Jong Kook sighed contentedly as his back hit the mattress. He’d arrived in Anyang at around two in the morning and thought it’d be better to just go to his apartment rather than risk waking his mother up. He was physically exhausted; it had been a long day for him and now all he wanted to do was sleep.

He found that he couldn’t fall asleep as the gears in his brain wouldn’t stop working. Jong Kook tossed and turned in his bed, adjusting his blankets and pillows numerous times until he finally gave up. He lay in the dark staring at the ceiling. Thinking about what’d happened between him and Ji Hyo that day (or was it yesterday, since it was the next day anyway?).

He recalled that they’d ended up walking to Ji Hyo’s house instead of taking the car. It was Ji Hyo who’d suggested it, saying that it’d be a waste of gas to drive to a house which wouldn’t take five minutes walking. It had been a good idea, Jong Kook thought, so he’d complied. Then again, at that point Jong Kook wouldn’t have denied her anything; he’d even have gone and get Ji Hyo an ice cream if the woman had asked him for one right then and there.

They’d walked side by side, close enough so that their shoulders would bump occasionally. It had started to become a habit for them not to talk when they were alone, probably afraid that exchanging words would end up in another debate (or worse, fight). Then halfway along the way their hands had started to brush against each other. Jong Kook hadn’t pulled away, and nor had Ji Hyo. Instead, the woman had then extended her pinkie and linked it with Jong Kook’s before then fully taking his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together.

Ji Hyo’s hot-and-cold signals were confusing for Jong Kook: she had been so adamant about not having any romantic feelings for him, that she had only seen him as a friend—a brother, even. Yet, all her actions were contradictory to what she’d been saying. Like when they had reached the front gate to her parents’ house and she’d refused to just let go of his hand.

…

Jong Kook looked at their intertwined hands and back at Ji Hyo’s face when she kept on holding on to him. She looked as if she wanted to say something, so he waited. Nothing. But as he was about to ask her if something was wrong, Ji Hyo suddenly pulled Jong Kook’s hand down a little so his knees were slightly bent.

The woman stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss on Jong Kook’s cheek, right next to his lips. It was a chaste kiss but it left a tingle on Jong Kook’s skin, making him wanting more. He balled his free hand into a fist, a reminder to control himself—they were in front of her parents’ house, for god’s sake!

“My dad has CCTV,” Ji Hyo said softly, stepping away from him and untangled their hands. She was blushing.

“Oh?” Jong Kook was dumbfounded. Then he caught on what she was implying and his ears turned red. “Ah! Right.”

“Good night, Jong Kook Oppa. Thanks for walking me home.”

...

Jong Kook’s phone vibrated on the nightstand and broke his train of thoughts. He frowned, glancing at the glow in the dark alarm clock on his bedside to see the number 2:48 am displayed.  Who would call him at this hour? He reached for his phone without turning on the light. His curiosity turned into worry when he saw the caller ID. Ji Hyo. He pressed the answer button.

“Ji Hyo?”

“Oppa.” Her voice was a whisper.

“What’s wrong?” Jong Kook pushed himself up to a sitting position, his back resting on the headboard.

“Were you asleep? Did I wake you up?” she paused, then, “Ah, silly me. Of course you were sleeping. Sorry I woke you up—I didn’t realize the time.”

“I wasn’t. Sleeping, that is. I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Oh?” she sounded surprised. “Then… what are you doing?”

“Thinking.” She asked him what about. “You. Me. Mostly about you.”

“Care to share?”

“Nah…” Jong Kook said, smiling when Ji Hyo grumbled to herself about him being a party pooper. He then turned the conversation around. “What about you? Why aren’t you sleeping? Are you okay?”

“Can’t sleep.”

“That’s new,” Jong Kook teased. He suppressed a yawn so that Ji Hyo couldn’t hear how tired he was. Rubbing his tired eyes and closing them, Jong Kook asked, “What’s wrong? What’s on your mind?” There was a long pause and Jong Kook thought Ji Hyo fell asleep. “Ji Hyo?”

