The silence in the semi-dark room was unnerving; Jong Kook felt his throat closed up, making it hard to breathe as he stared dumfounded at the empty bed. The feeling of this sudden loss, this realisation that he might have just lost the person he loved, was overwhelming and his heart constricted so painfully that he had to clench a hand over his chest to keep himself from groaning in agony. He wanted nothing but to crawl into a hole to nurse his wounds - the wounds that, this time, he inflicted upon himself.

Jong Kook draped an arm across his face, covering his eyes that had started to burn with hot tears. A wave of regret for not confessing his love to Ji Hyo washed over him, adding salt to the wound. In his mind he made thousands and thousands of excuses about not knowing before but in the end he realised that none of them were true. He did know – in his deepest heart he had always known; he was just too afraid to go there, fearing rejection. Look where it got him now.

A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye and Jong Kook wiped it with the back of his hand. It was embarrassing that a man of his size and age cried over a woman but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to care. Gender didn’t protect him from a broken heart – being a man didn’t make him invincible to emotional turmoil.

Feeling sorry for himself, Jong Kook pulled the blanket until it covered his face. The faint scent of Ji Hyo's still lingered on the material and it only intensified his yearning for the younger woman. Ignoring the mocking voice in his head that he was only fooling himself, he curled into foetal position with the blanket clutched tightly against his chest, pretending that it was Ji Hyo he was holding. He stayed for quite some time in the same position.

It was the thought of his mother’s marching into his room to wake him up with her no-nonsense attitude that finally brought Jong Kook out of his cocoon. He was pathetic enough without having to be seen by his mother. Trying to delay the confrontation that was bound to happen with the older woman, Jong Kook got up as slowly as possible – all the while keeping his head bowed, not wanting to see the bed. For some odd reasons had a hunch that Kim Sang Hae wasn’t on his side this time; the look she had been giving him since he returned home with Ji Hyo told him that much.

The older woman was far from pleased with her son and Jong Kook knew he deserved the cold shoulder, having screwed up badly. Her mother brought them up to be respectful towards women and even a fool knew that making a woman cry only then to kiss her without consent was nowhere near respectful. Cringing at the thought of what conversation he would be having later with his mother, Jong Kook sighed. He was so dead.

Gingerly, the muscular man stepped out of his room. He stuck his upper body out of the doorframe before actually going out, wanting to test the water. The house was relatively quiet, lack of the usual buzzing of housework being done in the morning, and Jong Kook frowned. Where was his mother? Was she that mad at him that she went out without telling him anything?

He turned to go to the kitchen but before he was halfway there he heard something from the opposite direction – something that halted his movement and made his stomach flutter. Ji Hyo’s voice.

Frozen in place for a second, Jong Kook turned his head to the direction of the porch from which he heard the woman’s voice. He waited, bracing himself for disappointment, when he heard it again – a faint laughter that was sweet music to his ears. Jong Kook’s heart began to beat wildly as he crossed the living room with four wide steps. He slowed down before he reached the porch, though, deciding upon peeking first over the traditional decorative separator. His eyes widened in an instant, hopeful.

There, sitting on the porch with her legs dangling over the wooden surface, was Ji Hyo. She was listening to his mother, who was regaling the younger woman with stories from his childhood, and Jong Kook had never seen a more beautiful view. His knees turned into jelly and he didn’t know if the effect was from the relief of seeing her in the house of if it was due to the sudden rush of desire that ran in his veins at the very sight of the woman.

From the look of it, it seemed that Ji Hyo had been awake for some time; her face looked fresh without any makeup, albeit still rather pale from the fever, and her shoulder-length hair was tied up into a ponytail, somehow making her look a lot younger. Jong Kook caressed the outline of Ji Hyo's face with his eyes in appreciation, tracing her jawline that moved as she spoke and down to her bare milky neck that made him squirm where he stood, longing to touch it. His heart palpitated for an entirely different reason now and Jong Kook couldn't help but wonder when he started to feel so physically attracted to the woman. As his eyes travelled lower, Jong Kook felt his mouth become dry when he saw what she was wearing.

Jong Kook's old shirt was far too big for Ji Hyo; the sleeves still reached past her elbows even after she folded it several times. The hem of the soft cotton material grazed her thighs teasingly, not quite reaching her knees. At a first glance, it seemed that she was wearing nothing else beneath the shirt and Jong Kook swallowed hard, balling his fists as his imagination ran wild. It was right then that the woman shifted on her seat, making the hem of the shirt ride up a little to reveal that she indeed wore something else. The problem was, the article of clothing underneath the shirt did nothing to tame all the blood in his body that seemed to be heading south, fuelling his desire – she was wearing his boxer. Jong Kook groaned inwardly, biting his inner cheek until he tasted blood to stop himself from aloud. His mother must have been crazy to let her borrow his clothes!

He felt dizzy all the sudden and staggered backward, stumbling upon the drawer behind him. The two women stopped talking and whipped their heads towards his direction. Jong Kook grinned sheepishly for being caught snooping but his grin faltered when he saw how Ji Hyo’s laughter died on her lips as she pressed them into a thin line. The gleam of mirth in her eyes dulled instantaneously and Jong Kook could see her shoulders tense up.

