A thin arm shot out from under the duvet, long fingers groping the beeping gadget for it’s snooze button. He had completely no intention of getting up, why would he, when the only thing awaiting him was hours of sitting in cramped classrooms with a bunch of hooligans, listening to graying adults babbling on and on about subjects he had surpassed his classmates in. No, no intention at all.

He had slowly drifted off to sleep after being rudely awaken by his alarm clock—which he had a huge desire to hurl at a wall—when it was his cell phone’s turn to deprive him of beauty sleep. He grunted and his hand shot out again, only this time to grab his phone.

“Hello?” He snarled, eyes not showing signs of opening.

“Well, excuse you, Mr. Grumpy.” His irritation had somewhat been patted down by the voice on the other end of the line.

“What is it, Saejin?”

“Were you still sleeping before I called you?”

“No,” he mumbled, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

“I sure do believe you,” the girl snorted. “Hurry up, you’re going to be late, no, we are going to be late. I’m right outside your house. And if you’re going to take your own sweet time, I will have no choice but to barge in on Mr. and Mrs. Byun’s lovely morning coffee.”

“You talk too much. Goodbye,” he sniffed and pressed the End Call button before finally lifting his bum off the bed and shuffling over to the bathroom. After washing up and making sure his hair wasn’t looking like a bird’s nest, he dressed and jogged down the stairs.

“Good morning,” Mr. Byun called, not lifting his gaze from his newspaper.

“Morning,” he replied, snatching a piece of toast and shoving it into his mouth, all while slipping on his shoes in record time.

“Goodbye,” Mrs. Byun waved, setting down her cup of coffee.

“Bye,” the loud slam of the door announced his departure. He fixed his tie while skipping down the steps of his porch, mildly acknowledging the girl who was getting impatient.

“I’ll take that,” Saejin plucked the bread out of his mouth, his teeth tearing away a corner of the bread.

He chewed and swallowed. “That was my breakfast, Saejin.”

“And now it’s mine, Baekhyun,” Saejin replied coolly, popping a piece into . “Did you study for the test?”

“Do I look like I have to study?” Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, eyeing Saejin’s—no, his—toast that was slowly disappearing.

Saejin didn’t even look at him, but raised a hand and smacked him upside the head, finishing the last of Baekhyun’s breakfast. “Why am I friends with you?”

“Because I am the only thing separating you from Loserville,” Baekhyun snorted, and her lips twitched in annoyance. Saejin opened to deliver a snarky comment, but shut it, knowing he was right. She and Baekhyun have been closest friends since they were in diapers. How she managed to not put ants in his underwear drawer whenever he irritated her was something Saejin still had trouble figuring out. However, he could have at least repacked that statement so it wouldn’t feel like a slap to the face.

It wasn’t that Saejin did something to make everyone not want to be friends with her; it was Saejin that didn’t want to be friends with anybody else. It was just her nature to be painfully shy and soft spoken.

Ha. Baekhyun could provide anybody who thought that way a list of counter-arguments that was long enough to cover the 63 Building lengthwise.

But really, Saejin was painfully shy and awkward with people, especially strangers. Apart from Baekhyun, she didn’t have any other friends.

“Fine,” she sounded, crossing her arms in defeat.

“What would you do without me?” He smiled charmingly, draping his arm over her shoulder.

“Commit social suicide,” Saejin shrugged him off. The two managed to make it to school without ripping each other’s heads off. They had barely walked two meters into the main hallway of the school when a certain girl came bounding towards them.

“Baek!” She said, voice awfully high pitched, but not high enough to be irritating.

“Hey, sweetie,” Baekhyun let the girl wrap her arms around his.

“Hello Saejin,” the girl smiled, and Saejin deemed it polite enough.

“Hi, Sena,” Saejin tried smiling like her, but she must’ve looked like a maniac because the girl shrunk back a little. Sena was a cute girl of a petite size. Her shoulder length hair was a brown-almost-black colour. If Sena was beautiful in Saejin’s eyes, she was beautiful in everybody’s eyes. It was no wonder Baekhyun would fall for a girl like her.

