There was a time when Sehun believed recovery was possible. That was when he naively believed. That was before he knew real pain. And now, he wasn’t sure if he could be the same Sehun he once knew himself to be.

People always said that when you change you can never go back. And even if you can return back, it’ll still never be the same. Where was his happiness? Where was the joy in life? What was the meaning to life anymore?

It had been hours since he returned to his room. Now he was just enveloped in a complete darkness with the moon high in the sky. Then tomorrow would come and all would be the same. Everything had been the same for too long that if there was a change; he wasn’t sure how he’d cope with it.

This emptiness that prevailed in him was so miserable.  

*****

Into the hours of the late night Namjoo continued to feel those tears sink out of her eyes, drip down her face, and onto the pillow that was now as soaked as if she’d gone to bed without drying her hair. Even as she lay there staring into the darkness, her heart was still being ripped to pieces. Tae Joon had moved on and she had been left behind. Left behind…

She couldn’t forgive herself for this pain she had caused herself. It hurt…she hurt herself so bad. She was such a bad person she didn’t deserve an ounce of kindness. There was so much to blame herself for. All the faults lie in her and only her and Namjoo could see no way out of it. And she just continued hurting so intensely.

Namjoo really wished she could die then.

A sob released itself from her and crackled throughout the whole room as her body shook underneath the blanket.

Namjoo cradled herself to sleep and woke herself up a few hours later. Her voice was coarse and her eyes were puffed up. She was in no mood to resume the day and she actually thought of skipping out on work, but she wasn’t an irresponsible person.

Weakly pulling herself up she sat on the bed with her legs dangling off the edge of the bed; her toes brushing against the carpet. For half an hour she sat like that with no energy. At last she grabbed her backpack, slipped into her shoes, left her room, and made her way down the hall.

She waited patiently in front of Young Su’s room and could hear him shouting loudly, irritated for being waken up so early. Namjoo, though, didn’t have an ounce of sympathy to spare him. When he opened the door Namjoo handed him the card key to her room and explained, “I don’t think I’m able to accompany the group today. I need to take a leave.”

Young Su stared at her with wide eyes suddenly awake. He bent down a little and asked worriedly, “Are you ok? You look horrible.” Namjoo only nodded. “Yes, yes. Go on home and get some rest. Don’t worry about work here.”

Namjoo nodded again very quietly before turning around to slowly leave the hotel she would never come back to.

*****

Sehun arose with a low groan and first sat up in bed as if confused where he was. With a quiet sigh he slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom to wash his face, but when he looked up he paused. There were blood stains on his shirt and he finally recalled how Namjoo had drenched up the other side of his shirt with all her tears. Shaking his head he turned the faucet on and splashed cold water over his face.

After changing into a new set of clothes he headed toward the lobby downstairs for breakfast. Upon entering the room he heard Young Su talking with his usual loud voice. “She looked awful! Her eyes were bloated like…like she was crying all night. I couldn’t even hear her when she stopped by this morning…”

“Sehun!” Jong Kyu loudly greeted while walking toward him.

Sehun shot him a glance before turning to walk away.

“Hey!” Jong Kyu linked his arm around Sehun’s neck. “You left too early! Party started an hour after you left. Some pretty gals stopped by. You should’ve been there. Ah…those luscious curvy bodies…”

Sehun shoved him off before sitting down at a round table and reached for some breakfast rolls already on the table. He felt his eyes run over every one of his co-workers and turned back to look at Young Su who was just walking in.

“Yes! We’re able to leave after lunch, but no one’s allowed to leave until the conventions are over,” he explained taking the seat beside Sehun.

“Convention?” Jong Kyu repeated wide eyed. “How long will those take?”

“Well…there are several workshops to choose from,” Young Su told. “You will have to attend at least 4. They’re all half an hour each, not too bad, but lunch is the bigger deal. There will be performances, a speech, and steak. Ah…steak.”

“Steak sounds good,” Jong Kyu commented before looking around and nudged Sehun before leaning in to whisper, “so, did you deliver what I asked of you yesterday?”

“Deliver? Deliver what?” Young Su leaned over.

Jong Kyu shifted back into his seat, “It’s not your business.” Then he looked around again, “Where’s the new girl?”

“Oh, Namjoo?” Young Su asked. “She came to ask to be excused from today’s events. Poor girl, I heard from Manager Kim that she works 7 days a week. She must be exhausted.”

“What?” Jong Kyu droned on disappointed. “Ah…then that’s no fun.”

And Sehun thought of those eyes he’d seen the other day. The eyes that were his own.

*****

Namjoo sat at the bus stop for a long hour numb to her crying stomach. Her eyes were blank, mind zoned out. When a child tried to hand her a lollipop she didn’t even turn. She finally climbed onto the afternoon bus and just sat at the back by herself as it cruised through the city of Seoul. And when she felt tears rising she would close her eyes and pray for sleep to come get her, but eventually she would be awaken when the bus stopped.

