back to the apartment together with Sehun like she usually did, she would watch him walk alone to the transit from the office window.

That evening would mark the fifth day since she had started avoiding him. Namjoo poured herself some soju and slowly drank from it. Half an hour later when her mind started to spin, she again recalled his words from that night.

“Namjoo, you’re really pretty tonight.”

Namjoo could feel her heart racing when she thought of his voice. And when she closed her eyes she would recall the touch of his lips. That kiss wasn’t meant to be friendly. She knew what he was feeling and had closed off before going any further.

Her heart was wildly beating.

“No…not this…” Namjoo shook her head before abandoning at her drinks at the table.

After stripping off her clothes she went to stand in the cold shower lightly pounding her head against the wall. She wasn’t ready to love anyone again.

*****

The remote control bounced off the cushion of the sofa before it landed with a thud on the floor. Sehun couldn’t do this anymore. He wouldn’t go another week Namjoo-less.

Even as he sat there he didn’t know what to say to her if he went over. How could a kiss make them drift apart like this? It didn’t make sense. Had he made her so uncomfortable that she didn’t know how to face him? Did he make her feel so bad that she needed an apology from him?

He ran a hand over his face before suddenly getting up. Whatever it was, he wanted to talk it out. If Namjoo wasn’t coming to him, he’d go to her.

*****

After dressing into her PJ’s Namjoo walked into her bedroom while drying her wet hair with a towel. The first thing she noticed when she turned the lights on were the two tickets to Macau sitting on her bedside table.

She had completely forgotten the plans of heading overseas together for vacation. And the fact that she had invited Sehun along. Although now she didn’t know what she wanted to do any more.

The doorbell rang when she picked them up. Quietly turning around to look out the door she set the tickets back down and walked out. When she looked out the peephole she spotted Sehun standing outside. Namjoo stepped back and was almost sure she was going to just ignore him. When the doorbell rang again Namjoo felt her head turn at a much faster speed.

*****

She was in, Sehun knew she was in. He wasn’t going to let her ignore him like this, not even if he woke up the whole building. Before he pressed the bell again the door unlocked and he found himself staring at a damp haired Namjoo. Sehun slightly gulped at the fact that she’d just taken a shower and refused to let his eyes wander.

Namjoo turned away to allow him in.

“Want anything to drink?” Namjoo first asked.

“Namjoo,” he started.

Namjoo slightly paused before turning around to look at him, “Look, there’s really not anything to talk about. Things aren’t really that serious, you know.”

“And you wouldn’t be trying to avoid me if it wasn’t, ok,” he said sarcastically. “Namjoo, if I made you uncomfortable, I’ll apologize if it makes you feel better.”

She turned her face away from him, which disallowed him from observing her expression.

“I’m fine.”

“Namjoo,” he started again.

She cut him off, “I said I’m ok, alright?”

Sehun bit his lip to restrain from arguing with her. A moment of silence passed before he broke it, “Can we try to deal with this like adults?”

He watched her press her lips together firmly. At last his eyes rebelled. They traced her damp hair to her neckline and her shoulders under her thin night shirt. Sehun felt the urge to touch her skin to see how soft it was. Then he quickly drew away and realized his inner desires made him uncomfortable too.

“Namjoo,” he started, “I like you.”

And he suddenly really hoped she would feel the same way. But when Namjoo turned to look at him and slightly lowered her head he knew what was coming.

“You know, when someone tells me they like me, I tend to like them ten times more,” Namjoo finally met his eyes with a smug smile in which he read a million notes of apologies, “but what I want to do is always wrong, and I always get hurt. I’m sorry, I know I’m being selfish with only defending myself, and I know you’re a really good person, but I’m not ready.”

A tremor of silence followed in which Sehun used to try to brace himself.

“Don’t place your hopes on me,” Namjoo said. “Can we…just be friends again?”

Even though he could feel his insides crumbling he forced a smile, “Yea.”

*****

At the moment when the door closed, Namjoo drew out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down. She felt so overwhelmingly guilty that a part of her started throbbing. Namjoo felt tears swell down her face.

Yes, she liked him too, but she couldn’t return the feelings when she wasn’t completely over Tae Joon. It would be unfair if she thought of him as another Tae Joon to love and to hold. Another relationship wasn’t yet right for her.

*****

Just friends…just friends, at least that was better than nothing. Sehun tried convincing himself, but it wasn’t working. He felt like he’d just allowed himself to be stomped into the ground.

At least, he tried to convince himself, Namjoo was willing to see him again. He didn’t need to be her lover or anything spectacular, because being a friend had a lot of other advantages. But even so, he couldn’t pick himself up.