“I’ll leave you guys to talk,” Saejin muttered, trying her best not to sound bitter, and scurried off to her locker.

You can’t feel this way, Saejin, you can’t. Baekhyun’s your best friend, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Saejin chanted that in her mind, willing her heart to stop hurting. She entered her locker combination and swung the door open, well, she tried, but it just wouldn’t open. Saejin fought not to scream at the locker, for some odd reason, the door was always stuck, and it required the strength of a gorilla to open it, which Saejin obviously did not possess. Baekhyun’s been helping her with it ever since the problem occurred, not saying that he was a gorilla.

“You need help?” A deep voice sounded beside her ear. Saejin yelped so loudly she couldn’t hear the rest of the guy’s sentence. After being stared at for five seconds with wide and confused eyes, Chanyeol figured she didn’t manage to catch his question. “I said; do you need help?”

“Oh,” Saejin’s eyes travelled to her locker which was still stubbornly shut tight and took a step back, indicating for Chanyeol to help. He easily pried open the door within a blink of an eye, and Saejin wondered if she was just weak or Chanyeol was a gorilla. And she didn’t particularly like her options.

“No ‘thank you’?” Chanyeol asked, making way for Saejin to access her locker.

“Thank you,” she muttered and retrieved her books. Saejin realized Chanyeol had no intention of leaving and couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably under his intense gaze. She craned her neck to look at him, asking in a small voice, “Is there anything else you need?”

He grinned, almost maniacally. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No,” Saejin said a little too snappily than intended. She knew Chanyeol was hurt when his eyes dimmed and he lowered his gaze.

“Well, alright. See you around, Saejin,” Chanyeol smiled nonetheless and waved. Saejin gave him a curt nod before he walked off. She had began her journey to class when Baekhyun materialized beside her, panting.

“Why’d you disappear so fast?” He questioned between breaths.

“Because I was not in the mood to watch a couple make out with such heated passion,” Saejin snapped, feeling irritated by him for some reason.

“We were not making out,” Baekhyun muttered, cheeks taking on a light shade of pink.

“I’m not interested in knowing, Baekhyun,” Saejin sighed, hugging her books. Baekhyun sensed her mood and backed off, nodding silently with a small smile gracing his lips. He made sure Saejin got to class safely before making his way to his own. Baekhyun sat and immediately felt like going home. He eyed his classmates and tried not to roll his eyes at their immaturity. Baekhyun shut his eyes and comforted himself that he’d be out of here in no time and by Sena’s side. He fixed his gaze on the clock hanging above the board and watched as the hands ticked. But it only made him groan and plant his forehead on his desk, earning a few looks from his classmates.

Baekhyun sat up abruptly again, muttering incoherently to himself, before slipping out of the classroom. He still had fifteen minutes before classes started, and no way in hell was he spending fifteen minutes of his life sitting amongst a bunch of freaks. Baekhyun’s feet led him to Saejin’s classroom, and a bright smile lit his features when he found her sitting at her assigned seat, glaring daggers at the bunch of "circus animals", as she would call them whenever she complained to him about them.

“Saejin,” he called, and all head turned towards him. Baekhyun wagged his fingers, beckoning her over with a smile that sent her female classmates swooning.

“I am comfy here and don’t feel like getting up,” Saejin sniffed, deadpan.

“Oh, come on,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes and marched towards her, snatching her wrist and pulling her out, much too dramatically for Saejin’s liking.

“Thanks for ruining it,” she muttered.

“Ruining what?”

“My plans on keeping a low-profile this year. I’ve been doing a good job the past six months, you know,” Saejin grumbled, wriggling her wrist out of his grasp.

“Well, fine, forget about that banana muffin I was going to buy you and go back to keeping a low-profile,” Baekhyun retorted pointedly.

“Banana muffin, you say,” Saejin grinned.

“That’s the Saejin I know,” he chuckled leading them to the cafeteria. He bought a muffin and shared it between them.

“You know, if you keep doing this, Sena’s not going to be happy,” Saejin voiced, picking at her half of the muffin.

Baekhyun was rather quick to dismiss this. “She knows there’s nothing between us.”

Ouch.

