“Because you love me!” that sentence accompanied with her signature eye smile and a light affectionate pat on my head sent me trembling in fear.

In that split second my head sent dozens of questions. Does she know? Does anybody else know? When did they notice? How do I respond?

But she just walked away without a second glance.

I sighed, I think too much. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me.

That night I lay on my cold bed thinking over the years we spent together, thinking of any signs that I had given to any people. The girls seem to know I have a special spot for fany but even the fans know that, it’s because of all those years we spent together when we needed a company during our training days. But I don’t know if they know that I love her, only sooyoung seems to know that my relationship, just mine, with fany is not just friends. But my observant girls would definitely sense something.

Ughh, this is making my head hurt. I flipped around in my bed. This is making me restless, and I hate it. I’m supposed to be calm, even my name means calm.

Suddenly, I hear a door opening and the floor creaking under pressure. Did my movement wake any of my babies? I tried to stay as silent as possible to pretend I’m asleep.

But I guess nothing escapes my little bunny.

Her head popped in after she quietly cracked open my door.

“taeyeon?” a whisper came in.

“yeah?”

“wanna get a drink?”

I hesitated; I knew her “drink” is unquestionably not water or juice of any kind. We have work tomorrow so we need to wake early. But I can’t get any sleep like this and sunny didn’t seem like she was sleeping earlier either. I looked at the time, 1:30.

“I’ll make sure you won’t get drunk.” Seems like my bunny knows everything.

“sure.” I slipped out of my covers and sneaked to our kitchen without much sound. I saw sunny glance at my mismatching pajamas but she didn’t say anything, or laugh, which I thought she would do. It’s a pink shirt with a big hello kitty head on the front and a pair of washed out pale blue pajama pants.

Sunny took out some soju and beer, and two cups. “Remember when I said I would make you drinks when you felt down?”

I simply nodded, wanting her to continue her train of thought. But she stayed quiet and started mixing the two drinks together, professionally I might add.

The next thing I knew was drowning the alcohol to “get better sleep”. Of course sunny stopped me after a couple drinks, reminding me that I wasn’t drinking to get drunk.

I slowly twirled the cup around in my hands. “You all know?” It came out more like a statement more than a question. I could feel her eyes staring at me but it wasn’t making me uncomfortable. Silence accompanied us for a minute until she opened to reply.

“We don’t know until you tell us.”

“Including her?”

A slight shake answered my question. “She’s blind.” a slight pause, “She’s in love.” She broke our staring contest as she said this.

I knew she felt bad for me. A bitter chuckle came out of my mouth. “Even if this didn’t happen, we won’t be together anyways.”

A frown was seen on her face as she looked back to my eyes. “Why not?” She seemed really confused.

“I don’t plan on being together with her.” This time it’s me who looked away.

Silence again graced us with her presence.

“I guess it’s time for our kid leader to go to bed.”

Thank god she didn’t press me anymore; I don’t think I could say it out loud.

“Thanks for the drink.” I dropped my cup into the sink and help her put away the liquor.

A smile formed on her face, it’s not a happy smile, smirk, nor a sad smile, it’s more like an I-just-wanted-to-drink-but-I-still-care-for-you-smile. But I knew she loves me and that is enough for me.