When the first rays of the sun lightened up the room and landed on her face, Hana awoke. She kept her eyes closed, though, and took a deep breath, before she pulled the blanket up to hide her face from the sun's light. Several minutes passed until she finally pushed the blanket away and stood up. Automatically, she walked to the window and opened it. A soft wind greeted her and the sun's warmth cupped her face gently. She'd be content about the weather – it was perfect to sit at the lily pond – if not for the fact that she didn't intend to go to the lily pond today.

Hana breathed in an out slowly, looking at the sky. After having realized Luhan's circumstances – or rather being reminded – she had been so shocked and disappointed with herself that she had stayed at the lily pond for a long time, not doing anything and just staring at where Luhan disappeared to because her mind had been a mess. Unable form any coherent thoughts, she had just stared. And then, after twenty minutes, she'd finally managed to force herself to go back to her room, but her mind was still a mess then.

When she had gotten back to the hospital, she had seen a few nurses rushing through the corridor and she had caught one name being said: Luhan.

Hana knew that kind of rush from the nurses that had taken care of her when her injuries were still bad. When the patient was feeling only slightly unwell, they'd usually run around, informing the doctor, getting the medication. She had seen an IV package in one of the nurses hands and immediately knew it was for Luhan. Probably vitamins and minerals to strengthen him.

Because unlike hers, his health wasn’t good.

Another wave of guilt, disappointment and anger at her self had rushed through her at that moment. It was as if cold water had hit her to get the facts  clear in her mind. Luhan had quite a few issues on his own, his life was nowhere better than hers – if anything, it was worse – and yet she was burdening him.

How dumb. How idiotic. How selfish.

Hana had been thinking about Luhan for the whole night, wondering why he wasn't complaining at all, asking herself how she became so oblivious of his circumstances, scolding herself ... And she had come to the decision not to go to the pond today – and maybe for a while – because she didn't want to burden him so much anymore.

The images of him losing his strength the day before flooded her mind. The sound of his unsteady breathing, the feeling of his body against herd, all that made the girl a mental mess – even more than she already was – and she took another shaky breath before she closed the window. Even if a part of her wanted to see him, the other one refused to let her. She needed a while for herself, in order to settle all the emotions, in order to realize that she couldn't just rely on Luhan, in order to understand him.

Why was he never saying anything about himself? Why did he seem so content with everything? Hana couldn’t remember him ever complaining. But why was that so?

The thoughts didn’t want to stop, continued endlessly, and at some point Hana wanted to stop thinking about. But, it was impossible. There was just so much she didn’t know, so much she wanted to know. Not leaving her room, she continued her thoughts from yesterday. Time passed slowly in her room. The tablet with her meal on it still laid on the table, untouched – she didn’t have any appetite – and she was still wearing her pajamas. After a few hours though, the girl slowly changed into a chemise and a jeans, but she still didn’t leave her room.

Throughout the next hours, her expression remained dull and her head felt as if it was close to spinning from all the thoughts. Her heart though, didn’t feel like it was spinning; it was more of a pulling – painful and suffocating.

Only then did the girl realize what kind of an effect Luhan's company had on her. He was like her … salvation. He calmed her down with talks about unnecessary things, as well as interesting things – but on the whole their talks didn’t have a purpose, they just talked and talked in their own little world while reality rushed past them. Still, this world was closer to reality than Hana's, and she was glad to be a bit closer to the thin string of reality. Luhan was saving her from the world, as well as from … herself.

But with that realization, came another one: she relied on him too much. She was only taking, not giving. It was still unbelievable for the girl that the male did all that for her, wasted his precious time for her. In all honesty, what did she do to receive such kindness? She didn’t know it.

Maybe, she thought after a while, he's honestly content with life. Maybe everything worked out perfectly until the illness. Maybe he has no regrets … maybe. She didn’t even know if her assumptions made sense, but at the same time there was no proof that they were absolutely wrong … Simply because of one thing: she was completely unknowing as to Luhan. Although the male had been able to become such a big part of her life, to her he was like … water.

When she tried to define his color, she could only see the color he was standing in front of. It was as if he himself didn’t have a color; was translucent. When she tried to grasp him, he slipped through her fingers like liquid. But at the same time he was surrounding her, warming her up when she felt cold, cooling her down when everything was burning. He was vital for her.

Hana stood up from her bed with a jolt. And that was the problem. He couldn’t be vital for her, not when she was contributing nothing to his well-being. No, she thought with a bitter expression.

The girl stayed in her room for the rest of the day, not wanting to go out. The spinning of her thoughts subsided, but only because she was lying on her bed, eyes closed, and trying to escape into her world again. It was the easiest way to avoid thinking too much – it was the way only a coward would choose.

Night arrived sooner than Hana expected, as she had fallen asleep. Her nap had remained dreamless though, which was a first, as the girl always dreamed – whether it was a good dream or a nightmare didn’t matter. Pushing away her blanket, she walked to the window and just stared outside. Had Luhan gone to the pond today? Had he waited for her? But he's probably resting, she reminded herself. The memory of the IV in the nurse's hand rushed through the girl and she slowly walked back to her bed. The nurses most-likely wouldn’t let him out, but during the time Hana had spent with him, she knew he was someone who wouldn’t stay in the hospital. But then again, what did she know?

Damn it, the girl thought, running a hand through her hair. Every single thought regarding Luhan ended up creating new questions. Maybe, I should just stop thinking. Not feeling like doing anything, the girl w