“Right, of course,” Saejin lowered her eyes and forced herself to eat.

“She likes you, she says you look like her younger sister, cute cheeks and all,” he went on to say, eyes just casually sweeping over the room while he spoke.

“Boy, am I honoured,” she murmured, rolling her eyes. Saejin finished her muffin and stood up to walk away, Baekhyun struggled to keep up with her.

“Am I going to see you after school so we can go home together?” Baekhyun asked as they neared her classroom.

“No,” was all she said before entering. Baekhyun twisted his lips, already used to her behavior, and went back to his own. Baekhyun spent the day doodling on his notebook. He had drawn Saejin with a hybrid of a pig and elephant’s body, and snickered to himself. It took him quite a while to notice that his seat partner had scooted a good distance away from him. Might as well, it wasn’t like Baekhyun actually appreciated his existence anyway. The day passed much too slowly for Baekhyun, but he found himself being the first ones to leave the room when the last bell rang.

He found Saejin wrestling with her locker door, and unfortunately but not surprisingly, she was losing out to an inanimate object. Baekhyun quickened his pace and shoved her aside, pulling open her locker door with ease.

“No need to manhandle me,” Saejin rubbed her aching arm and palmed Baekhyun’s face away. Baekhyun chuckled while she deposited her books. Saejin slammed the door shut and slid the metal door a distasteful look before leaving.

“How was your day?” Baekhyun asked, and she inwardly groaned. He always threw this question at her every day, like it was some sort of tradition that only he seemed to be familiar with. Saejin always had trouble coming up with an answer to appease him.

“I had fun,” Saejin’s eye twitched at the last word. “What about you?”

“I spent my day drawing a piglephant with your face on it,” Baekhyun answered primly.

“How productive,” Saejin side-eyed him. She was starting to question the possibility of him scoring so well on tests when he behaved like that nearly all the time. They got onto the bus, yakking about topics that were nothing of significance the entire time. Baekhyun ensured she was safely home before crossing the road to his own. After a shower, he immediately sat down to complete his homework. Saejin knew this routine of his, and couldn’t help but narrow her eyes at it. She was a natural procrastinator, always leaving things to the last minute. “If it can be done tomorrow, I shan’t do it today” was her motto.

Weeks passed, and the only thing that kept Saejin from losing her sanity was her birthday that was tomorrow. She and Baekhyun would always celebrate it together with her family; it was a tradition that had been going on for eight years. Another reason why she was so excited was because she remembered him promising to buy her a tamagotchi sometime in the start of the year, and she was far from letting him off on that. But lately, Baekhyun’s been busying himself with preparing for his and Sena’s fifth monthsary which was tomorrow as well. He had made no mention of her birthday, and Saejin decided not to bring it up, just in case he was planning a big surprise and was just pretending to forget.

“Baek,” Saejin drawled, pushing her food around with her fork. “Can you come over tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? Why?” Baekhyun asked, casually flipping the page of his comic book. Saejin stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to crack a smile and say ‘of course I will, it’s your birthday, isn’t it?’ After a minute of silence, Baekhyun still hadn't said anything along those lines, and Saejin felt her heart sink.

He forgot.

Knowing that telling him would only put Baekhyun in a tough spot, Saejin decided to keep mum about it. She didn’t want to have Baekhyun choose between her and Sena, already having an idea who he’d choose. And besides, he and especially Sena would be disappointed that they couldn’t celebrate their monthsary properly. But even after all these years, the fact that it was still possible for Baekhyun to forget her birthday showed that she wasn't as important to him as she had wanted herself to be. She knew just one person upset was better compared to two, and Saejin would just have to it up.

“Oh, you know, it’s a Saturday and all, I figured you could come over and we’d play Mario Kart together or something,” Saejin shrugged and looked at her food, losing the last of her appetite.

Baekhyun looked up from his book with a thoughtful expression before saying, “Can’t. It’s our fifth monthsary tomorrow. You know how long I’ve been planning this. It’s going to be perfect, no, it has to be perfect.”

Saejin stared at the boy long and hard. “I’m sure it will.”

