You brought out the best of me

A part of me I'd never seen

All I Want by Kodaline

Sighing, Kyungsoo lies down on one of their couches. It’s just him again. Yixing, the manager, left five minutes ago to talk about ‘important matters’ with the shop owner, but they’re probably just drinking. The shop still has roughly over an hour before closing, but nobody’s in the shop. It’s strange, since usually the place would be bustling with people at this hour. It is quiet all around him, expect for the radio playing. He looks at the window to his right, and sees the shop that sells strawberries, its workers slowly wrapping up the end of their day.

Kyungsoo’s stopped looking at his phone every five minutes now and gets back to his old life--his life two weeks ago, before he met him. Going back to his usual life meant waking up, proceeding to his work, eventually leaving and getting back home, and getting back to being alone.

Getting back up, and sitting down, Kyungsoo looks at the room he is in. And he remembers how he applied for the job. It isn’t his first job. His previous jobs didn’t last very long, but he’s been working here for almost a month. He looks at the wooden front door whose borders had little flowers on them, and remembers Luhan telling him that Luhan was the one who suggested that. Kyungsoo shifts his eyes to the pictures that are in one side of the wall, near the corner. Although this shop is new, the owner is quite elderly. He has been through a lot, Kyungsoo concludes as he looks up at each picture, now walking. There is a picture of the owner’s wife and children. There is a picture of a garden. There is a picture of how this building looked like ten years ago. The pictures aren’t arranged in any order; the old ones are mixed with the new ones. The black-and-white and sepia pictures are next to the brightly colored and vibrant ones. Kyungsoo has his face on a couple of pictures too--one is of him, Luhan, and Yixing; and the other is with the three previously mentioned boys, together with Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and the beloved owner, Mr. Lee.

The place even has a bookshelf. They are mostly old tattered books that were given from the public library that closed down years ago. But no matter how worn down they are, it adds to the beauty of this shop. Kyungsoo’s never stopped to look at the place he has worked in until now. He had never admired what has always surrounded him because he is too busy filling in orders; he id too occupied in Jongin, and maybe he depends on the fact that what is always there will always be there; he will always have time to look at it later, as if it would stay forever. And maybe that’s wrong of him to think so--that things that are a part of his everyday life will be a part of his life no matter how many years passed; that ignoring what's always there is okay because you can just go back to it later. 

Kyungsoo shakes off his thoughts. When he figures that he’s been in the shop for too long, he decides to finally go home. Walking, towards the door leading to the exit, he searches his back pocket for the little notebook he writes his short diary entries on, but he can’t find it. He then proceeds to search it in his backpack, and then he goes back to the counter and checks the counter and the chairs. It is nowhere to be found. Half-panicking and not leaving the cafe, he grabs his phone to call Luhan.

“Yeah?” Luhan picks up the call. Kyungsoo remembers that Luhan has taken a day off, but he doesn’t know why, though.

“Hey uh, am I interrupting you or anything?” Kyungsoo calls.

“Ah nah, of course not. I’ve been lying in bed all day because Sehun told me that he’s going to college in ing New York. I knew he was kind of rich but wow I did not expect that. So I’m kinda bummed. And I kind of realized my life is pathetic right now. But, hey, he didn’t break up with me! That’s something right? He still loves my lazy . Well, enough of me. You called?”

“I’m sorry to hear that…” Kyungsoo feels awkward because Luhan is pouring down his feelings to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Love will find a way! Don’t be too sad about something that’s not happening to you. So, Kyungie, you need anything?”

“..Uh, yeah. Have you seen my notebook? Uh, the little black one…”

“I think I remember Yixing telling me that he found a notebook last night... He asked me if it was mine, then I said no, then he told me that if anyone comes looking for it then it’s gonna be with him. He said that notebook was filled with doodles and writings. Really pretty cursive handwriting. Yeah.” Luhan said. Kyungsoo hears Luhan’s loud chewing, which is probably popcorn. He also hears a faint noise that sounds like the television.

“H-he opened it? Oh god no…Well, I’ll pick it up tomorrow then, thanks,” Kyungsoo says.

“No problem.” Luhan sniffles.

“Are you crying?” Kyungsoo could hear the sound of Luhan’s irregular breathing.

“Yeah. I’m just playing Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core. I play it whenever I’m sad and I just finished it for the tenth time,” Luhan replies.

“You want me to, uh, comfort you or something?” Kyungsoo felt really sorry for Luhan.

“No need. Letting it out to you during these five minutes is enough. Thanks for calling me and listening to me. Besides, I know you got problems of your own. If you need me, I’m here to talk to too. See ya tomorrow Kyungie.”

“Thanks. See you,” Kyungsoo ends the call.

As his phone returned to his homescreen, he sees that he has one new message. His eyes widen because it’s from Jongin. He quickly opens it and reads his message:

I’m going to visit you…in the coffee shop...I’m sorry…hope you’ll be there

Jongin’s message was sent nearly an hour ago, and just as Kyungsoo finishes reading Jongin’s text, he hears someone knocking on the door.

He knows that it’s Jongin. He walks towards the door, looking down. He doesn’t want to see Jongin’s face, because he’s afraid of what will happen next.

“Hey,” Jongin says, lifting his right hand up.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says with a monotone voice.

Jongin proceeds to sit on one of the chairs, and Kyungsoo follows him.

