A few hours after the showcase, i have to pack my bags and get ready to leave. I can't even pack my bags properly. I can't even bring myself to leave this place, i have too much memories with Kai, too much love, too much passion.

But i can't return here because, i'm not the kind of family that can afford a plane ticket anytime, i have troubles back at home, i have a family to support, and getting by day by day is really difficult for me. How can i sustain this relationship? i really wonder my bravery and recklessness sometimes.

I held onto my phone which i had Kai's number with. Not only his number, but pictures of us. Selcas that we took. How can i just leave this boy like this. I can't, i must go through this relationship as promised. Before i pack my last few items, my teacher handed my a disc.

"It's a gift from SM, the first disc is a compilation of all your showcases and the second one is your own"

They had our part recorded. 

As i proceeded out of the SM building, i smiled at it and bid goodbye to the building. I know Exo have went out for an interview that's why they are not around.

"Goodbye Kai, i wont be able to physically meet you from now on. But i'll keep this relationship last and secret of course"

With that, i flied off and returned to my home country.

I arrived home around 3am in the morning and quickly played the second disc. I saw how we danced and sing so beautifully that i cried because that song was our promise to each other, to love each other more than a thousand years. Just as the video ended, credits were shown as per normal, i decided to get up to get myself some tissue to wipe my tears when i heard Kai's voice. I turned around and saw the disc playing with Kai in it.

He did a self-video for me?

" Ara, i'm sorry i cannot be there when you've left but do know that i still love you and i still hope you didn't give up on me because i can never have someone like you ever in my entire life, or my next life or forever perhaps because you're the only one right here, right now. Please be strong, please don't give up on us...*sniffs* i'm sorry if i'm crying but i wished that we were just a little bit more closer, at least born in the same country or something because i can't stand being so far from you, i can't but i'll live with it cause i love you and i'll go through it with you remember? i promised and i will fulfill it. Please await my return. Saranghae Ara, yeongwonhi "

With that the video ended. i just teared but with happiness because i understood what his heart feels. I promise you too Kai.

Over the few weeks, we texted each other, video called and so on. I can never be happier although we are doing it in secret but i love it.

but for how long can i stand this?