The next day, Baekhyun had forced himself to get up earlier than usual, surprising both his parents and himself that he actually managed to accomplish this feat. He dressed and prepared, making sure he was looking presentable for this special occasion. As he bid farewell to his parents and left through the front door, Saejin watched from her bedroom window. She sighed as he disappeared down the street and retreated back inside. Saejin glanced over at the window she recognized to be Baekhyun’s, and a fond memory began replaying in her head. She and Baekhyun would always shout at each other from the window instead of just calling, they said it was fun that way, but their parents didn’t think so. They would often get yelled at to shut up, and sometimes by their neighbours as well.

Saejin washed up and headed down, today felt like every other day, and not like the day she had come into this world, 18 years ago. When she arrived in the living room, she was immediately pounced upon by her parents who showered her with birthday greetings and well wishes. Saejin plastered on a smile and hugged them both, trying to offer herself some comfort that just because Baekhyun wasn’t here, it didn’t mean she couldn’t have a blast.

But he always celebrated my birthday with me. This year would’ve been our ninth if it wasn’t for that Sena— no, Saejin, you can’t think like that. Baekhyun has every right to be with his girlfriend, you’ll just have to make do.

“Don’t feel sad that Baekhyun couldn’t make it today, alright?” Her father squeezed her shoulder and sunk his hand into his back pocket. Saejin smiled and watched as he pulled out his wallet, handing her a credit card. “Do as you please today. Just for today.”

Saejin took the card hesitantly, eyes wide with surprise. “Seriously? You’re just going to give it to me like that?”

“Not give, lend, but yes, I am just going to lend it to you like that. Get yourself something nice,” her father grinned and she accepted the card gratefully. After having breakfast together, Saejin took a quick shower and left for town. It was such a rare occasion that her father would just hand her his credit card like that, and she wasn’t going to let this golden opportunity slip by like that, no, she was going to pamper herself today. Today was going to be all about her. No Baekhyun, no Sena, just her.

Saejin spent the afternoon going in and out of the different shops in the mall, almost every time gaining a new bag on her arm when she left a shop. She figured the new clothes were enough to last her two weeks, and visited a café instead to rest her legs before heading home. The place was rather empty, as it was long past the lunch hour rush, and still too early for dinner rush. Saejin got herself a green tea latte, and when the employee asked if she wanted anything else, her eyes fell to the display case that had a wide array of different pastries and cakes.

“An Oreo cheesecake,” Saejin said and got her card ready. She found a seat in her own corner—Saejin loved corners—and settled down, letting out a sigh of content from the comfort the chair offered after being on her feet for nearly three hours. She fiddled with her phone while she waited for her order. Her finger hovered over Baekhyun’s contact, wondering if it would be a good idea to tell him it was her birthday, but she decided against it, reminding herself that today was just going to be about her. A series of greetings caught Saejin’s attention, and she turned to see what the commotion was about.

“You’re early today,” the employee who had taken her order said to a tall male who had entered the café. She supposed the tall one worked here, and he was simply taking over the shift. Losing interest, she ignored the scene and sipped her drink.

“What are you talking about, Sehun, I’m always early.” Saejin’s eyes widened when she heard the unmistakable voice of Park Chanyeol. She spun around and her eyes confirmed her suspicion. 

“I would provide you a whole list of reasons as to why that statement is such a huge lie, but you have a table to serve. That lady in the corner,” she heard the one called Sehun say to Chanyeol. She bit her lip and sunk into her seat, hoping she would just disappear from this world. She sensed him approaching and braced herself for human interaction.

“Green tea latte and Oreo— Saejin?”

The said girl groaned inwardly and offered him a small, meek smile.

“Yoon Saejin, not Oreo Saejin,” she mumbled.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol’s eyes curved into sweet crescent moons as he smiled. “Oh, and happy birthday.”

Saejin blinked rapidly, trying to register his words. “How’d you know?”

“I, um, I just. Um, I—”

“Thank you,” Saejin cut his incoherent ramble off. There was finally someone who was more awkward at speaking to strangers than she was, and she thought it was kind of cute. “Thank you for remembering.”