And when the sky darkened Namjoo left the bus and walked all the way to her apartment. It felt empty, cold, and soulless. After propping a bowl of food into the microwave she leaned against the fridge and let her mind drift off into blackness before she would recall she had a duty to eat. When she sat down and forced the food into she found that she had no strength to chew.

Her chest heaved and she let out a cry before she ran her bandaged hand up her forehead. She was distressed, frustrated, angry, and sad all at once. It was difficult to express herself. Namjoo made incomprehensible noises as gurgled the sobs she wanted to keep back. Alas the tears spilled like a faucet and she sobbed for hours on end.

*****

Sehun’s daily schedule returned to its usual routine. Once he woke up in the morning, he’d shower, dress, head to work, eat lunch, return to work, head home, eat in front of the TV, and slept. For days on end it was like that.

Then one day, he saw Namjoo again. It was in the cafeteria at work. Or maybe she had often gone there, but he hadn’t taken the care to notice until now. The sandwich and drink she had bought from the cafeteria sat warmly in front of her until it went cold. Sehun glanced at her once before sitting at an empty table with his back to her.

Sehun busied himself with his burger and when half of it remained in his hand he turned around to see that she had barely touched her food. Her gaze was dead on the table top, but her phone was vibrating continuously on the table. The other people in the room turned to stare at her, but it didn’t look like she cared. Finally her eyes made movement and she stared at the phone before he saw her face constrict in pain. Grabbing her phone off the table she took out the battery and gripped it tightly into her immaturely bandaged hand and got up to walk away. He noticed she looked a lot thinner than when he’d last seen her.

Never minding business that wasn’t his he turned to finish the rest of his burger.

*****

The past half year had really gone by quietly. Though pained, Namjoo was relieved of at least Tae Joon’s face. Because she had made no effort to change her environment or herself, it finally seemed like her past was catching up to her and it was horrifying. It was like reliving the worst nightmare.

All the anger that had indulged her for wasting four years of her life on Tae Joon and continuously suffering and blaming herself had seemed to cause quite a side effect for her. Namjoo’s hands furiously trembled even as she climbed the stairs back to her cubicle. Her face was distorted between shock and fury. And at last, Tae Joon was coming back.

The thought of him shook her so hard.

When she sat down she pulled her fingers up to her lips and bit on them in hopes of putting a stop to her unsteady emotions. Even as her teeth plunged into her skin it seemed hopeless. Namjoo clawed her fingers into the side of her head and shut her eyes.

Tae Joon was horrifying…

After work Namjoo made sure to move fast. Once inside her apartment building she scurried past the security guard and into the elevator. Calm finally penetrated her when she shut her apartment door after her. Anxiety cracked down on her before she sat back against the door.

*****

Sehun was slow to arrive back at his apartment. He’d stopped by the mart for some food before hitching a ride in a taxi. As he arrived through the glass doors he spotted a man of medium build talking to the security guard by the front desk. Did he live there? Sehun had never seen him before. Then he ran his eyes over this man who was well dressed in a heavy leather jacket and pricy pants.

Looking away so as not to be rudely staring, Sehun started toward them to get to the elevator but briefly paused when he heard the name Namjoo.

“Then, please wait a moment while I notify her,” the bodyguard of tall build and a strong body informed. He picked up the receiver on the phone before speaking into it and replaced the receiver before turning to the man, “She’ll be down in a bit.”        

“Thank you, thank you,” the man exaggeratedly shook the bodyguard’s hands.

Whatever, Sehun decided, he had nothing to do with this nor did he ever want to get involved with Namjoo. He had already done enough good by saving her bloody hand. He started toward the elevator and pressed the button to head up and turned when the elevator sounded. Sehun walked toward it and stared back at Namjoo when the doors opened. She looked back before glancing past him and walked out before freezing in her steps.

“Namjoo!” her name echoed off the entire interior before brief footsteps rushed forward.

Instead of entering the elevator he turned to watch.

“I missed you! You went missing for so long! I’m so sorry, please come back. I can’t survive without you!” without permission he grabbed her lower arm and held it to his chest as if to show how much he wanted her. Namjoo made no noise, but Sehun spotted the hand by her side slowly shaking. “Namjoo, why aren’t you answering me? Come back, mm?”

The elevator doors closed on Sehun and he found himself standing there. He just stood there clueless.

“I’ve changed, I really have,” he continued, “I’ll be better. I can’t do it without you, so come with me, ok?”

He tried to lead her toward the door, but Namjoo didn’t budge from where she stood. The bodyguard and the desk receptionist watched confused. They were troubled about whether to step into an argument that wasn’t theirs to begin with. And they were right. It wasn’t a place for them to be. Sehun turned and pressed the elevator button and heard the elevator sound, but even when the elevator doors opened he didn’t step in.

Something was wrong and it was aching at the back of his head. Sehun tightened his grip on the grocery bag. The wine glass broke again at the back of his head and that was when he finally turned. Namjoo’s back became clearer as he neared her. Reaching his hand out he grabbed the man’s and pulled it off her arm. The man looked abruptly surprised before shooting him a long glance.