“You,” came a breathed reply.

Jong Kook opened his eyes again. His heart started to speed up a little. “Me? What about me?” Another pause. Then he heard movements, like Ji Hyo was getting out of bed. He waited and listened carefully—from her muttered curses about it was being too cold, he suspected that she wasn’t in her room anymore. “What are you doing?”

“Moving to the porch. My sister is sleeping.”

“You’re wearing a jacket, aren’t you?” He didn’t want her to catch a cold.

“I am, Eomma,” Ji Hyo sassed. “Seriously, I’m not a toddler.”

He chuckled. “You act like one sometimes.”

“Pot? Meet Kettle.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jong Kook said. He was wide awake now. “So… you were saying?”

Ji Hyo hummed from the other side of the phone, stalling. “I… can’t stop thinking about what happened.”

“Yeah? Which one?”

“You.” A long pause. “Kissing me.”

If somebody had told Jong Kook two days ago that he’d be aroused from merely hearing two simple words, he’d probably have laughed at their face. But now it was happening. Ji Hyo’s mention of their kissing hit straight to his groin. Jong Kook kicked his blanket away, suddenly feeling warm. “What about it?” he croaked; his mouth felt dry.

“I like it.”

“Oh.”

“Is it wrong?”

“Why does it have to be?”

Ji Hyo sighed. “Because I don’t love you,” she said very slowly. “People shouldn’t like kissing—or be kissed by people they don’t love.”

“Maybe I’m just a great kisser,” Jong Kook said, trying to sound nonchalant. He was far from calm.

“And they say women are vain,” Ji Hyo replied. “But maybe you are.”

“Is there any possibility that you have feelings for me but just too—… I don’t know, afraid to admit it?”

“I don’t know.”

Not ‘I don’t’, Jong Kook noticed. Hope started to bloom in his heart. “Okay. What do you want to do about it, then?” It felt odd talking about this with Ji Hyo since it was about him. Perhaps this was a bad idea. But then it also meant she was talking to him. He’d chose this over no contact at all at any time.

“I’m not sure, Oppa. I want—ah, no.”

“What? Come on, you can talk to me.”

“This is silly. I shouldn’t have called you.” Ji Hyo was going to end the call but Jong Kook persuaded her not to. “The fact that I’m going to you about my feelings for you shows how many friends I have right now, you know?”

Jong Kook felt a tug on his heartstring. It was so sad that she thought she had no friends. “I can’t promise to be objective, of course, but well…”

“What if I don’t want you to be objective?”

He raised his eyebrows. “You want me to chase you.” He wasn’t sure himself if it was a statement or a question.

“I don’t know. More like, being patient? Until… until I’m sure?” The next part of Ji Hyo’s sentence floored Jong Kook. “And meanwhile… can we still… k-kiss?”

He was at a loss of words. Did Ji Hyo just say what Jong Kook thought she just said? Was he hearing right? She wanted him to keep kissing her even though she wasn’t sure about her feelings for him? What? “I must be dreaming.”

“You’re not.” He didn’t realize he’d said the last part out loud. “I’m real, Oppa.”

Jong Kook swallowed the invisible lump in his throat. There was nothing stopping the rapid beating of his heart and the warmth that was now spreading to his toes. “You want me to keep kissing you until you’re sure about whether or not you have feelings for me,” Jong Kook repeated her words.

“Yes?”

It was every man’s dream—having no ties but still having extra access. Jong Kook knew he’d supposed to be overjoyed by this fact. Oddly enough, he wasn’t. On the contrary, he was hurt. This wasn’t what he wanted—taking advantage of Ji Hyo. No. He loved her. It was true he wanted her, but not like this. No. “I… can’t.”

There was no reply from Ji Hyo, and Jong Kook knew she must have been mortified at this moment. She’d just told a man that she’d be willing to let him kiss her without any promise or understanding of a relationship. And he let her down without even considering it.