“I’m sorry. I was such a jerk for asking you to forget what happened,” Jongin looks at Kyungsoo. “Kyungsoo, the truth is, I can’t forget about it. I can’t forget what I felt when we—”

“Stop,” Kyungsoo says. He breathes heavily. “Why did you come here anyway?”

“I..I wanted to see you…” Jongin replies, his enthusiasm crumbling.

“Is that so? Didn’t you even think about whether I wanted to see you or not…” Kyungsoo bites his lower lip as the spiteful words come out of his mouth.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I know I hurt you. I’m sorry. I came here because I wanted to set things straight. I’ve lucked out a lot. I’ve lost a bunch of people in my life. And now I’m trying to hold on to what’s still in my life; I want to hold on to every single piece that is so precious to me. Now, I don’t want to see you confused or angry, and I want us to talk to each other,” Jongin turns serious again.

“…Everyday…” Kyungsoo begins, his thoughts blurring. “Every day felt like it was so different from the other days. But it also felt the same. Jongin, I fell for you last Wednesday. And I don’t know what to make of that. I guess that doesn’t matter now. I just want to ask, who are you, Kim Jongin?”

Jongin doesn’t respond, because he knows that Kyungsoo wants to say more.

“…I tried to pinpoint who you are. I don’t know if you’re quiet or talkative, I don’t know whether  you’re an honest guy or a liar, I don’t know if you like me or not…and I don’t know whether you’re sad and lonely or happy and contented. Last Monday, you came after the shop closed and you cried. Last Tuesday we learned each other’s names. Wednesday, we went out to dinner; Thursday, you were wearing women’s clothing, Friday, you invited me to your place. Saturday, we spent the entire day together, and you know what happened next. I know that you know all these things and more happened last week. But as we saw each other with each passing day, we never talk about what happened the day before, it’s like yesterday never happened. You just come in and start to be so many different things. I tried to keep up. But it feels like you’re so different from me.”

“Ah..” Jongin softly taps a finger on the table. “Those things are all true…We are different.” Jongin pauses. “But is being different from each other so bad? Kyungsoo…Sometimes, I don’t know who or what I am. I just kind of adjust my personality to my environment. With my ex, I was the faithful guy that loved him no matter what. With my dad, I was the responsible kid. With my school, I tried to study hard and stay out of trouble. With my friends, I was the chill guy. With myself, I am most of the time sad. But I feel like all the masks I wear to shield myself come off when I’m with you. I think you’re getting me wrong—I’m not just one thing, I am all of these things. And it took me so long to realize that.  didn’t know I was such a hard guy to be with, and I’m sorry for that.” Jongin gulps. “Hey, you know what my sport is in school? I’m on the track team. I run a lot. And it never occurred to me how much I ran until now. I tried to run away from reality when I got dumped, hence my weird antics. I ran away when my sister and mom died. I ran away when I kissed you.”

“But you came back…” Kyungsoo tries to take in all the things that Jongin has just told him. And he still isn’t sure. “You came back to me…”

“Yeah,” Jongin smiles, sadness still evident. “I did.”

“I’m sorry too. But I think I understand now. And you know, it’s going to take me a while to accept everything about you. Are you okay with that?” Kyungsoo, after all this time, avoided eye contact with Jongin until this very moment. His doe eyes look up at Jongin.

“It’s only been a week since we met. And you’re still willing to talk to me! That’s amazing. I never thought I’d get to meet such a nice guy.”  Jongin reaches for Kyungsoo’s hand, but Kyungsoo moves his hand away.

“Right now, I..” Voice cracking, Kyungsoo stops to clear his throat. “I’m not so sure if I love you as much as I did before. I kept asking myself why I was in love with you, and if I really loved you. I still don’t know, actually. I...uh, before, someone told me that I shouldn’t worry too much. And yeah, I shouldn’t. I’m sorry…”

“Look,” Jongin’s fingers lightly touch Kyungsoo’s clenched fist. “Don’t worry about it. We have more time to think about that. I’m still kind of broken in some places. Maybe you are too. And maybe we can help each other out.”

“Yeah…we can..” Kyungsoo nods.

The room’s silence slowly creeps up again, and the two stop talking to each other.

Finally, after a few minutes, Kyungsoo smiles. His eyes are watery, and he feels a lump in his throat, but he doesn’t cry. Instead, he looks at Jongin. Seven days ago, this very man came in the shop and he was a stranger to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo smiles as he thinks to himself. He’s been wrong about a lot of things. He shouldn’t have tried to put a label on Jongin. He is who he is. Jongin’s like a bunch of strings all tangled up together. Each string has its own story; it has its own emotions and experiences. And they all mix together, forming a ball of intertwined strings, impossible to separate from each other. This is what makes Jongin, and this is what makes every other person.

“Hello,” Kyungsoo extends his hand.

“Hey there,” Jongin in turn stretches his own, and they shake hands.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo. And I like dancing around when I’m alone using a mop as my microphone.”

“I’m Kim Jongin. And I like looking at sunsets. Oh, and I’m getting a driver’s license soon. I’m just excited, so I wanted to tell someone that.”

“That’s great. Would you like some coffee?”

“Sure. I think I’d like that.”

a/n

First of all I'd just like to thank everyone who's read this story. I appreciate it. A lot.

ok thats all u need to know i'm just gonna do some rambling for the rest of this a/n so u can leave now ok bye thanks <33

This chapter was dialogue-heavy, something that I'm not very used to. But I just wanted to clear out the misunderstadings Kyungsoo had.

So, yep. This ends Like Coffee. 

<3