“I don’t think she wants to go,” Sehun flatly stated.

“Who are you?” Tae Joon questioned irked. “Look here, this is between me and Namjoo. I don’t think you have the right to be butting in.”

Sehun stared back at him before turning to look at Namjoo whose eyes had gone big and stiff with all the emotions she was trying to withhold. After a second Namjoo turned and walked away. Sehun very quietly followed and could hear the bodyguard talking to Tae Joon about the apartment regulations and that he couldn’t allow him in.

When he stepped into the elevator and reached out to press his floor number he paused when he realized Namjoo had already done so. Pulling his hand back he stood there silently while waiting for the doors to close. A sniff came from her before she turned her face away from him. Sehun didn’t allow himself any more curiosity so he focused his gaze on the silver doors that held their blurry reflections. And when the elevator stopped they both walked out before separating.

*****

Namjoo half slammed the door shut behind her before she walked into the kitchen and furiously searched through the cupboards before finding a bottle of over-the-counter pills for depression. It was something her doctor had suggested for her after she had reflated the suggestion to see a psychiatrist. Namjoo always had them during her worst moments and was no longer sure if they were helping her or making her symptoms worse. Dumping two pills out into the palm of her hand she grabbed a glass of water before chugging it down along with the medication.

She dropped the glass into the sink before sliding to the ground on her knees and took in deep shuddering breaths. In an act to calm herself down she ran her hand over the eyes she had clamped shut and repeated to herself over and over that it was ok.

Namjoo remained on the ground for a good 20 minutes before she finally forced herself to eat. Unsatisfactorily throwing out a half-eaten meal she washed up before sitting in her tiny den in silence just staring into space. After a while she turned to glance outside and saw that the stars were out and that was when she decided she wanted some fresh air.

Slipping into a sweater she started down the stairs to head toward the back. There was a large empty yard at the back of the complex that the residents used for relaxation. Nothing occupied the empty space which perhaps made it a good spot for star gazing. When Namjoo pushed the door open she paused when she spotted someone already sitting on the steps. Namjoo stared for a minute before she recognized him.

If she remembered correctly, his name was Sehun. Namjoo didn’t know if she would put it down in her book that she owed him for helping her. She didn’t want to have to repay him. Repaying him for his deed would mean she would have to interact with the world again, and she wasn’t quite ready to get out just yet.

Upon noticing her presence he turned to look at her. Namjoo quickly turned away and glanced down at the old sneakers she had on her feet. It wasn’t because she was shy…ok, maybe she was a little shy and intimidated by this person she didn’t know. She had randomly cried on his shoulder last week and should be embarrassed for it. Namjoo suddenly didn’t know what to do.

It took her a while to finally summon up the words, “Thank you.” Then another long brief pause before she finished, “For earlier,” she nervously blinked and looked around, “and last week.”

Sehun looked up at her as if taken aback by her sudden speech. “How’s your hand? Did you see a doctor yet?”

Namjoo shot him a quick glance before holding her hand to herself as if suddenly conscious of the bandage, “It’ll heal on its own.”

They were silent again.

“I have some patches and some gauze you can wrap it with,” he offered, “cuts like that can get infected easily.”

Namjoo’s eyes darted over to him.

“What room are you?”

Namjoo straightened her position before pressing her lips together. Suddenly it felt like she was talking a lot more than she should. She was slightly reluctant to share with him her room number, but this was as far as it would go. There wasn’t a need for them to meet again.

“6617.” She quietly answered.

*****

At first he didn’t think he would get to hear her speak, ever. Namjoo had seemed like a mute who shook when angry and upset. He guessed it was as the saying goes, the more you peel an onion the more you’ll find underneath. Maybe she was a little like him, he decided. He was a person who didn’t want to share himself with the world.

Sehun had to admit it was partially interesting about how they suddenly worked for the same company and now lived in the same apartment building. It seemed too much of a coincidence.

These thoughts uselessly rambled inside his head as he dug around in his drawers for those patches and the gauze he’d promised her. After discovering them he started down the silent hallway and glanced at each door number before he found 6617.

There was a slight hesitation to ring the bell. After a brief moment he finally hit the button and the door opened a few seconds later. They quietly looked at one another awkwardly before he held out the contents in his hand.

“Here,” he said.

Namjoo seemed to stare at them before taking them with a quiet, “Thanks.”

Then they stood there again in silence. Was he supposed to bid farewell or just walk away? Why did it feel so awkward if he did one or the other?

Instead of bidding farewell he hesitated before saying, “Then…I’ll see you later.”

“Oh…yea…” Namjoo nodded before he backed up and watched her close the door.

And he wouldn’t realize that that would be the turning point to a change in his life. 

***Their characters are finally starting to develop!! Yay! They finally talked!! ^^

***P.S. in case you're wondering, the bodyguard didn't tell Namjoo that it was Tae Joon who had come so she didn't know it was him.