Chanyeol’s eyes flickered to the empty seat across and seemed to realize something. He gave Saejin the warmest smile he could muster and said, “You need some company?”

Saejin stared into the boy’s hopeful eyes and nodded, feeling a sharp pang in her chest that it wasn’t Baekhyun’s eyes that she was looking into, but someone she barely knew. Thankfully, Chanyeol remained silent as they sat. Saejin wasn’t in the mood to speak; she was afraid that if she did, her voice would waver and crack, showing Chanyeol how vulnerable she was at that moment.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back,” Chanyeol got up and dashed off, disappearing behind the door that had a Staff Only sign on it. Saejin continued to sip her drink casually; fingers clenched tightly around her phone in case Baekhyun might suddenly remember her birthday. A minute after he disappeared, Chanyeol came back with a small candle and lighter in hand. He stuck the candle onto the slice of cheesecake and lit it, singing a sweet birthday song in that deep, resonating voice of his.

As she watched the flame flicker, hot tears stung the back of eyelids, and she felt a lump in .

“How was it? Did I sing well?” Chanyeol asked, reaching over to wipe the tear that had snuck past her mental dam. Saejin bit her lip, vision blurred with tears, and nodded stiffly. She was immensely grateful to Chanyeol, but she just couldn’t find the right words to thank him. Saejin’s tears had begun to dry up when the bell hanging by the door of the café tingled, signaling new customers.

“I have to go, sorry. Smile more, alright?” Chanyeol once again flashed a charming grin and slipped out of his seat, resuming his rightful place behind the counter. Saejin finished her drink and half of the cake, bidding Chanyeol a quick farewell and thanking him before leaving the café. The sun was beginning to set as she walked down the pavement towards the nearest bus stop. She eyed her shoes as they padded against the ground, and the phone which had been so tightly clenched between her fingers and palm vibrated. Her gaze shifted down to the name on the screen. Saejin let out a shuddering breath before accepting the call.

“Saejin? Oh my god, Saejin, I am so sorry!” She could sense the guilt and panic in his voice, and fought back another wave of tears.

“Don’t be. I’m fine,” she mentally praised herself for not messing those four words up.

“No, no, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to forget!”

“It’s fine,” Saejin rolled her eyes and stopped at the traffic light to wait for it to turn green.

“It was just— I was just so busy with Sena and today, I was so tired, I—”

“I said it’s fine!” Saejin yelled, and the old lady standing nearby gave her a distasteful glance. But Saejin could care less about bitter old ladies at that point of time.

“Look, Chanyeol told me where you are. I’m just a minute away, stay in that café, I’ll come get you. Uncle, please hurry,” she heard Baekhyun say the last sentence from a distance away.

“And what, Baekhyun? What will you do once you get me? Just forget it. Go home, go back to Sena.”

“Saejin, I know you’re upset, but—”

“Upset? No, I am not upset, Baekhyun. I am everything but upset, I am everything but jealous!” Saejin didn’t bother holding back; her voice was a shrill screech. Baekhyun shut his eyes and exhaled deeply. The light turned green.

“Uncle, just gun it,” she heard him say. “Saejin, please.”

“I hate—” The line went dead as the taxi screeched to a halt, and Baekhyun lurched forward with the motion, phone flying out of his grasp. He smashed his face on the back of the driver’s seat and it took him a full minute to regain his bearings. As his vision cleared and the pain in his head was reduced to a dull pounding, Baekhyun looked through the windscreen and felt every single hair on his body stand. He stared at the scene long and hard, a gazillion thoughts racing through his mind.

Get out of the car, Baekhyun.

He heard a voice say. Baekhyun blinked and fumbled out of the taxi. Dread filled his lungs with every step he took, and finally, he collapsed on his knees before the figure.

“No…” His voice was a pained whisper. Lying before him was a Saejin using every ounce of her depleting strength to keep breathing. Her eyes were open, but hazy, and Baekhyun could almost feel the pain she was experiencing at that moment. He took her icy cold hand in his and leaned over her face. At this distance, he could hear her raspy gasps for air, and he felt the bile rise up his throat.