“Ji Hyo...” he began.

It took Kim Sang Hae a glance at the two young people to know that nothing had been resolved between them and it took her one look at her son to understand that her presence was not wanted. She could take a hint from the way Jong Kook's frown set between his eyes.

Nodding slightly so that only he son saw it, the stout woman stood up to leave; her movement stilled for a split second when her peripheral vision caught a panicked expression from their young guest, pleading for her not to leave them, and Sang Hae wondered if it was right to leave the two. However, she knew that she had no place to meddle with this complicated ordeal (besides, her son would never harm the woman – he was a gentleman) so she walked away after throwing Ji Hyo an apologetic look.

The tug in her heartstring told her that she truly felt for Ji Hyo and the older Kim found it amusing how easily it was she became fond of the younger woman. She still remembered that she had felt slightly jealous when her older son first introduced his girlfriend – who was now the daughter-in-law she truly adored – to her. “I must be getting old and mellow,” she mumbled to herself.

***

Awkwardness hung like a veil as soon as the older woman made herself scarce. For a moment Jong Kook stayed rooted on his spot, not quite knowing what to do. The urge to simply reach out and take Ji Hyo into his arms was so great that he found himself clenching and unclenching his fists rhythmically. Thinking that it was best to keep a good physical distance lest the temptation would be too strong to resist, Jong Kook opted to sit a bit far from the woman. He kept his eyes on Ji Hyo for some time before turning his head to face the backyard.

For some reasons, Ji Hyo was avoiding his eyes; she kept her head low, looking intently at a small crack on the wooden surface as if finding it fascinating. She was waiting for Jong Kook to speak first, to break the silence and at the same time Jong Kook waited for her to do the same. Silence filled the air with heavy tension, suffocating them as neither was willing to break the ice.

Jong Kook kept on glancing at his counterpart, unconsciously sighing in relief every time he found her still sitting next to him. He still couldn’t believe that she was really here; he was afraid that if he took his eyes off of her for too long she would vanish into a cloud of smoke. At times his gaze would linger, staying a little bit longer on the smaller form to put into his mind as many things as he could remember about her before looking away. Then he must have been lost in thoughts and stared for too long because when he realised it, he found himself looking straight at a pair of dark orbs that was Ji Hyo’s – the woman was raising her eyebrows at him and Jong Kook blushed for being caught ogling.

"What?" Ji Hyo posed menacingly to cover her nervousness for being stared at.

There was a faint sound inside his head and Jong Kook could swear it was the sound of an invisible iceberg broke between them. He blinked once before struggling to make his vocal cord work. “You’re still here,” he remarked in a soft whisper, fearing that were he to speak any louder Ji Hyo would go away.

His tone didn’t really convey if he was happy or sad about the fact that she was still around so Ji Hyo gave no comment. She simply nodded in acknowledgement, holding his gaze for another second before breaking the eye contact. The woman was more than aware of the quickening of her heartbeat whenever their eyes met, and of how her senses suddenly heightened at the mere presence of him. It was as if her body had a mind of its own – a mind that was so in tune with Jong Kook it made her helpless. She waited for a while for Jong Kook to say anything else and when he didn’t, Ji Hyo just let silence take over.

Ji Hyo felt as if she and Jong Kook were dancing around each other’s wounds – tiptoeing on a fragile eggshell; it was truly frustrating but she couldn’t find a word to say. Words seemed too superficial when it came to Jong Kook. And didn’t she say it herself? Every word they had exchanged did them more damage than good. She fidgeted, having a sudden temptation to leap and run away again. Bad idea, she reminded herself coolly.

"Seung Im," Jong Kook called, interrupting her train of musing.

There was something about how Jong Kook said her real name that sent a jolt deep in Ji Hyo’s core. She turned her head quickly to look at him, her brows knitted on the bridge of her nose. She waited for him to continue but nothing came out at first. She had a feeling that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to say anything but more because he didn’t know what to say to her. And true, his next words were so silly that she scoffed in reply.

"How are your feet?"

"I still can outrun you," she said flatly.

The casual answer was enough to lift a small amount of heavy burden on Jong Kook’s shoulder. He smiled weakly, the gears in his brain tried to find the right thing to say as he didn’t want to ruin this fragile civility that was starting to build. “That is disconcerting,” Jong Kook admitted truthfully. Upon the weird look she was giving him, he went on hesitantly, “I don’t want not to be able to find you if you outrun me.”

Ji Hyo knew that she should have been angry at his words; once again he voiced this same thing about not wanting to lose her but he said nothing about his true feelings for her. Instead, she could feel heat travel up her cheeks at his husky voice. She berated herself for being so easily affected by him physically and she was starting to be upset when her mind decided to distract her by replaying in her head the scenes from earlier that morning when she had just woken up. Ji Hyo mentally smacked her head to tell it to stop. This was not the time to think about it.

