I recommend listening to DBSK's Love in the Ice

Please read the lyrics when you're done reading this chapter. I thought it fit quite well. 

Kris slid into his bed that night, curling up against the pillows. He didn't want to fight his throbbing headache; the pounding music from the club was hammering against his skull. He didn't want to fight the images, her pretty face, her delicate smile, her innocent laugh. They were rushing in, bit by bit. He was being slapped across the face one second by the wind of dozen summers, then kneed and thrown back by the icy frost of last year's winter. 

He was dancing in the rain with her on a hot summer afternoon one moment, then eating dinner in a nice restaurant in another second. The tears streaked down his cheek, the blanket muffling his sobs as he whispered to the turbulent wind of memories. "I'm sorry Joohyun. I'm so sorry."

Day 500

It has been almost two years Kris-ah Yi Fan. It's been so hard, so hard loving you. It's a losing battle. Everyday - it's just so hard. I have to watch you slowly fall apart, become a shadow of the man I fell in love with. I have to watch you forget your friends, your parents, yourself. 

I'm scared. I'm scared - I can't hold on to you. 

I know you're forgetting me. The way you scrutinize my features everyday, eyes wide when you wake up in the morning beside me. Your heart races, your body stiffens - looking down at me when you think I'm asleep. Then you relax, and breathe in deeply - pulling me closer, your tears wetting the crown of my head, breaking apart my heart. 

All before the day even starts. 

I can't pretend forever. I can't lie to you - it's cruel. But wouldn't it be even crueler to tell you the truth? 

So let's just stay like this. 

I'll continue to remind you. I'll stay until you chase me out because I've become a stranger  - then I'll come back, and I'll reintroduce myself. We can start over when everything else is wiped away. Right?

Even when everything else fades away. I will still love you. I'll stay, and love you - only you. I promise. I promise. I promise. 

Yi Fan felt along the outline of her handwriting, his salty tears making the pages bleed blue ink. "I'm sorry." He couldn't say anything else - where was she? If she had promised to be by his side, then where was she now? How could she just up and disappear like that? 

He hated reading these journals - he really did. Why did it have to be so painful? It was just reading, yet it felt like he was looking into himself - a surgeon working on a patient without a single drop of anesthesia. He was being gutted and filleted into fine pieces, but he couldn't take his eyes away. 

A part of him was in here. A part of them was in here. 

He was starting to recall everything - the way they met by an old oak tree much like the one in his backyard right now, his sweet confession at midnight with the fireflies dancing along the grass. The fateful skiing trip - his fall over the edge of the snowy cliff, the blood in his vision that day - coloring his hands, her scarf - the beautiful snow turning many ugly colors. 

Her tears, his tears - them falling apart. Him forgetting. Her clinging on. The whispered apologies, the whisps of her favorite perfume. Their favorite movie, their first kiss. Her addiction to flower crowns. His hatred for coffee. 

He was reliving it through the journals. Everything was coming back, like someone was pouring cold water on his head. It was so cold that it shocked him, freezing his brain over.  

 

Day 525

Even if you forget how to love, I'll help you love again. Even if it's not me. It's not your fault, it will never be your fault. Don't blame yourself. If I hug you slowly at night, you'll remember me right? 

If our lips brush slightly in the morning, there's no way that you can forget right?

You've only asked me for my name once in my whole life. Back then, I was so happy that you were talking to me. And now - you're breaking me. I don't think my heart can take it.

"What's your name again?" You had asked over breakfast, shyly looking down at your food. Is heartbreaking that easy for you? You've torn me apart and put me back together countless times over the past two years. 

I tried not to cry, I really did. So I only stared hopelessly at my orange juice and reintroduced myself. Because what else could I do?

You're slipping away Kris-ah. How much longer can I hold on?

Today your eyes flickered in recognition, and you ran to hug me - apologizing over and over again. Until your voice was hoarse, and my voice came out all broken. You clung onto me today. Will it be like that tomorrow? The day after tomorrow?

I don't know. 

Yi Fan awoke to a blinding sunrise. Where did she go? Where was she? There was still a part of his memory that remained muddled, blurred. But that part came to him most often - tires screeching, screaming, crying, begging. All in a mashed up, mish mosh of terrifyingly bloody images he couldn't pull apart. 

He suddenly remembered the young gentleman from the club last night. He seemed to have an idea of what was going on. That young man was the answer, he could help him piece the puzzle together. Yi Fan needed him.

He would go, find the answers and bring his Joohyun back. 

He would bring her home. 

The story is coming to a close :) Please continue reading until the end my lovely subscribers! Thank you for your support.