“Please, Saejin, please,” Baekhyun murmured. His heart wrenched and twisted as if a balloon sculptor was shaping his heart into different things. “Call an ambulance, someone pleasecall an ambulance. My best friend is dying, please.”

The old woman who had witnessed everything fumbled through her purse. In her hazy state, Baekhyun’s words managed to register in her mind.

Best friend. That is all she’ll ever be until her last moment. She was going to die as nothingmore than a best friend of Byun Baekhyun.

“Saejin, don’t close your eyes. Keep them open, stay with me,” Baekhyun choked out a sob as his hands roughly held her deathly pale cheeks. The physical pain she was feeling right now, her backwards leg, her broken ribs and pierced lung, was nothing compared to the emotional pain at the sight of her Baekhyun crying.

He was crying. And he never cried.

Baekhyun was crying for her, but Saejin wanted him to cry for her for a different reason. Maybe one day when she had accomplished something amazing, and Baekhyun would be so happy he’d shed tears of joy. Or maybe one day the tables turned and it was Baekhyun having a one-sided crush on her instead, and he was crying because she had rejected him.

Saejin wanted him to cry for every other reason except for the fact that she was dying. Because that wasn’t the kind of Baekhyun she wanted to see in the final moments of her life.

“Stop,” she uttered as the image of Baekhyun flickered for a split second before coming back to normal. He was looking at her. Not lovingly, not fondly. He was looking at her with eyes full of remorse and pain. And she wondered if Baekhyun could’ve just pretended like he loved her, so she would go with the memory that her feelings were reciprocated. Her last wish was for him to stop crying. Stop crying for her, and stop crying for the wrong reason.

“You’re not going to die, Saejin, trust me. The ambulance is on its way here. Just hang on until then, okay? Please, promise you’re not going to give up on yourself, and that you’re not going to give up on me.”

“Don’t cry. This isn’t how I want to remember you. I don’t want my last image of you to be crying.”

“No, I’m going to keep crying, because this isn’t going to be your last, you’re not going to die,” Baekhyun sounded hysterical. Her body was literally crumbling bit by bit, as much as she wanted to hear his voice and listen to his words, her mind couldn’t register most of what he was saying, it was slowly starting to shut down. His voice was becoming so distant, and Saejin was mad at herself that she wasn’t going to be able to hear his beautiful voice clearly before she left.

“I’m not going to die,” she whispered fondly. Her hand reached up and she held his cheek, his skin warm against her cold fingers. She swiped her thumb across his cheek, taking yet another one of his tear drops with it. Saejin repeated that action again and again, until she finally had no energy left. She just wanted to be gone. Saejin smiled and let her hand drop.

“Sing for me,” Saejin pleaded. “I want to hear you sing.”

“I’ll sing, Saejin, I’ll sing if you promise to keep your eyes open,” Baekhyun brushed the hair away from her face. Too tired to respond, Saejin just nodded and Baekhyun began to sing. He sang her a birthday song. What irony; singing a birthday song to someone who was dying. Saejin smiled, a small, microscopic smile, but a smile nonetheless. He tried not to let his voice crack with the tears and all, he wanted to sing the best he could, if that was what it took to get Saejin to the hospital in time. With the wailing of the ambulance in the distance, and his beautiful voice to soothe her soul, Saejin’s eyelids began to droop, and Baekhyun wished he hadn’t noticed that.

“You’re not going to die, Saejin,” Baekhyun said after finishing his song. He sounded more like he was assuring himself than her. And to keep the negative thoughts out of his mind, Baekhyun started singing a different song again, but this time, it was for himself.

She knew it was time. As much as she wanted to keep lying in his embrace, with his steady heartbeat and voice powerful enough to calm the strongest storm within her, she had to leave. But she could hear it in the distance, the wailing was getting louder, it was her trumpet of goodbye. And it sounded awfully a lot like an ambulance. It was so near, but her time was up. Baekhyun never stopped singing even when her eyes looked their last, she swore he sang even louder, as if that was his goodbye to her, like he knew there wasn’t time, that it was too late, and his singing would be what Saejin wanted to hear before she embarked on her final journey.

Using her last breath, she told him, “I’m not going to die. I’m going to paradise.”