She cleared , noticing that their conversation had died down again to another bout of silence. “I called Sun Mi Unnie earlier,” she said, eyes still on the backyard. From the corner of her eye she saw how Jong Kook’s head snapped sideways in surprise. It was really as if the man had completely forgotten that the world was still turning around them. “I have a shooting schedule at four,” she informed.

"Oh," was his only reply. Jong Kook felt numb inside all the sudden, like his body was deciding to shut down completely just like that. A sudden dread rose up his neck at the mention of Ji Hyo’s leaving – most probably for good. He balled his fists until all the knuckles turned with, a motion that didn’t escape Ji Hyo’s eyes. He was so absorbed in his own musing that he missed how her expression softened a bit.

"Do you..." she hesitated for a second, eyes searching for an answer in Jong Kook’s, “Would you like to see the filming?”

Jong Kook hadn’t expected this; his jaw dropped and he literally lost all ability to speak, leaving his mouth opening and closing worldlessly like a fish taken out of the water. It wasn’t until after Ji Hyo had added quietly that he didn’t have to feel obliged to come if he didn’t wanted to was Jong Kook able to snap out of his semi trance. “No,” he hastily replied, not wanting Ji Hyo to change her mind, “No, Ji Hyo – I’d love to.” She exhaled at his answer and Jong Kook couldn’t decide if it was out of regret or relief that he gave a positive answer – and if he wanted to be selfish, actually he didn’t care. All he cared about was that he got to spend more time with Ji Hyo.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Jong Kook Oppa,” Ji Hyo said, feeling that she needed to establish an understanding between them. “I still stand by my decision about us being only friends without attachment. I invite you to come along with me as a friend, not as my boyfriend. I hope you understand.”

The flicker of hope in Jong Kook’s heart died in an instant the words hit home. He threw Ji Hyo a hurt look and before he could stop himself, he lashed out, “Funny that you said that I kept hurting you when you are doing the exact same thing to me.”

Ji Hyo was about to say something but she stopped. A knowing smile spread in her face. The woman brushed a strand of hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. She scoffed sadly. “Do you see what you are doing? What we are doing to each other?” she pointed out calmly, “You hurt me. I hurt you back for hurting me. You retaliate by hurting me again for hurting you back. This vicious cycle has to stop, Oppa. I dont’ want to fight with you anymore – I’m tired of all our fights. I want us to be friends like before; Oppa, we used to be better friends before we pretend to be something we are not.”

“Sorry,” he apologised in embarrassment.

“Don’t be,” Ji Hyo said, shaking her head. “I know you can’t help it. My first instinct was to strike back at you, getting even. It’s not going to solve anything, is it, if I said something that would hurt you?”

“No, it’s not.”

She scooted closer to him and reached out a hand to rest on his knee. The sensation of the touch was too much for the two of them, and both knew it – felt it. Ji Hyo retracted her hand right away like she had just touched a burning coal.

“I care very much about you, Kim Jong Kook; I hope you know that,” she said with a crack in her voice. “I wish our situation was less complicated but it isn’t.”

“Faking a relationship was a very stupid decision, wasn’t it?” Jong Kook asked. “That was a spur of the moment decision because I didn’t know it would be like this.”

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Oppa.”

Jong Kook scoffed at the expression. “Isn’t that true?”

“So, Jong Kook Hyungnim, I’m putting the ball in your court. You and I – friends?”

It had been quite a time since she called him ‘Hyungnim’ and Jong Kook smiled despite himself. He could feel his head bob into a nod before he fully realise what he was doing, feel his mouth speak his agreement before he could stop himself. No, Kim Jong Kook! Tell her you love her! Beg her to love you! a part of his brain screamed, pleading with him to take that back. He didn’t.

You stupid fool! Yelled his brain at him, you are hurting yourself! Was he? Yes, he was so hurt and it felt like she was only an inch from death. But it was a fact that Ji Hyo was hurt too, no matter what she said; he could see it in her eyes. Still, here she was; she wanted to salvage what was left from their broken friendship and willing to suffer for it. Who was he to deny her that? Jong Kook reminded himself that this was the least he could do for her.

He loved her enough to do what was asked of him and yet, ironically, he couldn’t bring himself to say those wretched words that may have changed everything; he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he really, truly loved her. 

A/N: I know that most (if not all) of you are not satisfied with this chapter. I myself am not really happy with the turn of the event. This chapter was so very mundane and absolutely different from what I had planned. If you think that you could really do without it, I am so sorry for that. 

Before you start bashing me about leaving things out, though, I want to assure you that I haven't forgotten about the kiss and some other issues that need talking about. I am going to explore them in a separate chapter after this one. Initially I planned to cram everything into this one chapter for convenience purposes but then I decided against it as it would make this chapter too long and I would be forced to cut some things just to keep it easy to read. I take it from my personal experience that I tend to find a chapter confusing if it deals with too many issues at the same time. Again, I apologise if it isn't the case with you.

Anyway, thank you very much for reading this chapter and please drop a word or two to let me know what you think about it. Have a pleasant weekend, dearies. 

Ps. as usual, my story is not beta-ed. Expect typos and grammatical errors (sorry).