Sehun awoke to the ringing of the doorbell the next morning and found that he’d knocked out on the couch in an unbelievably uncomfortable position. His whole body ached when he sat up. With a grunt he stood and started for the door.

He became immediately awake when he spotted Namjoo, who hadn’t stopped by the last week. Sehun didn’t think that the sight of her could brighten him up at once as well as send him back into quietly droning in pain.

“I got the tickets to Macau,” Namjoo held out the ticket to him. “You’re still in, right?”

His eyes darted toward the ticket in her hand. Macau, that was right, he’d forgotten about their vacation to Macau. A three week long vacation…

“I’m in,” he smiled and took the ticket from her.

At least Namjoo was finally able to face him again without any awkwardness. Sehun discovered that he was still very happy even if they were just friends. Namjoo was still beside him, he still had her no matter what the case because she wasn’t planning on seeing anyone just yet. So during the meantime he had her all to himself.

Sehun quietly followed her through the streets of Seoul, his eyes wandering over her secretly every now and them. If Namjoo really meant what she’d said to him yesterday, it could only mean that she had some feelings for him she kept to herself. Then he would wait until she wanted to unveil herself.

“What’s with the three week vacation?” Jong Kyu questioned the next week. “Are you going somewhere without me?”

“Even if you came along, I’d find some place to abandon you,” Sehun muttered.

“What?” Jong Kyu asked baffled. “Where are you going? Are you planning a trip with someone?”

“Oh yea, India,” Sehun sarcastically nodded.

“Tsh…brat,” Jong Kyu snorted.

By the end of the week he would be flying off to Macau.

*****

“I have waited for this day!” Namjoo exclaimed in front of the airport. “I didn’t forget anything, right? Do you have everything with you?”

Sehun held up his passport with the ticket tucked inside.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got everything I need,” he smiled before urging her forward. “If you keep stalling we’re going to miss our flight.”

Namjoo rushed forward and browsed around the airport excited.

“I haven’t flown abroad for a long time,” she commented, “man, I’m glad I’m not going on this trip alone.”

“Yea, I bet,” Sehun said before directing her toward their gate.

They waited almost half an hour before they finally boarded the plane. After a tiny argument Namjoo won over the window seat. She was excited, really excited. She finally had the chance to leave everything behind in Korea and pretend she was never going to come back to the misery of everything in her life.

“It feels nice, doesn’t it?” Namjoo asked staring out the window after the plane had taken off. “Leaving everything behind for three weeks. I think we deserve this.”

When she turned she found Sehun staring intently at her before he pulled a smile on. Namjoo felt intimacy in the air and that if she returned the stare something would happen. She pulled on a smile too and turned away.

*****

Before they landed in Macau Sehun felt Namjoo’s head loll forward before it landed against his shoulder. He remained uneasily frozen in his seat afraid he would wake her with the slightest movement. Sehun waited cautiously for a minute or two before he tried to get a glimpse of her, but failed because of the angle.

Raising his hand he gently ran it over her face and felt a small smile tingle his lips. Sehun daringly cupped her face into the palm of his hand before giving her a peck on the top of her head. During this moment he could at least pretend she belonged to him only. It left him feeling enchanted.

*****

Namjoo felt her hair slide over her face before her eyes opened. Her heart felt warm at the little gesture, but she couldn’t wake up now. If she removed her head from his shoulder he would know she was awake and it’d ruin the magic of the moment. Namjoo felt a quiet sigh run through her before she closed her eyes again.

After the plane landed and they departed, she felt she’d picked the right hotel. A 65 floor building loomed over them with royal red carpets flattened down the hallway. Each bright brown door was marked with fat gold numbers. There was a tiny living room and kitchen aside from the bedroom. Namjoo felt dropping in awe as she walked around.

Flipping the light in the large bathroom on, she spotted a stand in shower in the corner and a large bathtub near the wall. The marble decked bathroom was too good for her.  

*****

“Good job picking out the hotel,” Sehun complimented when Namjoo met him downstairs in the lobby.

“I know, right?” she smirked before they headed out.

“Where are we going now?” Sehun wondered.

“Macau Tower,” Namjoo grinned. “I want to do the bungee jump.”

Sehun paused in his steps, “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Why?” Namjoo asked. “I thought you’d do it with me.”

“Oh no, no, no,” he furiously shook his head. “I don’t like heights. Not something that high up. I’ll wait for you at the bottom and take pictures.”

“You’ll change your mind once we get there, come on,” Namjoo grabbed his arm and lugged him toward the cab waiting for them.