“Ji Hyo? Please, wait! Let me explain. Don’t… don’t hang up.” Jong Kook panicked. She kept silent, but not hanging up. Baby steps! “I told you before. We’ll take it slowly. I don’t want you to feel… obliged to accept my feelings when you don’t have any romantic feelings towards me, just because you want to— pay me back or anything. And kissing you… God knows how much I want to do it. But not like this. I want our kiss to be meaningful, to be an expression of love—not lust. I love you too much to give you less than that, Ji Hyo-yah.”

She said nothing.

“Please? Talk to me?”

“What if I want it to be casual?”

“You don’t mean that.”

Her laughter was dry. “What if I do?”

“I can’t. I’ll wait for you, but I’m not taking advantage of you. Never.  I’m not going to persuade you in any way—especially not like that.”

“Other men will jump at an opportunity like this, Jong Kook Oppa.”

“I’m not other men.”

“No, you’re Kim Jong Kook the Noble and Virtuous.” Ji Hyo exhaled loudly. “We get along a lot better when we don’t talk much to each other,” she pointed out.

“We’re fine like this.”

“How? We keep saying stupid things to each other.”

Jong Kook closed his eyes again, all the exhaustion that had left him temporarily was now returning in tenfold. “We’ll learn not to, with time.”

“Just like we’ll learn if I’ll fall in love with you or not.”

He shrugged, forgetting that Ji Hyo couldn’t see him. “Yeah, just like that.”

“Don’t act awkwardly towards me on Monday, Jong Kook Hyungnim.”

“You were the one who kept ignoring me,” Jong Kook reminded her. “Besides, if I’m to woo you into swaying my way, it’ll be counterproductive if I skitter around you, don’t you think?”

“So, you’re going to try to convince me to fall for you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. A man should keep his plans to himself.” He heard Ji Hyo snort. Then he heard another voice talking in the background—a male voice. Cheon Soo Kyung! Jong Kook froze. Uh oh, he thought.

A moment later, Ji Hyo spoke into the phone. “Oppa? My dad wants to speak to you. He…” her words trailed off as it seemed somebody was snatching the phone from her hand. The next voice that spoke through the speaker was Ji Hyo’s father.

“Kim Jong Kook-ssi? Do you realize what time this is now and what the temperature is out here?”

“Ah, Abonim.” Jong Kook bowed slightly even though the older man couldn’t see him. “I’m very sorry.”

“Get married if you want to spend the whole night having pillow talk with each other!” Jong Kook heard Ji Hyo’s ‘Appa!’ in the background. The older man laughed. “I’m kidding. But really, Jong Kook-ssi, please keep this nonsense talking through the night thing to a minimum. I don’t want my daughter to catch pneumonia because she wants privacy with you.”

Jong Kook assured him it’d be the last time he’d do this at the same time as Ji Hyo’s saying that she could just move back to her apartment. The two men exchanged a few more words before he handed the phone back to his daughter.

“Sorry about that,” she said, then said to her father that she’d be inside in a minute. “So… good night again, I guess?”

“Sleep well, Ji Hyo-yah.”

“Oppa too.”

They hung up. Jong Kook threw his phone onto the nightstand and lie on his back with an astonished look on his face. He swore he’d never had a weirder day in his life. He shifted onto his side and hugged his pillow, staring vacantly at the wall. The last thing he remembered before he finally fell asleep was the first light of the sun entering his room, giving a very nice reddish hue to his walls.

A/N: Of course Jong Kook Oppa will not agree, right? He's a gentleman!! 

I hope the italic format for the phone calls are not confusing. I also don't include Ji Hyo's feelings/reactions too much because this chapter is supposed to be from Jong Kook's POV.

And yes, this is another update because I don't think I can update anything next week. This may change, of course, if something is upsetting me up again (like today). I think I need a better coping mechanism. But at my age, all the bad habits are set in stone already. OH WELL. Anyway, hope you're enjoying this. And keep it up with the Spartace posts on IG, people! This lady needs her mood booster.